Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho.

BOTAN & YUSUKE

Chapter One

It has been more than ten years since I last saw her. I have lived my life in those fucking years in blurred certainty and emptiness. But I am not sure who is to blame.

Me or my god-like father.

I just know that he is going to die today. I cannot say that I am happy with that, but to see him lying in his luxurious bed while death is hovering beside him, I feel my guts knot.

I am looking outside from Raizen's great room, thinking of her once again.

Suddenly, he started humming his favorite song. I always thought he sound ridiculous, thus I turned around. "You should have some sleep," I said, so as to interrupt his humming.

My father smirked at what I said. He can make the best smirk in the world, I could not even beat. "I'm dying, and you won't even let me hum the loveliest song anyone has ever heard of?" He continues to hum.

I could not respond to that. I just could not, even though I so want to shout 'Go to hell with your goddamn song'.

I fell into silence, enduring the awful sound he is making until he decided to stop.

The room doors are wide open for the mid-spring breeze to come in. We both need the breeze's soothing.

I turned around, about to leave the room for I thought he fell asleep, but his intent, yet weak gaze, caught me. I froze.

"I shouldn't have chased her away from you," he said, with a weak smile.

My body, frozen, turned completely numb. Did I just hear him right? "What?" I asked quietly.

"The servant girl," he said, then pursing his lips. "I shouldn't have set you apart."

My anger flared. "Setting us apart is the best thing for me," I almost shouted, but I am able to control it. "So you said more than a million times before," I continued in a surprisingly nonchalant tone.

His mild laughter snapped my gaze towards him. I so want to punch his face.

"Am I wrong for saying that?" he suddenly asked.

I stared at his goddamn face. "Then what's with the 'I-shouldn't-have-set-you-apart' line?"

He chuckled. "Forgive that epiphany of mine—"

"Don't you dare say you made a mistake by doing that," I gritted, my fists are already white.

I swear, I saw him roll his eyes.

"I wasn't going to. As I was saying, forgive that silly epiphany. I have always wanted all the great things for you."

What he said caught me. "And she's not good enough for me?"

At that, he laughed, sardonically, his eyes turning darker. I know that memories are flashing back before his eyes. "A servant is never good enough for you, or anyone like us."

"I loved her." The words come out of my mouth smoothly.

He immediately answered me with an annoying smirk. "It was nothing but calf-love. What did you know about love then, anyway?"

I did not respond because I know that he would never understand. I looked away towards the open doors so as to calm myself.

For a very long moment, both of us are in silence. I know that the conversation tired him, considering his condition.

"Yusuke," I did not make an effort to turn around on that, I can feel his gaze on my back. "Forgive me for dreaming great things for you, son."

I feel my anger coming back. "Since when did you care?"

"When it killed the life out of you." He sighed, and closed his eyes.

After he fell asleep, I storm out of the room and punch one of the exotic jars that was in the hallway. My conversation with him did not infuriate me. It just rubbed on a large, deep wound that never healed.

The palace head servant eyes me cautiously as I head outside, towards the forest garden, where the biggest tree house stands at its glory. It is old, the tree house, I mean. But when you are up there, you will be able to see the whole forest, vineyard, and even the beautiful sunset. The scenic view is so beautiful that you would not mind its creaking wood floors. Everything you will see up there will take your breath away.

It used to take my breath away.

But, now, it no longer does, ever since she was gone.

The big tree house is particularly built for me. For your information, I was never a spoiled child. I did not ask for that tree house. It was built so that I, as a child, can have a place to stay put whenever I am not needed in the palace. Like when important people have to discuss war shit with him.

Despite the spectacular view from up the tree house, I used to hate being there. I could not admit it then, but maybe the reason for that was because I was lonely. What was I suppose to feel when I was sitting alone on top of the biggest tree house? Of course I have my man servant waiting for me at the foot of the tree, but Father forbids anyone from climbing up there except me. My stupid man servant was smart and geek enough to follow him. But I was not.

