Title: Honor Among Thieves
Pairing: Leonardo da Vinci/Girolamo Riario
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters or anything to do with them; I'm only borrowing them for a short time and making them kiss.
Warnings: Modern AU, sequel to my own madness, adult content, action adventure, caper fic, humor, comedy, drama, more adult content, foul language, con men and the authority figures who tolerate them
Summary: A sequel to Thick as Thieves
Author's notes: I've been itching to edit Thick as Thieves ever since I posted it because the mistakes embarrassed me. So, I've cut a bit, made it a little tighter, and that made me want to write these guys again. Absolutely no one was asking for a sequel to Thieves, but I had so much fun writing them anyway. They're my humorous version of Da Vinci's Demons because I'm sure Season 3 is going to provide us with all the angst and tears.
Living with da Vinci, Riario had studiously ignored many of the comings and goings, the shouting and fighting, the parts of various bizarre machines strewn everywhere, the paints in unimaginably hard to clean places, even the miscellaneous explosions that periodically broke their crockery.
But when he came back early from getting them coffee because he'd forgotten his frequent shopper's card and spied da Vinci slipping into the bathroom with a hacksaw … well, that was a bit too much.
He politely knocked on the door as he opened it. Leo looked up, exactly like a small forest creature caught in the center of his lane when he was speeding down the road in his Jaguar. Really, the man shouldn't have been able to even create a face that looked that pure and innocent. He had his foot on the sink counter and the hacksaw poised over the ankle monitoring bracelet.
"I thought you'd come up with a 'workaround' for that?"
"Well, I did. Only thanks to someone informing the FBI, they've apparently upgraded their system yet again and this is my last resort." He shook the saw with a twang. Riario sighed.
"And you're haring off to?"
"It's Andrea; he needs me."
"You thought the best way would be to ask me to get you takeaway coffee specifically at the cafe you enjoy that's fifteen minutes away…"
"So that would give me half an hour to cut this off and be away, yes." Leo didn't bother to try and act repentant.
"Why didn't you just explain the situation to me?"
"Would you have let me go?"
"No."
"And there's your answer," Leo shook the saw again. "Now, are you going to give me a hand or risk me cutting off my limb or, at the very least, giving myself tetanus?"
Riario crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe with another sigh.
"Do you really think I'm going to let you escape from your probation? Not only will it be a permanent black mark on my record, you will land back in prison for the rest of your sentence."
"If you catch me."
"I can stop you. You haven't left yet," Riario pointed out.
Leonardo brandished the saw at him. "I could force my way out."
Riario stood up straighter and rolled his shoulders back. Leo looked temporarily distracted as the button-down shirt pulled tight across Riario's chest and he purred, "I'd like to see you try."
Leo threw the hacksaw and dropped his foot with a stomp while Riario only winced at the damage to the bathtub when a chip cracked off the rim. "Fine, do whatever you want. But I have to help Andrea. You know he's been like a father to me."
"What's going on?"
"I don't know for certain," Leo ran his hands through his hair and pulled at it. "He called—frantic—early this morning while you were running. Apparently he's in some kind of trouble with men he owes something to...he wasn't clear, but I know he wouldn't call unless he was desperate. He never asks for help. He needs me."
"Why didn't you just tell me?"
"It's second nature to manipulate you," Leo admitted. "I knew you'd never approve it."
"And you were right. But, I can contact Zita and get a team from the office to—"
"No! No, you can't send agency thugs to ride in to his rescue. You'll get him killed."
"Then let me come with you."
Leo shook his head harder. "Never. I can't ask you to help. I don't even know what I'm getting into."
"And I've learned those are the times you most need someone trustworthy at your back," Riario said.
Leo looked him in the eyes then shook his head again and picked up the hacksaw. "If we're at an impasse, am I going to have to use this?"
"Oh, Artista, it would be far easier for you to use this." Riario pulled out his wallet and held up what looked like a tiny USB device.
"Is that the— you actually have the release— where the hell have you been keeping that?! I've gone through your things a hundred times," Leo cut himself off at Riario's raised eyebrow, but he didn't bother to act ashamed. "You have had the key to deactivate my ankle monitor all along."
"Yes, and if you would like me to use it now, you must promise me three things."
"Name them."
"You must return, safely and under your own power, within one week. You must make contact with me at least once per day. And I will contact someone in the agency to offer you assistance in case of—"
"You mean you'll offer someone to spy on me."
"— any emergency where you are in need of immediate extraction of you or Andrea," Riario ignored the angry interruption. "You cannot go running blindly into danger without some kind of—"
"I have done this kind of thing before," Leo said bluntly.
"That was before," Riario said quietly. "You have other options now. How do you even plan to leave the country without your papers or the multitude of false passports I confiscated?"
"I have my ways," Leo returned. "I have one or two identities that you haven't burned yet, and if it comes down to it, I can think of at least four ways to commandeer a plane."
"Why am I not surprised?"
"You should know better."
"That question was strictly rhetorical." Riario took a step closer and Leo backed up until he was almost sitting on the counter. "Do I have your word that if I let you go unmonitored, you will return here in a week? And get a message to me daily with your status?"
