All The Little Things Left Unsaid
Prologue:
She sat there, looking at the envelope that she had had in her hand, dumbfounded. She had been waiting all winter break for this letter. So much that she had imagined it happening so many times, and of her reaction to it, that when it finally came, she almost didn't think it was real, nor did she really know what to think.
She wondered what was in the context of the letter. For this reason alone she imagined her different emotions to it. She was sure what he wrote was either, he was going to apologize for all that was said, for all that has happened in the past few months, or he was going to be his cold self and pretend nothing happened or that none of it was his fault. Not knowing what he had written in his letter made her both scared and curious.
She stared at the letter some more as if it would magically open and read itself. It didn't. She studied his handwriting. His writing was somehow both messy and beautiful. He wrote in a slanted cursive kind of way, making the letters almost unreadable. That was probably why she liked it so much, it was almost as if they were the only ones that could read it, like a secret note of some sorts.
She stared at his name, just looking at his name, his writing, brought back memories and feelings. All the emotions that she had locked up and was hiding from the World, came rushing back, as if they had never been locked up to begin with. She had so many emotions souring through her body that she wasn't sure whether to curse, cry, or smile like a fool.
She hated how he had this much of an effect on her, still, even after all this time and all that had happened. She never was really one to just let people into her "world," but somehow he got in, and so easily. She had never been a very trusting person, and it was never easy to earn her trust. Not just anybody could gain her trust, but for some reason, she immediately trusted him. She felt like she could tell him anything, that she could say anything, and not worry about him turning her away. She felt safe with him, protected. She trusted him with her life, as well as her heart. Something she'd never done before, and it scared her. She never trusted someone so much and she of course was never so attached to someone like she was to him.
She had so many feelings for him it was hard to express them all, but more difficult to hide them. Though she was able to mask them, hide them, from the public, just not him. No. He could see right through her. He could tell what she was feeling. She was pretty sure he could read her mind with the way he acted towards her, since he knew her so well. The way he spoke to her was always sweet, flirty and with a touch of sarcasm. In fact, it was so sarcastic that most of the time she could not tell if he was giving her a compliment or insulting her. And strangely enough, she liked it. She liked not knowing his feelings for her. It was like a mystery that needed solving. A game, that needed to be finished. She loved problems and challenges, they were a drug to her. Now he was her drug.
He was intoxicating, Not only was he bright, he was handsome, and he knew it. He also used it to his advantage. How could something so beautiful be both good and bad? Easy. He enticed women, making them feel things they never thought they could. In his arms you felt both protected and fearless. He made you feel like anything was possible. He made you feel like you were his one and only, like you were the World to him. That he would do anything for you and nothing to hurt you. He, again, made you feel safe. Loved.
But once you felt that feeling of love, that "love" disappeared. He would suddenly turn cold. He would stop all contact with you for days, weeks, even months. Then out of the blue, show up and act like he hadn't been gone, but would still act cold. He would still touch and flirt with you, but it wouldn't feel the same. It would seem forced, mean. You would also begin to wonder, have doubts. Wonder where he was. If he was with another woman and sadly, most of the time it would be true. The reason? He lost Interest.
All of his ex's believed this but not her. She knew why he did this, it was commitment. It wasn't so much that he was afraid of it, though he was. It was because:
"Every girl would get this look in their eyes, the look of the end. Where they were beginning to think of spending the rest of their lives with one person. And one alone. And it's an ugly, ugly thing. It's scary and nasty. And I want none of it! We shouldn't be thinking about the future, but of the now. Having fun, living in the moment. When girls get that look in their eyes, their appeal goes down. They look uglier and I lose interest."
Those were his exact words. But she figured that, though it was true, to an extent, there was probably another reason. That either he had fallen in love once before and the person broke his heart, or that he had never felt it. That he'd never felt that wonder feeling of being in love.
She smiled, thinking about the fond memories, that were quickly taken over by bad and recent ones. She had remembered the first time she met him. She laughed at the thought, oh how she hated him. She could see right through his smooth snake like charm. She saw him for what he really was, a heartless git who didn't give a damn about anyone but himself and that was why she hated him. She hated how he would use and abuse women and act like it was okay, like they deserved it or something. That made her mad. Even though she had hated him to the core, something, there was something that drew her to him. For a while she could not figure out what it was until one day when they had to be in the same group for a class project. It was there where she found out what drew her to him. It was his eyes.
