A Red Dress for my Wife

It was the first proper hot day of 1789, the summer already upon the cost of Cornwall. The sky was blue with no clouds covering the sun over the two ladies walking down the shore in Hendrawna Beach, they were holding hands and the little one was distracted from time to time with a seashell she found in their path or by the seagulls flying over their heads. Presently the wet sand and the threatening waves took the better of Julia and she was in her mother's arms before the first drop of tears could escape her eyes. ''Tis alright my love, it's just the sea, it won't do any harm to 'ee'. Demelza kept strolling along the beach with her child but she had had enough of fresh air for the day and was getting restless. Julia was a little over a year now and she was getting too heavy for Demelza to carry her for long, if only Ross would be here, she thought, but Ross was in no mood to take a walk down the beach those days, he had been in dark spirits since the day of Jim Carter's death.

The babe and her mother begun the walk back home, even with the weight of Julia, Demelza walked slowly thinking in the past few days. Ross hadn't touched a drink since they went to say goodbye to Jim, it was not a real funeral just a gathering of his family and a few friends, the cry of the child he would never know unbearable to hear. It broke her heart and it broke Ross's too. All she wanted to do that day after they came back from the grave was cherish her family, hug her daughter and feel the arms of her husband around them, but as soon as they got home that night Ross went straight to his library and closed the door with a big bang after him that blew out a couple of candles. He didn't supper with her that night and she tried to wait for him awake after she put Julia to bed but she barely heard him when he joined her in the bedroom. The next morning he was off to the mine before dawn, just a touch of his lips in her hair and he was gone sooner than she could turn her head to say goodbye or good morning.

Nearly two weeks had passed since that day and things were not better. He still spend most of his day time in the mine, sometimes he was in time for dinner but he ate quickly and in silence and then he spent the rest of the night behind closed doors working on his papers. A few times in those two weeks Demelza had awoken in the middle of the night by the feel of his hand on her hips, pulling up her nightshirt and opening her legs apart to position himself between them. She wasn't sure if he was awake or if he just reached for her in his sleep. He kissed her with his mouth closed and she would hang to him kissing his shoulders and his cheeks, surrounding him with her arms over his shoulders and her legs around his hips. He made love to her with a hunger that she didn't know from him before, quickly and passionate and everything ended as fast as it had started and she was left limp and cold in her side of the bed after he rolled in the bed with his back to her. Nor a word, nor smile or a caress.

It was still sunny when she arrived home so she decided to take the time to do the washing while Prudie kept an eye on Julia. She went to her room to find their clothes, picking up shirts and socks of Ross from the chair and some of Julia's garments, then she went to search the wardrobe knowing Ross's habit to guard clothes that were "perfectly clean" for him, it was then when she spotted the big box on the top shelf. That morning after the ball she had undressed and put the gown back in its box and completely forgotten about it, maybe it need it to be washed. She left the basket in which she was gathering the dirty clothes on the floor and lowered the box and put it on the bed. It was such a beautiful dress, almost golden. From the box emanated the scent of that night, a mix of port, smoke and her own fragrance, at least it needed to be ventilated. She took the skirt first and inspected it under the light coming through the window, a soaking would be enough, then she looked at the bodice and noticed a rip in one of the sleeves near the elbow. The stitches were torned, surely by the indelicate hand of Ross's neighbor Sir Hugh Bodrugan, that man had done nothing but chasing her all that evening. She had forgotten, or other things had occupied her mind since that day, the game of cards with George Warleggan cousin, Ross's drunkenness, Jim's funeral, Jinny, Mark Daniel, Verity and Ross behavior, everything overshadowed what happened that night at the ball, the first ball to which she, Demelza, a miner's daughter raised in poverty and hunger, went dressed in the finest garments with expensive jewels to mingle between the upper classes by the arm of a true gentleman, except her husband had abandoned her to take care for herself and deal with all the unrequited attention while he left to drown himself in alcohol and search for justice where he couldn't find none.

