Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter in any way. This story is from my Myzz Beatlette account.
Harry came home one day after smoking his daily joint and found Sirius, once again pigging out on the couch. Sirius had just been cleared and had been spending a lot of his spare time eating the greasiest most fatty foods he could find and now weighed over five-hundred pounds.
"Stop eating you filthy pig" Harry yelled
"That's not the way to talk to your godfather"
"Loose some weight you fat slob"
"Aww! Come on! I don't want to! Barely being able to stand up is so much fun!"
Harry threw at hammer at Sirius and it bounced of his fat stomach and hit Harry in the head. Harry ran out of the room and went to his bedroom. He was extremely sick of his godfather rapidly turning into a human pig. He pulled out a bag of cocaine from under his pillow and sniffed it. Everything in the room began to spin and there were bunnies holding axes around him yelling 'die die die" While smoking cigarettes.
Two hours later Harry finally collected himself and went back downstairs only to find Sirius trying on an extremely tight pair of leather pants.
"Don't I look sexy, Harry?" Sirius asked while drooling.
"Sirius, those are my pants! Give them back now or I'll spank you like a child"
Shut up or I'll put on your new pink Speedo or worse, my mother's old bikini"
Harry got a really nasty though stuck in his head. Sirius in a Speedo with all of his fat hanging out. He shuddered at the thought, he really didn't want to see Sirius in any kind of bathing suit.
He made Sirius change into some clothes that actually fit. When Sirius had finally changed Harry jammed him into the passenger's seat of his car and drove him to Snape's house. When they got there, Harry dragged him up to the doorstep.
"Hello Professor, you probably don't recognize him but this is Sirius Black, the guy that almost killed you." Harry said.
"Are you telling me that this fat pig is Sirius Black?"
"Yes I am"
"Are you seriously telling me that this inflated slob is Sirius Black"
"Yes, I was wondering if you had a weight loss potion for him. His sight and presence is beginning to disturb me"
Snape went inside and came and came back with a transparent brown potion. It made Harry think of beer. Sirius drank it and miraculously lost four- hundred.
Sirius was now completely naked because his clothes no longer fit him and had fallen to his knees. Sirius looked down and finally realized that he wasn't wearing anything.
"AAAAHHHH!!!"
Sirius ran down the driveway and into the street screaming like a little girl. He continued to run and met a very confused Remus on the way.