Leanne Rorish entered the locker room after another long shift, yet for once not hitting the code black, which probably made the exhaustion kick in later than it would have with code black. As she unzipped her vest and took her stethoscope in her hands, she noticed dr. Willis flat on his back on the bench. She thought for a moment to wake him, but then decided against it, she'd love to lie down beside him and sleep as well, but Leanne had to go home – she always tried to go home.
She opened her locker and leaned against the one beside hers and placed her stethoscope on the top shelf. She removed her Angels Memorial vest and placed it on the bottom shelf.
"I thought about that hobby," Ethan said without opening his eyes.
Leanne jumped, turned around and placed a hand on her chest, where she felt her strong, yet fast heartbeats.
"You nearly gave me a heart attack," she said and tried to get her breathing back to normal.
"Not intentional," Ethan said and opened his eyes. He looked at Leanne over his head and smiled just a little.
"How'd you know it's me? It could've been anyone," Leanne asked.
Ethan smiled, he got up and sat up on the bench, turned himself so he was facing Leanne with his legs on either side of the bench. He leaned slightly forward and placed his head on his hands, he pressed his elbows on his knees and yawned.
"Your perfume. It could be either you or someone, who has spent a lot of time around you and the steps didn't sound like it was Mama," Ethan replied.
Leanne smiled and sat down on the bench beside him with her shoulder towards Ethan, her legs finally giving in after being on foot for most of the night. She let out a heavy breath.
"You smell good by the way, I like it," Ethan added.
Leanne smiled and quietly thanked the fellow doctor, she didn't say that it was the same perfume her late husband gave her on her last birthday together and even though she didn't like it that much at the beginning, after the accident she didn't even think about changing it.
"So, what about your hobby?" Leanne returned to the topic.
"Well, I thought about breakfast," Ethan said.
"Breakfast?" Leanne asked.
Ethan nod.
"Seeing as we work together long and odd hours, I could take you out for a breakfast, since we're both off now," Ethan said simply and lifted his head from his palms.
"You want to take me out?" Leanne asked to make sure she was hearing things right.
"To breakfast. We both need a hobby, so I figured we could start with something small until we'll find something better," Ethan confirmed.
"Okay," Leanne replied.
Ethan scooted himself closer to Leanne, so his knees hit her body and her fading perfume completely evaded his nostrils.
"Is that a yes?" he asked hopefully.
Leanne turned her head so she was facing him, raised her eyebrow, and finally nodded her head. A smile was playing on her lips, which mimicked Ethan's after she said yes.
"But maybe not today, I'm exhausted," she added sadly.
Ethan's smile fell, but only a little, because he realized she wasn't blowing him off and in fact he was exhausted as well.
"I get that," he said.
Leanne yawned and covered her mouth with her hand, to which Ethan responded by slightly pulling her towards him so her head hit his shoulder and he kept his arm around her shoulder. His palm fell to her thigh and she covered it with hers, she closed her eyes and leaned into him.
"Some other morning then?" he asked.
"Or night. The schedule really messes with the normal idea of night and day," Leanne added.
"Agreed," Ethan replied. "I still remember how odd having coffee at 6 pm used to be and going to bed at 7 am."
"You'll get used to it," Leanne said comfortingly.
"I already have," Ethan said.
"Good."
Leanne yawned again.
"I have to get up, otherwise I'll fall asleep right here," she said in all honesty.
"I've slept in worse places and they always did their job," Ethan commented. "With worse smell, noise and partner."
Leanne chuckled.
"I'm flattered," she said.
"You should be," he replied.
Leanne groaned and pulled away from Ethan. She stood from the bench and continued going through her locker. She found her handbag, phone and keys, pulled on her jacket and looked over the inside of her locker.
"Do you need a lift?" Ethan asked and stood from the bench.
"I usually take a walk," Leanne replied.
Ethan accepted the answer.
"I'll see you tomorrow then," he said and turned around.
"See you," Leanne replied.
Ethan almost made it to the front door, but stopped and turned around.
