The Ugly Truth

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho in any way.

Chapter 1: Botan

Botan doesn't know why it has come to this. But everything's changed, and it's too late to back out now.

She raises a hand and wipes away the tears from her eyes, though there are still tear tracks on her face. She doesn't know why she was crying in the first place; she shouldn't be. Any of this isn't supposed to mean anything and yet,

she's sitting here, next to the bed, with her legs crossed over her chest and arms underneath her thighs, face wet with tears and eyes swollen after crying.

Heaving out a sigh, Botan forces herself to get up, reminding herself not to be so weak. She flops down to the bed, sitting beside someone else who is sleeping; someone who she could only recognize as the person who has completely ruined her… dirtied her.

Known as Shuichi Minamino in his human name, or as she prefers to call him with his real name –

Kurama.

And it takes every ounce of control she has to not take the pillow, and suffocate him to death with it.

As much as she hates him, she can't deny she still cares for him. That she still loves him.

Ah, there she goes again.

Why is she so stupid to still love him? Even after all he's done to her? Hurting her, playing her, violating her even when she doesn't want it… touching her in places anyone has never touched her before without her consent… and making her feel like a fool.

She wishes they've never done this. Oh, how she wishes that very much. But now that things have happened, she can't change them no matter how much she wants things to change.

They had been normal friends. Just friends, and they weren't the closest to one another either. Except she's always been attracted to him, and him, too, has always like her as more than a friend, which is why she had given herself to him in the first place, willingly. She didn't think it was possible, but Kurama has grown addicted to her since then, even to a dangerous extent. And Botan doesn't know, and remembers, how things started to change and how they began to get involved in this… 'relationship'.

Of course, she knows he wants her. He wants to make her his, he wants her to be one of his 'treasures' as he told her countless times before. But it doesn't help when he's taken her by force multiple times, so much so she's lost count how many times.

Botan doesn't know to what extent Kurama lusts for her, but she knows he'd do anything to make her his possession for as long as he wants, which is forever. He's said it before after all, that she's his and no one else's, and he'd never let her go. And she can't help but think she's stuck with him, having to suffer all the time for eternity.

She still remembers her first time; it had been with him, of course. She's never let anyone touch her before, except him. Kurama had been sweet then; he was gentle, and he took things as slow as possible. Foreplay, and all, he did everything he could to make her feel comfortable, leave her all hot and bothered just for him, and ready to take him inside her. The… love-making had been romantic.

It wasn't until he started to grow obsessed with everything about her, from her body to her personality, that things took a turn for the worst.

He'd get jealous, sometimes too easily, and he'd get angry with her. He'd force her to have sex with him, even during times she doesn't want it. Botan doesn't know why, but he says he can't get enough of her; that he's not satisfied no matter how many times they've done it, and that… it serves as her punishment everytime she thinks of going near any other guy. To Kurama, it may be his way of making her 'learn her lesson', as he says it but to Botan, it's his way of being overly possessive and deliberately cruel.

It hurts her to think that he's not what she's been expecting him to be. He's not the person she thought he'd be. Kurama… had always seemed so calm and collected, so sweet and such a gentleman, that Botan thought with him, she could get the happy ending she had been dreaming of.

But it seems fairytales aren't real, and reality is much uglier than that.

Botan now knows his true nature, behind all the politeness and kindness he shows. Kurama is a demon; a cruel demon. He's a thief, a murderer, and a liar. He's heartless, and he won't stop until things go his way. In more ways than one, he's more dangerous than Hiei is. She's not stupid, after all. Since they've been 'together', he has kept her locked somewhere in his territory in demon world most of the time – letting go of her only a few times to be outside or someplace other than demon world, especially after Koenma had been getting suspicious of what was going on. And since she's been with him almost basically all the time, Botan comes to know, and realize, the things he's done to others that not even Yusuke or Hiei knows.

She's seen him 'hunt'; he's killed more people than she could count, and tortured them in ways one can't imagine. She's seen him drag a body, give it to his plants, and watch in sadistic delight the way his cannibalistic plants eat the corpse. She's seen him purposely taking the drug which Suzuki made on more than a few occasions, just to let his demon side take over, because he knows Youko is far crueler than he is and there for, would kill more mercilessly than he would.

He loves watching the fear contorted in a demon's face before he'd take away their life, and she knows that better than anyone else does.

And all this things he does, he does it without anyone but her knowing. Somewhere no one could see him doing such cruel things. Their friends think he's just running a few errands for Yomi – after agreeing to work alongside the blind demon a few years after Yusuke's return. But he's not. Botan thinks Yomi knows what Kurama does, how he goes on a killing spree, but she doesn't think it bothers him much. Which sometimes make her wonder why demons are so heartless.

To think that sweet Kurama… is this 'monster', no one would have believed it. But the deity of death knows what he's done, and he scares her. He scares the life out of her, and she can't describe how disgusted she is with him,

and yet, she still loves him.

Despite knowing all that, she still loves him. Because she knows this 'monster' is still the same person she first fell in love with. Even though Kurama is cruel, he's still that kind, gentle, and brave person; he's still a true friend who would do anything to protect his friends. And she loves him, through all the madness and cruelty she's witnessed. She loves every bit of him; his good qualities and bad ones.

And as Botan turns her head around to look at him, bends down to kiss him on the lips… to which he wakes up, and kisses her back, she can't help but think she doesn't care.

Botan hates Kurama, even to the point she's thought of killing him more times than once, but, as sick as it may sounds, she still loves him more than she loves anyone in the world. To think that an innocent, pure deity of death like her would still love this cruel demon even after finding out his sick ways, is ludicrous. But it's the truth; the ugly truth, and the reality.

"You may think what I feel for you is madness, Botan… but to me, it isn't and quite frankly, I think it is… in essence, reality."

He's told her that before.

And she can't help but agrees.

Kurama grabs her by her arm, and pulls her down to the bed. He switches their positions, spinning them both around until he's on top of her, and devours her lips in a hungry kiss, to which she responds with equal intensity.

There's a thin line between love and hate. She's crossed that line multiple times when she's with him, but she doesn't mind.

Even if she has to suffer, and cry over and over again, she doesn't mind it, as long as she's with him. She loves this demon, and she's willing to spend her life with him, even if she has to watch him kill again and again.

She doesn't tell. No, she doesn't say a word about what she knows about Kurama, doesn't utter anything about their relationship. She'll keep this to herself for as long as she likes. No one will ever know.

Not one soul.

After all, they might think she's crazy.

But to her,

it is in essence,

her reality.