HOLD ON!
The eyes of the city
Are counting the tears falling down
Each one a promise
Of everything you never found
Regan stood on her eighteenth floor apartment balcony.
She felt the chilly winter air slap her alabaster white skin as her sheer white nightgown billowed in the breeze.
Snowflakes cascaded down to the streets of was a beautiful winter's night.
Winter was her favourite season.
She climbed up and sat on her balustrade, looking down on the world below her.
The cars looked small and the people looked like ants , scrambling manically.
A family of four holding hands while bracing the cold Winter and the young,teenage couple walking together, the boy occasionally bending down to place a kiss on the girls cheek.
She couldn't help but smile.
Nobody noticed the young girl who just celebrated her twentieth birthday sitting on the balustrade of the balcony.
She had locked all the doors to her apertment prior to that. Nobody had access to her.
She felt a strange wave of calmness, bliss envelope her. Tainted with some loneliness.
Antidepressants numbed her pain.
But somewhere deep inside of her, the pain still existed, still determined to destroy the last bits of her.
She wanted to kill the pain.
She wanted to stop it. To just.. destroy it just as it had done to her.
She wanted to drag it along with her into her coffin, where she will lie alone in the darkness.
The World was better off without her.
She stood up and closed her eyes.
Tom felt strangely jovial that night. He had a brilliant time on tour but now he was back in Deutschland , ready to relax, recuperate and ofcourse, to have some fun.
He was going to pay his bestfriend a visit.
But not just any visit. After 15 years of friendship, he had mustered enough courage to pop 'THE' question. He didn't want to wait any longer.
He also had noticed that Regan looked happier this few days. She refused to tell him what was wrong before that and Tom didn't want to pry. Despite being bestfriends for more than a decade, she wasn't the type to cry on Tom's shoulders eventhough thesepast years have been particularly tough on her.
He went to the bakery in the building facing her apartment. Regan loved their cute little muffins with the pink icing. Secretly, Tom did as well.
Not that he'd ever admit that.
He bought a dozen of the cupcakes and paid.
He didn't know what compelled him to look up to her apartment building.
That's when he saw her.
Keith Stober was in love with Regan.
Even after their disastrous first date when he tried to 'get his grooves on her' in public, which ended up with Regan screaming profanities at him and punching him so hard in the face, he swore his cheekbone snapped.
He had always been in love with the exotic German-Italian girl. His infatuation with her worsened when she ignored him.
Her heart belonged to one guy. And only to one guy.
Keith was used to getting what he wanted. He was hot , blonde , dumb but athletic and his Dad was the richest man on town. All the girls flocked to him.
All the girls except one brunette named Regan.
After three whole months of seeing Regan having fun, drinking in the pubs, rocking her tests and flying off to foreign countries to meet her oh-so-famous bestfriends, the Kaulitz twins, Bill and Tom.
Basically , his heart burnt at the sight of her not regretting her rejection towards him.
Seeing pictures of her hanging out with Bill and Tom made him want to strangle her! He didn't really mind that Bill, he wasn't really competition to Keith but he HATED that Tom.
The way Regan and Tom looked at each other made him sick. They even called each other nicknames like Tommi and Ray.
Idiots.
He knew a way to make her realize what she's missing and put her through as much pain as she had put him through.
He decided to write down a letter to Regan and swallow a bottle of sleeping pills with beer.
He curled up on his bed and placed the envelope containing the letter beside him.
That night, Keith's current love interest ( people can guess what he's really interested in) , seventeen-year-old Madelyn discovered him with the empty bottle of pills in his cold, clammy hand.
She called an ambulance, dropping her cellphone eight times while punching the number but when the ambulance arrived, it was too late.
Keith was gone and he was never coming back again.
The hookers in town had one less client.
The worse part of Keith's demise was that he left Madelyn's unborn child fatherless.
Regan cried when she was given the letter.
"My death is your fault," the last line screamed.
And she believed it.
Living in a small town , everyone knew everyone and everyone knew about Keith and Regan.
They too believed that Regan drove Keith to commit suicide. Somebody had to be blamed for Keith's decision to end his life and that lucky person was Regan Cesario.
They shot her dirty looks and critisized her as if she had tied Keith to the bedpost and forcefed him the pills herself. They sprayed the word 'MURDERER' on her car in a bold,red colour.
They made her suffer for being alive.
Finally, she got a scholarship to study in a prestigious university in Frankfurt.
She thought when she waved goodbye to that town of misery, she had waved goodbye to her guilt and sorrow as well.
But just as she had been wrong about her role in Keith's death, she was wrong about leaving her guilt and sorrow behind.
It was still there , conquering her fragile mind . It tormented her relentlessly every single day she spent with oxygen still pumping into her lung.
Tom's panicked thoughts clouded his mind.
He didn't know what to do.
He ran to her apartment building.
The elevator was too slow so he ran up the stairs, begging God to save his girl, praying that he wouldn't be too late.
In desperate moments, he somehow became religious.
He got to her floor, his heart slamming wildly against his ribcage, threatening to break through it if he subjected his heart to more vigorous activities.
He turned the door knob. It wouldn't open.
He swore loudly, the ears of a bunch of kids who passed him perking up. He didn't have time to censor his words. Plus those kids would learn what 'fuck' meant soon anyway.
He kicked and slam the door with as much strength as he could muster.
Her neighbours stared at him, each of them wondering if they should call the police on him.
Finally , the door gave way.
He said a silent prayer and ran to the balcony.
The glass sliding door was locked.
Regan stood on the balcony.
She could feel it in her veins that Tom would come to save her.
But she didn't wish to be saved.
Her lips were curved up to a smile that was almost a smirk.
Tom unlocked the sliding door with trembling hands and burst onto her balcony, glad he stopped himself just in time before knocking Regan off the balustrade himself.
"REGAN!,"Tom screamed, breathless and hyperventilating.
The nosy neighbours stared into the mysterious exotic girl's apartment, none of them had ever been invited into Regan's lair.
Only one had called the police, screaming into his cellphone that a hot chick was jumping off a building !
Regan's eyes were still closed. Determination ran through her veins as she heard all the commotion.
She never liked her neighbours.
"Regan,please,"Tom begged, hot tears springing out of his eyes now,"please don't jump!,"
He caught her hand just in time as she jumped off the building.
She dangled over the edge but she didn't scream.
Regan looked up at Tom and continued smiling, finally opening her sad brown eyes.
"Hold on!," Tom scream, attempting to pull her back up.
"Tom, I love you," she whispered ," I'll meet you on the other side,"
Her hand broke away from Tom's grasp. She had let it break away.
She fell into the night, leaving Tom kneeling down in tears on her balcony.
The small blue jewellery box which contained a ring was still in his jeans pocket.
An ambulance was called but Regan did not survive the fall, just as she wished.
Three years to the date of Regan's suicide, Tom became a father for the first time to a baby boy named Ray Kaulitz.
It was a bittersweet day for Tom, welcoming his son into the World and at the same time , reminiscing the death of his first love.
Tom's love for Regan never died.
- THE END -