How could you let this happen, Roxas? You should know better. You should know you can't be trusted. And now that poor girl… she's the one who had to suffer for your sins. Don't lie to yourself. Why'd you do it, Roxas? Why?

It felt right.

-x-x-x-

She was just a poor drunk girl at some screwy party with her boyfriend… and Sora just had to volunteer you as their designated driver. "Hey, uh, Roxas-as… rock… sassy… Heh. Can you, uh, drive us h-home? I'm in noooooooo shape for operating vehicular equipment." Inebriated bastard.

Don't you hate it when people are thoughtless like that? But, really, it's not his fault. He couldn't have had any idea… there's no way he could have known you'd kill her. Not even you knew at that point. She was just your best friend's girlfriend, and you didn't pay her a second glance.

At first.

-x-x-x-

A slight vibration on your nightstand, a snippet of digitized song, a sleepy "hello," and she'd called you in the middle of the night. Unprovoked, uncalled for, and completely unexpected… You'd wondered why Sora had felt the need to give her your number. You made a mental note to harp on about 'privacy' and 'just 'cause she's your friend doesn't mean she's mine' to him later on.

"..Roxas? It's Kairi… from the other night. You drove me home with Sora, remember? I was just calling to say I'm really sorry if I said anything… you know. I don't make a very good drunk." You could hear her laugh quietly on the other end. She sounded so small and innocent and you couldn't help wondering if she was blushing or something. But that was just natural curiosity. It didn't… it didn't mean anything.

"It's fine, really. You didn't say much at all aside from giving me half-assed directions to your house and rambling about how sexy you think Sora is," you assured her, pulling a loose thread from the edge of your blanket. You clicked on the light next to your bed as she continued.

"Oh, good, because I would have felt awf— are you sure everything's okay, Roxas? You don't sound too good…"

You stared at your alarm clock for a good ten seconds, the red numbers staring right back, before it actually registered with you how early it was. You blinked, and broke the short silence, "Well, it is about three in the morning, Kairi." She seemed to pick up on the fact that you were only half-joking, and with a 'sorry i woke you' and a 'talk to you soon', she'd hung up.

You clicked the light back off, turned onto your side, and prepared for sleep to come once more… but you couldn't help wondering why the hell she'd want to talk to you again.

-x-x-x-

A few days later, you saw her again, didn't you? And it was yet another chance to stop everything, but you didn't take it, Roxas. What's wrong with you?

I— I don't know…

"Hey, Sor—," you stopped abruptly, realizing that your best friend had, apparently, invited a second person over to his house for once. The fucking apocalypse, I tell y— Oh, but it was only Kairi. She smiled and waved at you, and for a minute you forgot that she'd called you in the middle of the night and you'd wondered if she'd been blushing or not and didn't know what to make of it because she was your best friend's girlfriend and you weren't that kind of guy. But then you remembered. Oh, yes, you did.

"Oh, hey Kairi… I didn't see you. How've you been?" The words sounded fake and stupid and empty. You were certain she'd notice it because she was a smart girl and a beautiful girl and— but you didn't know she was, did you..? You assumed it.

"I've been pretty g—"

"We were just gonna go out and get something to eat. Wanna come with? You can driiiiiiiiiiive!" Sora waved his car keys in the air like some kind of prize. Kairi giggled and he tossed them across the room to you. Muttering something along the lines of 'wish you could learn to drive your own car' (Sora can't drive a stick shift to save his life), you led the way out the door.

Right now you're probably realizing that you didn't really have anything to do with any of it… It was Kairi's fault. We're going to blame the dead girl… simply because we can.

Shut up.

-x-x-x-

After spending the better part of the night eating junk food and fighting over the remote and being repeatedly disappointed in your favorite TV channels and avoiding Kairi's retarded suggestions ("I still say we should play truth or dare, guys…" "What are you, like, ten?") you decided you were better off at home, where at least it wouldn't matter if you fell asleep on the couch. You said your goodbyes, but before you walked through the door, you heard Kairi say, not 'goodbye' but, "Talk to you soon."

Wow, Roxas. It's like she had some kind of obsession with you… Or maybe she was just some kind of social butterfly. But you'll never know, will you? Because you killed her.

Don't fucking remind me.

You'd made it all the way back to your car before you actually realized how cold it was. You swore under your breath, something like, "Goddamn jacket, locked in the goddamn car." After hopping inside, you flipped on the heater because, for the love of god, it was just as cold in your car as it was outside. You shivered and pulled on your coat, figuring you might as well let the car warm up before you pulled away and headed home. Mistake.

