Weightless

Manage me, I'm a mess
Turn a page, I'm a book half unread
I want to be laughed at, laughed with, just because
I want to feel weightless and that should be enough..

It's been six weeks since I've been back now. Things have changed, everyone's changed. Dad has moved on and he seems happy again. Alex she seems normal like any other 17 year olds but it was me. I didn't feel normal, I didn't feel fine. I'm torn apart inside; it's like everywhere I look. Something reminds me of her, I want her here to hold me. To tell me that everything's going to be okay but she wasn't here and no matter what I say or do, it's never going to bring her back. She's gone forever and I'm trying so hard to not go back to….. That thing that I did, because when I do it. Not only am I hurting myself but I'm hurting the people around me. I don't want to cause them pain anymore, I'm relieved that they all seem to be getting on with life but it also made me angry it's like they've forgotten about her, making me feel alone like I'm the only one that actually thinks about her. I remember exactly everything she done but she was still my mum and it wasn't like it was her doing it, it was the…

''Like seriously, Dude my mum is killing me'' Katy said as she slammed her books down in her locker. She was going on about her mum not allowing her to go to her boyfriend's party.

''She's just being a mum'' I said with a shrug as I retrieved my history book from my locker.

''Yeah right. It's like she doesn't know how to have fun''

I was ignoring Katy's whining as I dragged my hood further down my face and stuck my earphones in my ear letting myself tune into 'That's what you get by Paramore'

That's what you get when you

Let your heart…

Katy reached over and pulled my earphones out and stared at me with annoyance.

''what?'' I asked as I paused the song.

''You're ignoring me. Eugh you can be such a pain in the ass sometimes'' she said

''Well sorry. I mean its life, mums don't say yes to everything Kay'' I said.

Katy is my best friend and has been since kindergarten, she has short light brown hair, brown eyes and she was slim/slender, she loves Kelly Clarkson and she's obsessed with Xavier Samuels. While I was away for a year, I never saw her. Well technically I didn't see anyone because no one came to visit me. No family. No Letters. Nothing. I stayed angry at them for a long time but when I came out I was too happy to be angry at them and it was not like they had a choice. Dr Smith made it clear that it was better if they didn't interfere. The school bell then rang; I closed my locker door and walked off to History. Even though I've been back for six weeks, today is my first day actually returning to Perfection High, I wasn't nervous about school but I was scared of what people would say? Of course they all knew why I was away for one year. Gossip travels fast in Fountain Falls, nothing stays a secret here. I took a deep breathe before opening the door to my history class. When the door opened it made a creaking sound that made everyone instantly turned around and looked at me. I gulped and walked over to Mr Robinson, he smiled at me as if he was happy to see me, but it didn't take rocket science to know what he was thinking ''she's back, she's healthy. Oh it's a miracle'' I thought to myself. Mr Robinson told me to sit at the back beside a pale faced boy with green eyes and dark black hair; I didn't say anything as I took my seat beside him. I took out my iPod and shoved my earphones in and used my overlapping hood to hide the evidence. I blasted some Paramore songs as I pretended to be listening to what Mr Robinson was saying.

It's lunch time now. I left art and as I walked through the corridors with my earphones stuck in and my hood and my hair hiding my face. I could hear people whispering and staring at me. Wow, I didn't expect all this attention but the funny part was, I'm not ashamed of what I did and why I was at that place because no matter how much they all try and understand how I felt when I was doing it. They won't understand because they've never felt the pain of loosing the most important person in your life, the pain of waking up and knowing they won't be there…. I know how I felt that night and I knew why I did it. Dr smith said there was nothing to be ashamed of because it happens all the time with teenage girls like me but it's up to me whether or not I'm willing to change and I am willing to change, because I don't want to hurt the people around me anymore, They've been hurt too much times already. Hurting them because I feel hurt and angry would be the most selfish thing I could ever do.