His eyes were what really gave him a way for who he really was. He may have been able to fool everyone else. He was able to fool everyone with his devilish grin, his smirk. The way he carried himself, how he acted like he was somehow superior to everyone else. His eyes would give off this look of disgust with the World. Like there were tons of imperfections in the World, and it disgusted him. He looked as if he hated the World and that it hated him back. But underneath all the cold exterior she could see it. She could see that, that was not how he really saw the World at all. She saw this, and it made her curious. She wanted to find out, she wanted, no, she needed to know, and, at the time, didn't know why.
It was just something in his eyes. There was something there, something, like a secret that nobody knew about, but him. He always hid his true emotions from the world but looking at her, it looked like those emotions were just waiting to be told. Like they would just suddenly burst out of him and come pouring out. But not to just anyone, just her. Her and only her. Seeing this made her wonder if she was just seeing things or something.
Though she didn't quite understand it, she knew she had this certain connection with him, she wanted to figure him out. To figure out what he was feeling. What he was hiding. She wanted to get to know him, and this was both strange and scary to her. She hated him, so why did she need or even want to get to know him, and she didn't quite know why but for some reason, her heart wanted to open itself up to him. Because of this feeling, that was when it happened. When they actually spoke to each other for the first time.
While she was wading wars on herself, she hadn't noticed until someone coughed, that the whole group was staring at her. She opened her mouth to ask them to repeat the question, but before any words could come out, he spoke:
"I do not understand the point of this project, please repeat our goals and tasks."
He then looked at her and smiled his signature smirk. She felt her heart flutter, a little, and hated it. She told herself that it was just out of shear frustration and hatred for him, and then quickly forgot about it.
The group quickly repeated what they were suppose to do. Once they were done giving out tasks to each individual in the group, everyone got up and left. She was one of the first ones to get up and leave the classroom. When she was half way down the hall she felt a light tap on her shoulder. She turned to look at none other than him. He smiled at her, only this time it wasn't his smirk, but a genuine smile. She could feel his gaze on her, and she tried looking away but something stopped her from doing so, and instead she looked up at him.
They stared at each other and for a moment the world seemed to have disappeared and all that was left was the two of them. All she could see was him. She wondered what brought this one, why she was thinking like that. She wondered why she was unable to move, or even speak for that matter, the only thing she could do was stare. Stare into his beautifully intoxicating eyes. She felt this odd feeling in the pit of her stomach. It wasn't hate, it was something else. Before she could figure out what the feeling was, he broke her concentration.
"Look I know you hate me and all, but while we are partners, can't we please just put the hatred aside until after the project is done? Because I actually like this class and want to get a good grade."
She looked at him, surprised. Who was this guy? All this time she had this set image of who he was, so who was this? Even though he had surprised her with his kind and gentle words nothing surprised her more than the words that came out of her mouth.
"I don't hate you."
"Oh, then I guess you wouldn't mind joining me after classes to work on our project then."
She wanted to say no, that she didn't want to be anywhere alone with him, but at the same time she wanted to be alone with him, so she said:
"Shouldn't we do it with everyone else there as well? I mean it IS a group project. It's not just the two of us doing the work.."
Even thought she said these words, she didn't believe them. She knew her group was full of morons and slackers, minus him, and that she'd be left to do all the work on her own. And as if reading her mind he said:
"Look, I will do half the work, if you promise to do the other half. It's up to you, I really don't care, I could do the whole project by myself as well."
He said the last part with a smirk. He was testing as well as teasing her and she knew that she couldn't refuse the challenge so she said okay.
And that was it. That was what started their friendship.
She put the letter down. It was too much and she couldn't handle reading it, not yet. She couldn't open it, mostly cause she figured she already knew what it said. As she thought about it she began to cry. It was too much. It was too painful and it was his fault. But she didn't blame him. Not all of it, not even any of it really. For it was her fault to let him into her World. It was her fault letting him become her friend and it was her fault to get so attached to him.
How could I let myself get so attached to him?
She picked up the letter again and looked at it.
How could I do this to myself? Am I really that dumb? Do I really want a Romeo and Juliet kind of romance? *sigh* do I really even want a romance? I wish I didn't but I can't keep lying to myself. I love him, and that's that. Ha, ha. I love him? I can't believe that.
Frustrated, she threw the letter onto her desk and fell onto her bed, not to fall asleep though. Ever since all that had happened, he had been haunting her dreams. She laid on the bed to think. She look back at the letter and at his name again.
Draco Malfoy. The Slytherin Prince. This is just too much. How could I Hermione, be in love with Draco?
Even though Hermione questioned how this could happen, she knew. She knew that love worked in mysterious ways and that there was no reason to question it. Nor was there a way of getting around it. As much as she didn't want to believe it she was in love.
Hermione Granger was indeed in love with Draco Malfoy.