Disclaimer: Don't own! And who would want that responsibility anyway?
A.N: One-shot. This was written during a bout of insomnia, and a longing for my best friend whom I haven't seen in…almost four months and won't see for another couple of weeks. I know some of it may seem unrealistic in the manner that it just couldn't happen, but then who says I can't say it can?
Do you ever feel the need to just run away?
Sooth My Soul
Clarisse leant her head against the hard window frame, pressing her palm against the cold glass; her eyes searching the dark night.
Where was her hiding place? Where could she go to escape reality and sooth her battered soul? Could she not find a place to rest, let out her feelings, and gather the strength to carry on?
No one should have to stay strong through everything without some rest.
Clarisse turned her head, pressing her forehead into the sharp angled wood, and closed her eyes. The sigh she released was not one of sleep deprivation, but that of a deep aching need to get away. To leave everything behind for just a moment so she could pause, take a breath, and let her soul catch up. Somehow, she had managed to leave it behind, lingering in the dark.
There were only a few moments in her life that this feeling had caught up with her. Only at rare times would she feel this need to run, to leave everything and just rest. To give in to the desire to block everything out, stop pretending and just indulge in what her heart and soul were longing for; to be just Clarisse.
To be the Woman and not the Crown.
But the noise in her mind – all the voices telling her what she needed to do – were taking all her strength. They were tearing her down, making her lose a little more of her each day, so all that remained was what they wanted or needed, not what she needed.
She had lost all the strength to make any sense of who she was.
But above the noise, above all the voices, there was one that was becoming clearer, standing out more than the others. It seemed familiar, reaching to her depths and resonating with peace.
"You must get away…leave this place; go back to where you belong, if only for a moment, and you will be restored".
The voice was getting stronger, reaching to all the corners of her mind until she could no longer ignore it.
In her frustration, her confusion of what she was supposed to do, Clarisse pushed away from the window with a growl. She strode purposefully from her suite, her bare feet padding silently down the sleeping corridor, her destination unclear; she let her heart lead the way for once.
Lifting her hand, Clarisse smiled when she realized what door she was about to open.
She had arrived at the warm palace library.
Pushing the door open quietly, Clarisse slipped in, closing the door after her in one swift moment. Even before she turned, Clarisse knew she was not alone as her heart quickened slightly; she was on the right track.
Turning around, Clarisse smiled upon seeing Joseph seated beside the small table, a worn book in his hands, his eyes skimming the page, and glasses perched atop his nose. He was so deep in the world of the text that he had not noticed her entrance. Or was that perhaps due to her many years practice of slipping away from an ever watchful guard?
"Joseph?" Clarisse whispered, not wanting to break the peaceful silence, but needing to make her presence known.
Joseph looked up, blinking suddenly as if to chase away the lingering thoughts of the text and tensing immediately. And although his face appeared to remain expressionless, Clarisse could see the recognition in his eyes appear as he looked upon her. The tension dissipated instantly, replaced by warmth and comfort.
"Your Majesty, I did not hear you come in", Joseph spoke quietly, closing his book and putting it down on the table beside him.
"So I noticed", Clarisse smiled, still standing beside the closed door.
Joseph smiled in return, before his expression flickered slightly as he took in her appearance.
Clarisse suddenly grinned, looking down at herself, noting she was barefoot, and clad in only her light night-suit.
"Is it not a little cool for you to be walking through the darkened corridors at this time of night, Your Majesty?" Joseph asked sincerely, his eyes sparkling.
Clarisse smiled slightly, before a frown flooded her features.
"Stop it, Joseph", Clarisse admonished.
"Sorry, Clarisse, but you must admit it is a strange sight indeed seeing you so…underdressed for a public appearance", Joseph chuckled, removing his glasses and carefully placing them in their case.
"I need to leave, Joseph. I need to go right now", Clarisse said in response, her expression gravely serious.
Joseph lifted an eyebrow, the only indication of his surprise.
"And where, pray tell, do you wish to leave to?" Joseph then asked, turning his hand in the air, indicating she move on with an explanation.