I entered the crowded cafeteria; I walked over to the table where Katy, Alana and Emily were sitting. I rolled my eyes as I walked over to the table, I hated Emily, she's always been jealous of god knows what and always uses every opportunity she gets in making me look like a looser. I'm pretty sure she's only sitting at our table to try and get some gossip or something. I took a seat and didn't say anything to any of them; Katy didn't even notice me as I sat down. She was busy texting away on her phone. Alana the auburn haired one looked at me and smiled, Alana was always sweet to me but she was an Emily wannabe. Emily flashed her blonde hair aside and just when I thought she wouldn't have said anything. The bitch opened her mouth,

''How are you?'' she asked with sympathy.

It made me sick to my stomach, I didn't need her sympathy. I didn't need anybodies sympathy. ''I'm fine'' I replied bitterly and before any of them could say anything to me I turned my music up louder blocking her and everyone out. I was listening to Weightless-Lost in a stereo. Katy rolled her eyes and I heard her mouthed ''ignore her'' as Emily and Alana stared at her with confusion. As I listened to the song and trying to block everything out, I stared around the cafeteria when I noticed the pale faced guy from history was staring at me. And normally when someone get caught staring at you, they would stop right? I mean staring is rude? So why the fuck was he staring at me like that? I rolled my eyes and turned the other way but I was tempted to turn around and see if he was still staring and as I turned around to look, he smiled and looked down at his tray of untouched food. I looked away feeling like a looser, he didn't look familiar but then again I haven't been in school for a year now because I was at that place, so I'm pretty sure he was new.

The bell then rang for Period 5. I got up quickly and grabbed my bag without waiting for Katy as she chatted along with Emily and Alana. When I reached to the classroom, Ms Carter wasn't there yet. I took my usual seat and rested my head on the desk trying to catch my breath. The song Weightless by All time low was blasting in my iPod; I reached down and switched it off as I focused on taking deep breaths in and out. The guy from lunch then came in and took a seat at the front; I stared at the back of his head then rolled my eyes and looked away from him. The classroom was silent for 2 minutes then kids started pouring in and taking their seats. Ms Carter then came in. When she started teaching, I stared out the window and blocked everything out….

*FLASHBACK*

''Get the fuck out! Get out!'' My mum screamed at me. I stared at her with shock expressions and watched as she injected something into her body, something I didn't understand, I didn't know what it was.

''Mommy'' I said with tears streaming down my face. I was scared, of what she was doing. I wanted her to drop it and hug me. Show me that she loved me and not that she love that thing more than me but she was shouting at me.

I ran over to her and hugged her but she pushed me off and I fell back on the ground. She stepped over me and dragged me up my T-shirt. ''You listen when I fucking talk to you'' she screamed at me as she slapped me across my face. I stared at her with tears streaming down my face; she wasn't the mother that I knew. She wasn't my mother, she was a monster.

She laughed at me hysterically and said ''did I give you something to cry about?'' I didn't answer her. I was terrified and scared, I wanted daddy and Alex to come home now but they weren't coming home now. They always left me with her, with her like this. ''Answer me when you speak to you Bitch'' my mother shouted at me and then slapped me across my face. I got up and ran out of the room and as I ran across the hallway to my room, she was chasing me….. I ran into my room and hid into the closet. I could hear her thrashing everything in room while searching for me.

''Baby come out. Mommy is sorry okay?'' she said and she sounded like my mother again. The woman I loved. The one that gave birth to me but as soon as I stepped out of my hiding place. She dragged me by my long dark jet black hair throwing me on my bed and she took up the pillow and covered my face with it. As she held the pillow over my face tightly, I couldn't breathe, I screamed and screamed but no one could hear me…

''NO!'' I screamed with tears running down my face. I was shaking and as I opened my eyes and looked around. I was in science, with everyone staring at me, ''I got to go'' I said as I dragged my bag and left the classroom. As soon as I was in the corridors, I ran and ran. I didn't stop running until I was in the girl's toilet. I collapsed on the floor and the tears escaped my eyes wildly, I clutched unto my body and cried out loudly….. Life wasn't going to be easy, everytime I close my eyes, I get a memory of her….. Memories I wish I could forget…

This is my first fanfic. So please review it and tell me what ya think.