Memories of that night now filled her with sadness and guilt, and with a feeling towards Ross that she had never felt before.

Ross arrived late that night, preparations for next day meeting with the shareholders with Zacky and Henshawe had delayed him more than usual. It was not so very late but he found the house quiet when he stepped in. He saw light coming from the kitchen and expected to find Demelza there but it was only Garrick and Prudie with a glass of rum in her hand. She warmed his food and waited clearly impatient for him to finish, he didn't take long anyway.

A few hours later, in the darkness of the master bedroom he turned around and raised a hand to touch his wife abdomen, she didn't move, his hand traveled down her body to her hips searching the edge of her gown. He then moved half of his body on top of her and tried to kiss her but she turned her head away from him, a hand went to grasp his by the wrist. 'Not tonight' he heard her say in the dark. Demelza could sense the surprise in his face even when she could not see it, she couldn't remember one time she had say no to him. 'You don't feel well?' he asked. 'Not tonight', she whispered again. Ross rolled back to his place in the bed, feeling still surprised by her wife refusal, in all their time together she had never said no to their romantics activities, even after the birth of Julia when they had got to hold back for a few weeks they had returned to each other eagerly, and after so many months together Ross knew her dates and her regularity which had never stopped her to showing him pleasure even when she did not get any.

'What's the matter? You don't want to…', he insisted once more, speaking quietly to where he thought her head was resting. 'Tis nothing Ross, I'm just that tired.' He felt her turned her body even more to her side. She said nothing more and he was left alone in the blackness of the room and his mind.

Sleep was elusive for the rest of the night, when he woke up Demelza had already risen. His clothes for the day were neatly arranged on the foot of the bed, a clean shirt and breeches, Demelza's favorite blue waistcoat and a white neck cloth. The boots were polished and the coat was hanging from the latch of the wardrobe. He heard voices coming down the stairs, Demelza was talking to Prudie:

'...tis the finest thin' I've ever seen.' Prudie was saying, 'nor even the old missus had nothin' like tha''. Ross stood listening in the landing of the stairs, he didn't figure what they were talking about.

'Yes, but what's the point of it Prudie? It would be more useful if I'd make a pair of curtains for Julia's bedroom out of it'

'Don't be daft child, 'ee can't do curtains o' a fine cloth like this...' Ross realized they were talking about the dress, the refined dress he bought her to go to the Warleggan's ball. 'Tis not like I will use it again, it won't fit before long...' Why wouldn't? He thought. Could she be... a warmth reached his chest at the image of Demelza with a big belly again, another child, they could afford to have another kid, maybe a boy. '...soon I'll be crippled and twisted if Julia gets heavier and I won't be able to stay right in those stays.' He finished walking down the steps, the idea of another baby ripped off his mind.

'Aye Mister Ross, I'll bring 'ee yur breakfast' said Prudie and she slipped into the kitchen. Demelza was carefully folding the golden skirt, her mending kit on the table. 'Good morning.'

'Good morning Ross', she said lively, 'You have everything you need for the meeting?'. Should he bring up what happened between them in the evening? 'Yes, I had the papers ready last night.' She gave him a small smile and sat at the table starting to sew one of the sleeves of the dress he gave her. Prudie came back with his breakfast and he sat down in front on his wife while she worked patching the rip that now he saw on the sleeve.

'Have you had breakfast already?'- 'Yes, there's lot of things to be done today'. Ross continued breaking his fast in silence, but suddenly aware that Demelza was quiet as well, he didn't remember for sure when was the last time they had breakfast together, the morning of the ball? No, he had gone to Bodmin Jail the night before that and came back home nearly at noon. It had been over two weeks, and what horrible two weeks it had been, the only moments of relief when his mind would find some peace were when he made love to Demelza. Because that is what he did, right? Could she be acting like this because of it? Had he been brusque to her? He certainly wasn't as gently as he used to, but surely she should have said something if he had hurt her someway... She was concentrated on her sewing, he watched her intently searching for any sign of distress but couldn't find none, except for her quietness and the fact that she didn't want to make love with him last night.