"Just one more thing," he said and walked to Leanne with intention, he took her hand just above the elbow and turned her around.
To her great surprise she was face to face with Ethan Willis. She opened her mouth to ask what Ethan had forgotten, but the question died, when Ethan pushed her against the locker and pressed his lips against hers. Despite the rather rough first move, his hands were gentle on her sides and his lips moved slowly, but carefully over hers. Leanne responded almost immediately and wrapped her arm around his neck, the other resting on his back. She realized that if she'd pull, then he'd move in closer, but unless she made a move then Ethan would continue keeping just enough space for her to reject him, which she didn't even think about doing. Instead she pulled slightly and Ethan stepped closer and covered her body fully with his.
Ethan was first to pull away, but he didn't step away from her. It took a minute for both of them to recover and process what had happened.
"What the hell was that?" Leanne asked with voice of determination, but her face betrayed that fact that she wasn't mad at all.
"Something I've wanted to do for quite some time. Somehow felt better than I imagined," Willis said casually with a slight glimmer in his eyes.
"I don't usually just kiss and tell," Leanne said quickly.
Willis leaned down and pecked her lips once again.
"Neither do I," he said. "I offered to take you out to eat, but you refused. I just had to do it or else I might have lost my nerve."
"It's a good thing you didn't then," Leanne said with a smile.
Willis tilted his head.
"Breakfast?" he asked again and raised an eyebrow.
Leanne shook her head. "I'm sorry, I'm just way too exhausted right now," she was apologetic.
Ethan agreed and nodded. "How about I walk you home then?" he asked.
Leanne nod.
"Okay, wait here, I'll grab my stuff," Ethan said.
Leanne dropped her bag on the bench and slammed her locker shut. She leaned heavily against the locker and closed her eyes. She did her very best to drown out the familiar feelings threatening to take over. It had been over 5 years since the death of her family, but she still felt guilty every time she developed feelings for someone or she even went further and said yes to a date. Kissing Ethan had felt like she was cheating on her family.
And for a moment she remembered something Jesse said almost a year before, when he was facing death.
"If I die today, my one wish would be that you live… Really live! I'm pretty sure that's their wish too!"
And maybe it was time to start living and stop this mere existence. Maybe it was time to leave the past behind and for once not feel guilty for being alive – to stop punishing herself for surviving – and use the chance she was given.
"You ready?" Ethan asked from the doorway and she snapped back into the present.
Leanne grabbed her bag and joined Ethan. They walked out of the busy hospital, where tiresome cleaning staff was doing their rounds, doctors carrying coffee cups and charts made their way, nurses ran around with bags under their eyes and family members of patients were pacing in different parts of the building.
The moment they left Hospital grounds, Ethan took her hand in his. Leanne accepted it, but she felt torn inside and she wondered if her memories ever stop controlling her life. Ethan noticed her hesitation and thought if maybe he was pushing her too far too quickly.
"Look, I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. I try not to listen to gossip, but I heard about the accident," Ethan said carefully.
"They have no business discussing it," Leanne said with anger.
"But they still do and I gave the remark to new kids not to discuss it. But I wanted to say that I will respect your past and your borders, but you have to tell me, when I'm going too far or pushing too much or doing anything you don't want to," Ethan continued.
"I will," Leanne promised.
"But I'm gonna put it in table just in case – I'm ready for everything. Well, I'm not about to give you a ring tomorrow, but if that's what you want, then I can think about it," Ethan said casually.
They walked past the familiar streets, until they reached the house, where Leanne lived. Ethan walked her up to the door by the flowers and they came to a stop.
"So, this is it," he said.
"Seems to be," she replied. Leanne partially hoped that Ethan would ask her out to a breakfast once more and she might agree, because she didn't really want to go back to her empty house.
He debated on asking her once more, he didn't want the night to end like that, but there wasn't anything and he surely didn't want to push her or she might start running backwards.
She smiled sadly.
Ethan leaned forward and kissed her lightly.
"Nighty night," he whispered.
