There were so many reasons that Rose loved Teddy, and contrary to what everyone would think when she told them, it had little to do with his tough guy exterior-though to be fair, it had something to do with it.
It was because he touched her so gently, like she was made of glass, even though she had never expected him to. She had seen Teddy explode, more than once, throwing things and screaming into her Uncle Harry's face. She'd seen him turn over a table, topple chairs, punch walls. So it came as a shock when he touched her as if she'd crack in his arms, and kissed her just as gently.
It was because he looked at her like she was the only girl he'd ever seen. It was because he didn't care that there were eight years between them. It was because his hair was a different color every time she saw him, and the full moon did something to him that she didn't fully understand. It was because she couldn't tell anyone yet about them, and she loved that there was this secret she had, something no one could guess, something no one would ever guess. It was hers to keep until she decided to tell.
It was because he told her that she was the only one who had ever made him feel really and truly safe.
Rose caught a glimpse of familiar dark blond hair disappear around the corner into the Great Hall in front of her, and the knot of anxiety in her stomach loosened just a little. Talking to Scorp was just what she needed. He was her best friend-an unlikely one, but hers all the same-and he always knew just what to say to make her feel better. She slid in next to Scorpius at the Hufflepuff table and shook out her dark brown hair; she looked a lot like Hermione, but had rather more of Ron's mannerisms and attitude towards schoolwork. Her parents had mentally sorted her into Gryffindor or Ravenclaw, and though they had been surprised that their eldest child turned out to be a badger, they weren't unhappy.
Scorpius looked just like his father, and though he carried most of the physical Malfoy traits, he was unlike them in almost every other conceivable way. He was shy, soft-spoken and more concerned with how someone felt than what their blood status was. He was constantly worried about living up to his family's ideas of how he should be, and even though he was in his sixth year, he still cringed at the memory of his grandfather's reaction to his being sorted into Hufflepuff. While Lucius had ranted and raved about demanding a re-Sorting and shame being brought to a long line of Slytherins, Scorpius distinctly remembered a strange look in his father's eye. Had it been pride?
"So I've decided that I'm telling my parents over Christmas holidays," Rose said as she helped herself to some breakfast. It was a few days before holidays, and an air of excitement had been drifting through the castle.
"Are you sure you're ready to do that?" Scorpius muttered, taking a bite of eggs. Then something else occurred to him. "Is he ready for you to do that?"
"He has to be. I mean, I haven't spoken about it with him yet, but I don't want to keep lying to my parents. It's too much work. It's been eight months already, I'm surprised Hugo at least hasn't found out," she said sullenly, thinking of her little brother and how sneaky he was, how he usually found a way to know everything he shouldn't.
"They might not take it as well as you want them to," Scorpius said.
"I'm not anticipating them taking it well at all. Dad, especially. I know they're not going to be happy. Teddy's so different from the way that everyone thinks he is, though, Scorp. He's got some hangups, but who doesn't? I want people to see the Teddy that I see," Rose said, thinking of a future where she and Teddy could sit next to each other at dinner and let their hands brush without worrying if anyone saw, of marrying him and not seeing her father's face turn purple, of people realizing that he wasn't a loose cannon.
To her surprise, Scorpius scoffed. "Rose, you're fucking delusional. No one's ever going to see Teddy Lupin the way that you see him. It's impossible. He's nice to you, he's gentle around you, but to the rest of your family, he's just the guy who drinks too much and is impulsive and disappears whenever the going gets rough."
Rose felt a blush creep up her neck and she glared at him. "You've never even met him, Scorpius, you can't say that stuff about him!"
"You've told me everything, I don't need to meet him," he said quietly, going back to eating his food.
Rose turned away. "Fine, I don't have to tell you anything anymore." It wasn't like Scorpius to snap at anyone, especially her; he was usually so mild-mannered. After a few moments of silence, she turned back to him and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Hey. Are you okay? I know you always get nervous when it's time to go home for the holidays. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have unloaded that on you."
He offered Rose a smile and then grabbed her hand. "I didn't mean to rain all over your parade. I'm sorry, Rosie. I just don't want you to tell your mom and dad and find out that it was the wrong thing to do. If you think it's best, I'm sure it'll be okay. It will work out."
She nodded, paused for a moment, and then said in a gentle tone, "You know, maybe it's time for you to tell your parents your secret. They might be more understanding than you think."
"No." Scorpius said quickly.
"They could surprise you, Scorp, you never know. You said before your Dad didn't lose it when you told him you didn't want to work in the Ministry when you're older."
