"And so it is in the best interests of WWE Corporate that all shares be merged ..."
Hunter scanned the room as Robert Zimmerman droned on from his podium. The lecture on company finance had been scheduled as mandatory for all WWE talent resulting in the entire roster being squashed into a tiny room, like a class of wayward school children.
Many had already dropped like flies in the desert of dullness they were sinking in. Randy Orton had surrendered to the sweet bliss of sleep about ten minutes into the talk, propped against a disgruntled Edge who wrinkled his nose in disgust as the younger man drooled against him. With a hefty snort Randy was roused by Edge's hearty shove.
"Dude that's gross" he hissed pointing to the wet patch coating his shirt sleeve.
Hunter turned as Shawn emitted a snigger.
"What?" he mouthed
Shawn indicated the table beside them where Chris Jericho sat dismantling his free biro. Both DX members watched as he slyly tore the "How to recognise financial peril" handout into thin strips.
"You got paper?" enquired Hunter
Shawn rolled his eyes at him.
"Do I look like a college student?" he whispered snidely, " No I don't have any paper. Put your hand up and ask for some"
"Ahem!" Zimmerman cleared his throat pointedly at the front, sending daggers in DX's direction. Chris glanced up guiltily at the sound, realised he was in the clear and resumed his destruction.
Hunter flipped the booklet over, scrawled a frantic message before flicking the paper in Shawn's direction.
"If we get caught I'm blaming you!"
Shawn glanced at it, brow furrowed before snatching the pen from his friend; he covered the paper with his hand blocking Hunter's view.
Shawn slyly shunted the paper across the desk keeping eyes glued to the front in an effort to feign attentiveness.
"When, if we get caught, I'm blaming Chris"
Hunter deciphered the note with difficulty, his best friend had scratching penmanship, the kind that would look better if a spider was doused in ink and let free to scuttle across the page.
"Lol! Would it kill you to print?"
Shawn glanced down as Hunter slid the paper beneath his own booklet, read the message with a mirthless grin.
He made a show of printing, capitalising the message in a flurry of black biro.
"TWO WORDS!"
Hunter glanced down; a teasing smirk flitted across his features. He waited until Shawn caught his gaze and pointed up slowly shaking his head.
Shawn stuck his tongue out and crossed his eyes, unconcerned by Hunter's reminder of his religion.
Both men startled as a wad of paper landed amongst their notes, sending the biro spinning across the desk with a clatter.
Robert faltered amidst his speech, his tirade on the stock market cut mid flow by this latest distraction.
He scanned the crowd, seemingly blind to the majority of the roster who lay sleeping.
Hunter spotted Vince glaring in their direction and nudged his buddy sharply.
Shawn rested his head on folded arms and yanked the notes to his chest as Vince rose.
"We're dead" Shawn murmured, voice muffled by his sweater.
"No you're dead" retorted Hunter as Vince's shadow fell across their desk.
"Michaels!" He growled harshly, "What the hell are you doing?"
"Resting my head" lied Shawn refusing to make eye contact, "I think I'm getting a migraine"
"You don't get migraines; you give them" snapped Vince, "Now shut the hell up and listen to Zimmerman"
"Ok" muttered Shawn meekly, "But when I spew all over the table you're gonna be sorry"
Vince sighed with frustration.
"Just pay attention the pair of you! Don't make me have to sit here with you"
" Pull up a pew Vin Man, Shawn can take aim" smirked Hunter
" Don't say pew" Shawn chastised
" Oh sorry, pull up a regular chair so Shawn can suck all the fun out of a saying with his preach- OW!"
" Stop belittling my faith" commanded Shawn digging his knuckles into his friend's shoulder blade for the second time.
"Excuse me!"
Shawn lifted his head, face shadowed by bangs he peered through the strands at the infuriated features of Robert Zimmerman.
" Would you like to come up here and give the talk on finances?"
Vince closed his eyes wearily, a sense of dread washing over him. Being the centre of attention might humiliate some people but this was Shawn. He thrived on it. Did this man not do his homework? He might as well just ask Shawn to get up and dance on the table for all the effect it would have.
"Sure!" Shawn cried gleefully, his face split wide with a grin of excitement he dragged Hunter upwards.
" No, he wasn't asking me, Shawn-"
" Come on! We're helping! Take a seat Bobby"
" It's Robert"
"That's what I said" Shawn said taking the podium. He shuffled Robert's papers together, snickered as they landed on the floor, a fan of statistics.
"Oops" commented Hunter
"I'm sure they weren't important"
"I spent four days collecting and organising the data to justify-"protested Robert
"Snore!" interjected Hunter sarcastically, "We don't need statistics, we need action!"
"Yeah!"
"A plan!"
"Yeah!" repeated Shawn eagerly
"But most importantly we need-"
Hunter paused for effect, scanned the audience as most of the roster returned to the living, wiping the sands of slumber from their eyes.
"Yeah!" shouted Shawn randomly.
Hunter shot him a look of bewilderment
"Anyway," he continued disregarding his friend's outburst, "we need –"
"Money" announced Shawn
" Well duh" muttered Hunter
" No go with it Hunt, we need money, who has money? Vin Man! Problem solved, meeting adjourned!"
There was a thunderous screech as a tidal wave of chairs scraped against the floor as the roster attempted their break for freedom.
" WOAH WOAH WOAH! SIT DOWN!"
"No I adjourned them!" wailed Shawn
"This isn't your meeting!" barked Robert shepherding the wrestlers back to their tables.
"But, but you asked me-"muttered Shawn pitifully, "Hunter he asked"
"Shush I know" Hunter consoled him, "Just let him finish his monotone mumble and then we'll kick his ass"
Shawn spluttered, his giggles echoing around the room.
"Now everyone return to their seats!" demanded Robert.
"Even us?"
"Especially you" Robert glowered at Shawn
"Well if that isn't gratitude for you" grumbled Hunter, "You do a guy a favour, have his speech wrapped up in ten minutes flat and he shouts at you"
"SIT!" bellowed Robert
"I don't like him" hissed Shawn sinking into his chair
"Nobody does" replied Hunter
"SHUT UP!"
Pushed to breaking point Zimmerman stood, his papers scattered around him, tie skewered and face a violent shade of purple.
He let out a roar of frustration, a breathless growl tinged with pain as the spit ball bounced off his forehead. He wiped his sleeve across his flesh furiously attempting to smear the smudge of indignity into nothingness.
" GET OUT!" he bellowed,
Shawn shot Hunter a look of concern
" But it-"
" JUST LEAVE!" screamed Robert
" Yeah but-" Shawn tried once more.
" OUT!"
" Don't argue " hissed Hunter, " We can leave, so leave!"
" Yeah but it wasn't-"
Hunter clamped his hand over Shawn's mouth as he pushed him from the sweltering room.
They stood outside, jumped backwards in alarm as Robert slammed the door furiously in the wake of their departure.
Shawn and Hunter were halfway down the corridor when the second scream split through the air.
They looked at each other, mirror images of confusion.
The door banged shut so hard the walls shook as Chris wandered the length of the hallway flinging his bag into the air and catching it.
"You been evicted too?" enquired Hunter
"You think I'm gonna let you two take credit for my handiwork?" laughed Chris, "That assclown needed someone to shut him up"
"Nice aim" smiled Shawn, "You are aware Vince will never let you have a pen again?"
"I'd rather be pen less than comatose" shrugged Chris