Leanne had an inner debate, she was torn between doing what seemed right and what seemed easy. "Screw it," she said and leaned upwards, she stood on her tiptoes and kissed Ethan with passion she had forgotten she possessed. Ethan wrapped his arms around her back and stepped close to her, he pushed her towards the door until her back hit the wooden frame and she was pressed between the door and his firm chest.
"Keys," she said through the kisses.
"In your bag," he replied.
Leanne rummaged through her bag, when Ethan attacked her lips and that didn't help with focusing.
"Ethan, give me a moment," she said while holding back a moan.
Ethan pulled away and rested his head over her shoulder, when Leanne rummaged her handbag for keys. She took them out victoriously and pressed her lips against him again. Following her memory, she found the right key and looked for the lock, but her angle was rather uncomfortable and instead she pressed her keys in his hand.
Ethan broke the kiss and moved onto her neck, for a brief moment he opened his eyes to locate the right key and lock. Having done that, his focus went back to her. He used his other hand to push her hair out of the way and his stubble tickled her tender skin.
The door opened with a klick and Ethan reacted quickly to stop Leanne from falling through the door as he leaned onto her and she lost her balance. Both of his hands were around her waist and held her onto him.
"I got you, don't worry," he said easily.
Leanne stepped inside and Ethan almost followed, but she came to a stop. She had never brought a man back home with her, except Jesse and Jesse never counts.
There they stood – Leanne on the inside and Ethan on the outside of it.
"Leanne?" Ethan asked.
Leanne leaned forward and dropped her head on his shoulder, while Ethan stood still, he knew it might have ended like that, but he was not going to give up on her just because of that.
"Just a second," she said and took a deep breath.
"We don't have to do anything tonight," he said.
Leanne took her head from his shoulder and smirked. "But I want to," she said.
Ethan stepped over the door and pushed it close behind him. His backpack fell to the floor beside her handbag. Her fingers reached his jacket and pushed it over his shoulders and she let hers fall right beside his.
Both of them were still wearing their scrubs, which had certain smell of ER still on them with some blood spots.
He was expert in removing her scrub top along with the white long-sleeved shirt underneath and Leanne felt unsure as he had probably been much more active than she had been after the accident.
Leanne continued and she pulled off his shirt to uncover perfectly toned abs and flat chest. He had metal dogtags around his neck and he looked even more handsome. Suddenly she became aware of her own body and the fact that she was no longer twenty.
"You're gorgeous," he said like he'd been reading her mind.
Ethan ran his fingers over the newly exposed skin and ran his mouth on her breasts and moved her old sports bra with his teeth. He moved his hands downward and found the hem of her pants, which he then pulled down and let them pile around her feet. She kicked off her sneakers, and stepped away from the pile. In return she grabbed a hold of his belt, it took her two attempts, but she managed to undo it.
"Don't worry, we'll go just as far as you want," he said with a smile and kissed her.
Leanne hooked her hands around his neck, Ethan made no mistake and picked her up. Leanne wrapped her legs around his waist and Ethan placed his palms on her bottom.
"Bedroom?" he asked.
Leanne nodded. "Up the stairs to the right," she instructed.
Ethan headed towards the named room and carefully placed Leanne on the bed. He undid the zipper and dropped his pants, it took him a moment too long for his liking, but finally he got his army boots off and he got on the bed clad in his boxers.
"Ethan?" she asked.
He looked at her with those bright puppy eyes.
"It's been awhile since, I've been with someone," she confessed, silently saying that the last guy was her husband.
"Don't worry, I'll remind you how it works," he smirked.
She seemed satisfied with the answer and fully ready for the moment Ethan climbed on top of her and their bodies came to contact, but she wasn't expecting the shiver going down her spine at that moment and she was sure Ethan had felt it too, but hoped he would ignore it just like she had.
"You sure about this?" he asked gently, his blue eyes concerned, yet filled with lust.
"Yes," she said hoarsely.
