Snape's Revenge
Chapter 1
Severus Snape, a third-year student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, is sprinting up the Grand Staircase to his Defense Against the Dark Arts class. His long, greasy black hair is soaked and his shoes make a horrible squelching noise as he moves. He is almost to the 5th floor when a set of armor comes tumbling down in front of him. Severus comes to a screeching halt as hysterical laughter fills the air.
"I spy with my little eyes a student late to class."
A small, translucent, man with squinty eyes and a too huge smile floats into the air above the fallen armor. He grins widely at Severus and refuses to let him pass.
"Get out of my way Peeves," Severus snarls.
"Ohhhh somebody isn't in a very good mood. Has little Snapey been crying?"
"Shut it Peeves!"
"Boohoo, I'm Sniveling Snape and I don't have any friends."
"I said shut up!"
Severus tries to jump at Peeves with his wand but his wet shoes causes him to slip. His leg goes through a trick step and he falls flat on his face. Peeves bursts into laughter, doing cartwheels around Severus' head, and disappears with a pop, leaving him trapped in the Grand Staircase. A large grandfather clock down the hall strikes twelve and panic begins to set in. Classes have ended and everyone was going to see him trapped in the stairs like some dim-witted first year. Doors all around him bang open and his classmates come streaming out of the classrooms. Severus struggles harder as voices fill the halls, but it is one group of voices that chills him to his core.
"Did you see the look on Snape's face when I pushed him into the lake?"
"What do you expect from someone who smells like troll feet? He's probably never taken a bath in his life!"
James Potter, the bane of Severus' existence, strides cockily towards the staircase with his best friend Sirius Black. They are so caught up in talking about Severus that they almost don't see him trapped in front of them; almost. James collides into him and they both go tumbling to the ground.
"Bloody hell! Can't you see we're walking here," James snaps as he pushes Severus away from him.
"He probably couldn't see us past that beak he calls a nose," Sirius snickers.
James stands up and a look of surprise slowly molds into a nasty sneer.
"It looks like someone's forgotten how to climb the stairs properly."
"Need a hand there Snape," Sirius laughs; reaching towards Severus.
Severus whips out his wand and points it straight at Sirius' face. Sirius quickly reacts by backing up and pulling out his own wand. He lifts his arm as though about to cast a spell when James grabs his arm.
"Don't waste your magic on him Sirius. He's not even worth the dirt on your shoes."
Sirius and Severus have a standoff; glaring at each other until Sirius finally lowers his wand. Severus reluctantly lowers his wand but holds onto it in case Sirius changes his mind. James rolls his eyes and bumps his shoulder aggressively into Severus as the pair of friends begins walking down the stairs.
"I challenge you to a duel Potter!"
James twists back around and squints up at Severus.
"I'm sorry; I don't think I heard you quite right. I believe you said something about a duel?"
"That's right Potter," Severus spits, "I challenge you to a wizard's duel!"
"I bet he doesn't even have someone to be his 2nd," Sirius scoffs.
"Of course he does!"
A beautiful girl with gorgeous red hair and dark eyes is standing at the top of the stairwell. She walks down to Severus and gingerly helps him release his leg from the trick stair. They become righted again and the girl glares at the chuckling Sirius and James.
"Oh look, it's Lily Evans. Come here to save your disgusting boyfriend have you," Sirius scoffs.
"The only disgusting people I see here is you and James."
James saunters up to Lily and grabs ahold of her chin, gently tilting it up until she is looking at him.
"One day Lily Evans you will realize who Snape really is. When that moment comes I'll be here to sweep you off your feet."
"Like I would ever want to be with someone as foul as you!"
"Trust me Lily. One day you'll be all mine."
He lets go of her chin, smirking stupidly at her. He motions to Sirius and they walk past Lily and Severus. She rolls her eyes and turns to check on Severus.
"What a creep," Lily mutters, "Are you ok?"
"Of course I'm not ok you stupid girl!"
Snape regrets the words immediately when he sees the look on Lily's face.
"If I'm not mistaken you were trapped and would have stayed that way if I hadn't come along! Not to mention Sirius and James looked ready to curse you!"
"I didn't need you to save me Lily! I could have handled it without you barging in like that," Snape growls at her.
Lily's frustration is evident on her face. Without a word she spins around and stomps away in the opposite direction. Why doesn't she understand? How can he prove his worth to her if she's always coming and saving him? Severus scowls and begins walking down the stairs only to be knocked on the back of the head with something hard. He rubs the lump already forming and looks down to see a sterling silver vase rolling around at his feet. Severus looks around for the culprit as high-pitched laughter fills the air.