Clarisse thought a moment.
Where did she wish to go?
"In land, I was to go in land towards the mountains, rivers, lakes; I don't know exactly where Joseph but away from here!" Clarisse said, exasperated.
"What brought this on, Clarisse?" Joseph asked, his frown showing his concern.
"The need for air", Clarisse breathed, walking to the couch opposite Joseph and flopping down in a most ungraceful manner.
"I feel as if I am suffocating, Joseph. That someday soon I will just stop breathing and drift away; to go to sleep one night, never to wake in the morning", Clarisse spoke earnestly, her hands held in a pleading manner.
"I feel that if I do not go now, if I don't take the rest I so desperately need, then I will just collapse under the pressure".
Joseph leant forward in his seat, his elbow resting on his knee as his hand scrubbed over his eyes.
"And who do you wish to take with you? How many staff?" Joseph asked, his expression showing how he was calculating the time needed to organize everything, to have the required security prepared.
"No one", Clarisse said simply, speaking as if Joseph should know this by now.
"I will gladly go alone, driving myself, but I felt you needed to know so you don't send out a search party when you find me gone in the morning".
"At least allow me to escort you; it is not safe for everyone to know you have gone off into the countryside all alone", Joseph immediately began to argue.
"Then don't tell them I've gone", Clarisse interrupted, causing Joseph to grow silent in his confusion.
"Have my suite sealed off, guard it yourself, and tell all the staff that I am extremely tired, or unwell, or something!" Clarisse suggested, her hands flapping wildly as she tried to get her own way.
"Take all my meals yourself; saying that only you can disturb me, taking me my meals, and giving the rest of the palace instructions in my place. If you do this, then no one can know that I have left the palace", Clarisse suggested, speaking as if it was obvious.
"The mechanics will know you have taken a car, they will see that one is missing and report it; how will I explain that?" Joseph challenged, finding the flaws in her plan.
"Then I will take your car, and you will tell them that you have allowed a friend to borrow it in town for the day – it will be returned after night fall", Clarisse snapped back, the sinking feeling in her heart telling her that Joseph would not let her go easily.
Joseph sat, thinking it over in his mind, filling in the gaps Clarisse had missed but seeing that her plan could well work. The country would believe she was having a day to herself in her own suite, the palace running on as usual.
"It could work", Joseph began, and Clarisse's heart leapt at his words, causing her to sit forward on her seat in excitement.
"But it is still too dangerous", Joseph pointed out, emphasizing his point by frowning and shaking his head.
"Oh do relax, Joseph!" Clarisse groaned, dropping her head back in her annoyance.
"It is my job to stay tense and ever wary, Your Majesty", Joseph murmured.
"I know it is, Joseph, and you do a marvelous job. But for once can you not just let me escape and do something on my own? I will stay in constant contact, and you can even tag me if you like", Clarisse suggested, coming to the end of the straw but still clinging on.
Joseph chuckled, but took her idea seriously.
"Ok, I relent", Joseph sighed, a smile tugging at his lips.
"BUT", Joseph interrupted Clarisse as she stood from her chair and began to leave.
"You will allow me to help you get ready, and yes, I will tag my car so I know where you will be driving it; after all, one must protect their assets".
Clarisse laughed, holding the door open for Joseph, indicating he follow her.
As they walked along in silence, Clarisse smiled to herself, excitement bubbling up.
She was leaving!
OoOoOo
Clarisse smiled to herself as she glanced up to see the palace shrinking in the rear-view mirror. She was driving away from the palace – away from her frustrations, responsibilities, pain, and the sugar coated façade she always portrayed.
She was going to spend the day alone as just Clarisse, as just the person she was inside. No more façade, no more hiding of true feelings; just truth.
Clarisse could already feel the warmth creeping into her spirit as she drove along the deserted roads, heading up into the hills.
She was going to her hiding place.
OoOoOo
The morning air was crisp, cool, and fresh as Clarisse stepped out of the car and took a deep breath. Her feet seemed to almost sink into the soft earth as she slammed the car door shut, the bang echoing around the lakeside. The sound seemed to startle a group of swans as they rose from the lake, their graceful wings taking them to a more peaceful bay.