It was a late, cold autumn afternoon. I was driven out of the palace grounds by an urgent something. I knew better then than to ask him why, so I headed towards the tree house, alone.

I just dozed the time off, since I was sure it will take nightfall before a servant will pick me up and take me back to the palace.

I was awakened by the ringing bell at the foot of the tree house. I thought the servant had arrived to pick me up before sundown, and because it was already alright for me to go back to the palace. So I climbed down.

"Boy, did they finish it earlier than usual," I yawned nonchalantly to the supposed man-servant. I do not usually look on servant as I talk to them, that was why I did not notice her, immediately.

I had a couple of steps already, when I heard her say, "Oh, I'm sorry. Did I wake you, or something?"

Her voice froze me, and I waited for a couple of heartbeats before I turned around and see who it was.

The girl was about my age, with rugged clothes, a turban wrapped around her head, covering her bizarre-colored hair. She was skinny, and a bit shorter than I was. She looked like a poor peasant to me, but there was something in her bright purple eyes that say she has more life than I have.

Maybe I stared too long at her, because she took a step towards me. I thought I heard her asked me if I was fine.

I did not answer. Instead, I said, "You aren't supposed to be here."

She was taken aback with that. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know."

Here voice was so gentle, I almost felt myself sway. I swallowed the lump in my throat before I spoke, "Who are you?"

Her smile took my breath away. "My name is Botan. I just finished my errands at the vineyard, and decided to roam along the forest to see this tree myself. We can see it from the vineyard, you know, and I've been wondering how big and tall is it. Now that I have seen how great it is, I am not sure if I'm going back to see it again. This part of the forest is really far from the vineyard, and is so far from our cottage that if I visit this tree everyday after work, I might get home by nightfall."

That was the longest, non-stop statement I have ever heard. It amazed me.

Surely I stared at her again, for she seemed to be waiting, with her large, bright eyes.

"What?" I finally asked, after a moment of silence.

"Nothing. I just asked what your name is." She smiled again.

I had the feeling that I should not give her my name. But, somehow, I knew that I have to. "Yusuke."

She kept on that beautiful smile on her face. "Nice to meet you Yusuke," she said, extending her hand.

Reluctantly, I took it. My first impression was it was too small, and surprisingly soft, considering she works in the vineyard. Her next question tied my tongue.

"Are you the Prince Yusuke?"

I was not sure how to answer that question. I was really stupid to think then that I should not admit to her that I am the prince, but, "No, I am not the prince. We just happened to have the same name."

Pure as she always is, she believed me. "Oh, I see. Who is your father then? You don't look like a farmer's son to me."

For a moment I wanted to hit myself for lying to her in the first place, but lying about my true identity was the only way I can know her (that's what I was sure of). "My father works in the palace. He serves as a paid servant to the king."

I prayed to the heavens above that she would believe me. When she nodded, I sighed on relief. "How about you? Who is your father?"

She took a step towards the tree, and seated herself on one of its big roots. "My father is also a servant under the king. But he works in the vineyard, and sometimes in the palace garden." She paused to pick the wild flower that has grown near the root where she was seated.

I continued to stare at her, as she stuck the flower behind her ear. "My father do not serve high position like your—"

Before she finish her statement, I immediately shrugged off my amazement of her. "What are you doing here again?" I am never used to begging myself pardon every time I cut someone's statement, so my rudeness just struck her dumb. "Because the palace forbids anyone roaming freely here in the palace's forest garden."

She gaped at me for a moment, then her face turned red. "Like I said earlier, I did not know this place is forbidden to us," I was aware she was trying to control herself not to shout. "How about you? What are you doing here? You just said that this place is forbidden to anyone."

Of course, I could not escape her gentle-turned-into-sardonic kind of voice. "I got lost," I said, which was a total lousy lie.

She smirked at that. "Oh, really? You were sleeping up there."

Before I could stop her, she stood up and started to climb up the tree house. I attempted to pull her down by yanking her skirt, but I was too embarrassed to do so.