Scorpius sighed. If there was one thing he couldn't handle about Rose, it was her inability to understand how very different their two worlds were. His father might be more open to having his son toe the line of the status quo when it came to being a Malfoy and a pure-blood, but he still came from a long legacy of strict upbringings and expectations, and some of those were still in place for his son. "Not wanting to work in the government is one thing. I'm supposed to meet a beautiful girl and get married and make at least one suitable, cultured, intelligent, attractive heir to the Malfoy line. I am not supposed to be queer and fall in love with the boy who looks just like my father's ex-arch-nemesis. The same boy who is your cousin, if you remember."
Scorpius looked over at the Slytherin table, where Albus was laughing effortlessly at something someone was telling him. He was messy, reckless, impulsive and prone to spontaneous bits of joy or anger. He didn't exactly know where the attraction came from, but maybe it was because Albus seemed like he had parts of a life his parents hadn't counted on. The son of the most famous Gryffindor had landed himself in Slytherin, that had to have caused some sort of wave.
"I still don't understand why you would want Al, he's been the most annoying little sod ever since we were little...but anyway, I just hate seeing you upset and nervous about going home. And lying about who you really are."
He shrugged. "One day, maybe I won't have to. I should go, I forgot my book upstairs. I'll see you in Defense Against the Dark Arts, okay?" He gave her a quick hug and then left the Hall. Rose watched him go and then went back to eating her breakfast, lost in thoughts of her best friend and how miserable his holidays at home were. She knew Scorp didn't mind his mother and father much, but his relationship with his grandfather was terrible.
"I can't wait to see the look on Dad's face when he finds out you're dating a Malfoy. He's going to fucking flip." Rose was jolted out of her thoughts by the arrival of Hugo, who threw himself into the seat next to her and stole a strip of bacon off her plate. It took a few seconds to register what he'd said, and then she had to laugh, it was just that absurd.
"Well, there's no reason for you to look so excited, because I'm not dating a Malfoy," Rose said.
"Oh, really? You and Scorpius have been spending an awful lot of time together, then."
"He's my best friend. We've been best friends for years, you should know that by now. Just because we're of the opposite sex doesn't mean we have to date," Rose said, rolling her eyes.
"Everyone else seems to think it does, and so do I. Especially lately, you two've been awfully touchy-feely. I was mostly just hoping to see Dad's reaction, though," Hugo said wistfully and Rose glared at him.
"Dad knows I'm friends with Scorp, too, stupid. Don't you have class or something? I have to leave soon."
"Free period this morning. Yeah, he knows you're friends and doesn't care, but didn't he say he never wanted you dating...ever?"
"He was kidding." Rose said, not entirely sure that he had been. She didn't really consider herself a 'Daddy's girl'; she and Ron had a fine relationship, but she had always been a little closer with her mother. He'd always been very protective over the thought of her dating, though. He appeared to be old-fashioned like that.
"Whatever helps you sleep at night," Hugo said in a skeptical voice.
She shot him a glare and then gathered all of her things. "I have to go to class."
The first time Rose realized she liked Teddy, she was ten. It was Christmas, and James had come home from Hogwarts for the first time since term had started. He was full of information about the castle the younger ones had been waiting their whole lives to go to, and was intent on sharing it...but it was all the wrong information.
"Well, when you first get there, you have to get Sorted into one of the Houses. There's Gryffindor, where only the brave and smart and...really handsome people get in." James said, a smug smile on his face as he cast a look at his Gryffindor scarf.
"That was nice of them to let you in, then," Rose said innocently and Albus laughed. James shot her a look.
"Then there's Slytherin, those are all mostly jerks, and Ravenclaw, the smart people are in there."
"Isn't there one more?" Hugo asked.
"Yeah, Hufflepuff. I'm pretty sure that's just where they stick people who aren't brave or smart or mean, though." James said seriously and Rose wrinkled her nose. She didn't know much about Hogwarts, but she had always thought of it as somewhere where there was a spot for everyone, where no one was left out because everyone belonged.
"Well, how do they know which House you belong in?" Albus asked nervously.
James got a rather devious look on his face and said, sounding quite like his Uncles Fred and George, "Well, it starts with this really hard test-maths and stuff- and that's how they find out if you're in Ravenclaw, and after that there's a challenge to find out how brave you are-"
"James, I know you're not telling them lies about Hogwarts." Out of nowhere came Teddy, his hair a bright blue, wearing a Weasley sweater and Muggle jeans. The whole group had been collectively holding their breath, but at the presence of Teddy, they let it out.
"I was just teasing," James said with a pout.
