This is a story where a lot of things that make me sad didn't happen. I don't want to give too much away, but you'll find out how things are different if you read it.

But there are no deaths.

I don't know if I'll finish my other stories. I don't really feel motivated. But maybe posting this will help me get back into it again.

"Daddy!" said Matilda excitedly as she toddled across the room, her hand in her uncle's.

Ethan smiled at her adoringly. "That's right, Tilly. That's Daddy." Ethan hadn't heard a thing, but Matilda seemed to have an almost psychic connection with her father and always knew when he was about to come home. Ethan sat on the sofa and lifted Matilda onto his lap. "There you are, Tilly. Let's sit here and wait for Daddy, okay?"

Matilda wriggled around on Ethan's lap so she was facing him and planted a slobbery kiss on his cheek. "Uncle Niggles!" she said happily.

"Yes, that's right," said Ethan, who'd given up on expecting her to say 'Uncle Ethan' for now, though he hoped she would one day. Uncle Nibbles or rather 'Uncle Niggles' was adorable now, but perhaps he wouldn't feel quite the same way about it once she'd started school. He kissed Matilda's cheek. "Uncle Nibbles loves Matilda very very much!"

Matilda giggled and Ethan laughed too, completely unable to resist her, but he didn't miss the sound of Cal's key in the lock. It looked like Matilda was right again.

Ethan kissed his niece. "Who's the cleverest little girl in the world?"

"Oad!" said Matilda. She knew what her real name was and happily responded to either Matilda or Tilly, but Toad was her daddy's special name for her, so that was the name she loved best.

"Yes! Toad!" said Ethan, and turned to smile at Cal as he entered the room. "How was it?"

Cal flung his bag down on the floor and threw his coat untidily over a chair. "Good," he said cautiously. "I think." He went over to the sofa and lifted Matilda from Ethan's lap, holding her high in the air. "Toad!"

"Daddy!"

"Have you been a good girl for Uncle Nibbles while Daddy's been on his surgery rotation?"

"Goog girl!" said Matilda.

Cal brought her close to him and kissed her forehead several times. "Of course you were. You're always good. You're the best little girl in the world." He kissed her again and sat beside Ethan, Matilda on his lap. "Has she been okay?"

"She's been fine," said Ethan reassuringly. He decided not to tell Cal about Matilda sneezing on his glasses. Ethan had thought it was rather funny (Matilda could get away with pretty much anything as far as Ethan was concerned), but Cal would only panic that there was something seriously wrong with her and it would take all Ethan's powers of persuasion to stop Cal from taking her to the ED. Cal didn't seem to realise that sometimes Matilda sneezed because Cal had forgotten his promise to do the dusting. He always thought it was a particularly dangerous strain of flu.

Ethan had taken care of the dusting after that and Matilda hadn't sneezed again.

"What's that splodge on your glasses?" said Cal.

"Splodge?" said Ethan anxiously, taking his glasses off to examine them. He was sure he'd cleaned them.

"Spodge!" said Matilda happily, pointing.

Cal laughed loudly. "Gotcha!"

"Gotsa!" said Matilda.

"Oh, very funny, Caleb," sighed Ethan as he put his glasses back on.

"You always fall for that one, Ethan," said Cal. "Always."

Ethan took one of Matilda's little hands in his. "Your daddy is a Very Bad Man. Did you know that?"

"Vay ba man!" said Matilda with a high-pitched giggle.

Ethan knew Matilda was just echoing the words without taking in their meaning – though she was a very intelligent girl and knew a lot more words than most children her age (as Cal pointed out an average of seven times a day). But he smiled at Cal and said: "You see? If Matilda says it, it must be true."

"Yeah, yeah," said Cal, glaring at him, but Ethan knew he wasn't really annoyed. Cal changed the subject quickly. "When's Lily getting home? I'm starving."

"Caleb, we told you this morning. Lily's working a double shift ," said Ethan, frowning slightly. In addition to his exasperation with his brother's complete inability to remember anything that wasn't related to Matilda or surgery, he couldn't help worrying that Lily was working too hard. Lily loved to work and everyone knew that, but she had been looking tired recently, in an absolutely stunningly beautiful sort of way.

"She'll be fine, Ethan," said Cal. "You know Lily. She loves to work and obviously she'll have to slow down after she has IVF, so she's making the most of it while she still can. She's got us to keep an eye on her."

