How many times has he contemplated ending his life? How many times has he thought about what he should use when he decided it was time? How many times has he decided how he should die? How many times did he desperately search for a reason to end his life?
Every day was the same routine. He would come home from school, sleep for an hour, then crawl into the bathtub with a different item each day (whether it was a bottle of pills, or a knife) and sit in the tub until he had to shower and go to bed.
His schedule was lacking two basic activities. He never ate dinner, ever, which would explain why the boy was petite, and never completed his homework, which was why his grades were horrible.
Every day in the tub, he would look at the item he had and decide if he wanted to die that day. However, when it really came down to it, he never did anything to harm himself. He was never able to bring himself to do it.
A lot of times, he would grab hold of the knife and place it against his wrist. As the cold metal would touch his skin, he would wince and pull the knife away, throwing it at the wall (which now was covered with knife marks).
He has been like that ever since his one true love left him. Alois could almost remember the day he first met Ciel Phantomhive. They had met in their high school's library. The blond was working on an essay when the bluenett walked in for the first time and looked around the library, taking in everything. The Trancy boy looked into his eyes and instantly fell in love.
It didn't take long for Alois to seduce Ciel, and within a few weeks, the two were already together. Most people assumed Alois was a slut, but they never thought he was gay, and to be honest… he didn't know it himself either until he accepted he was attracted to Ciel.
Trancy didn't really mind the rumors or anything all that much. He was completely content in his life. He had decent grades, someone he loved, and a nice family relationship.
Before he knew it, his life was taking a turn for the worse, and it started when he showed up… Sebastian.
Ciel ended up cheating on Alois with Sebastian, and soon left the blond for the raven-haired boy.
Soon after he broke up with Ciel, Alois's best friend Luka passed away from a car accident, and as a result, the blond was crushed. He stopped eating often, his grades had slipped, and he fell into a depression. The one person he loved had left him and the only person who understood was gone.
So, this is what caused the blond to start having suicidal thoughts. His mother no longer gave two shits, and his father was never even home. His family life was completely shattered and he couldn't care less.
That is what brought him to where he currently was. He was now an alcoholic and a drug addict.
Nonetheless, there was always one reason why the boy never succeeded in killing himself, even with the bizarre ritual he had. He knew it was not worth it.
He knew things would get better. He was aware his situation was not the worst in the world.
There were many people who made posts on Facebook or anywhere else about killing themselves, and while Alois always was suicidal, he was tired of these posts. He thought they had no reason to die. He knew things would improve for him, and he will keep waiting until his life starts to turn around. He was tired of people giving up so easily when their lives haven't even started yet.
Now that you have read this, think about your life and reflect on it. Life may be horrible, you may not want to be here, but things will get better. If you end your life now, you will not live to see the improvement. You have made an impact on the lives of everyone you have touched, and you would surely be missed. Things may seem completely intolerable, but there are people who will be willing to help you.
Don't end your life when you still have a life to keep living.
Think hard. Is it worth it?