"Peeves," Severus bellows.
The poltergeist zooms towards Severus' face; going through his head and into a nearby classroom. Severus will deal with him later. He has a duel to plan.
Chapter 2
"Severus, wake up Severus!"
Severus opens his eyes and sees Lily standing in front of him, her hands on her hips. He looks around and realizes he is still in the library.
"What are you doing sleeping in the library? I was worried sick when you weren't in Potions today!"
"I guess I fell asleep going through these books…Wait, you said you were in Potions? What time is it?"
"It's past time for class that's for sure!"
He groans and slams his head onto the stack of books in front of him. He can't believe he has missed yet another class. If he misses any more classes he'll be sent to the Dungeons, or worse; to the headmaster. He hates that old fool Dumbledore almost as much as he hates everybody else. As much respect as he has for the geezer he cannot shake the feeling Dumbledore thinks he is better than him.
Lily snaps her fingers in his face, bringing him out of his hate-driven stupor.
"What is wrong with you? Why are you acting so weird?"
"It's nothing Lily. I'm just upset I couldn't find the potion recipe I was looking for."
"Oh, what kind of potion?"
She grabs a chair nearby and scoots up next to him; grabbing the book nearest her and studies the cover.
"Mad as a Hatter Potions and Poultices: One Thousand Recipes for Your Greatest Enemies. What do you need this for?"
"I'm trying to find something to use on Potter before the duel, but most of the recipes are meant for fun. I want something that will hurt him and that stupid lapdog Sirius Black," Snape mutters darkly.
"Actually, I think this is the perfect book for you. You should go through it again!"
"Didn't you hear me? I want to hurt them, bad, and this book won't help me accomplish that."
"I did hear you, but James and Sirius can recover from physical pain. What they can't recover however is their pride."
It is as though a light bulb goes off in his head. If Severus were to concoct something that would cause them humiliation they would be so upset they would not want to duel. He may even be able to find something that would be so humiliating they would never want to come out of their dormitories. Then, he would never have to worry about them harassing him again; at least not for the rest of the year. A devilish grin spreads across his face as he begins flipping through the book with Lily.
They find all sorts of recipes. Among the silly and preposterous recipes there are some that are simply vile. Potion of Exploding Diarrhea: 'Sure to cause havoc in a lavatory near you!', and Potion of Projectile Slugs: 'Watch for slug goo!' were just a couple, but one potion recipe stands out to Severus right away. The recipe is for a clear potion that causes oozing, stinking zits to appear all over the victims face and body. The only way to get rid of these zits is to apply troll dung to the affected areas, or else have terrible scars for the rest of your life.
"Look at this recipe Lily! It's perfect!"
"Potion of Troll Zits? What are troll zi..." Lily gags. She stares in horror at the description for the potion. Her shock turns into confusion and she turns to Severus.
"Where are we even going to find some of these ingredients? I mean, troll saliva and flobberworm pus aren't ingredients that are exactly lying around," she says incredulously.
"Easy, we'll get them from Professor Mordric's supply closet."
"Are you mad?! Not only is he our Potions professor but he's also your Head of House! You could get into serious trouble!"
"Not if he doesn't see us," Severus suggests.
"How do you plan on him not seeing us? He's in those Dungeons all the time."
Severus looks at her coyly, scooting back his chair and leaving the library with Lily following beside. They wind their way up the stairs until they reach the portrait of The Fat Lady, the guard that protects the Gryffindor dormitories. Severus turns to Lily and looks her straight in the eye.
"Have you ever noticed how Potter randomly disappears and moments later something odd happens, with no explanation as to what caused it?"
Lily nods but she still doesn't seem to understand his point.
"Well, I heard Potter boasting to his friends a while ago about how he had found some magical cloak that allows him to become invisible. Apparently he's been using it to cause all of the unexplainable occurrences."
"Well that explains why my knickers keep disappearing," she mutters.
"What was that?"
"Nothing, nothing. So what is your plan? You want me to sneak into the boys' dormitory and steal his invisible cloak," she scoffs.
"Actually, that is exactly my plan."
Before she can refuse he pushes her towards The Fat Lady.
"Ok, I'll meet you back in the library in thirty minutes. Good luck!" He turns to go but Lily grabs his wrist.
"Wait a second! How am I supposed to find an invisible cloak when it's invisible?!"
"The cloak itself isn't invisible, at least not until you actually put it on. Potter is simple enough you'll find it in no time!"
