I sigh heavily as I stare out at the water. I'm alone, what a shock. I'm always alone it seems. Peyton's off trying to find Lucas. I tried to tell her that he probably wanted to be alone but she didn't listen. Not with Skills telling her to go for it, that he really loved her and was secretly glad that Lindsay left him at the alter. I wanted to hit him but I couldn't, it's not really his fault. Skills has never been sharpest tool in the shed. So, Lucas is off licking his wounds, Peyton's trying to find him, Haley and Nathan are home with Jamie and I'm alone on the River Court. I sigh again. It's probably just as well, it's easier when I'm alone because then I don't have to pretend. I don't have to sympathize with Peyton and be on her side. I don't have to put on a smile for Haley and tell her I'm fine. I can just be and I can think of the ramifications of what that day meant to me. Everyone has been so concerned with Peyton and how she feels about Lucas that they seem to have forgotten that not that long ago he was the guy for me. I still remember though. I still remember that I used to be his pretty girl and he was my broody. I sometimes wonder if he remembers. I think he does. There are moments, just moments, when he looks at me and I can see it in his eyes - everything that we once meant to each other. Or maybe I just want to see it there because that proves that at one time Lucas Scott loved me. Sometimes it feels like a dream, me and Lucas - like we never really happened. But we did and it meant something. It had to mean something. Because if it didn't that means that only real relationship I've ever had with the only boy I've ever really loved meant nothing.
"Brooke?" I jump and turn to find Nathan standing behind me, hands in his pocket, concern in his eyes.
"Hey Nate…" I smile as he takes a seat next to me on the picnic table. "What are you doing here? You should be home with Haley and Jamie."
"I was worried about you." He says, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me to him. "I figured you could probably use someone to talk to."
"I appreciate the concern, Nate, but I'm fine." I force a smile, although I'm sure Nathan can see through it. "I mean, why wouldn't I be."
"Come on, Davis, this is me you're talking to." Nathan looks down at me with those blue eyes that are so much like Lucas'. "I know that everyone is worried about how Peyton's doing but you loved him too so I know that this has to hurt you, at least a little bit…"
"It's like everyone's forgotten." I say finally. "Peyton, Haley, Skills, everyone; it's like they've forgotten that he used to be mine too. That there was a time when he loved me. They're all acting like it meant nothing. Like I meant nothing to him." I quickly brush the tears from my face and Nathan kisses the top of my head.
"I know, I'm sorry." Nathan whispers into my hair.
"What we had was real, wasn't it?" I look up at him, desperately needing confirmation of the only thing that I've ever been sure of in my life. "He loved me, right? There was a time when he loved me?"
"I still remember the day Lucas admitted to me that he was still in love with you." Nathan says after a moment. "If I tell you something, do you promise never to repeat it to Peyton or even Haley for that matter?" I nod silently. "The look in his eyes that day, when he was talking about you, he's never had that expression when he talk about Peyton" I know that it shouldn't, but it makes me feel a little bit better knowing that Lucas has a look that's reserved just for me; a look that no one, not even Peyton, can take away.
"Thank you Nathan." I say after a moment as I lean against his shoulder. "Thanks for being here."
"I'll always be here for you Brooke." Nathan kissed the top of my head again. I smile up at him. The friendship I have with Nathan is a strange one. I can't really explain it. We've never been overly close, but we share a bond that I've missed over the past few years. I've missed him, probably more than I care to admit, and I'm glad that he's back in my life and it's nice to know that someone else remembers when it was me.