"Well, stop. They'll be there soon enough and they don't need you scaring them about it, okay? Especially Rose and Albus, it'll be here before you know it." He gave them a smile and then sat on the floor next to all of them. "Now maybe you should tell them what really happens..."
As Rose listened to Teddy talk of a hat that knew what went on in your head, secret passageways and trick staircases, classes where you turned animals into goblets, something grew inside of her. Something that, at the age of ten, she didn't quite understand.
Three days later, Rose was sitting across from Scorpius in a compartment on the train, getting closer and closer to arriving home for the holidays. They were both staring out the window, saying nothing, but as the train started to slow and pull into the station, Rose mentally shook herself.
"Hey," she said, and Scorpius looked over at her. "Everything's going to be fine. Don't let your grandfather bother you, okay?"
Scorpius nodded, but still didn't say anything.
"So...did you do any more thinking about telling your family? Because I really think it'll help you get along better with them, and maybe you don't have to tell your grandfather just yet-" she stopped when she saw the look on his face.
"If I want to tell them, I will. You don't have to keep pushing it." Scorpius said, annoyed.
"I'm not pushing it." Rose said. "When did we start fighting? We've never fought before."
"When you started trying to get me to come out to my family. I'm not ready for that, Rosie. You know that." he said quietly, earnestly, looking into her eyes and trying to convey just how not ready he was.
"It's never going to be easy, Scorp," she said gently. The train came to a stop, and the sounds of excited teenagers ready to go back to their families filled the hallways.
"I never said that it would be. I might never be ready." Scorpius stood up and grabbed his knapsack off the luggage rack. He started to leave, then stopped and turned back around with his hand on the door. "We shouldn't talk about this anymore. We both know that talking about your problems is what this friendship is about, anyway." He yanked open the compartment door and left, leaving behind a confused, angry and upset Rose.
When Teddy turned seventeen, he became an unpredictable presence in everyone's lives. There were times when everything was good, when he was calm and got along with everyone. But then there were times when he came to family functions or something of the like with a frown on his face and determined, it seemed, to cause trouble. When he got like that, he almost always got into a fight with someone: Harry, usually, but occasionally it was Ron, or Ginny or Hermione.
Everyone always tried to hide these fights from the younger kids, but once Rose walked right in on one.
They were having dinner at the Burrow, and Rose's Grandma Molly sent her inside to get something that she had forgotten. When she went inside, she saw Teddy and Harry arguing.
"You show up late and you show up drunk, what the fuck goes on in your head, Teddy?"
"Spare me the lecture, you're not my Dad."
"We've been over this a thousand times, I'm not tryingto be your Dad, but I've always been there for you. Ted, if anybody understands what it's like to miss their parents, it's me. Talk to me about it."
"This has nothing to do with my Mom and Dad."
"Sure."
"What's that supposed to mean, sure?"
"It obviously is, but drinking like this isn't the way to deal with it and-"
Teddy shoved Harry, and Rose stumbled backward a little bit, tripping over something that made a noise and alerted them to her presence. Teddy immediately stepped back and ran his hands through his hair, dark purple that day, and offered her a shaky smile. Harry did the same, but shot Teddy a glare and said under his breath, "Go wait for me in the living room, we're not done with this." Then he said to Rose, "Come on, let's get you back outside with the others, Rosie."
After that, he disappeared, like he always did after one of those fights. Sometimes he only went away for a few weeks, other times a few months, but that particular time he was gone the longest...he didn't come back for six months.
When Rose thought about it now, she wondered if he had stayed away because he couldn't bear that someone besides Harry had seen him like that. That she had seen him like that.
Rose was sitting upstairs in her bedroom, looking around at the room that didn't really tell much about what kind of person she really was. There were a few awards for getting good grades and a couple of pictures of her and her family, some of her friends from school, but there was hardly anything else personal. She felt like this room spoke of a girl that was hard-working, concentrated and serious. It's not that those were bad qualities, or ones she didn't want associated with her, but she didn't really feel like that was her. She felt...wild, dangerous, impulsive.
Or maybe that was only the way she felt with Teddy.
She took out her quill and scrawled a quick note-I'm home, we need to talk. I'm ready to tell my family about us. Love, Rose-and wrote Teddy's name on the outside. Then she attached it to the leg of their family owl, Pigwidgeon the third, and sent him off with it. Twenty minutes later, he was back with a reply. I'll be in the backyard at 11. Can't wait to see you. T.
