Author's Note: I've always felt badly for Helena throughout the show. She's crazy for sure but it's not like she chose that end for herself. I'm hoping we see more of her next season even though there's a possibility we might not. That's just one of the things that makes this show so damn cool. Speaking of which, I don't own Orphan Black or its characters or settings. Please read on and enjoy.

The Nature of Nurture

Helena has never been afraid of being found, but even when she leaves behind trails of blood she's as slippery as a snake. This time, however, I know it doesn't belong to her. Damn Tomas. That rebar through the side should have been her end. And even when I had a second chance at destroying her on that boat, I couldn't take it. Maybe I thought turning her over to Leekie would ease any guilt I felt. Yeah. He would take care of the dirty work and I could walk away without a second thought.

Now I don't feel anything except for anger. She's fucked in the head, I know this, but there is no salvaging her after what she's done. Amelia's dying next to me and all I can do is take her hand. This woman did what she thought was right. We could have both ended up in a lab for the rest of our days but instead we were given another lease on our lives. I got the lucky break, it's true. When I saw Helena in that cage I thought over and over, That could be me in there, snarling and kicking about like some wild thing. It isn't her fault what happened to her. But it was never Amelia's, either.

There are so many times in my life when I felt like I had a choke chain around my neck — I never really thought I'd ever find myself actually being killed by one. At the last second Helena releases me and I collapse, sore and spent. If this is her idea of mercy, she might as well have gone through with it. Some fucking sister she's turned out to be… I'm feeling around for my gun, trying not to get distracted by the nausea and starbursts in front of my eyes. C'mon Sarah, pull your shit together! Before she changes her sick, twisted mind.

Split into two, we shared a womb. So many possibilities, so many outcomes we could have reached. Together we would probably be unstoppable. I was never the typical "good girl" in my youth but the way Helena wound up, it's like all the evil I could have ever been had separated from me at the cellular level inside of Amelia. This is the conclusion I come to as I draw my weapon and have my sister in my sights. I couldn't do it before because of the connection. I tried so hard to figure out what it was because I just couldn't deny feeling it, too. But now… now that I know how special it could have been but how wrong it actually turned out to be, I don't want it. I have to sever her from me once and for all.

I take the shot and I know it's a good one because of the pain turning to devastation on her face. My face. Ours. But not anymore. She falls fast to the concrete, the blood pooling to join Amelia's. Together again in death. Not the way it should have been, though.

I've got to get out of here. Christ, it hurts. Everything. I don't even look back as I pull myself up and away from the scene. I slip the warm gun back into my pocket and feel the photograph pressing against my leg. More mysteries to solve. More secrets to reveal and more lies to bring to light. For the moment, I know where I have to go. I hope they're happy, getting what they want.

I'm no longer a child in the black.