A/N: I earlier planned to include this arc in something which stretched out to Act 3, but that will have to wait. Yes, I have a grand, evil plan. For the meantime, enjoy more silliness. Also, a proofreader might be nice. Sigh.

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to EA and Bioware. Derivative work is mine.

Hawke mechanically threw a flurry of spirit magic at the Revenant before her, kept busy by the heavily-armored Aveline. That and several skeleton archers as well as reanimated corpses. Meanwhile, she was in an inconspicuous corner, knocking out the wind out of every poor sod which came near her with a mind blast or blown to bits with force magic, her favorite as of late. The rest of the party, Isabela and Merrill, have taken rear guard in the adjoining hall, taking care of an Arcane Horror and shades. It was all for the better; Merrill did not want Tarohne's tomes destroyed but would not protest either, so she just chose to stay out of sight whenever they stumbled into one.

The mage prepared to end her attack with a flourish, twirling her father's golden staff in her hands, gently brushing over the womanly-lumps of the adorning figure at its end. Her mind momentarily went blank.

"Watch it, Hawke!" Aveline cried in pain as her companion's ghostly spirit hand grazed her flank. The guard-captain sidestepped in time, barely avoiding being bludgeoned by the Revenant. Aveline drew her torso back and with the momentum, slammed her shield against the reanimated corpse and sent the Revenant staggering.

Hawke looked dazed for a second and cried an apology. Anxious for redemption, her eyes scurried for the enemies upon Aveline; a staggered Revenant, two corpses, and three archers at a short distance. A smug smile curled her lips as she raised her right hand, lifting the hapless corpses with warped gravity. She even jumped up, sending the corpses twice her lift, then threw her hand down violently shortly before landing. The enemies mirrored Hawke's action with exponential force; the skeletons shattered upon impact while the Revenant's body produced a sickening crack. The demon-possessed corpse feebly lifted its arm in a final effort, only to be thwarted when Aveline lopped its head off.

"You sure took your sweet time," Aveline smirked, jogging with her companion towards the other half of the party. A hand held the side which was earlier grazed by Hawke. "Your magic's gotten ridiculously strong but your aim's piss-poor. Try practice." A cry from Isabela sent the pair running.

"I said sorry, but at least I'm not a man," Hawke breathlessly replied with a grin then readied her staff for enemy leftovers. Instead, they were greeted by swirling mists of what looked like shades, a deader Arcane Horror and Isabela cursing while face-first on floor, her ass sticking out on the air. Standing in the center of the scene was a panicked Merrill. Hawke was alarmed for a moment until she felt retreating nature magic into the elf. The scenario before her then made sense. Hawke's jaw tensed, holding back a chuckle.

"Isabela! Are you hurt?" Merrill cried as she ran to her friend's side, who had just shifted into a more dignified sitting position. She knelt beside Isabela and began fussing over the woman. "I'm so sorry! I didn't see you and I was being surrounded I had to ensnare them but then you were there after all oh, Mythal, you're bleeding! Hawke!"

"Just a scratch, Kitten, no worries." Isabela winced, looking at her torn boots and the broken skin beneath. "And I was sneaking, so of course you'd have trouble seeing me."

"That never happened before even if you're sneaking, Isabela." Aveline shot a look at Merrill then back to Hawke. "Same thing with our other mage. This one here just grazed me with her magic wand."

"Staff, Aveline, staff." Hawke wiggled her golden rod. "Wands cannot be used as bludgeons in case templars are looking." She smiled as her hands glowed with a blue light, ignoring Aveline's obvious displeasure. "Do we need to draw lots?"

Aveline shook her head as she flipped open her pack. "I'm fine with a potion. Mind Isabela."

"And no scars please." Isabela raised her hand while her similarly colored eyes flickered with amusement at their leader's new golden weapon. Her gaze followed the staff as Hawke leaned to the pirate's side, joined by a worried Merrill. "And I must say, I like your naked woman on a stick."

"Belonged to my father," Hawke snickered as she unbuckled one of Isabela's boots. Merrill was soon on the other and eased both off from her friend's legs, deftly avoiding the cuts. "I finally figured how to fix it the other day," Hawke ended as she drew her hands to the injured areas.

"Must've been a horndog to have that kind of staff. Now I know who you take aftAAAH!" the raider threw her head back when she felt a rush of cool sensation pouring onto her leg. The cuts immediately stitched themselves and were gone without a trace.

Isabela rasped for several moments, before exhaling loudly, wiping beads of sweat from her forehead. "Maker's balls, Hawke! You're so much better at this than Anders."

Hawke only smirked as she ran a finger on Isabela's newly healed skin. "There, nice and clean." She picked up a boot and handed it to the pirate with a wink. "And has there been any doubt? I am Hawke, after all."

Isabela turned to Merrill, utterly serious. "Does she do that during sex?" She completely missed the flaming blush on the elf's face for she again turned to Hawke, who had gotten back to her feet and was already headed for Aveline. "You totally should. I just came!"

"Sure you're fine with that potion?" Hawke nervously smiled at Aveline, a slight blush on her face. "Isabela's vouching for my skills."

