I remember that day well, October 21st 1966, I suppose I will never forget it, believe me, I've tried but I can not escape it, endless nightmares, flashbacks, I want to forget, I want to wake up one day, a boy again, I want history to change but I know it won't happen.
Every day I think of her, she was younger than me, but so precious, so young, so naive, she didn't deserve to die, nobody did, but defiantly not Candice, she was such a sweet girl, so sweet, it breaks my heart to think of her.
Bran flakes, that's what I had for breakfast that morning, as I ate them slowly thinking of the day ahead, my mother sat opposite me eating a slice of brown toast with marmalade, my father had already left for work, he worked as a miner, he hated that job but he would do anything for our family and that was the only work available.
I remember once he sat me down and told me I had to work hard at school, he didn't want me to just be a miner like him, he wanted me to do something better with my life, he wanted me to have a successful career, something I enjoyed that would take care of my own family.
Sometimes I thought he was just going on at me but now I realise he was just doing what was best for me and I love him dearly for that.
As I finished my bran flakes and placed the empty bowl in the sink my mother came up behind me and gave me a big hug and I left for school.
I walked down the street alone but my head was full of thoughts of the day ahead, I was so excited to meet up with my two best friends Candice and Alexandra, people used to tease me because my two best friends were girls but they were so much fun to be with.
I thought about my lessons that day and all the things I would learn and how they would help me later in life, I thought about Ethel, she was so lovely, so beautiful, but she was in secondary school, she was sixteen, she worked in the record store at the weekends, I would walk in with Candice and Alexandra, while they swooned over records of The Beatles and The Beach Boys, I stared longingly at Ethel as Jo Stafford played on the radio.
Ethel had dark brown hair that hung around her shoulders, I longed to run my fingers through her hair as she lay with her head resting on my knees, looking up at me, with love and passion in her eyes, her beautiful chocolate brown eyes, i saw her cry once, she had broken up with her boyfriend, she was sitting in the record store crying to herself, I was finally alone with her.
I walked up and dryed her eyes, she said "I was a really cute kid" was that all i would ever be to my darling Ethel, just the cute little kid who had a crush on her?
But it was so much more than a crush, i couldn't forget her, i had tried to fall in love with girls my age but I had never met anyone as wonderful as Ethel, she was so perfect, why couldn't she just accept me and my affections?
I would treat her so well, I would be so good to her, much better than Tony, her boyfriend, he constantly broke her heart, seeing other girls, bullying her but she always went back to him, she said she loved him, I knew how she felt, I knew what it was like to be so devoted to someone that no matter what you do, you can't forget them.
My thoughts were interrupted as I felt a hand on my shoulder, Alexandra had joined me, we walked the rest of the way together talking about all sorts of things, despairing at the prospect of homework, laughing at jokes we made up and me blushing whenever she mentioned Ethel.
As we arrived at school we stayed in the playground for a while before heading inside, it was 8:45, as we walked into the cloakroom there was a crowd of girls, they were shouting at someone, picking on a small girl, with dark brown hair and shining dark brown eyes, such beautiful eyes, filed with tears, it was Candice.
The girls in her class always picked on her because she was very advanced for her age, she was so intelligent, and it was a shame, a girl as smart and kind as Candice dying so young.
Me and Alexandra managed to get them to leave her alone, we gave her a big hug and she stopped crying, we often had to defend her, she didn't know how to defend herself, that's the one thing she couldn't learn from books and school lessons so we provided that for her.
We soon found ourselves in the assembly hall, thoughts of Ethel raced through my mind as I stood in line next to Daniel, he wasn't exactly one of the amazingly popular boys but he wasn't unpopular either, he was somewhere in between, we were friends, sometimes he came to my house to play, we always played cops and robbers, we were just kids, we didn't know what was going to happen in just a few minutes.
After the announcements and a quick passage from the bible we sang our daily hymn, today we sang "all things bright and beautiful" I liked this song because it wasn't really that long and the words were easy to remember.
After we were done singing assembly was over and we began to file out, everything seemed so normal but suddenly a low rumble could be heard, a few of the younger children began to look around muttering to themselves, my class' teacher Mr Reeves looked up towards Merthyr mountain and a look of sheer terror covered his face.
I soon saw why, I didn't want to but I forced myself to look upwards and I saw it, the one thing that would destroy us, the one thing that would cause so much heartache to such a small place, the rocks began to tumble down the mountain towards us, we knew nothing could stop it, it was so close, I tried to run but my legs wouldn't move.
Screams filled the air, it was all I could hear, helpless screams of terror and fear, the younger children began to cry as they tried to run but the rocks came closer, some of the older children picked up younger ones and tried to carry them to safety but then the rocks began to take people away.
Taking them to meet our eternal father in heaven, I saw Alexandra standing frozen looking around, she was calling Candice's name, tears in her eyes, I grabbed her hand and pulled her away, as we ran I suddenly saw Candice she had fallen over and got lost in the crowds, she had always hated crowds, I told Alexandra to run and keep running, the rocks fell faster towards us with a deafening roar, I screamed her name and Candice looked up towards me, her eyes were streaming and her face was contorted with fear, I reached out for her hand but then felt myself being tugged away, it was Mr Reeves, pulling me to safety, but I didn't want to be saved, I wanted to help Candice, I struggled free and ran towards Candice, as I saw the dead bodies I felt sick, it was just too horrible to bear but I had to save Candice.
I returned to the spot where I had found her but she was laying on the floor, it was too late, I dropped to my knees and took her hand, it was cold, so cold, I felt tears in my eyes as I held her hand close to my heart.
I heard someone calling my name, I wanted a rock to come and kill me too, I wanted to die, why couldn't they take me instead, she was so young, so small, so fragile.
I held onto her small lifeless body as teachers and students tried to pull me away, I tried to fight, I didn't want to leave her but they pulled me away to safety.
They took me to a hospital, I had a small cut on my head, it hurt a little but I didn't care, Candice was dead and I couldn't save her.
As I arrived at the hospital Alexandra rushed towards me, she held me in her arms and thanked God I was alive, we cried together in that hospital, our hearts grieving for our Candice.
My family came to visit but I didn't speak, just nods and grunts, I didn't want to speak to anyone, Alexandra was the only one who understood, Candice was like our sister, our darling little sister and now she was dead.
She was dead and I couldn't save her.