Leo snorted. "You're making it sound like a military exercise. I've handled bad deals gone wrong more times than I can count, and I haven't—"
"There is a first time for everything," Riario said and reached out to him. Leo jerked his head away, but Riario only cupped the back of it, pulling him gently toward him. "And I will get someone from the agency that I can trust to shadow you, just in case the famous da Vinci charm fails for the first time."
Leo grinned a little and kissed him. Riario kissed back and didn't pull away when he felt Leo try to slyly remove the key from his hand. He did hold it tighter and bit Leo's bottom lip in retaliation. When Leo pulled away, Riario made a gesture toward his leg. "I will be the one to remove the ankle monitor and take full responsibility for this."
"Oh, really? I was curious how you were going to explain to the Americans when my blip fell off their radar."
"And yet, you were going to leave me here to face the fallout alone, without explanation."
"I was going to leave a note." Leo still wore the unconvincing look of guileless innocence. "Well, I would have called. Probably texted. Eventually. At some point, maybe," he finally allowed to Riario's raised eyebrow of suspicious disbelief. "And I will return."
"You will," Riario agreed, "because if you get yourself into fatal trouble again, I will bring you back just to kill you myself. After I take care of those responsible, of course."
"Of course." Leo grinned. "That's the most romantic thing you've ever said to me."
"You are mine until you finish your probation and give me the Key. I won't let anyone else have the satisfaction of killing you."
"And just like that, the mood is gone." Leo turned so he could raise his leg and suppot his foot against the counter. "The sooner you let me go, the sooner you'll see me again."
Riario shook his head but used the small electronic device to turn off the monitoring anklet then easily unbuckled it. Leo exhaled as if relieved of an immense weight. "You're not taking your friends along for the adventure, are you?"
"Who? Zo and Nico? No way," Leo answered. "I honestly don't know what Andrea got himself into, and until I can get there and ascertain exactly what kind of situation it is, I don't want to drag them into danger. Again."
"I will go with you."
"You can't."
"You will find that I can."
"No, Girolamo, you can't. If the Americans find we've both left without warning, they'll be gunning for you, too."
"I can have a cover story in place in eight hours. We can—"
"No, you can't. Just stay here and trust me, for once. I can do this."
"You can do this?"
"I can," Leo assured him then reached up and pulled his face close, giving him a kiss that was as hot and dirty as any Riario had ever received while still fully clothed. He kept his eyes closed as Leo stepped away, heard him leave the bathroom and continue down the hall. He didn't open them until the front door slammed shut. Then he went to work.
Riario wasn't truly surprised when the first twenty-four hours passed and Leo didn't call. He wasn't angry, merely disappointed when another day then most of another went by without a word.
He had called Zita as soon as Leo took his leave, and she was quick to jump into action. Since she was working in Europe, she was able to access much more intelligence than he could and quickly found that Leo's mentor Verrocchio had been spotted in Florence. A man matching Leo's description was seen disembarking a train in the city twelve hours after he left the U.S.
But, when Riario asked her to personally attend to da Vinci, she informed him she couldn't leave her assignment in Paris. Then he got in touch with one of his few friends in the agency, Alfonso, who happened to be in Italy and promised he would try to find da Vinci or find someone who could help Verrocchio.
"Why weren't you on the first plane out yourself?" Alfonso asked him.
"I made a promise."
"To a con man who is on probation? The same one you used to curse about continually? The very man you once threatened to cut the balls off and make them into—"
"Yes, well, things can change," Riario interrupted before he was forced to remember all the maddening incidents involved with chasing da Vinci and company around the world.
"So, you're just going to sit at home and wait for him like a good little wife?"
The paintbrush Riario had been clearing from the kitchen table snapped as his fist tightened. "Alfonso, if you wish to continue that line of conversation, I can visit you personally in Florence and help you to see reason," he said in his calmest, most terrifying tone.
Alfonso was quiet for a moment. "I'll do what I can to find the old man, and I'll talk to some of my people, see if I can get the story straight from our end. And if I see da Vinci sniffing around, I'll be sure to send him your love." He ended the call quickly before Riario could growl out another threat.
For three days, he roamed the apartment, poking indiscriminately through Leo's things in retribution, but it didn't appear he was hiding anything about Verrocchio. He did find a few items he confiscated and would ask about later, but overall, Leo didn't seem to have any huge secrets. It was mildly disappointing. He telephoned Zita repeatedly until she told him to shut up. But, he absolutely did not, in any way, miss da Vinci.
He was sitting down to another lonely dinner when the landline of the apartment rang. Riario stared at it for a moment and couldn't remember the last time it had rung. Although he suspected a telemarketer, he finally answered with a quiet greeting.
"Hello, darling! Oh, how I've missed you!"
"Leonardo?" Riario had to ask because the loud, cheery voice sounded little like the man he knew.
"Of course, who else were you expecting? You're not sneaking out with another lover while I'm on vacation, are you?"
"Da Vinci, are you concussed?"
A hearty laugh answered him and Riario had to hold the phone away from his ear at the volume. "Oh, you little minx. That sense of humor is one of the many reasons why I love you."