"I hope you're right," said Ethan.

"When am I not right?" said Cal.

Ethan just looked at him.

"Okay. Don't answer that. But she'll be fine."

Ethan gave him a grateful smile and put his worries about his wife to one side for now. After all, she probably was fine. She almost always was. And if she wasn't, at least there would be plenty of doctors and nurses to keep an eye on her. David was working tonight too and he always kept a special eye on Lily because he knew it was important to Ethan. Lily tolerated it only because David was Ethan's best friend (apart from Cal, Lily and Matilda).

Cal returned to the original subject. "So we can eat now?"

"As soon as I've cooked," said Ethan,

Cal was looking at Ethan in disbelief. "You mean you haven't even started cooking yet? I'm starving!"

"I'm so sorry, Caleb. That was inconsiderate of me," said Ethan. "Next time, I'll start cooking and leave Matilda unsupervised. Yes, that would be much better. The needs of your stomach must always come first."

Cal made a face that was suspiciously like a pout. "Can we at least get a takeaway?"

Ethan frowned. "We've already had one takeaway this week."

Cal stopped pouting and smiled at Ethan. "Yeah, but this is a very special day. Isn't that right, Matilda? The first day of Daddy's special surgery rotation. It'll never happen again, you know. And I've been on my feet all day; my brain is aching from all the new information that's being crammed into it; and I didn't get to eat very much lunch because my supervisor was called to do a cardiopulmonary bypass and I wasn't about to miss that. I need food, Ethan!"

Ethan smiled and reached for his phone. It was so good to see Cal so excited about work and doing something he really loved and believed in. Ethan didn't want to do anything to discourage him and if he really wanted a takeaway that badly... well, why not? "Okay. Just this once." He made the call, then turned to smile at his brother again. "So, do you want to tell me about the course?"

Cal's face lit up in a way it only ever used to when he was talking about girls, cars or Matilda. "Ethan, it was amazing! You should see the facilities they've got up there. They've got everything. CPB pump. Ventricular assist device. ABIOMED AB5000. They've got all these masks and gowns too!"

"Masks and gowns? For cardiothoracic surgery? Whatever next?!" said Ethan teasingly, but there was a smile on his face as he looked at his happy brother.

"They wouldn't let me touch anything today, but I got so close!" said Cal. His excitement dimmed slightly. "I just really hope I didn't mess up, Ethan. I stood in the wrong place twice. And three times, they asked me a question and my mind went blank."

"It's your first day, Cal," said Ethan reassuringly as he lightly touched his brother's arm. "You'll be fine once you get used to it. You'll be great. Won't he, Matilda?"

"Daddy!" said Matilda.

Cal kissed Matilda's blonde hair and smiled at his brother. "Thanks. I really did have a great time, but you know how the mistakes kind of stick in your head..."

Ethan nodded understandingly. "Yes, I know."

"Oh, and my supervisor's really hot," said Cal., smiling again.

Ethan rolled his eyes. "Why didn't I guess there was a woman involved?"

"But I kept forgetting about her because the surgery was so…" Cal stopped, a mystified look on his face. "so… interesting."

Ethan laughed. "It happens to the best of us, Cal. I felt exactly the same when I performed my first successful REBOA. Apart from, um, finding my supervisor hot."

"Hey! Your REBOA supervisor's the hottest guy in the ED!" said Cal, with a look of exaggerated offence.

"Caleb, you're my brother, but I'm afraid I just don't see you as hot," said Ethan, smiling. His expression became serious as he reached out and touched Cal's arm again. "You did really well today and I'm so pleased you were able to do your rotation at St James'. I know how much this means to you." He paused. "I know I don't say this often, Cal. But I'm proud of you. Really proud."

A grin of amusement appeared on Cal's face and for a moment Ethan thought his brother was going to tease him, but instead, Cal put his arm around his brother. "Thanks, Nibbles. I mean that."

"I just hope I can make you proud too," said Ethan in a soft voice.

Cal looked at him in amazement. "Of course you're going to make me proud! I'm proud already. You're an amazing doctor. You're obviously intelligent and brilliant and all of that, but you're also really good with your patients. You listen to them and you try to help them. You're a wonderful doctor and I know you're going to do brilliantly when you resit your FCEM."

"But what if I don't?" asked Ethan, looking up at Cal as he allowed the fears he always tried so hard to fight to engulf him. "What if I... can't?"