Title: Living in the shadows

Pairing: SiriusxRemus

Fandom : HP

Notes: Obviously I don't own HP…if I had…well there would have been Draco and Harry in the end and not Harry and Ginny.

Prologue

Remus lay in his room in the basement of Sirius's house, Grimmauld Place. He had woken up after his first transformation after losing Sirius. He had been his closest friend, losing him not once but twice hurt…

He curled up on the stone floor and cried, he knew that Nymphadora Tonks had adored her cousin after finding out he wasn't a traitor. He wasn't blind enough to realize she didn't have feelings for him too…

He silently sobbed for his mate, his wolf had been particularly brutal last night. He woke battered and nearly broken. Both him and his wolf wished they had died with Sirius. Padfoot had been his first love, they had started to mend their relationship after he'd learned the truth of Peter's betrayal. His wolf had refused to believe that his mate would do something so horrible, he had been torn in two. His human heart had wanted to fall apart because of the lost of Sirius but his wolf wanted to tear the Azkaban guards to shreds and break Padfoot out.

How did it come to this? Why had he received this curse? He wanted to fix this…he wanted Padfoot to come back to lull his wolf back to submission. Only Sirius wasn't afraid to watch him transform; Peter stopped coming for a while after seeing him transform. James had been terrified for him but Sirius had accepted it. He knew it hurt Padfoot to see him like that but it was something that couldn't be changed.

Remus lay practically naked on the cold stone floor, his body aching as bad as his heart, no one ever loved him like Sirius did. How could he live without his mate? This time…it was for good, Sirius couldn't come back…

He wanted Sirius…he wailed, it came out as sad wolf song…a howl of pain…

Nymphadora Tonks sobbed, she had fallen for Remus knowing he was her cousin's mate. She had been willing to step aside for Sirius but now he was gone. Very few knew that they had been a couple, she clutched the letter in her hand.

'Dear Tonks,

If you are reading this I'm dead…I am sorry…

Hopefully it was a brave death, I wouldn't want to have died at the hands of misguided Aurors. I know that you love Remus, if he didn't die with me please look after him for me. Remy is shy and holds onto his emotions, he had a hard time believing he is worthy of being loved because of his condition. He is terrified he'll hurt someone, James and I were the only ones he trusted because he knew that we would keep him from hurting anyone.

Moony is the one you have to be careful of, I hope you never see Remy like that. It breaks your heart to hear him scream when he transforms; I have watched over many transformations. I was the only one Moony trusted, he had a special bond with my animagus form. I wish you had the ability to transform to protect Remy but you didn't have the chance that we did.

Don't let him fall into depression please…if he does he can't fight Moony. I know that when I was locked up Moony wanted to break into Azkaban and free me. That terrifies me, Remy is so shy and Moony is the aggressive one; I don't want Moony to try to avenge me. I love them both too much…

I love you Tonks, my adorable cousin. Asking you to look after my mate is hard, but I know you love him too. He deserves to be loved, even if he doesn't believe it himself.

Your cousin,

Sirius'

She had read it multiple times, since she'd received it. Remus probably wasn't aware Sirius would have written such a letter. She had spent the full moon on the stairs leading to the Basement room that had been prepared for Remus. She hadn't slept much, his screams of pain and longing broke her heart. It had sounded like he was trying to break out as well as mourn his mate. She hadn't had to courage and didn't think she could handle actually seeing him transform. Could she handle letting herself get closer to Remy? Would Moony allow it? He hadn't seemed to care much for her before…