Before she can say anything more he jogs back down the staircase towards the library. If she can find the invisibility cloak then they can easily get the ingredients for the potion. Now all he had to do was wait for Lily to meet him back in the library. While he is waiting he can look more thoroughly at the potion directions to make sure they get everything they need. Severus excitingly opens the page to the Potion of Troll Zits and pours all of his concentration into remembering the list of ingredients.
Thirty minutes have passed and Lily still has not come back with the cloak. Severus begins to worry when he hears giggling in his ear. He turns to look behind him but no one is there. The next thing he knows the books in front of him float into the air and begin to dance around his head.
"Lily, is that you?"
Lily pulls the cloak from around her, smiling broadly.
"Ready to get some Flobberworm pus?"
"Have I told you lately how amazing you are?"
She blushes and Severus quickly looks away. He cannot believe he really just said that to her, especially since she was talking about flobberworms which are definitely not romantic. They stand awkwardly looking at everything but each other. After what seems like an excruciatingly long time Lily gets closer to Severus and throws the cloak over him. Without a word they shuffle out of the library and begin the descent to the Dungeons.
It's dark and damp in the underbelly of Hogwarts, also known as the Dungeons. The Dungeons are the last place you want to be. Students who have served detention in the Dungeons tell horror stories of being sent to secret rooms. In these rooms your Head of House uses medieval Muggle devices to whip, stretch, and maim you. Then, they hang you by your wrists inches above vicious chained beasts that are constantly trying to eat you alive. For some reason the founders thought the Dungeons would be a good place to have the Potions class. They probably thought it would keep students in their place.
Still, Severus has never seen a student seriously injured or scarred after leaving the Dungeons. If anything they looked bored out of their minds after serving detention in the Dungeons. He seriously doubted any of the stories were true. As him and Lily walk side by side, he doesn't hear any of the blood-curdling screams others claim they have heard coming from deep within the halls. What is worse is the complete silence that has followed them since the library. Ever since he made the stupid remark Lily has not even glanced his way.
After winding through the maze of halls they come upon a large black door with gold lettering that spells Supplies in the middle. Severus pushes on the door but it won't budge. He looks down and sees there's a handle with a keyhole. After getting all the way here and suffering through the agonizing silence the door is locked. He is about to suggest they turn back and forget all about the potion when Lily takes out her wand.
"Alohomora," she whispers, pointing her wand at the keyhole.
The handle turns and opens to reveal shelves upon shelves of potion ingredients. All of them full of jars with things neither of them had heard of. Crushed Bicorn horns, Grindylow tentacles, shredded Flesh-Eating Slug skin, Manticore stingers, Cornish Pixie wings, and much more.
"How did you do that," Severus exclaims.
She slaps her hand over his mouth and shushes him. They stand for a second to make sure no one is coming before proceeding into the closet. It is much bigger and darker than Severus expected, resembling more like a room than a closet. He closes the door behind them, pulling the cloak off of them both. The closet is pitched into complete darkness.
"Lumos," Severus and Lily say cohesively.
The closet lights up as they lift their wands high above their heads. There is just enough light for them to see a couple feet in any direction.
"How are we ever going to find what we need in this mess," Lily moans.
"I'm sure the professor has everything labeled. Let's just look around," Severus sighs.
"What exactly are we looking for again?"
"We're looking for Troll saliva, Flobberworm pus, Doxy venom, and Puffapod seeds."
They begin scouring and easily find the pus, venom, and seeds. However, the Troll saliva doesn't seem to be anywhere in sight.
"This is useless! We'll never find the saliva," Lily exclaims.
"Come on, it has to be here somewhere!"
"I'm telling you Severus, we won't be able to…ah ha!"
Lily pulls a glass jar with a clearish, bubbly liquid off of the shelf along with three other bottles that smash noisily on the stone floor. They both gasp as hurried footsteps come towards them.
"Nox!"
The light on both their wands goes out and they quickly wrap the invisibility cloak around themselves. As the cloak falls over them shadows of feet are cast through the bottom of the door. There is nowhere to go so Lily and Severus stand as still as possible and do not make a sound. The golden handle slowly turns and a tall, dark figure fills the doorway; it's Professor Mordric. His pale skin appears waxy in the light of the halls and his piercing brown eyes make him look frighteningly grotesque.
"Lumos Maxima," utters Professor Mordric.
Professor Mordric's wand explodes with light. The lanky professor strides into the closet. He is looking straight at Severus and Lily. At least, it certainly seems as though he is staring right at them.
"Come out, come out wherever you are! I know someone is in here."
