-Four ways to die by loving you-
(Storge, Filia, Eros, Agape)
4. Agape-/Greek/-translated as "love: the highest form of love. Unconditional love.
Another day another adventure, and yet another civilization safe and happy. They've done well.
Resting in the overwhelming silence of the TARDIS, Clara was caught trailing off her book and stealing glances of a tall, dark figure leaned over the console. Endless repairs; then off they'd go to save a new world; to marvel at a new wonder. Their routine; one miracle after the other.
She got up, slowly dropping the book on her seat; eyes never leaving the Doctor's turned back, busy at the console. It was nearly time for their next trip, and it was that moment Clara always found excited her the most. That anticipation, the adrenaline, the unknown.
She stood behind him, motionless; until she could be sure he sensed her eyes on him and waited until he carefully disposed off his tool. He then glanced behind his shoulder just enough to confirm her relentless gaze and asked:
-"So where to next, Clara?"
-"No."-she said almost cutting him mid-sentence. –"Your choice this time. I want what you want Doctor."-she paused a bit assessing his firm stance, for his face was shielded.-"So what is it you want?"
Oh, that was so far from an innocent question and they were both aware of it. She used the silence and insecurity of his body and moved closer.
-What did he want?-Doctor repeated her question in his turmoiled mind. He wanted to show her everything.
He wanted to show her how subtly different the Sun's beams reflected through the same strand of her hair on each of the different planets he ached to take her.
He wanted to show her how the air smelled just that tiny bit more exotic and strange with each passing world she discovers through him. How flowers glistened that much more beautiful with her gaze upon them as if they gained extra vigour and gleam.
How could he even begin to explain?
How could he tell her that he wanted to make her smile and then keep doing that for the rest of time because her smile was his air.
How he would like her hand never to leave his; her touch gentle on his skin to linger and never fade. Permanent, just like the mark she left imprinted in his hearts. Burned in, unyielding, unwavering and constant.
How he craved her touch and breath on his neck; soft, warm and moist forever. No. Forever was not enough. He needed it to last more than that, and then some.
He wanted to take her to the end of the universe just to catch that feeling of her presence when all else is dead and gone but her soul and form; then steal her burning touch and cherish it forever more. To feel what no one has ever felt before, with the ferocity no one could endure and then never let it die out. He is selfish, but he needs it.
How could he explain his need of that sparkle in her eye he elicits in rare moments, but doubtlessly lives for. That sparkle in her brown eye that shines suddenly when he shows her wonders.
He needs to see how her face lights up every time their eyes meet, just before she averts them out of shyness. He craves that light like oxygen, but forgives her for the deprivation because in that moment it is replaced with a telling inhale he wants to hear as a lullaby song. Soft moan she prays to go unnoticed, but is music to his ears when he's falling asleep. And her sudden hitch in breath and rapid heartbeat that escapes while he brushes his hand on hers.
He wants to study her intently and profoundly because she is art. Misunderstood, invaluable and ambiguous and he wants to cherish her and prize her. Keep her and own her. Hold her and protect her. Save her and never lose her. Make her come undone and then gently piece her together once more in his arms.
He wants to hold her until all the oceans have drained away into nothingness, and all the snow has melted; and he wants to have her until all the birds have flown, and all the flowers have blossomed.
He wants her to feel the alien breeze on her skin and watch her flesh tremble and shiver from that rough, cold and unexpected sensation just so he can have an excuse to embrace her; keep her soft body tight against his. Keep her warm and never let her go.
He wants to take her to a planet where they only speak in rhymes so that he could whisper soft poems in her ear and sing beautiful melodies while she sleeps, to keep the bad dreams at bay.
He wants to kiss her until all the rain has fallen and all the stars have faded. He wants to get lost in her. Never to be found again.
He wants to feel her breath in his mouth as a reminder of that laughter he stole from her just before their lips met for the first time. That laughter that bounced of the silence and echoed back, until he claimed it for his own; feeding on it.
He wants to run the tip of his tongue over his teeth and taste that laughter, to make it last a bit longer. And he wants to tell her how weak he becomes in her arms, hopeless. How fragile his soul feels when she touches him.
He wants her to know how much she is beautiful to him, and he wants to tell her that 12 times a day. Because even though he knows it, she may not be aware.
He wants the Sun to set each night, and rise up again in the morning only to catch them in the same position-entangled and as one. He wants to taste her until all the stars in her eyes have passed in orbit and the moon shines so bright it drowns them away. Then he wants to continue tasting her while clouds obscure the moon, and a light breeze rushes through his bones making him shiver and pull her closer.
He wants to steal her breath endlessly through the night, replace it with his own and then steal it again.
He wants to smell her gentle skin until he is all but lost in the shattering feeling, and time itself consumes him finally and completely. He wants all and forever.
He wants to sculpt her in his hands through each passing hour of darkness; trace the texture of her body and create her every night in his bed.
He wants to make her body and soul come alive over and over, until she last forever, and he wants to burn her signature in his soul next to the stamp of her name on his hearts.
He wants to burn for her and for his flames to protect her little smile for as long as je lives. He wants her…
-"You…"-escapes his mouth and goes almost unnoticed until he realizes it was said aloud.
-"Doctor?"-Clara asks confused.
-"…to be happy."-he recovers scratching his curly hair and hiding his betraying eyes.-"Is that what you want Clara?"
She is caught by the question. And afraid.
Because she wants so much and for so long.
She wants to teach him of her love, convince him of her desire. Make him see her passion and feel her care.
She wants so much more than she is daring to imagine. She wants to ask him for a soft kiss or a brush of his fingers on her cheek.
She wants to feel his hearts race when she comes near. See his eyes flare and dare to make a first step without fear of him running away or rejection.
She wants to feel her fingers tangle in his curled chest hair and tickle him until he can't take anymore.
She wants to experience the raw power of passion in his arms. To feel his body pressed against hers, trembling over her; towering and encompassing her.
She wants to feel him move inside her, hear his breath stutter and come short and then warm her neck as he moves against her once more.
She wants to feel his heaving chest brush against hers, his arms search for anchor on her hips, and his head for shelter in her neck when he finally succumbs and lets go so she can hear her name in that voice, at that moment; and she wants to hear him say it.
She wants to know all of him and she wants him to want her. She wants…
-"You…"-she whispers and reaches to hug him from behind, placing her head on his shoulder.-"…to show me something amazing."
Her answer does not make him turn around. Instead, he feels her small body encompass him as her arms come around his chest. A soft embrace he does not flinch away from, but raises a hand to hold in place.
-"All of time and space, and all you want to do is hug me?"-he finally turns around so he can properly put his arms around her gentle frame.
She is smiling at him now, content and safe.
-"Until you are really for more."-she sighs and drops her head on his chest and in that moment, all the wonders come to them.