My name is Ranma Saotome, and this is the story of how I died.
From what I've learned, if you're seeing this, you probably know a good portion of my story, at least how I got to this point, so I won't bore you with the details. Needless to say, after numerous battles, hurdels, strains on my sanity, and never being able to find a way out...I had given up on happiness. Heck, I'd mostly given up on life. Had it come honorably - saving others, or gloriously in battle - I probably would have welcomed death.
But not like this. I had climbed to the top of the building - nearly 50 stories - to try and get away from my fiances, and was out on the edge trying to convince them to back off. I'd no intention of jumping or anything like that, but it seemed fate had other plans. The part of the roof I was standing on crumbled, and I fell outward.
I tumbled a few times, too far away from the building to catch hold of anything. I could hear the girls screaming for me, but it was too late for them to do anything. I was too high up. At one point, I saw the ground rushing up towards me. As I continued to tumble, I looked upward and saw the penultimate insult added to injury. A piano had somehow wound up being pushed out a window and was going to land on me. Staring up at it, I couldn't help but laugh. "If this were a cartoon," I said in disbelief, having too much discipline to scream in fear, "this would be kinda funny!"
A voice spoke from nearby. "Ahh," the sound of a carrot being chewed, "why don't we do smothing about that, doc?"
Time seems to slow down as I turn my head to the side. A cartoon rabbit is standing on empty air next to me, munching on a carrot. He seems familiar...but then I realise the situation, and I can't help but laugh. "Great! Now, on top of imminent and humiliating death, I've gone crazy! Completely around the bend!"
"I wouldn't say so," the rabbit replied. "A little looney, perhaps, but then you always were, weren't you? If you'd care to embrace that, I might just have a place for you. And," he gestured to the ground, the piano, everything, "it would get you out of this situation."
I looked at the rabbit, thinking carefully. It sounded too good to be true. "What's the catch?"
The rabbit chuckled. "Well, for starters, we'll have to make a few changes, but don't worry. You'll be the better for them...in more ways than one."
Looking around, I realized I didn't have much choice. If this was all a delusion, might as well let it play out, since it seemed like fun. If not...it was my only chance to survive. "I'm in."
"Okay then." The rabbit pulled out a giant pencil. "This might feel a little strange," he said.
The last thing I saw was the eraser passing in front of my eyes.
0000000000000000000
I don't know how much later it was, but I came aware of myself almost totally bereft of sensation. I couldn't see, couldn't smell, couldn't touch, couldn't taste...I wasn't even aware of my body. But I could hear, sort of. It took a bit to get the hang of it, but I could hear what was going on in my surroundings. The rabbit was here, talking to someone who had a high pitched, squeaky voice.
"Thanks for helping me get this all set up, Mickey. I couldn't have managed it without you."
Mickey? I could have sworn I knew that name.
"Sure thing, Bugs. Glad I could help with this."
Bugs? As in...
"You sure this kid will give you what you want, Bugs?"
"Just look at the scripts, Mickey. They aren't even close to funny, but there's decades worth of them. How is he supposed to last that long without laughter...unless he's got it?"
"Bugs, you've been obsessed with finding the 'secret' ever since Roger...well, you know. This obsession is likely to be the death of you one day."
"Or maybe save us all. Thanks, Mickey. I can take it from here."
"Right." I could hear squeaky feet walking away. After a while, I could hear Bugs shuffling paperwork.
"So you want something from me, too, huh?" I thought I'd thought it in my head, but apparently not.
"You heard all that?" Bugs asked me. He sounded surprised...but not unpleasently so.
"Right after you thanked Mickey for helping you set it up, through your discussion of Roger...as in Roger Rabbit, right?"
A chuckle. "Yeah...looks like you heard the important part. But did you understand?"
"Not really."
"Alright, let me explain." He's quiet for a time, gathering his thoughts I suppose. "Toons need laughter. It keeps them alive, keeps them young. Not the laughter of other toons, but of their human audience. However, it's also a chain, in its own way. We have to be funny. If we aren't, there's no laughter, and we fade away. Except in one case. Roger Rabbit discovered a way for a toon to survive without an audience's laughter. He was as funny as any other toon - funnier, probably - but he didn't need laughter to keep him alive. When last I saw him, he was heading on a trip, and he said he'd tell me the secret when he got back. But then..." Bugs fell silent.
"...he died?"
"Worse. I don't really want to think about it. But anyway, I've been trying to discover the secret for myself ever since. Eventually, I broadened my search beyond the toon worlds. And that's how I found you. According to my research, if you become a toon through this process, you won't have to be funny to sustain yourself. I want to make you a toon so you can figure out why, and tell me. Then all us toons can be free to be whoever we want to be, irregardless of the roles that make us funny. In return, I offer you a life where you are indestructible, untouchable...free to do whatever you want, and be whoever you want to be. I'll even provide you with opportunities to do that, educational and otherwise."
I thought for a time. It seemed almost too good to be true...but I could tell he was being straightforward with me...as far as it went. However, the deal he offered seemed too good to pass up. "I'm in."
"Alright then." Bugs seemed quite pleased with my response. "In that case, you can answer a few questions about yourself so the adjustment won't be too harsh on your psyche." More paperwork shuffling. "First, do you want to go by your old name, or should we make a new one to fit the new you?"
A new name for a new me...it felt so right. "New."
"Alright, then. What animal would you say defines you?"
I didn't even have to think about it. "Cats." With the Cat Fist, what else could I say?