Lily snatches Severus' hand. He lets out a loud gasp which stops Professor Mordric in his tracks, an evil smile spreading across his face.
"You should reveal yourself and get it over with. I promise not to hurt you, much," he cackles.
He confidently walks forward, hand outstretched.
"Run," Severus whispers urgently.
Severus and Lily bolt around Professor Mordric, holding hands so as not to lose one another. The professor spins around and begins chasing them down the narrow halls. It is much harder to run in an invisibility cloak than one might think. At one point Lily steps on a corner of the cloak and almost brings both of them tumbling to the ground. Thankfully Lily is quick on her feet, and rights herself and the cloak while still holding on to Severus.
"We'll never lose him at this rate," Lily screams.
Severus looks back and knows Lily is right. No matter how hard they try they cannot seem to shake Professor Mordric. Not far down the hall Severus notices a light and soft music coming from a cracked door.
"Quick! Let's go in there," he gasps.
They slip into the room and fall back against a wall, out of breath. Professor Mordric rushes past them, not even knowing he had lost them. Severus pulls off the cloak and the two burst into relieved laughter.
"Oy! This room is already occupied. You think you and your girl could find somewhere else to laugh manically in?"
They jump when they hear someone else in the room talking to them. Looking around they find a befuddled couple lying under a blanket. There are spell books lying open all around them. However, it is obvious the couple was not exactly studying. At least, they were not studying spells that was for sure.
"Oh, um. So sorry to bother you. We'll be um… we'll be leaving now," Severus stutters.
He grabs ahold of the paralyzed Lily and pushes her out into the hall, leaving the blushing couple behind. They quickly walk up the stairs of the Dungeons and find themselves back in front of the Grand Staircase. Relief spreads through Severus' body. They made it out of the Dungeons without getting caught. He would have preferred not to have seen students fornicating in the Dungeons, but the important thing was that they had the ingredients for the potion.
"Well that was certainly an adventure wouldn't you say," Lily asks lightheartedly.
"Agreed," Severus laughs, "Now all we have to do is mix this potion."
"Of course! I almost forgot during all that chaos why we were down there in the first place. Let's get going then shall we?"
All the weirdness that clouded over them since the library incident seemed to have gone away. Not only was Lily in a good mood but she was acting like her carefree self again. Severus could not be happier with how things have been turning out. Him and Lily were good again, they were about to make the Potion of Troll Zits, and he was going to get his revenge on Sirius and James. This day could not get any better.
Chapter 3
Morning light seeps through the window in the Slytherin boys' dormitory; waking Severus from his deep slumber. After a long night of potion making he wants nothing more than to fall back asleep, but then he and Lily would have wasted all that time for nothing. He groggily rubs at his eyes and sits up on the side of his four-poster bed. The thought of getting back at Potter and Black sends a bolt of energy through him. He hastily stands up and changes into his school robes. Grabbing the vials of potion from his clothes chest he dashes out of the room and heads towards the Great Hall to meet Lily.
Lily is standing in front of the doors to the Great Hall looking extremely nervous. She is doing that thing she always does when she is nervous, where she twirls her hair around her finger. It drives him crazy how even the littlest things she does can drive him crazy. She beams and waves at him as he approaches. She is so beautiful…
"Focus Severus, focus," he chides himself.
"Alright, they're already in there. Are you ready for this," she asks giddily.
"I think you're looking forward to this more than I am," he chuckles, handing her the vials.
"I'm more excited about seeing James and Sirius with troll zits than you could ever know!"
They walk together into the Great Hall and head towards the Gryffindor dining table. Lily heads in the opposite direction and Severus goes straight for James and Sirius who are eating with their classmates. Sirius is waving his hands around like he is telling some grand story. As Severus approaches, Sirius makes a dramatic face and topples over his chair onto the ground. Everyone bursts into laughter until they see Severus approach. Then, the laughter turns into whispers as they all look sideways at him.
"Hey, what happened to my wonderful applause? Surely my story deserves more than that," Sirius exclaims.
He sits up, seeing Severus standing over him, the smile fading from his face.
"I should have known it was you. You always ruin the fun."
Sirius wipes the dirt off himself and sits back down next to James.
"What do you want Severus? Finally brave enough to challenge me," James sniggers.
Severus looks out from the corner of his eye to make sure Lily is in her position. She is standing out of sight behind the turned backs of James and Sirius, ready for his signal. He musters all the courage he has and slightly nods in her direction.
"That's right Potter, and I'm here to let you and your mutt know that dueling me won't end well for either of you."