'What happened with your dress?' He said to break the silence. Demelza suddenly looked at him like she had forgotten he was there and was startled by his voice. 'The sleeve is ripped.'- 'How did that happen?'. She shrugged and then add 'Must it been at the ball.' She glanced through the window after a moment, 'You'll be late for your meeting. Darkie is already saddled.' She said with a smiled that didn't reach her eyes.

'If anyone would hear you he would say that you are in hurry to get me out of the house.' He teased, but she didn't smile again. Definitely it was something going on with her. He went for his bag to the library, the crop was behind the front door, from there he said to her he won't be late that night and left. 'Have a good day Ross.' He heard her said behind his back and stood still a few steps ahead. I haven't kissed her. For a second he thought of coming back for his goodbye kiss but was distracted counting the days since he hadn't kissed his wife during the day. Two weeks. The ball. He cursed himself.

-o-

Things escalated quickly after his return home.

The meeting had been grim. Wheal Leisure's shareholders were preoccupied for the recent riots and some of them were set to sell their shares if the fate of the mine was in hands of those people. It took all afternoon to him and Henshawe to convince them not to sell to the Warleggans. Carnmore on the other hand was at full speed thanks to the load the bought in the last auction and Ross could manage to get a few pounds for a present for Demelza, but that wouldn't arrive until next day.

During the spare time between meetings he reflected on the last couple of weeks, it mustn't have been extremely pleasant to be around him since Jim's death. He carried that life on his shoulders, even when everyone else told him it wasn't his fault deep down he knew it was. He didn't offer him the job soon enough, he was the one who tried to teach his executioners their own business, and he couldn't rescue him on time. It must have been awful to be around him, but even when he knew that he didn't expect the welcome he received at home.

He could hear Julia's cries from nearly a mile away, at first it was a distant sound that he couldn't identify but it was getting clear and clear as he approached to the house so he rushed to get to Nampara. The cries were coming from the yard, he dismounted quickly and left Darkie to her own devises to follow the noise. Prudie was strolling Julia around the farmyard in a failed attempt to calm her. His daughter's face was red and damp from so much crying. He got closer and raised his arms to hold the child but she cried loudly again and Prudie kept rocking her from one side to the other. 'Where's Demelza?', the only response from her servant was a nod with the head indicating that he should go inside.

He heard a man's laugh coming from inside the house. 'Dear Ross, I'm so glad you're home.' Demelza said to him as soon as he put a foot on the parlour, she stood from the armchair where she was sitting in front of Hugh Bodrugan, a cup of tea on his hands and a big smile on his face, apparently he found his wife very amusing. 'Now you can entertain your neighbor, if you excuse me Sir Hugh.' Demelza ran by his side to the door he just came in, she didn't look at him, 'Remember to come and visit me at Werry House like you promised Ms. Poldark! I'm sure you'll enjoy a different sight' the old man almost shouted before she left the house. That silly old man! How dare he!

It seemed as if as soon as Julia saw her mother she stopped crying, because suddenly everything went silent. Luckily for Ross, he wasn't as funny as his wife for Sir Hugh because he didn't stay long after Demelza left, Ross escorted him to his horse with a fake smile on his face and of course he extended the invitation to Ross himself, to which he said that it was very unlikely that he could go, with the mine and meetings, meetings that he should attend too. 'Is a pity that you can't Mister Poldark,' Sir Hugh said clearly not much disappointed, 'but send your wife over to my house, I'm sure she could benefit with the change of surroundings and would receive the attentions she deserves', he added before he went away.

That stupid old twat, making those remarks in my own house, Ross thought; if he wasn't so old he would have known the touch of his fists… He was annoyed with the implications of the old man, that Nampara was not good enough for Demelza and most especially that he didn't pay her enough attention. What did he know? What had Demelza told him? He realized then that it wasn't just Sir Hugh that he was annoyed with.

