Castiel sat on a rooftop across from the motel that the Winchesters were bunked for the night. The streetlights hit him from above, making the bags under his eyes ever-prominent. He expected it would be just a minute or so until Gabriel arrived, and his brother didn't disappoint. Castiel had not particularly called him here, per se, but he'd been projecting and Gabriel had been rather protective lately, trying to regrow the bond between the brothers. Castiel, for one, was extremely glad to have another angel by his side. While he would do anything for his Winchesters, he missed his siblings, and the feeling of his brethren's comforting grace besides him was something he was pleased to have again.
"Hey bro," Gabriel said, his voice uncharacteristically soft and caring. "Why're you on the rooftop, fighting with the boyfriend again?"
Castiel didn't bother trying to reply. Gabriel, worried about the lack of usual reaching out of grace he had become accustomed to, reached his own out, hoping to needle his brother's thoughts out. Gabriel sighed softly as he realised the reason for his brother's … sorrow. He was going to kill Dean, or paint the Impala pink at the very least.
Bondmate problems, Gabriel was definitely familiar with. Back when he was in heaven, fledglings would come up to him with their problems and bandmates were definitely a recurring theme. Not many angels knew he had one but he was definitely the most approachable of the archangel, making him heaven's agony aunt when God was busy. Feeling like his old self, he decided it was time to step in and get the two fools to realise how ready they were for love.
"Castiel… Brother, listen to me. Dean may not get it yet but he loves you, he truly does. He is your bondmate, it's in his soul."
"But that's just it, is it not Gabriel? He doesn't get it! He doesn't understand! I don't … I can't do this, not with him. Not with Dean. My bonded was supposed to be kind and understanding. My bonded was supposed to be an angel, recognising who I was the second we met, trusting me immediately. Not a human, not someone who I had to fight to gain their trust. He was supposed to … but it does not matter, not anymore. Dean is too wrapped up in himself to see how I feel."
Gabriel's eyes hardened as Castiel spoke, trying not to scream at how wrong he was.
"Those are fledgling thoughts, Castiel. Are you trying to tell me you would love someone kind and careful and so utterly flawless better than Dean? Don't tell me you don't love him cause that would be absolute BS. You are not flawless and pure and obedient, you're a rebel. Why shouldn't your bonded be too?"
If Castiel began denying too, Gabriel swore to lock them in a little timeless bubble until they got their shit together.
"I love him, of course I do. I dove to Hell for him. That, at least, is a testament to my heart."
"I love him to hell and back and heaven and back," Gabriel quoted. "And-"
"and have and do and will," Castiel cut in with a soft smile. It was a thing they did, when Castiel was still too young and scared to leave Heaven but curious about his Father's new creations. Gabriel would bring poetry and plays and read it to Castiel. He remembers the first time that happened. He'd brought back all those books to look through with Lucifer, but his bonded had wanted nothing to do with it. He'd pouted by their spot, grumbling when Castiel, all curious eyes and fluffy wings, asked him what those were. That was the first time they'd actually hung out together.
"Exactly. Dean loves you, Castiel. He has a funny way of showing it, but he does. Just tell him."
"But-"
"Tell him, brother. Stop hurting each other. Both of you deserve that, at least, for all that you've done for the world." Castiel tilted his head at the tone in his brother's voice, before realising what his grace seemed to be singing.
"You care about him," he accused.
"Of course I do," Gabriel smiled softly. He had grown past being hurt every time someone assumed that he did not care or love for those around him. He figured it was partially his fault; after all, he was the one with the defences and walls. It's one of the reason he misses heaven; back then, his seemingly boundless love was known by everyone and he was softened approached by fledglings because he was the only archangel who truly cared. He missed loving.
"But you do not tell him, either."
"How do you think the boys will react if I did, huh? They don't truly look at me as an angel, y'know. To them, I'm still the trickster. They do not realise that I am capable of loving, and they do not believe themselves to be worthy of love."
They sat in silence, Castiel unable to respond because Gabriel was right. It was at that moment that he realised how much of his old self remained. The archangel Gabriel's biggest flaw was his heart. It appeared to be the same with the Trickster Loki. Because Gabriel did not love easily but if he did, he was loyal to the end. An angel's love, after all, was a hard thing to shake.
"Do you truly believe that Dean will accept me?"
"Take it from me. He will. That boy is so in love with you, it hurts," Gabriel affirmed.
"Okay," Castiel exhaled. "Okay."
"So you'll tell him?"
"Yes? I mean, yes. I will. Just ... Thank you for this, Gabriel. I needed it," Castiel replied, looking at his brother. Gabriel's smile made it clear that no words were needed. Anything for you, his eyes said, I'm glad I could help. They sat in silence as they watched cars pass beneath them for a few minutes before Castiel looked at back up at his brother.
"Gabriel. You'd tell me if you were bonded, right?" He questioned and the Trickster looked at him, an easy smile on his face that seemed ever so slightly forced.
"Of course, Cassie. Of course," he appeased. After all, what his brother didn't know wouldn't hurt him. Lucifer, he thinks, would always be his biggest secret. And he definitely planned on keeping it that way.