Ethan kissed her neck, wrapped his arms around her back and lifted her to a sitting position, where he used the upper hand and pulled her sports bra over her head and tossed it somewhere on the floor. He moved his mouth on her body expertly, kissing down her neck and stopping at her breasts, where he took his time to give both of them equal attention with his mouth.
Leanne moaned and prayed she wouldn't come just from that, because that's how long it had been since she last felt like that. That was also probably the reason she was almost naked in her bed with Ethan Willis hovering over her and making her feel things she hadn't even dreamt of feeling again.
Her fingers messed with his short hair, while he continued his journey down her body to the point, when he reached her panties with his teeth and used his fingers to peel them off. He coaxed her legs apart with his hands and guided them over his shoulders, when he kissed her center and Leanne shivered once more.
Ethan smiled, used his fingers to tease her, then looked for her hand, which he found and intertwined their fingers. He lifted his head and looked at her.
"Hey, I'll try to be gentle with you," he said and sent her a smile, which sent shivers down her spine.
"You do that, and I might be gentle with you too," she smirked.
"Oh, I will definitely want that," he said and lowered his head.
***CB***
It was hours later, when Leanne Rorish started to rouse. She didn't open her eyes, but she felt that she was not alone. Her head was on shoulder, which was raising and falling evenly. She felt an arm draped around her lazily.
She didn't open her eyes, because she knew the dream would end then. For many mornings she felt like that, but the feeling disappeared, when she opened her eyes. She was certain she was dreaming again of her late husband.
Something happened.
The man made a snoring sound and that was alerting. Her husband didn't snore.
Leanne lifted her head and opened her eyes. She half expected to wake up hugging a pillow, but no, there was a man in her bed. It was Ethan, whose eyes were closed and he was definitely sleeping. Ethan snored again.
Leanne looked around, finally found one of her old t-shirts by the dresser, she carefully removed Ethan's hand from her waist and slowly, quietly moved out of the bed. She raced to the clothing items, pulled t-shirt over her head and shorts as well, which she used for sleeping.
Conflicted over her actions, Leanne leaned against the dresser and slipped down on the floor, her back against the dresser. Sure, she had been on dates before, but she had never brought anyone back to her house and slept with someone on the same bed she used to share with her late husband.
She felt guilty.
But she wasn't about to kick Ethan out because of it. The sex was good and in no universe he was the blame for the accident and the scars it left behind. It wasn't her fault either, but somehow she was the one paying the price.
Sudden change in Ethan's breathing alerted Leanne. He shifted and then sat up. His eyes scanned the dark bedroom, finally found Leanne sitting on the floor.
"What are you doing over there?" he asked.
Even though it was dark, Leanne could see his ripped muscles as he moved his hand to his hair.
"Thinking," she replied.
"Does that thinking mean that I have to leave?" he asked, hoping she wouldn't kick him out, but it was always the possibility.
"No," she said confidently.
Ethan breathed easily, as did Leanne.
"Will you come back to bed then?" Ethan asked.
Leanne got up from the floor and sat on the edge of the bed instead.
"You know, I am damaged goods," she said seriously.
"No, you're not," he replied. "We all have some damage, but it doesn't mean that all is lost. I see your scars and I will kiss all of them to make the pain go away. You are not tragedy, you're just emergency and luckily I know just enough of emergency medicine to fix you up."
Leanne smiled.
"So, now will you come back and sleep until we have to get back to Angel's?" Ethan asked.
She moved herself and got down beside Ethan. He moved his head beside hers, kissed Leanne's cheek, wrapped his arm around her middle and closed his eyes.
Leanne did the same, it felt odd enough to go from straight panic to such big calm in a matter of minutes. She felt calm, no panic, no betrayal.
The quiet snore Ethan made, made Leanne laugh and soon enough she joined him in slumber.
Maybe they had found a much-needed hobby in each other after all. Maybe it would be healing, or at least a start.
Two broken souls can put the pieces back together, replace missing parts and in the end come out stronger and better than before. Two broken souls can make one perfectly whole soul, shared between them, the soul as one, until the pieces stay together. Until then they'd be fine.