Riario figured it was a perfect representation of their relationship—whatever that was—that Leonardo first said the words "I love you" as code to let him know the situation was fucked up beyond repair.
"Either you are drunk, high, or you've gotten yourself into a horrible predicament. Are you being held hostage?"
"That's right, my dearest beloved."
"Are you still in Florence?"
"Mm-hm, I miss you terribly too."
"Do you know who has you?"
"Of course, darling of my soul."
"Do they still have Verrocchio?"
"That's right, love bunny, I'll look forward to you wearing the lingerie when I get home."
Riario sighed. "What do they want for ransom?"
"Nothing that I can give. My heart belongs only to you."
"I'm on my way, da Vinci."
"I'm not sure that's such a good idea. But if you wait there until I get home, Daddy promises to bring you something nice."
"You don't have a choice."
"I just wanted to remind you to please feed Nico, my cat, and take Zo, my dog, for walkies. And tell him Daddy said to give him a shovelful of sun-laden camel snot. Do you have that? Write it down. Tell Zo he needs a shovelful of sun-laden camel snot."
"Da Vinci," Riario growled.
"I have to get back to work now, my hot muffin of passion, but I know you'll take good care of my babies and yourself. I may be gone for a while, but I shall return soon to your loving arms, your ardent embrace..."
"Da Vinci, do not hang up this phone until I can trace—"
"And don't forget, I love you." Da Vinci's voice sounded almost normal, then he made several loud kissing sounds and disconnected the call.
Riario wanted to beat something. On second thought, Riario wanted to beat da Vinci and then every, single person who had touched him and taken him captive. He knew objectively that if someone dared to hold da Vinci against his will, he should spare them a moment of pity. The artista was perfectly capable of torturing them in all manner of creative ways that would make them beg to release him—if they didn't kill him first out of sheer annoyance.
He called Zita, found out she couldn't trace the call, then had her arrange his transportation to Florence. He packed as he left a series of angry voice mails for Zoroaster on the only mobile number he could find. He was ready to leave for the airport to wait for his midnight flight when a belligerent and slightly drunken Zo turned up at the door.
"What, in the name of all that is unholy, are iyou/i doing calling me, you twisted fuck?" Zo blinked when Riario slammed him against the wall. "Where's Leo?" he gasped against the pressure of the knife at his throat.
"He's being held hostage in Florence. Do you know anything about this?"
"What? Hostage? Where?"
Riario released him when his confusion proved all too real. He gave a brief summary of the situation, but Zo insisted he didn't know anything about Verrocchio or the trouble he was involved with. He did blanch when Riario repeated the code phrase Leo had used.
"Oh fucking shit." Zo dropped into the nearest chair and scrubbed his hands over his face.
"What does it mean?"
"It means he's in trouble all right."
"What does it mean?" Riario punctuated each word of the question with a jab from the tip of his knife into the chest of Zo's coat.
"Ouch, you sick sadist fuck!"
"Tell me what Leonardo was attempting to tell you."
Zo glared at him and rubbed his chest. "It means he needs me to bring the safety deposit box key for the bank in Florence." Seeing Riario's blank look, he explained. "We've made little boltholes all over the continent, filled the boxes with emergency supplies, then we split the keys. It was a way of ensuring neither of us could ever steal all our life savings from the other. We both need to be there with the keys to open the boxes. Leo must need something from the one in Florence, that was the code. I have to go."
The knife was back at his throat before he could twitch. "No, you will not be going. I will."
"Like hell, you—"
"I will rid you of that abominable beard and the ability to grow one permanently if you say one more word," Riario said lowly. "You will give me the safe deposit key and all the instructions. Then you will go home and make sure Nico and Vanessa are safe and you will stay with them until you hear from me again. We don't want to leave anyone else close to da Vinci vulnerable to his enemies."
Zo opened his mouth then shut it quickly when Riario's knife flicked off a patch of beard very close to the skin.
"Good dog," Riario growled. If looks could kill, he would have been dead from the glare Zo gave him. But, Zo did return less than an hour later with a key along with the bank's name and box number.
"Tell Leo to be careful. He's made a lot of enemies out of very important people."
"I am well aware. I will do everything within my power to keep him safe." Riario turned from locking the apartment door to see Zo's odd look.
"So you really ido/i care about him, in your own creepy, stalkerish way."
"I haven't invested the majority of my professional career and these last months trapped in the United States to merely give him up to the first Italian thugs who take him."
Zo laughed sarcastically. "You can hedge all you want, but I can see the truth now. You actually have feelings for Leo."
"Feelings don't begin to describe it," Riario said earnestly. "Rage, fury, the extreme desire to maim and kill—those are all feelings, I believe."
"Just, take care of him. Leo is trouble, always has been, always will be. And he has a highly unfortunate way of attracting like trouble."
"I am all too aware," Riario sighed, and they went their separate ways after Zo wished him, "Good luck. You'll need it."
END NOTES: Thick as Thieves was always my homage to White Collar because I imagined Leo as a really genius version of Neal Caffrey. I've only watched the first couple seasons of White Collar, but this story may bear some resemblance to any episode of that series or my faulty remembrances of them.