"Hey! Seriously, you can't climb up there! The palace forbids anyone to climb there except for me." She pretended not to hear. "If the palace servants catch you, you're dead!"

"Whatever! I won't listen to you," she said without looking down. "Liar."

I gaped at what she just said, so I climbed up after her, seething.

When I reached the top, I was supposed to scold her (or something), but when I saw her face, eyes shinning, expression, stunned, I was stunned as well. "It is beautiful," I heard her say breathlessly.

The sun was setting, casting a pink and orange glow across the sky. I fell silent, while she savored the view.

Then, up on the hill, I noticed the torch light carried by the man-servant who was heading towards the forest, probably to fetch me up. I panicked at the thought of the man servant seeing her up in the tree with me, so I grabbed her arm and pulled her to climb down.

"Ow! What is your problem?" She yanked her arm out of my grip. "You're hurting me."

"We have to climb down immediately. I saw a torch light. That would be a palace guard on his way to check up this place," I explained ruefully.

I was given a skeptical look, yet she still climbed down.

She waited for me to reach the ground before she spoke. "I mean it when I said you are a liar. I may look stupid, but I know that what you told me earlier is not entirely true. You're hiding something from me."

She stopped, and I waited.

"But I'll let that pass," she turned, and started to walk away.

My brows furrowed. At that moment I thought she was unbelievable. I was twelve then, too young to be familiar with the feeling that stroke my heart as I stare at her fading figure.

I can see the servant's torch light neared me, when I heard her barely seen figure shout at me, "I'll meet you again tomorrow, okay?"

She did not wait for me to answer. Even if she did, she would not hear me anyway.

And that was the day I first met her.

I am back in his room to check him once again. He is sitting upright, gaze in the vast view outside the bedroom doors.

I did not bother to wait for him to acknowledge me, so I just went straight near the doors to stare at the view myself.

We are in silence for a long time.

"I'll tell you where she is." He suddenly breaks the silence.

I stopped breathing at that. "What?"

"I'll tell you where the Botan is," he sighed.

I am not sure I heard him right. Did he mention her name? I turned around and pierced my stare at his face, testing whether it is another trick of his.

He chuckled, humorlessly. "What? Do you think I'm lying?"

"Does it really surprise you?"

He smirked weakly. "Yes."

We both waited for each other to say something.

"What's the point of lying, son? As you can see, I'm already dying." Then he gave me a weak smile. "I'm still hoping that one simple, good deed can redeem my wrong doings."

It is my turn to smirk. "You know there's no heaven waiting for you… For any of us."

"I know. Don't be stupid. I meant my wrong doings to you." After that, his face surprisingly softens. "I'm just asking for your forgiveness."

I am not sure how to respond to that, but I want to hide my utter surprise and other emotions so much my knuckles turn white.

"Where is she?" I finally asked.

Before he answered, he met me eye to eye. I know something is wrong. "Kanoun."

I turned around. Kanoun is the last place I will ever forget at the moment.

For the first time in many years, I am calm. It is as if a big rock is taken off me.

Without humor, Father abruptly cut my thoughts. "It's not a good idea to go after her, Yusuke."

I am tired of his control over me. "Like you're the one to tell," I muttered with a sigh, and headed outside the room.

"No," he said the word harshly. "I'm dead serious on this one."

I waited for him to continue. 'Dead serious'?

"You can never go after her because she's already married."

I stared.

"If you plan to go after her, you will go to war with Kanoun."

What…? Why…?

"She is the Queen of Kanoun now, Yusuke. Please don't be your selfish, imprudent self and risk the kingdom, especially yourself, for something that is not worth fighting for."

I would not voice my response to that. My own father would never understand. Or, maybe I, as well, don't understand anything at all. I headed to the door, ignoring him calling my name.

When she left, I almost went insane. It was the pain that drove me insane. And it is also the same pain that killed the life out of me, but my father was never aware of that. My ghost-like existence is caused by my attempts to numb this particular pain that would not go away.

Now, that I know where she is, I'll do everything to get her back. She is worth fighting for.

Since she is the only one who can cure my pain.