"I'm sure, the runes helped," Aveline replied, putting the emptied potion bottle into her pack while she looked curiously at her friend. "Are you alright? You've been..." she trailed off as she looked over Hawke's shoulder and gestured her eyebrows at Merrill. "Distracted."

Hawke discreetly looked to her side and watched Merrill, who had by then returned to fussing over Isabela, buckling the latter's boots for her. She turned back to Aveline and leaned over to her ear. "Somewhat. May I have a word with you later, in private?"

Aveline rubbed her temples while frowning. "If this is what I think it is, you're better off with Isabela's words."

Hawke shook her head as she raised a finger between her lips and pleadingly looked at Aveline. "No, I'm sure your words are what I need."

"Fine, at the barracks." Aveline sighed. "But I warn you, if you're hoping for an obscene favor I'll tell Leandra myself."

Off-duty guardsmen and women saluted their guard-captain as soon as she entered the barracks with her noble shadow, Serah Hawke. Aveline gave a slight nod to her subordinates, while Hawke drew her hands behind her back and gave the guards her most charming smile. As soon as Hawke closed the door behind her they heard the muffled beginnings of an argument regarding who the noblewoman was smiling at. "Still got it," Hawke beamed while polishing her fingernails on her robes. Aveline only sighed. They have left Isabela at the Hanged Man as the pirate insisted she needed a stiff drink after her first non-sexual orgasm. Merrill likewise opted for the tavern, obviously feeling guilty for the accident with her bestfriend.

"So, hurry up, out with it." Aveline began as she leaned on the side of her desk, crossing her arms on her chest as she addressed her friend. "If this is related to Merrill I can't imagine what I have to offer."

Hawke dragged a chair towards Aveline, setting it faced to the latter then wearily plopped on the furniture. "If you were this forward with Donnic you'd never had to endure my jests," Hawke chided with a small smile.

"Like how you're beating around the bush now?" Aveline smiled at the memory. "Only the two of us here and you have my absolute confidence."

"Alright, alright," Hawke raised both of her hands, gazing at Aveline with the same pleading look earlier. "But promise not to laugh. Or get angry, for that matter."

"Now that you've asked it's become harder to promise but sure," the guard-captain replied, her patience thinning. "Just say it."

Hawke tilted her head down to stare at her lap. Her fingers fiddled with the luxurious fabric of her robes, then finally looked up to Aveline with a question.

"How did you manage three years without...you know?"

Aveline's green eyes widened, then narrowed, anger and mortification mixed but evident on her freckled face. Hawke instinctively drew back into the chair but true to her word, Aveline kept her cool. "I...kept busy. Keeping the peace and your unending errands. Why?"

Hawke sunk her face into her hands, hiding a very rare expression: embarrassment.

Realization struck; an uncharacteristic sadistic grin appeared on Aveline's face. "No wonder you're distracted. It's been, what, three months since Merrill?"

"Three months and six days." Hawke groaned.

She held her sides, one tingling from the earlier graze and then with the tension of restrained laughter. "I can't imagine why you should do without. You have Merrill and you're but a notch above Isabela."

Hawke kept her hands on her face as her elbows rested on her knees. "I've stopped sleeping around since Merrill but..." she paused, groping for words, but ended with a sigh. "I could never get her to relax enough and she always gives off this," the woman straightened up, put on a wide-eyed expression quite similar to the elf's and shook her hands before herself. "'Oh no I'm not ready yet please don't violate me' aura."

Aveline strangled a fit of laughter by biting her bottom lip, ending with a red face as she did so. The desperate look on her friend's face nudged the guard-captain to regain her composure. She coughed into her armored hand and regarded Hawke in a serious tone. "I'm touched you came to me with this, Hawke, but my previous situation wasn't like yours. For one, I didn't have a partner, willing or not. And aren't you used to..." Aveline shuddered. "Deflowering hapless maidens? Should Merrill be any different?"

Hawke frowned. "It's very different. I just ran off and away from whatever tangled emotions that came afterward." She stared off to the side, her blue eyes reflected a deep longing, a look even Aveline understood. "I love Merrill. At least I want her first to be special and only when she's ready." Hawke bitterly snorted, "Unlike mine."

Aveline raised a hand to her forehead. "Do I even want to ask?"

"Let's just say I've relived my first with those hapless maidens you mentioned, except that I gave them a pleasant time." Hawke chuckled, easily discarding her earlier bitterness. She stood up from her seat, giving the guard-captain a small curtsy. "Just keep busy? Sounds easy enough."

"I hope so." The taller woman sighed. "No offense but as I've said, you're but a notch away from that slattern."

Hawke laughed heartily then gave Aveline a tight hug, which was returned by the latter. "None taken. But previously, I must add. I'm a changed woman!" Hawke pulled back from her friend, then pointed to the staff she carried. "For the meantime, the only breasts I'm caressing are mine and this shameless woman's."

Aveline shook her head, not bothering to hold her laughter. "You're hopeless, Hawke. Also, keep your eyes and ears open. You've always been apt with everyone's business except yours."

"Oh, Aveline, you know me so well." Hawke's hand rested on her friend's breastplate then whispered close to her ear. "Maybe I should steal you from Donnic instead?"

The guard-captain laughed harder, gently pushing the other woman away. "Truly hopeless, Hawke. Now get out and good luck."