"What did you call me," Sirius growls.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot how daft you are. I called you a MUTT, a mangy, flea-bitten, mutt."
Sirius and James push back from the table and point their wands straight at Severus. Lily takes the chance of everyone looking away to pour the contents of the vials into James' and Sirius' goblets of pumpkin juice. Once the vials are empty she scurries away to a nearby seat. Now that the drinks are ready Severus needs to find a way to get out of the situation he is in.
"Now, let's not be so hasty. After all we are going to duel aren't we?"
"Or we could just blow you to bits here and now," Sirius threatens through clenched teeth.
"No, he's right," James says, lowering his wand, "We can wait to humiliate him until then."
Severus lets out a sigh of relief. He had not realized he had been holding his breath the entire time. Sirius looks like he is ready for blood, his blood.
"Well now that that's settled we should decide the details for our duel," Severus says shakily.
"Of course, let's say two p.m. on the Quidditch field. Agreed," James asks.
Before Severus can agree to anything, Sirius stands up on top of the table with his goblet in hand.
"Hear ye, hear ye! On this day during the second hour the field you once knew to be for the game of Quidditch will transform into a great battlefield! Join your two favorite heroes there as they duel this school's greatest foe; Severus Snape," Sirius bellows.
All around Severus the Great Hall erupts into riotous applause. He can feel his face redden as everyone stares at him. If Sirius and James were not so close to drinking the potion he would curse them where they stand.
"Toast with me my brothers and sisters, to the victory of the true heroes!"
Students everywhere throw their drinks back. Severus stares intently at Sirius and James, watching as they clink their glasses together. He smiles wickedly as the pair gulp down the potion infused juice. Nothing happens at first. Their flawless skin stays the same and for a moment Severus thinks the potion has failed. Then, their skin begins to bubble, as though their skin is boiling. Sirius begins leaning from his perch on the table, knocking James onto the floor as he falls.
Horrible screams fill the air as the friends writhe in agony on the floor. In between their fingers Severus can see the development of the troll zits. Giant lumps of reds and greens and yellows cover their faces and slowly begin covering the rest of their bodies. Some are even oozing horrible, smelly pus. Professors flood the table exactly when a gigantic zit explodes, squirting a stream of pus into the gaping mouth of a nearby student.
As the student vomits onto the professors the entire room erupts into unforeseen chaos. This is not what Severus had wanted. If the professors realized him and Lily had done this they would definitely be getting more than a detention. Through the chaos he spots Lily still sitting at her seat; staring in horror at the scene before her. He runs around the professors and grabs Lily by the hand. Without a word they begin sprinting through the other students towards the door.
While attempting to push past the other students Lily's hand begins to slip from Severus' grasp. He fights to hold on but a shove from behind forces him to the ground. His attempt to stand back up is met with a kick to the chin and he feels his head crack against the stone floor. The room begins to swim before his eyes. Scrambling feet rush past him in a blur of blacks and whites. His eyes start to drift closed, but he could swear he sees Lily's beautiful face in front of his before everything goes dark.
It feels as though fire is scorching Severus' skull. He slowly opens his eyes to the piercingly bright light. It takes him a long moment to gain his sight back, but when he does he sees Lily sitting in a chair next to him.
"Lily…"
"Oh my gosh! I'm so glad you're awake! I was so scared!"
"Ugh, slow down. Where am I?"
"You're in the infirmary Severus. You hit your head pretty hard."
She reaches over and lightly touches his head. He recoils from her touch, letting out an audible hiss.
"Bloody hell Lily! Why would you do that?!"
"I'm sorry! I didn't realize your head hurt that bad. Here, drink this."
Lily hands him a cup from his bedside table. The liquid inside is dark gray and smells like dirty socks. It tastes like dirty socks.
"Bleh! This is vile! What is it," Severus asks, setting the cup back down.
"It's your medicine. It's supposed to help heal your head and ease your pain," Lily responds soothingly.
He must admit, his head does start to feel better. As his senses begin to return the most awful smell fills the air. At first he thinks it is the medicine, but then he hears a loud groan from the other side of the room. Looking over he sees Sirius and James lying in nearby beds being covered in something dark brown.
"Look Severus! They're finally getting what they deserve!"
The troll zits! He had completely forgotten about this part. Sirius and James squirm under the hands of the nurses. However, Severus does not know if he should feel worse for his enemies or for the women having to spread troll feces on them. Who is he fooling? This is the moment he had been waiting for. He had not envisioned himself lying in the infirmary next to them, but all that mattered was that he had finally gotten his revenge.
The End