After taking care of Darkie he went back inside. He found Demelza feeding Julia in the kitchen, the child seemed content enough, like if her huff of merely twenty minutes ago had never happened. Ross went to sit by the fire, and both of them remained silent for a while, only Julia babbling while she ate.

The afternoon was turning into night, the lights shadowing over them. 'Why did you leave her unattended?' He finally said to her in his sharp voice. Demelza didn't answer so he turned around to see her for the first time since he came into the room. Her lips were pressed in a line, her cheeks were strained and her eyes gleamed with tears. 'Demelza?'. She swallowed and couldn't contain the tears any longer. Ross hurried to her side, her distress always alarmed him, she rarely ever cried. He wanted to comfort her and went to put his hands on her shoulders but she mildly pushed him away and shook her head for him not to touch her. 'What is it?' He asked when she stopped crying, 'My dear, what's the matter?'. She looked at him oddly for a moment, so unused to endearments lately.

'Tis nothing Ross'

'Well, it's obviously not nothing Demelza. Why did you leave Julia alone?'

'I didn't want to leave her alone!' She said sorrowful, 'but I was tending Sir Hugh and he said that good families have nursemaids to care for the children and that I shouldn't be bother with such things, that proper ladies wouldn't.'

'Since when do you care what people think of you? Particularly someone like Sir Hugh…'

'I don't care what people think of me Ross, I care what people think of you.' Her voice didn't sound distress anymore if anything he even heard a sign of reproach. 'That was all I was trying to do but… I wanted to go to Julia, but I didn't want your neighbor to think that your wife doesn't know how to behave…'

'Demelza, I give a damn what that upstart thinks of us and you shouldn't care either.'

'Then why posh me up and dress me all swanky if you don't care?'. Definitely reproach.

'What are you talking about?'

'Oh nothing Ross, forget it.' Demelza finished drying the tears in her face with the back of the hands and stood up to clean the table.

'You mean the dress? You didn't like it?'

'Did you like it?' She said sharply at him, and he looked a bit startled by her question. 'Is getting late, I'll put Julia to bed.' Demelza picked the child in her arms, some of what she had said earlier came to Ross mind and he motioned to take the child as well, 'I'll help you', but Demelza hugged to Julia and his good intentions sounded more like a recrimination. 'I can manage.'

He expected Demelza to be back to the parlour to end their conversation and to have dinner with him, but she didn't return. Prudie, realizing that her mistress would not be back, quietly prepared and served his meal but he couldn't finish it, so he went up to see what she was doing.

He found her at bed with Julia, already in her nightgown. The baby was sleeping next to her on his side of the bed and Demelza was watching her, one arm between her head and the pillow the other hand caressing Julia little hand. He walked slowly towards them and for a second doubted to which side of the bed to go. He went to his usual place and sat next to his daughter. 'I did like the dress, that's why I bought it for you.' Demelza closed her eyes, struggling with her feelings. It was wrong for her to feel that way, to burden him with this frivolous matter when all around them was so much suffering and when he felt mistakenly guilty. But she couldn't help it.

'And did you like how I looked in it?'

He eyed her briefly and said 'Of course' without hesitation. She breathed out and smiled shyly moving her head. 'Ross… you don't need to lie to me, I know you barely looked at me that night… I bet you don't remember half of what you said to me.' Ross tried to remember any conversation with Demelza that night, but the truth was he didn't recall much of her except the moment she gave her brooch to him to gamble it to Mathew Sanson. 'But 'tis alright Ross', she kept saying, 'I know the state you were that night of the ball… and this last two weeks. Is a pity anyway, a shame it will be wasted.'

'What you mean? You can wear it the next time we'll go to the assemblies' and he sounded unconvinced even to his ears, society gatherings were never his favorite thing.

'I think I won't. You will not take me.'

They were both speaking quietly for not to awake Julia, but the 'Why not?' that came out of him made her startle in her sleep.