About five minutes later, you nearly jumped through the roof when you heard a tap on the passenger window. Before your gaze even made it over there, your mind was already planning on flooring your way out of there because what kind of creep would knock on someone's car window and look at that it was nearly midnight and— oh. It was Kairi. "Can you give me a ride home?"

..Yeah. Why not?

Because you're a fucking unstable son of a—

"Sure, hop in."

Kairi climbed into the passenger seat and said, "Thanks a lot, Roxas. I mean, you know Sora can't drive for shit. So… you know the way, right?"

"Yeah," you replied, thus beginning one of two awkward silences you would experience in a very short time. You shifted the car into gear and pulled out of the driveway, turning left at the end of Sora's block. Kairi was fiddling with the radio dials, adjusting the vents, acting like she owned the place. And, well, to tell the truth, she could pull it off pretty well. Aside from the one time she seemed to have settled on some whiny-emo-depression-i-hate-my-life song and you half-cringed, it was really alright with you.

"You know," she said, flipping between random talk-radio shows and alternapunk stations, "you're really an alright kid." You turned and gave her a questioning look, all she did was smile. "I mean, this is the second time you've given me a ride home, and I don't think I really said thank you last time and, well, I guess I just think it's really nice of you and stuff and—"

"This is your house, right?" you interrupted her little speech, not wanting to hear anymore because, to tell the truth, that kind of thing always makes you really uncomfortable. She nodded her head sheepishly as you pulled into her driveway, putting the car in park. "Want me to walk you up or so—"

"I kind of like you, Roxas," she whispered, refusing to look at you. She, instead, played with the zipper on her jacket.

"Kair—"

"I mean it! I know I haven't even known you more than a week and I know I'm dating Sora and I really do like him a lot and I know you don't like me but I just wanted you to know…"

"Kairi, you're—"

She leaned over to you, whispered, "..Really, Roxas," and then kissed you. She fucking kissed you. Right after she'd spent hours snuggling up to Sora on the couch, she fucking kissed you. What a sl—

Don't say it.

After only a few seconds, you pulled away, giving her a look that would suggest her hair was exploding. "Kairi, I ca—"

"I know, Roxas." But, oh, she didn't know the half of it, did she? With that, she grabbed the door handle, pushed the door open, swung her legs to the side and was about to get out of the car. But you, my friend, don't know to quit when you're ahead.

"Hey… Kairi. Don't go." She didn't respond, but she turned back into the car and slowly shut the door. Her eyes rose to meet your gaze and in a matter of seconds you were the one kissing her. Soon she was pressed up against the car window and the armrest was digging into your side and your tongue was in her mouth and… and, oh god, you were throttling her.

She turned her head, coughed, and started trying to pry your hands from her neck. "Roxa— stop now… Really. Roxas—!" She coughed again, jerking her head back and forth. You were certain she might have made some progress if she hadn't already been pinned to the door. "Roxas…" she choked out, still thrashing about in your grasp, her eyes widening.

It was like you were watching the entire ordeal from a distance. There was something screaming in the pit of your stomach to do something, to help her, to, for the love of god, get her away from that fucking psychopath because he was about to murder her. But you were powerless to stop anything. It wasn't your fault, really. It was all hers.

Don't blame her. I did it. Me.

You were crying by this time, and the waterworks didn't show any sign of stopping. "I-I'm sorry… Really— Kairi…" Her struggling was starting to die down and that was when you realized, Oh, god, I'm killing her.

But you realized it a moment too late.

You released her neck and took hold of her shoulders instead, shaking her lightly. "..Kairi? Kairi? Kairi!?" Her eyes were empty and instead of immediately thinking 'oh my god she's dead,' all you could do was wipe your eyes with your sleeve and pray to god Sora didn't find out. You pulled her lifeless body to your chest, burying your face in her hair.

And that was when it hit you. You were sitting in an old car with a dead girl in front of her parents' house. You lay her down in the passenger seat, reclining it as far back as it could go. Then you floored your way out of there, tearing off down the shadowy street.

And now here you are, pounding your fists on the steering wheel, crying your eyes out, screaming to high heaven, driving aimlessly around the outskirts of the city. Waiting for something to hit you… Some idea. Some excuse. Some way to get out of this mess. Or maybe you'll wake up and find yourself asleep at home, warm in your bed, Kairi sleeping soundly in hers. But, oh, Roxas, you poor thing, what are you going to do now?

Well, uh… Beats me.