Disclaimer: Mooman owns the world. Darth David owns his bucket and spade. Nintendo and Gamefreak own Pokémon. DD and MM own this fic (including but not limited to original characters blahblahblue) so don't come crying to us if somebody wrecks your Lego model.
GRENADES ARE FOR EATING. NOT FOR- AHA! TRICKED YOU THERE!
Part 3; silly silly silly laughs a plenty just cos its silly
Three days and three nights we have tirelessly stalked this epitome of evasion and power. It sits there, appearing deceptively harmless, beating the ground mercilessly with its beak, sending shivering earthquakes down my spine. Soon. Soon we will catch you. Soon. Soon we will....
"Will you shut up with the David Atanburough bit? It's a stupid Pidgey for goodness sake! Shall you hit it with the frying pan or shall I?"
The pair were standing pantomime style behind each other under a cardboard box they had labelled 'disguise' in biro. A Rattata approached the apparently camouflaged object, and while the 'dynamic duo' discussed who would strike the unsuspecting (actually by now it was staring at them in a mixture of confusion and wonder) Pidgey with the frying pan of death that was lying conveniently in a nearby bush it crawled under the box and looked up at them. The Pidgey rolled its eyes as Dinner tried to make his way out the cardboard box and appear mildly threatening. While this was going on a director who was standing off camera shouted "Now!" and tumbleweed rolled across the ground.
"Aaaaaaaaah!" Was the cleverest war cry Skominic could come up with. And he 'Aaaaaaah'ed all the way to the Pidgey, wildly waving the frying pan. The Rattata meanwhile had made its way into Dinner's bag, and Dinner's hand was hanging over the lock for the bag. One simple movement, and the Rattata would be trapped. The Pidgey had decided to humour the oaf who came after it with a strange object. It stayed still, pretending to be oblivious to the oncoming idiot. At the last moment, it would spring up and blast an eyeful of sand at it and speed away. That was the plan anyway (And we all know how well plans go in this story).
The cardboard box was flung 15 feet into the air.
"AAAAAARGH! A MOUSE THINGY!!!"
Dinner ran around in circles with the poor Rattata hanging on for dear life to his bag. The Pidgey looked with even more confusion at the other idiot, and since it wasn't looking, it was unable to avoid the frying pan heading towards it at high velocity.
KERRRAAAANGGG!!!!
The Pidgey lay unconscious on the ground next to a frying pan with a Pidgey-head shaped mould coming out of it.
"I got it! I got it! I...killed it." Came the cry from Skominic.
"Aaaah!" Dinner ran past before turning a turn so tight not even Michael Schumacher could have made it. So tight that the bag, Rattata and all, was flung several hundred metres from Dinner's arm into the distance.
"Hey, Dinner! I got the bird thingy!"
Dinner ran past, still screaming.
A LONG CHASE, A WELL CONCIEVED STOPPING PLAN INVOLVING A ROCK AND A COPY OF THE BEANO AND A SHORT TRIP TO THE HOSPITAL LATER....
"Let's have a look at the plan." Dinner whipped out the piece of paper. "It says '2. Get a house, job and money.'. Well, that's simple. We'll get that later. Number 3: Capture a Pokémon. Done!" He ticked a bit off the paper. "4. Get a pokéball. 5. Find a Pokémon-Now hang on a tick. A Pokéball? Aren't you supposed to get that before you attempt to catch the Pokémon?"
"YOU'RE JOKING!"
Skominic was trying his hardest to hold a wild, flailing (and surprisingly strong) Pidgey in his arms.
"No joke. We have to get a Pokéball, or we can't catch it."
Skominic wanted so very much to lob the nearest rock in Dinner's direction, but the Pidgey prevented any movement except to his left leg.
"Who ever wrote this plan was a complete idiot." Said Dinner, missing the obvious joke.
"OK. So we have no money. So how are we gonna get a Pokéball?"
A cry from the left called:
"Roll up! Roll up! See the World's Blindest Shopkeeper! Roll up!"
Dinner thought to himself while staring at the now hopping but still struggling Skominic 'Now, why would I want to see the World's Blindest Shop Keeper despite the fantastic opportunity to nick something valuable and the fact there's no police for miles?'
Dinner thought for a while. A long while. A tumbl-
"NO! NO TUMBLEWEEDS! DINNER! YOU NEED TO SEE THE SHOP KEEPER SO YOU CAN STEAL A POKÉBALL WITHOUT HASTLE, OK?"
Dinner looked at the still struggling Skominic. Then turned and walked towards the shop, as if he had suddenly had a great idea.
A strange man wearing a bright purple suit was standing outside a small hut shouting
"Roll up, etc. etc."
Dinner walked past him, deciding it would have no real importance if he talked to him.
The interior of the shop was pretty standard. Lining the walls were cabinets of pokéballs just ripe for the taking. Dinner reached into one and plucked it from the stand. He glanced at the shopkeeper, saw no reaction and smugly strode towards the door.
"Who's there?" Said the shopkeeper, making Dinner jump. Dinner though fast.
"Uh......no one. That's who"
"No one? So how come I can hear someone?"
"You can't."
"Eh?"
"You can't hear anyone."
"But that's impossible."
"Correct."
"It defies physics!"
"'Fraid so."
"So, there isn't actually anyone there?"
"No."
"Oh. oh, well. Can't go against the non-laws of physics I suppose."
And with that, Dinner had obtained his first Pokéball and proudly walked out.
"ABOUT TIME!" Skominic still had hold of the Pidgey, by the legs, and it was dragging him along the ground in a circle, attempting to take off and almost lifting Skominic off the ground.
"I found a Pokéball!" Dinner announced, somewhat unnecessarily
"Well, use it!"
Dinner threw the ball. A red beam emitted from the ball engulfing the Pidgey (and frying Skominic. Author Note: Mooman says that one time in the anime the beam from a Pokéball fried Team Rocket, but I have my doubts). The Pidgey changed into a red energy force and was sucked into the ball. It dropped to the floor and rocked a bit. Dinner and Skominic looked on with anticipation. It rocked once...twice...three ti- CHZACKO! The Pokéball opened and the Pidgey was free again. It immediately Wing Attacked Dinner and was swiftly grabbed by Skominic.
"What happened?"
Dinner picked himself up, groaning.
"I think we have to wear it down first."
"How?"
"Letting it tire itself out doing moves."
"OK! Pidgey! Use your moves on Dinner." If the Pidgey could talk, it would say 'With pleasure!"
3 days passed as move after move was performed on the battered body of Dinner.
"Well we know it's strong and has a lot of stamina!" said Skominic, trying to look on the bright side. A small groan was the reply he received. Suddenly, the Pidgey stopped, and collapsed in Skominic's arms.
"That's it! C'mon! Use the Pokéball!"
Dinner sprang up as if the last three days never transpired and threw the Pokéball off Skominic's head. It bounced off, hit the Pidgey and sucked it in once more. One rock...two....three...the red light in the ball faded.
"WE GOT PIDGEY!!!" Came the triumphant cry from the pair, who danced for a further day before realising their next target!
Viridian City!
END OF PART 3! COR, BLIMEY...
Will they make it to Viridian City? Is anyone still reading this? Will anyone bother to read the next instalment? Will we ever stop this display of gratuitous inhumanity? Find out....for yourself 'cos we can't be bothered. Anyway, look out for Part 4! Because if you don't, and it gets loose again, it might swoop out of the sky and hit you on the head, which would be your own silly fault. So there.
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