-it goes on-
He doesn't know what hurts more: his arm, or his heart.
It's not just the bone in his arm that has shattered; his heart has too. Into a millionbillion itty-bitty little shards of h e l p l e s s n e s s and s o r r o w.
He thinks about what the cheating, slimy Brit had said: it's a clean break. It's almost funny, because it's not a clean break, damn it, it's not. He has lost her. He has lost the single b.e.s.t thing in his hell of a life.
(It's almost funny, but he's. not. laughing.)
She cheated on him.
Thinking of Emily's skittish, concerned look makes him want to punch something-or someone (Wren was a likely candidate). He doesn't want Emily's pity. He wants answers. From her. From Spencer. He doesn't get it. How can she be kissing him passionately one night and breaking up with him in some stumbling resignation the next day; how she can kiss him, tell him shutting you out is killing me, then ignore his calls?
"She's been…confusing lately," he had told Emily. But, because he loved her, he didn't care. He would wait. He vowed he would. She was worth it, to him.
But apparently, he wasn't worth it to her.
God knew, she could have been having secret, clandestine meetings with Wren one night, then kissing him, listening to him tell her—the girl he loved—his secrets and his hopes and his dreams the next. And that hurt more than anything-that she'd actually let him believe she loved him.
"I love you so much."
"I wanted to say that first."
It was one of the happiest memories of his life-but now, he realized, it was just that; a memory. It was never coming back.
(And so .he.)
He is leaving. Leaving Rosewood, the heartache, the turmoil (Spencer) behind. He has no reason to stay anyway, now that she doesn't love him anymore (Who knew if she ever did).
"…Out of Rosewood?"
"Well, that depends."
"On what?"
"Different things."
"Well name three."
"I can only think of one right now."
She was his rock. His one tie, the one thing he'd stay for.
(So what was the point of. staying. now?)
He leaves the truck—the center of their-his-happiest memories, with her, along with a note.
He signs it:
I will always love you,
-Toby.
(She may be good at keeping secrets, but he always tells. the. truth.)
As he gets on his motorcycle, bounded for God knows where…he allows himself one last, lingering thought.
I hope you're happy, Spencer. I love you…
Her happiness was all that mattered to him.
As he leaves the only home he's never known-though it's as far from home as possible-the rain begins to fall, an ominous sign of goodbye.
(Why is there a 'good' in goodbye?)
Now all he has left are the three words he means so deeply and everything else left unsaid.
He wants her to love him. But it's f.a.r. t.o.o. l.a.t.e…
"I can sum up everything I've learned about life into three words: it goes on."-Robert Frost
-:-
Hey everyone! I know this is pretty choppy and weird, but I had to get something down after last night's episode-Toby's back!-and I love this quote, for some reason, though my sister thinks it's depressing.
Anyway, for any of you wondering, 'these words cannot describe' will be updated soon. Promise. And while I'm at it, THANK YOU to spoby4eva, Layla Wolffe, PurpleWings71, Waffleluver, loveasalways, sunshinebrighterdays, whispered touches, lostinthemusicx11, and ameriker for reviewing 'these words cannot describe.' You are amazing!
Until the next time!
Love,
~Ana