'You said so. And besides I may not want to go, if you leave me to fend for myself of your lecherous neighbors, chasing me all night…'

'What?!'

'They ripped my dress, so much grab my arm from one to another. Thanks god Dwight was there to offer some protection while you were playing cards, gambling your family's fortune…'

'Demelza, why did you wait until now to tell me this?'

'When would I tell you? You were scarcely at home since then, and barely said a word to me… You didn't even look at me when we were in bed.'

'Love…' Ross tried to speak.

'And besides, it does not matter. I don't care about the dress or the ball, I care about you but I can't do it if you shut me out…' she lost her voice at the end, the tears returning. Ross swiftly stood up and went around the poster bed to seat by her side, taking her hand in his.

'I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry my love. I didn't realize… I've been so troubled, drowning myself in misery that I didn't notice…'

'But you not need to suffer alone Ross. You think I do not suffer for what happened? You don't have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, you know, you can share it with me.'

'Demelza…'. He quickly took his boots off and laid beside her nuzzling the back of her ear with his nose, surrounding her with his arm around her waist, their hands intertwined. 'You are so kind my dear, and I love you so' he said caressing her neck with her lips.

'Ross…'

'I apologize for my behavior that night, I promise the next time I'll have eyes but none but you. That way it will avoid me having libidinous men in my house as well…'

'Ross!' He laughed and kissed her again where the neck meets the shoulder, she turned around trapped like she was beneath the sheets and offered her lips for him to kiss. Then Ross suddenly got up from the bed and finished undressing. He went back to his side and put a pillow between Julia and the edge of the bed, he softly kissed his child on her forehead, 'Good night sweetheart', and went back to lay behind Demelza once more, this time under the covers, bringing her to him, her back against his front, cuddling, kissing her once more.

'This is all I wanted.' She said, and pillow, Julia, Demelza and Ross slept warmly together.

-o-

The 24th day of June of 1789 dawned as another hot summer day, Ross had to go down the mine to inspect a new tunnel and then to a meeting of the Carnmore Copper Company so he left early, tenderly kissing Demelza and with the promise of being home on time to supper with her. She noticed a mischievous smile on his face while he said his goodbyes but felt too content to make any comment about it. Despite what happened the day before she felt quite satisfied with how the day had ended, sometimes it was not easy for her to tell him how she felt regarding her place in society, he made little trouble of those things, but to tell him what she expected from him was even harder, until a short time ago she didn't even know if it was her place to want things from him, after all he'd given her. But it was not in her to stay quiet when something was bothering her, and she knew that it was hard for Ross as well, because he wasn't the kind of man who would speak much or any about his feelings, but at least last night they both could understand each other a little better, and sleep in his arms had the blissful effect it always had on her.

She went on with her day like any other but in the afternoon decided that she would make an extra effort for the dinner, and set to prepare pies and marinate pork with baked potatoes. When she was finishing the custard a delivery came from the dressmaker carrying a big box. At first she thought it was a mistake, but the little envelope on top of it said "To Demelza Poldark from Nampara", so it was not doubt it was for her. What has he done now?. The little note inside was written by Ross and it read "In case you need new curtains, Love. Ross." Oh no. He must had heard… a sense of guilt invaded her again but curiosity took over and she took the lid of the box away to reveal a shiny satin red fabric with patterns, there was such much fabric that barely fit in the box and for a moment she thought it was only cloth but then she found the bodice, the corset and a scarlet skirt. She had never seen nothing more refined than this, or smaller. She wasn't sure she would even fit on this. She was trying on the dress against her body when Ross came in.

'What's this for?' She asked before he could say anything.

'For you' he replied and approached her in search of his welcome kiss.

'Yes, but why? This must cost a fortune, and I already have a new dress…'

'I've fancy to try again and behave more rightly, though I'm afraid we won't go to visit any acquaintance so you'll have to be content only with my company…'

'What are you talking about?' Demelza said suppressing a laugh, 'When do you want me to wear it?'

