I wrote this for fun. It will be a seven chapter series, no admirable display of writing nor humor, just me plotting out my ideal plot. Feel free to flame, complain, argue, protest, or love. If you think the same thing, please do not hesistate to tell me.
Disclaimer: I have a strong anti-Harry bias. It might come through.(oh, yeah, and I own nothing).
How it should have happened: Year 1
Harry's broom was out of control, and it flung him around the field as the crowd looked helplessly on. Except for the Slytherins, of course, who were shouting encouragement and advice to whoever had decided to kill Harry Potter.
At the urging of Ron, Hermione ran over to light Snape's robes on fire, because only the potions master could hate Harry that much. As she was about to do so, he stopped her with a glance, saying, "Miss Granger, would you risk expulsion on your friend's behalf?"
She paused to consider. "No sir. No I don't think so."
"No?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow. "I thought Griffindors were loyal."
"Well, to be absolutely honest, sir, he's a bit of a prat. And rather annoying."
"Really?" He stared at her for a moment, and then said, "Well then, Miss Granger, if you're going to light me on fire, go ahead, but just know it's not me doing the spell casting."
Her eyes grew wide. "Who is it, sir, so that I might light them on fire?" She sighed. "Not that I really want to. But his death shouldn't be on the faculty's hands."
"That, I cannot tell you." And Snape turned back around and leaned towards Professor Quirrel.
"I know I owe his blasted father something, but I really hated James Potter. And the boy certainly isn't making the world a better place. Just Avada him. You know you want to. Everybody's doing it."
Quirrel looked at him. "I think I will. Avada Kedavra!"
Harry dropped from his broom and fell, landing on Ron who was in the middle of the Quidditch field for some reason unbeknownst to the author. Needless to say, Ron died from the force of Harry falling on him. (Because force mass times acceleration (in this case, due to gravity), if Harry weighed 110 pounds, the impact force would be 1078 N. That's a lot of force).
Hermione would have run onto the field, if she hadn't caught Malfoy staring at her. She began blushing and absentmindedly began to fix her hair.
They were dating by the end of the week.
Of course, that's not how it really happened. The Boy-Who-Should-Have-Taken-A-Hint lived another year…