Author's Chapter Notes:

(Disclaimer: I do not own or profit from Prison Break or In living color of which Lance and Tranny are a parody.)

Lance: "Hi there, welcome to Men on TV. My name is Lance and I am a TV addict! I'm also one of your hosts. And this lovely devil is my co-host, Annie the tranny…say hello you goofy lovable hunk of….oomph!"

Tranny: (Smiles winningly) Hi, peoples this is our first show, and the excitement is tangible, can you feel it Lance?!" (Turns and grabs Lance's hands and they both bounce up and down in excitement).

Lance: "Oh, I can feel it alright…it's makin' my toes all tingly!"

Tranny: "Well I think we should get on with our review, don't you Lance?"

Lance: "I surely do, I can't wait to sink my preverbal teeth into those boys on prison break!"

Tranny: "Don't you mean your perverted teeth?"

Lance: "Oh, You are so bad! But those boys sure are handsome. Did you see how the one tougher brother was so concerned for the other brother the younger un …I found it so touching. He was askin' how his face got all bumped up! And then the force with which he threw that beer… he was all angry…oomph!"

Tranny: "Mmm..hmm, and the President! I found it all so compelling. The fact that they can push the envelope and have a drag queen President…I must say I was impressed!"

Lance: (Looks at Tranny with a quirky smile) "Madame President is not a man… She is all woman! She has the air of greatness like Judy Garland…or Liza!"

Tranny: "She does exude greatness… So manly!"

Lance: "Hummmph…well…I think we can all agree on one thing, Mr. Sticky buttons needs to lose that shirt!"

Tranny: "Oh, yes, I can't wait to see some more of that glistening chest…so manly! So tan and…oh, I think I may faint!"

Lance: (Fans Tranny with his pink tie, but Tranny falls over in a dead faint) "Oh, wake up…somebody wake him up!"

(Commercial break)

Lance: "Hi there, We're back! My friend here just got a little over heated, all these mean ol' lights!" (Fans pink tie at Tranny and smiles)

Tranny: "I'll say…everything went all black…speakin 'of black, that poor man C-note, his voice was all hoarse and rough like sandpaper. But I think he would be worth a lil' chafing…all those muscles….and a family man…Mmmm!"

Lance: "I know what you mean! And you know that other show…I won't mention any names, but they call those boys things like Mcdreamy? Well I think those Prison Break boys need some names…Like T-bag….McScary…I get goose bumps thinkin of that man! The way he flicks his wicked tongue…I could show him some…Oh, my!" (Starts fanning himself this time)

Tranny: "How about Mcsteamy for the one with the smoldering eyes…like two pieces of tumultuous sea…and all those tattoos…Oh I'd go along with any of his plans!"

Lance: "Mmmmm….hmmmm! His brother does it for me. I'll call him Mctoughie… so tough, and I bet under those re-enforced buttons he's got a six pack of dynamite! Boom! He can blow through my town any day!"

Tranny: "I hear you, I hear you! What about that Sucre? Mmmm…Mcsweetie….I bet he's like candy…melts in your mouth not in your hands!"

Lance: "Oh, this is gettin' outta hand! Maybe we should delve a little deeper into the conspiracy!

Tranny: "Oh, you know how I love it deep!"

Lance: "This company…they're just a bunch of meanies! I mean how could they condemn a man to death...a fine man like that…such a waste…I say let him stay in the prison system! All those hot, sweaty prisoners... playin' games, an sleeping on top of each other in their little bunks…oomph"!

Tranny: "I feel a little faint just thinkin' about it!"

Lance: "Oh, no! Somebody..."

Tranny: (Puts hand to his forehead and dramatically collapses)

Lance: (Runs to Tranny and starts fanning him again…looks over shoulder at camera) "Maybe a glass of water?"

(Commercial break)

Lance: (Pours water on Tranny) "Wake up…you're too beautiful to die!"

Tranny: (Sits up and looks down at his white T-shirt and eyes his hard nipples)"Ooohh, look… the girls are awake!"

Lance: "I'm just glad you're awake, Annie. You know I can't do it without you!"

Tranny: "And here I thought you just couldn't do it without your little blue pills!"

Lance: (Pouts) "That was a secret you catty…oh never mind! Let's talk about Prison Break! How about that Dr. Tancredi… Miss Sara!"

Tranny: (Looks at fingernails in disinterest before looking up with a haughty look) "Miss Sara, puhleeze! You mean Miss Shock!" Her eyes always look about three seconds into an electrical outlet!

Lance: "Mm, hmmm. but she sure is purty! Oh, and T-bag...I just love the implications behind that name!"

Tranny: "Speaking of behinds. I sure did enjoy those tushy shots when
Kellerman was workin' those jeans..mmm,mmm!"

Lance: "Agent Kellerman! He's so bad, he's gotta be good! Ooomph! And those scenes on the roof with the big tough one where he teased him about his lady love Caroline Reynolds? Oh, hold me down! The testosterone was on high!"

Tranny: "Why do you suppose they call the big, tough one Sinc?"

Lance: "I don't know, but I sure would like to see if he's true to his name!"

Tranny: "I hear you, I hear you. That man could sink into me anytime, any day…rain or shine I'm good to play!"

Lance: "Would it sound bad if I said his little son was…mmmm, mmm a chip off the old cell block!"

Tranny: "You are so bad…but I do agree… Little LJ is so dreamy in a completely illegal kinda way!"

Lance: (Notices Tranny begin to sway and catches him with a squeal.) "Oh, somebody get the smelling salts! Or some salt peter…this man is on fire!"

(Commercial break)