Three hours later, her parents were in bed and she heard the soft crack through her open window that meant someone had Apparated nearby, and she tiptoed downstairs as swiftly and softly as possible. And there he was, impossibly tall and handsome and looking drained, his hair a surprisingly normal dark brown and disheveled and standing on end. She ran at him and he held her tight, and it made her wonder how anyone would ever be able to say this thing between them wasn't right. He kissed her and she was surprised to feel butterflies and sparks, and she finally, for the first time all night, felt like she was home.
"I like your hair that color," she said quietly, not wanting to wake up anyone inside, and he smiled and gave her another kiss. She laughed when she pulled away, noticing that his hair had turned lime-green. "That works, too."
"I missed you," he said in a low gravelly whisper, a shy smile on his face. "Not the same when you're gone."
"I missed you, too. You look tired, are you okay?" she asked.
"I'm alright. The full was last night, it was harder than usual." Teddy shrugged. Rose mentally kicked herself; she should have known the lunar schedule, should have known that last night would be hard on him. He wasn't a werewolf, but he always got a little...wolf-ish at the full, and it took a lot out of him.
"I'm sorry, I should've-" He cut her off with a quick kiss.
"Don't be sorry, I knew you were coming home tonight and I wanted to see you." Rose smiled and led him over to the back corner of the yard and they sat. "So...you want to tell your family?"
"I have to, Teddy. I can't keep hiding this, you, from them anymore. I don't want to. I love you." Rose said, laying her head on his chest. He nodded and slipped his arm around her.
"I love you, too. I just...I've done a lot of bad shit, Rosie. Stupid shit. My relationship with your family isn't what it should be. I don't know if I'm done doing stupid shit or if I'd even take it all back if I could, but this isn't going to be pretty. Merlin, especially with your father." Teddy sighed and tilted his head back, staring up at the stars.
"I want them to know, they have to know, and they have to be okay with it! I'm not a little kid, I'm almost of age. We're not that far apart." Rose said angrily.
"I know, I know. Look, tell them whatever you want. If you want me to be there, I will. Just tell me."
"No, I should do this on my own." And if you're just sitting there on the couch, my father might actually kill you, Rose thought. "Tomorrow."
Teddy nodded and pulled her closer. "It's cold, get over here."
Sometimes, Rose thought about how different her life would be if she'd ignored Teddy that day during their spring vacation and he'd come over to her house with Harry and the rest of the family.
They were celebrating Hugo's birthday, and the whole family had been invited over. Teddy was sitting in the corner of the living room, looking for all the world as though someone had dragged him, kicking and screaming, over to the Granger-Weasley household. Rose was almost sixteen then; she still had a crush on him, but she was prepared to act on it. So she went over him.
"You look miserable," she said, sitting down next to him on the couch. He offered her a smile.
"I'm okay."
"I haven't seen you in a long time."
"Well, you've been at school." He said, staring down at his feet.
"I meant before that. Where've you been?" she asked, hardly able to believe that she was being so daring.
"Here, there." he said cautiously.
"You disappear sometimes," she muttered, and he caught her eye and nodded, slowly.
"I have to, or I'd go even more nuts."
They spent the rest of the day talking, for hours, only being interrupted for cake and ice cream and the occasional person butting in. She told him about how hard it was to be the daughter of Hermione Granger, because everyone expected her to be incredibly smart and gifted and in love with school. How she loved her father but he drove her crazy and was impossible to talk to. How she wasn't sure what she wanted to do with her life and it scared her.
He told her about how alone he felt, how alone he'd always felt, despite being raised by his Grandma and the Potters and Weasleys. How strange his whole life had been and how he'd always yearned for what Rose had. How he felt like a terrible person for thinking those things when he had a lot of people who loved and cared about him, and how sometimes-too often-he drank to forget about that.
When everyone was getting ready to go, Teddy whispered to her, "I don't want to stop talking to you."
"I don't want to stop talking to you, either."
So, ever since then, they really hadn't.
"You're WHAT?" her father screamed, and it was remarkable, Rose thought, the shade of red his face was turning. Her mother said nothing, owing to the fact that her jaw had dropped.
"I'm dating Teddy Lupin." she repeated quietly, but she refused to look down. She kept reminding herself that there was nothing to be ashamed of.
"No, you're not. Not as of right now you're not. I'm going to kill him."
"I am, for eight months. I just thought it was time you and Mom knew. And you're not going to kill him!"
"He's twenty four, Rosie!" Hermione burst out, apparently having found her power of speech.
"Twenty four, oh Merlin..." Ron muttered, standing up and starting to pace, running his hands through his hair.
"We're not that far apart in age, Mom and...besides, it doesn't matter, it's just a number."