'Tonight.'

'What, now?' he nodded 'Have you lost your mind?... to tell you the truth I'm not sure I will even fit on this'

'You will. I have it adjusted it for you, the dressmaker has your measurements.'

'You are definitely crazy.' She said and took the box to go upstairs and change.

The cutting of the dress was completely different to the one she used two weeks ago. It was open at the front showing the scarlet skirt beneath it, the corset made her waist even smaller than it was enhancing her breasts and the bodice instead of covering them highlighted them with a flown that went all around the cleavage, leaving nothing to the imagination. She only looked herself at the mirror once, it was hardly decent. She would never dare to use something like this in public, but here it was only Ross and he had gone to all the trouble of getting a new dress for her, even when she needn't one. She pinned up her hair before she went down to him. The parlour was more enlightened than usual, there were two chandeliers on the table and the best crockery they had was set on it. Ross was smoking his pipe near the hearth, the look he gave her when he heard her coming into the room was like none she'd ever seen in him. It made her shiver in spite of the heat.

'It's merely decent, I think it goes with a fichu but I have none' She said, lifting a hand to cover her cleavage. Ross left the pipe over the fireplace and went to take her hand in his.

'You look beautiful Demelza' he said sincerely and brush her hand with his lips. 'Come. Dine with me.' He motioned to the table, and offered a chair for her to sit.

'Oh, I have it almost ready. I'll go see it, it won't take long.'

'Sit my dear, I'll take care of it.'

She sat rather clumsy due to the amount of fabric she was wearing, then Ross went to the kitchen and came back with Prudie behind him carrying the pies she made in the afternoon.

They ate joyfully talking about the household, the mine and Carnemore. He told her than Jinny was taking care of Julia for that night; they talked about Jim and how had he met him when he was no older than Julia, when his father started working for Joshua as a tribute in Wheal Grace. Occasionally Ross grabbed her hand over the table and squeezed it and kissed it, she could never imagine a night more perfect than this, even when most of their nights were like this one.

Ross wanted to make amends, to please her not only for the last couple of weeks or the ball, but for something that he had done a year ago. Exactly one year ago she had made a nice dinner like today, there were flowers all over the place, more than usual, Julia was a newly born babe and he was besotted by her. It was the first night they made love again after the birth, and he just didn't realize. It came to him a few days after, when it was too late for say something. So now he had not forgotten, and neither did she as he could see by the dinner she'd prepared.

'Come' he said after they finished eating, standing up and offering his hand. She obliged and Ross moved her to stand in the middle of the room. 'Dance with me.'

'Ross, don't be daft. There's no music… I'll play some in the spinet'

'If you play you can't dance, and I want to dance you. You promised me the first dance of the ball remember? I know I'm late, but I want it now.'

She smiled shyly at him and hesitated what to do, surely they won't go skipping and jumping all around their parlour. He took away her uncertainty surrounding his waist and pressing his hand on her lower back bringing her near to him, with the other took her hand and entangled their fingers. She put her free hand on his shoulder, after a while his neck.

They moved slowly against each other, Demelza occasionally singing a tune and being interrupted by Ross's lips on her cheeks, forehead and nose.

'Ross…' she whispered 'thank you, it was a lovely night'

'Lovely as you… Happy anniversary me dear.'

The smile she gave him could had enlightened the entire Cornwall.

'You remembered!' She said rather surprised.

'Of course I did. Do you like your present?'

'Yes… but…'

'But?'

'I don't think I can use it in public, 'tis too revealing.'

'Oh, shame' he said faking indignation 'I guess I will be the only one who'll see it.'

He grabbed her chin and kissed her fervently in the mouth. His hands slid from her shoulders through her arms and from her ribs to her breasts while she rubbed his scalp with her fingers.

'I believe is time for bed' he said.

'I believe it is Ross.' She replied against his lips.

-o-

The next day Demelza kept the red dress in one of the chests in the library. She only wore it once more.

AN: Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this little Romelza fic.