Happy 8/13 everyone. I hope you guys are enjoying it. I sure am. P:
Here is my additon to the day.
Disclamier- 8I Suck it Square. I don't own it okay.
I am always with you. Did you know that?
I was with you the day you were born, greeting you into the word and staring down at you before you could even open your eyes. You were such a cute baby, rounded cheeks and barely there blonde white hair. Even then you had a cow lick. Your parents, releatives and even the hosptial staff couldn't see me as I stared at you with my toxic green eyes. You captured me then, and you couldn't even speak yet.
I was always by your side, when you'd play with your little cars and rubber toys. I'd stare at you from corners. Your constant compainon. I followed you every where, I trailed behind your mothers car when she'd take you some where. I'd smile with affection in the only way I could in my grotesque way as you cried at being bullied in preschool.
I'd perch outside of your bathroom, arms hanging out of my sockets in their twisted way as I'd wait. I'd never go in, I couldn't see you that way, you were only a child. A beautiful child, hair like the inside of vanillia cake. Sponegy looking, and delcious despite the sharp cowlicks that decorated your head. I wonder if you knew I was there as a child, I think you had an awareness.
I know you saw me around the age of eleven. Do you remember that, I laid under your bed to watch your sleeping face. I longed to slide into the bed with you, and wrap my crippled arms about your tiny warm form. But I resisted. You awoke then, perhaps you heard my harsh wheeze of breath, and you looked right at me. As if you could see me through the sheets and mattress. Your eyes have always been beautiful. Such a perfect blue for such a perfect face.
But your little brows shot so far off your head and your mouth dropped as you screamed for your mother in the way only prebusecent boys can. Your mother tried to console you, she did, but she couldn't see me like you could. Sitting on your toy chest with my collapsed jaw hanging agaisnt my chest. Swinging there, back and forth, back and forth much like those slinkys you are so fond of. Maybe you could play with my jaw as such, I think I'd like that.
Do you remember how you saw me again at the age of thirteen? Thats when you named me boogey man. Remember how I peeked out of your closet, and you caught sight of my glowing green eye? You had always know I was following you since that faithful night some years ago, but I had not shown myself again until now. Only leaving hints of my presence, like how I'd gasp against your neck as I followed you to school.
I shambled across the floor, crawling in aquisence to you, the one I adored. I slid into your bed with jerky movements, and you watched. Tiny body going straight as you slid against the head board. I flopped onto the bed then, like some fat puppy, but I was far from fat. You saw me, you saw my ribs.
"Boogey Man." You said in a voice cracking with hormones. So cute, so precious. I loved you. Your reached for me, and I for you. My knotted hands rubbing at your warm cheek until you slept. Your hand caught in my matted red hair, and I laid there all night. Gazing up at your perfect face, running my fingers over your soft lips, and cute button nose. I even pushed it, to see if it was a button. You fooled me, it wasn't a button but just a nose. A cute one, so I'll forgive you this once. It became routine over the years for me to curl my broken and mangled form around yours as you slept. Your hand in my hair, or against my boney cheek.
I never spoke to you, I only gurgled and wheezed, my tongue floping uselessly against my mangled jaw. Yet, you stared back unflinching and smiled. You renamed me again at the age of sixteen.
"Axel" You said in your recently developed voice with a soft choir boy baritone with a little bit of romantic blues sound. I loved it. I loved everything about you. I just blinked one of my eyelids, a gesture we had worked out between us. I like when things were between us.
"Your name is Axel." You'd say again and I'd nod my head, red matted hair shaking along with it. Axel you said, it was familiar to me, but I dwelled not. I'd wrap my mangled arms around your neck, delighting that you didn't even flinch, my toes curled with a popping noise as you pressed a kiss to my forehead.
Do you remember that? I do. I can't describe how much I loved that, but I did. You began to tell me a story, at the age of 17 of a man who died due to a house fire. The roof fell in on him, broke his bones you said. Yet the fire only claimed some of his hair, the smoke hurt him worse. Why did you tell me about this? It hurt me to hear your voice sound so sad about this man. And that he had died in the hospital where you were born. What a desicration to your birth, 'why should it matter to you' I wanted ask. I wish I could communicate, but I am sastifyed you can see me and want to still be around me.
I couldn't help but hate this man that died in the hospital you were born, his story made you cry. Such large tears form such perfect eyes. I didn't like that, I brushed them away with my rough fingers. You kissed my hand then, and I pressed my forehead to your cheek. I longed to kiss back, but with my jaw the way it is, I could do nothing. I wanted to tell you I loved you, but I think you knew.
When you turned eighteen, I vanished from your life. In the month of may, I had caught you with that other boy, your cousins best friend. Remember? Your eyes were looking at him in ways I could only dream of, your hands touched him in ways I begged for. I could not fault you, I didn't look as well put together as him. And others could see him. But it hurt me. I vanished from you then, I know you knew I was there. Because as I slid away I heard you murmur my name.
"Ah..xel" you had said in such a breathy way. It hurt, but I left.
Now you are twenty, and you'll see me so soon. SO very soon. Any day now, I'll be there. It'll hurt and I will apologize, and it'll be brutal and I'll apologize for that too.
But today is the day and the apology will have to wait. You are walking across the road, gods you got even more beautiful. Those eyes I love so much are staring at those white lines on the ground as you cross. You look up to see me, a suprised look on your face. But I am not happy. I'll have to apologize later, because now your rolling on the pavement. Rolling under wheels, bluntforce and metal fenders.
Oh I'm sorry, but I'll tell you later. I rush to you, my fingers rubbing over your face, over and over. And over, because im sorry and I missed you and I know it hurts. But it won't hurt for long. You'll stare up at me from the pavements. Your clothing matted, soft blonde hair clotted and hanging down and your face crushed to one side. I still think you are beautiful. I really do.
I stare down at you and give that smile in the only way I can, my hands petting at your face. No one else can see me, you can. Its all that had ever mattered. I'll lean past the people oogling you, and the paniked noises they make. My fingers will play with clotting red liquid from your mouth as I pick you up in my arms.
They are strong now you'll notice, I can see your eyebrows raise in confusion as your face seems to heal up from where it had taken a bus load of people to it. I'll just smile down at you, my jaw back in place and my toxic green eyes. Bright and alive.
As my wings unfurl, large and imposing and glistening white, I'll press my thin lips to your plump ones. Oh how I've longed for this, and its everything I wanted and more. And Oh! I apologize to you, in a voice you've never heard me use. But you know its my voice.
"Roxas." I'll say your name as if its the meaning to life, because you are to me.
Your hands rubbing at my angular face, a look of awe on your face as I make you forget the world you left. And now you'll follow me, always together. Always forever.
I'm your guardian angel.
Axel.