Ron scoffed. "Just a number, honestly. You'd think we were stupid, it's not just a number. He's an adult and you're just a child. Besides, Teddy is not...okay."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Rose asked coldly, narrowing her eyes at him. "Not okay?"
"Teddy's got a lot of issues, alright, and I don't want him around you. Period. Not as a boyfriend and not as anything else, either."
Hermione interjected, saying "Ron, Teddy's had it rough, come on..." but Ron shook his head.
"No, Hermione. I told Harry a long time ago, that boy's bad. Something happened to him, something went wrong, but he's not right. I know he's got a lot of hangups, losing Lupin and Tonks when he was a baby, but Harry had the same happen to him and he's just fine. I told Harry when the kids were younger and the drinking and the fighting started that I didn't think he should be around them, but he assured me everything was fine. Clearly it wasn't."
For a few moments, Rose couldn't say anything. Her face was flushed and she imagined that she resembled Ron a great deal at that point. Finally, she regained enough composure to spit out. "Teddy is not bad, you've no idea what he's like or what he's been through! You don't have a clue."
"Sweetie, I do have a clue, that's what I'm telling you. Teddy's bad, he's no good for you and I don't want you with him." Ron said, and he came over to Rose, but she backed away from him.
"I love him. I'm not sorry and you two can't stop me from seeing him."
Hermione came nearer to her, now. "While I don't think Teddy's entirely bad-" Ron muttered something about Hermione making him the bad guy-"I don't think you should be with someone who's so much older than you. You're at different spots in your life and one day you'll look back and wish that you'd spent your youth with someone closer to your age."
"How do you know Teddy isn't the person I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with?" Rose asked and her parents shook their heads.
"Because I'm deciding right now that you won't be seeing him anymore. Merlin, you'd think I stuttered or something..." Ron said and Rose glared at them both.
"You'll never know the way he is with me," she said angrily and then she went upstairs to her room and slammed the door.
The rest of her holiday break went similarly. She stayed in her room all the time except for meals, and after a few days her parents stopped trying to come in and talk to her. Every time they did they were met with the same response-I love Teddy and I won't stop seeing him-and eventually they backed off...even Ron.
Christmas day was the one exception. Hermione insisted that Rose go over to her grandparents' house for Christmas dinner, and she complied. Teddy would be there, she knew, and he was going to need her there to stop Ron from punching him. It was amazing, really, that he hadn't actively sought Teddy out or gone to Harry or Andromeda. He had mostly just sat around downstairs brooding about what he'd do when he finally saw him...Rose had heard him.
Therefore, he was very surprised when he unceremoniously and without any warning walked up to Teddy in the middle of the room and punched him.
The last time Rose saw Teddy during her holidays was the day before she was to go back to Hogwarts. It was freezing, but they had to meet in the backyard again. They sat under the same tree and she allowed herself to really let go and cry since the first night she'd told her parents and they had reacted so badly.
"I never should have told them, things are even worse now, I'm so sorry," she sobbed. He didn't say anything for a few moments, just held her tightly.
"It'll get better. It has to."
The next day, Rose got on the train, saying nothing more than a short 'goodbye' to her parents. She had no idea where she was going to sit, no idea where Scorpius was or how he was, as she hadn't spoken with him over the holidays, either. She didn't know where they stood. Then she saw him, sitting in a compartment alone, and he looked up at her, and their fight didn't matter. She felt it leave her, both of them, and she went inside, closing the door firmly.
"You look like hell," he said with a smile, and she supposed she did. She hadn't slept much.
"I know, I just...this break was awful." Rose said, sniffling.
"Telling your parents didn't go well?" he asked in a concerned voice.
Rose laughed, a short bitter laugh. "That's the understatement of the century. Oh, Scorp, it was awful, you were right. I never should've told them. My Dad did nothing but rant and rave about how awful Teddy is and how I'm not allowed to see him anymore and then my Mom said he was too old for me and I spent the rest of holidays in my room. Oh, and did I mention my Dad punched Teddy on Christmas day?" She sighed and ran her hands through her hair. "I'm sorry, Scorp, I just saw you and realized how much I missed you and...how are you? How was your Christmas?"
Scorpius thought of his holidays, of his decision to tell his mother and father that he was queer, and the looks on their faces. That his grandfather had overheard and screamed about what a disgrace he was and his Dad has just shut his eyes and pretended the whole thing had never happened, and his own decision to do the same. "Oh, my Christmas was fine. I'm sorry yours was so awful. What else happened? You didn't get to see much of Teddy, then?"