I let my sister into our New York apartment, the one I shared with my wife of four years, and she pulled me into a huge hug and said she was sorry. I looked straight at her and she had tears in her eyes, but I just shook my head. She'd come all the way from New Mexico, where she was a drama teacher, and I wanted to tell her it was all for nothing. Kelsi would come back, she wasn't really gone. She couldn't be. If Sharpay would just look around she would see that.
I mean, look over there, on the top of the coat rack. Her hat's still there! She'd got that one in Mexico when we'd gone for a weekend break. It was her favourite one, it kept her cool from the scorching sun, it kept her head and face warm when it was windy, and it was waterproof, so she could wear it on those wet New York days. It was the perfect hat, she'd exclaimed when she'd bought it. It was her favourite, she'd never leave me forever without taking that one.
And see down there underneath the coats? Her shoes, they're sitting there just waiting for her to slip them on. They're the red ones, the ones she bought on Christmas Eve when we were supposed to be buying last minute presents for our families. She'd spotted them in the window of the shoe shop in the mall and begged me to let her go in and get them. She said they "called her name" and that they'd really go with the outfit she was going to wear the next day. I swear some days she's worse than my sister, and that's saying something!
Sharpay led me into the living room and sat me down on the sofa, where I'd been sleeping for the past few nights, just waiting for her to come home after she'd let me stew for a while.
She will come back, if she'd only answer her phone and let me tell her how sorry I was for that stupid argument. It wasn't even anything major, I was grumpy after a long day at work and just took it out on her.
"Have you been sleeping here?" She asked me from somewhere which seemed far away, but in reality it was only a few feet. Indicating the couch, I nodded slowly. "Why don't you lie down there for a nap? In fact, scrap that, go to bed, I'll pack for you." She said. But I couldn't go to bed. Her book was lying there, I didn't want to move it and risk losing her page. Although I knew where she was anyway. Chapter twenty one. She couldn't find a bookmark, so she'd used a stray playing card to mark her place. The two of hearts. She said it was appropriate because it was a love story she'd started reading. She'd also said that the characters reminded her of us a little. I didn't see how, but then again these days I don't even start to try and comprehend her thought processes. It gives me a headache just trying to follow her sometimes, never mind trying to understand her deepest thoughts.
That's another reason she can't be really gone. That book. She'd been reading it practically non stop for two days, she couldn't put it down. And when you're that into a book, you don't just leave it at chapter twenty one.
Deciding that sleep may just be a good idea, I set her book on the table at her side of the bed and crawled under the duvet. The bed still smelled of her. I loved that scent, just like I loved her. I still do love her. Maybe if I go to sleep I'll wake up and she'll be lying right there beside me. Of course she will, there's so much left for us to do. We still have to travel the world, we still have to have kids. Two girls and a boy. Closing my eyes, feeling the tiredness wash over me, I heard Sharpay on the phone to someone, telling them we'd be back for the funeral and we'd be leaving tonight. I wonder who's died. Maybe Kelsi's made her way there already. She said I'm acting strange for someone who's just lost his wife. She doesn't know what she's talking about. Kelsi's coming back, just look around, you'll see.