This was what she lived for.
The cool breeze rippling through the lakeside trees as she moved towards the beach; the soft earth beneath her feet as she removed her shoes; the warm sun rising to shine upon her relaxed face. It all told her that the world was much more than what she perceived. All her troubles, all the problems at the palace were so minute in the whole scheme of things; they weren't even a real problem.
Standing on the lakeside, the water gently lapping the ground at her feet, Clarisse came to realize that she really was nothing in this world. She might well be a Queen of an entire country, continuing age-old traditions, but compared to the creation laid out before her, she really wasn't as glamorous as her subjects would have her believe.
And this was why she came out here; not just to get her desired rest, but also to get a reality check. After all, one does begin to think highly of themselves when others are constantly praising them to be all 'high-and-mighty'. So coming out here, seeing the amazing, huge world of beautiful creation allowed Clarisse to see that she wasn't 'all-it' after all, and was in fact quite insignificant.
Closing her eyes, Clarisse began to breathe deeply, savoring the short time she had alone before the trip back to the palace. Sitting down upon the soft ground of the lakeside shore, Clarisse relaxed in the warm sunshine, feeling herself gain strength. She was getting the rest she needed from everything, and was building herself up again, ready to lead her people once again.
Clarisse sat there for some time. As the sun began to set, she stood up, stretched, and headed back to Josephs car to begin the long drive home.
OoOoOo
"How did things go today, Joseph?" Clarisse asked quietly from the darkened doorway.
Joseph took a sharp breath, lifting his eyebrow as he looked around at her; the only sign of his surprise.
"I was expecting you sooner, Your Majesty", Joseph murmured, standing up to face his Monarch as she entered the dim suite.
Clarisse walked over to where Joseph stood beside the large windows, and stopped beside him to look up at the stars shining overhead.
"I did not feel the need to rush", Clarisse answered simply.
"And did Her Majesty enjoy her little secret trip?" Joseph asked with a small smile.
"Joseph, how many times…" Clarisse frowned, looking at him pointedly.
"Yes I did enjoy myself; it was a very soothing break, however short", Clarisse continued, turning away from his smirk.
"That is good to hear, Your – Clarisse", Joseph corrected himself upon her disapproving glare, even though he knew she was just playing.
"Indeed", she replied, her voice soft as she gazed out at the stars again.
"I have to say everything went very smoothly here also, no one suspecting a thing – they give their condolences and well wish's too", Joseph chuckled, shaking his head at their deception.
"Oh do they now?" Clarisse asked with a responding laugh, turning to Joseph with a raised eye-brow.
"Then I am sure they will all be very pleased to hear that Her Majesty will be feeling much better, come tomorrow morning", Clarisse responded.
"Indeed", Joseph smiled, his eyes sparkling with humour.
"I will take my leave now, Your Majesty, as you need your sleep after such a long and eventful day", Joseph said with an over exaggerated bow, making Clarisse roll her eyes.
"Of course Joseph, and thank you for today", Clarisse smiled as she turned to him.
Joseph took Clarisse's hand, bowed over it and kissed her smooth skin lightly as he kept her gaze.
"Anytime, Clarisse; I am always at your service", he whispered, as Clarisse ran her free hand down his cheek with a smile.
"And I am eternally grateful", she whispered in reply as Joseph straightened.
"Goodnight, Clarisse; rest well", Joseph called as he left the suite to get his own well deserved rest.
"Goodnight, dear Joseph", Clarisse whispered to the now empty room.
"Back to reality", Clarisse murmured, shaking her head before she too prepared herself for sleep.
Her soul was rested, her mind at ease, and both were ready to take on the world once more. Clarisse would go on, strong as always. After all, she had been to her hiding place to allow 'Clarisse' to grow again, so now 'Her Majesty' would be filled with life once more.
Her Majesty, Queen Clarisse, was once again alive and well.
OoOo The End oOoO