Carve - 2/50 for the Halloween Boot Camp Challenge

"How am I supposed to do this? How do muggles do this?" Ron looked down at the mess he'd made, eyeing the front of his robe with distaste.

"Oh," Hermione looked at the pumpkin, trying to find something positive. When she couldn't find anything, she gasped, went for the blunt route, and said, "Ron, you've absolutely murdered it!"

He looked at her, expression full of apology. "Is it that bad? I'm sor-"

She grinned at him to communicate that she was amused, setting her glass of water down to move beside him, and he relaxed. "Does it look bad?" Hermione asked patiently.

She waited for a few seconds and saw him nod his head. "Very. It looks very bad. Terrible, actually."

"It's not so bad," she allowed with a grin. "Let me fix it."

"What do you need me to do while you perform surgery on the patient, Doc?"

"You will move away. Far away. And you'll stop watching those awful muggle dramas. And, for goodness' sake, that orange pumpkin..." She struggled for a word.

"Goop?" He supplied helpfully, reaching up to touch his hair with disgust.

"Yes. Goop. The goop clashes horribly with your hair. Do go rinse it out, please."

"I'm a wizard, am I not? I'll spell it out when it dries."

"Do you want me get into bed beside you tonight and ever again?"

He nodded enthusiastically, and she nearly burst into tears of laughter when a droplet of pumpkin juice dripped into his eye. "Ow, ow! Hermione... Ow! Help!"

She picked up the glass of water she'd been drinking from, holding it at the ready. "Open your eye!" Hermione shouted, throwing the water simultaneously.

He reeled back and then blinked, "Well," he said, "It worked. Thank you. Does this mean I don't need a shower?"

"I don't very well want to be sleeping next to a man who smells of pumpkin, do I? Do me a favour - and I guess yourself, too, and wash it out."

He took her not-so-gentle prod and left the room.

Then, she stepped over the puddle that had formed on the floor and eyed the pumpkin.

Now, what could she do to fix the disaster he'd created? A few seconds passed, and something rustled from just outside the kitchen. "Ronald!" She called sharply, "Stop spying. I told you I wouldn't use magic so that we could see who would win, so I won't. Go. Shower."

A sulky, "Fine," reached her ears, and then a mumbled, "How does she do that?"

"I heard that!" Hermione called happily, taking in his subsequent swearing with a sense of glee.

Then she sighed and turned to the pumpkin. It had deserved better, she had to admit. No pumpkin, no matter how small or disfigured, deserved to be quite so... annihilated was certainly not too strong a word. Without letting herself think too much, Hermione put her brain and problem-solving skills to good use and began to fix it up.

A few minutes passed before she heard Ron's thumping footsteps travel down the stairs.

"Wow!" He sounded delighted. "You made an inferi-pumpkin!"

She frowned, cocking her head, and suddenly grinned, "It's supposed to be a zombie. But thank you anyway."

"Do you want me to find the candle that we're going to put in there?"

"Are you asking me for permission on whether you should go and handle fire? Um... no."

"Oh, come on!"

"Fine. But if you burn the house down..." She left the 'again' and the threat open-ended and he gulped.

"Point taken."

"Now hurry up," she urged, putting the final touches on the masterpiece (if she did say so herself) she'd created. "You don't smell like pumpkin anymore and I believe I'm going to need a lot of help washing all this goop off of me."

He gulped, turned as red as his hair, and rushed through the drawers in the kitchen, searching for the candle.

"I'll be upstairs," she said, giggling. "You know what to do with the pumpkin, and I'll be waiting."

Five minutes later, when he still hadn't come up, Hermione, clad in nothing but her bathrobe, opened the window and then stuck her head out to see how Ron was doing with the setup. She wondered if he'd put the jack-o-lantern where she'd wanted it.

Her nose wrinkled at the strong smell of smoke, and she groaned deeply.

"Ronald Billius Weasley!" She thundered. "If you actually burn the house down... I will make you look like the pumpkin did before I fixed it!"

A shouted expletive reached her ears, and she closed the window, satisfied. Then she saw black smoke curl under the door, and shook her head in despair.

"Oh, for Merlin's sake! Aguamenti, aguamenti! You're sleeping on the couch until I say you can come back! Aguamenti," she muttered a smoke-clearing spell. "Aguamenti! You utter moron! Aguamenti! Idiot! Imbecile! I told you not to burn the house down again!"

"I love you, too, 'Mione!" His voice barely reached her ears.

"The spell is Aguamenti," she reminded, sounding a little hysterical.

There was silence, then, "Oh! Right. Thanks." She shook her head and continued casting spells, wondering if setting the house up for Halloween as she'd done as a child was worth all the hassle.