This was the last time. The absolute last time. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. She was supposed to be the popular girl. She was supposed to be head cheerleader, prom queen, dating the quarterback. In ten years, her life plan saw her with him still, two and a half kids, a house in a nice subdivision of Lima, and a dog. She hated dogs, but that was the American dream, wasn't it? A nice christian family in a small town suburb.
She wouldn't call it a happy life. It was safe. She knew she would be content. And isn't content all that matters? Her parents were content, and look what they had. A large home in a nice town. Good values, and morals. It was an inevitability.
The dreams that she was afraid to have were so much bigger, the values she wanted to have were so different. Quinn Fabray wanted something more. She was stuck, and she was never going to get out.
None of this would have bothered her, in fact, Quinn might not have known any different if it weren't for Rachel Berry. There was a girl who wasn't afraid to dream big. Rachel had known from a young age that she was destined for greatness. She wasn't afraid to dream big. And Quinn hated her for it. Hate is a strong word, but it was the right one. Why should Rachel Berry be allowed to dream big? Why should Rachel Berry be the one who ends up on top? She shouldn't. She was born from the love of two men, and everything she knew, or rather, had known, since the.. incident in Sophomore year, told her that that alone was enough to condemn her to hell.
If Quinn was going to be honest with herself, she didn't see a problem with Rachel's parents. They loved her, which was more than could be said for her parents. She knew that if Rachel had been the one to get pregnant, she wouldn't have been kicked out. She knew that Rachel's fathers would be disappointed in her, but that they would work through it together. As a family. What Quinn had wasn't a family borne from love. It was borne from necessity. It was two and a half kids in a nice part of town. It was about image, not love.
Rachel Berry had dreams the bigger than the city where she was headed. Dreams Quinn was afraid to have. Rachel Berry also had the confidence and the talent.
Rachel had everything that Quinn was too scared to want in life. Dreams. Confidence. Family. Support. Love.
It was for all those reasons that Quinn Fabray couldn't stand Rachel Berry. And then Rachel had to go and steal everything from her. As though she didn't have enough. Quinn kept track. She had lost a boyfriend, friends, the feeling of belonging, prom queen. She had lost everything to the girl who already had it. She had spent years trying to break that unflappable confidence, but she never did.
Part of Quinn admire Rachel Berry. A large part, although Quinn didn't acknowledge that as much as she acknowledged her jealousy. Rachel refused to hate, or even dislike her tormentor. Part of Quinn thought that if Rachel hated her, it would make it easier to ignore the girls dreams, no matter how loud they were.
They had had several confrontations in the past over this same thing, but none had been like this. It was the day before the end of junior year. New York and Nationals were weeks behind them. That had been a massive failure. Not only had she lost her boyfriend, and the last semblance of sanity she had, but Finn hadn't even given her the courtesy of waiting a few weeks before chasing after Rachel. It didn't matter that Quinn didn't love Finn. Finn had been her plan, and that's all that mattered to her. Rachel had once again stolen the only security she saw in her life.
As they moved toward another summer, history was repeating itself. Quinn Fabray lost everything, and Rachel Berry somehow picked it all up, and refused to give it back to its rightful owner.
"Why can't you be happy with what you have?" Quinn's tone had been icy before, but nothing like this. It was dry ice.
Rachel's dads were away for the weekend, on a cruise, it didn't matter. Quinn couldn't control herself. She went to talk to her pint-sized tormentor. Rachel had been surprised, but more than happy to let Quinn into her home. Rachel was always kind like that. She always wanted to help. She had helped at prom, even after Quinn had slapped the girl.
Rachel turned walked toward the kitchen, where she was preparing dinner for herself. There were textbooks strewn across the table, presumably, the girl had been studying for the upcoming exams that preceded summer break. For the first time since Quinn had known her, she didn't say anything. She took a moment to stir her meal, and then turned back to the blonde, expectantly.
"You just have to take everything. We've talked about this. Why can't you just understand?" Quinn was pleading now.
Rachel's face flashed understanding. "I didn't ask for him to come back to me. I told him that we wouldn't last. I told him my dreams were bigger than he is."
Quinn couldn't believe what she was hearing. Now her good life was choosing Rachel over her, even though he knew that he wouldn't win against the call of dreams. Her dreams so inferior, so much less worthy.
"You'll never understand." Quinn was shaking now. She leaned against the counter, facing the cupboard, away from Rachel. The only good thing she was experiencing was the scent of whatever Rachel was cooking. "I told you what my life would be-"
"You're so much more than your dreams, Quinn." Quinn heard Rachel lifting her meal off the stove, and taking a plate from a nearby cupboard.
"YOU'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND!" Quinn screamed, turning before Rachel could react.
The plate fell to the floor and broke at her feet. Rachel's eyes grew wide as she took in a quick breath. Not a breath, a gasp. Of pain? Surprise? Quinn didn't know what was happening until she felt something warm on her hand.
Quinn looked down quickly. She was holding something. Where did it come from. Whatever it was, it was inside Rachel. In her stomach, and something was pouring from the entry point. Quinn's hand was covered in what she could only assume was Rachel's blood. Quinn's hand jerked up in surprise. She had never expected this. Her hazel eyes locked back with Rachel's brown ones. She let go of what she was holding, and saw the smaller girl start to slump down, toward the linoleum of the kitchen floor.
Quinn helped Rachel gently to the floor, dropping to her knees. She removed the knife slowly, her eyes leaving Rachel's only for a moment, to see where the wound was. She must have hit something, because she'd seen CSI. People got stabbed all the time, and they managed to limp to someone who could help.
Rachel wasn't doing that. She wasn't screaming. She was just staring at Quinn. Surprise would be the last thing that crossed those expressive eyes. It was when brown eyes fell flat and dead that Quinn realized what she had done. It must have been what? Ten minutes? How long did it take someone to bleed out. She was sure that CSI had told her that as well, but Quinn's mind wasn't working. It wasn't processing anything but one thought.
I just stabbed Rachel Berry.
Quinn's eyes widened, still staring into the empty brown ones below her. It was then that she broke down. Quinn fell over Rachel and hugged the still warm body. She wept, apologizing. She hadn't meant to do it. Surely Rachel could forgive her, just like at prom. Rachel would forgive her, make a joke about the drama of the situation, and then put Quinn Fabray back together again. But this time Rachel didn't do any of that. She didn't move. Quinn kept begging. Begging for forgiveness, begging for dreams, begging for love.
She wasn't sure how much time had passed. She hadn't heard the ringing of Rachel's cell phone from the kitchen table. She hadn't heard the knocks on the door, growing louder and more urgent with the passing minutes. She hadn't heard Finn come into the house. She didn't move when he started yelling at her. Later, she would say that she hadn't even heard his accusations of "What happened?" or "What have you done?".
Quinn's world was silent, but for Rachel. The smell of Rachel's cooking burned into her nose. The sound of Rachel's gasp imprinted forever in her mind. The sight of the expressive brown eyes going dead under gaze forever tattooed into her retinas.
It wasn't until she felt herself being pulled away from the cold body on the kitchen linoleum that she tuned back into reality. The police had been called, and Quinn's arms were being forced behind her back, into hand cuffs. They kept her head down as they left the house.
Quinn didn't see all of Lima standing outside the Berry house, staring and shouting. She didn't see the contempt in her father's eyes, or the disappoint in her mother's as she was put into the back of the police car.
All Quinn saw were her hands, drenched in the blood of what might have been a friend.
If only everything had been different.