"Alright. Rate from most to least what qualities define you: aggressive, territorial, loyal, aloof, friendly."
I thought about this for a time. "...aggressive, loyal, friendly...aloof, territorial." It was hard to decide, but this seemed to fit right.
"Okay. Would you say you are a lover or a fighter?"
"Fighter." That was an easy one.
"Are you male or female?"
"It varies," I said nervously. Well, with my Jusenkyo curse, what else was I supposed to say?
"...excuse me?"
"I'm male, but I turn into a girl when splashed with cold water."
"...not anymore." A rather firm scratching of pencil on paper. "Whoever heard of a crazy plot device like that?" Silence for a time. "...alright. It's all ready. This may feel strange."
Strange didn't describe the half of it. I actually felt my body grow around me, as a sort of gooey sensation expanded outward into a torso, arms and legs, hands and feet, head and tail...tail? As my senses came active, I tried to get a sense of what I was turning into. Then my eyes came active, and I looked around. I was standing in what looked like a cartoonish principal's office, with a strange machine shutting down behind me and a full length mirror in front of me. I looked at my reflection.
I was a dark brown, cartoon house cat, with midnight black hair, and I was wearing my black kung-fu pants. My eyes were as blue as ever, and I could feel my muscle definition was as strong, but...I could actually feel my cartoon nature, how easily I would bounce back from any damage, or inflict damage far out of proportion of my size and strength. The feeling of power coursing through me was intense...but I eventually shrugged past it. I turned to Bugs. "So...now what?"
He smirked at me. "Now you attend classes. Welcome to Acme Looniversity, Frisk Paws. We'll see about drawing you up a homestead and other neccessities after class today."
"Frisk Paws..." I said, trying out my new name. It seemed strange to me, but I supposed it fit, comically...I assumed so, anyway.
As I left the office, I headed out into the halls. It was between classes, and everyone was heading here and there. I glanced down at the schedule Bugs had handed me on my way out. Apparently, I needed to head to 'History of Cartooning' after the lunch break...wherever that was. I noticed a lot of the other students - all toons - staring at me. I guess they didn't get a lot of new students. As I walked along, not really watching where I was going - this was all so new to me - I walked into something.
"Oomph! Watch where you are going, you blundering oaf!" a femenine, french accented voice said.
Looking up, I leaned over to help her to her feet. "Sorry about that." I took in her appearance. She seemed young, about my age or so, but generously proportioned...by toon standards, anyway. Like all those I'd seen - and myself - she was covered in fur, hers a bright purple with one solid white stripe. I didn't recognize what animal she was supposed to be. Her hair was a brighter purple, closer to the red end of the color, and her eyes were purple as well, though closer to blue. I found my breathing going a bit faster than normal. I couldn't deny it, by toon standards - the standards of my new life and apparently my brain now - she was breathtakingly beautiful.
"Well?" she said, one hand on her hip as she looked at me. "Aren't you going to zay anyting?"
I tried to think of something, anything, to say. In the end, I turned to my senses and honesty. "You smell nice," I blurted.
It seemed the wrong thing to say. At first her eyes registered shock, then outrage. With a "Hmmph!" she turned on her heel and stormed off, muttering to herself.
I sighed sadly. The bell rang. I followed the flow of students, and found the way to the right class. It turned out the girl I'd just met - and apparently offended - was in the same class. She resolutely turned her back to me.
That was the pattern of my first day. Follow other students, make it to the right classes, and try to keep up. The other students, however, all were so far ahead of me. I was feeling kind of down as school let out. I sat on the steps, sighing, waiting for Bugs to come tell me where I was supposed to go.
"Rough day?"
I recognized the voice. It seemed she was willing to talk to me again. "I'm still not used to all of this," I said honestly, gesturing around.
She sat down next to me. "First day of school?"
I shook me head. "First day as a toon."
Her eyes widened. "Oh, merce!" Then her eyes softened. "I must apologize for my outburst earlier. I...thought you were making fun of me."
"Huh? What do you mean?" Now I was really confused.
She looked at her hands, fiddling with the tip of her tail. "Did...did you mean what you said when we first met? Do you truly find my aroma...pleasant?"
Her scent had become stronger now, strong enough I could see it wafting in the air, a purple cloud. Taking a whiff, I responded honestly. "Yes, you smell quite nice to me."
She looked at me again, seeming confused. "You are ze cat, yes?"
I nodded. "Yeah."
"And...you are aware zat I am ze skunk?"
I was worried now. Not becasue she was a skunk, but worried there was some rule about inter species stuff amongst toons, and that I'd commited a grave faux pas or something. "Is...is that a problem?" I asked at last.
She looked at me...and smiled. Then she sidled up against me, blushing. "If it is not for you, zen it is not for me? What name do you go by?"
"I'm Frisk Paws. Call me Frisk. And what's your name?"
She smiled at me, blinking slowly. "I am called Fifi le Fume, but please, call me Fifi...Mistah Frisk."
The way she said that sent shivers down my spine. Then Bugs stepped out.
"Frisk, it may take some time to draw up your own domicile, longer than I anticipated. And given that you have a lot of catching up to do in classes, I was thinking I should see who's willing to put you up as a room mate. That sound okay to you?"
"Oh, please Bugs!" Fifi spoke up. "He can stay wit me! I would happily tutor him, and I have plenty of room."
Bugs quirked an eyebrow at her eagerness, then turned to me. "Well, Frisk...what do you say?"
I smiled. "Sounds good to me."
My name is Frisk Paws. And this is the story of how I was reborn.