The World Doesn't Stop for You

I love Ellie I just don't really know who I love her with. I'm not an avid watcher so some of the things in this story won't really follow the show. I am also going to make it so Sean's apartment had to rooms not one mostly on the logic that he lived there with his brother. Oh and characters might not act like they do in the show but I will try to keep them as close as I can.

Chapter 1

It had been two months since Sean had left. Two months since she had spoken to him. Two months since he left alone with an apartment. It did nothing but remind her of Sean and all the fun that they had in the apartment. And every time she thought about Sean she thought about the fact that he had left her. About a month after Sean left Ellie asked if Alex wanted to move in. She knew that Alex had the same type of problems at home that she did. The two of them got along really well. Ellie found it funny that they both lost their bad boy boyfriends. At the beginning she felt awkward when she hung out with Jay and Alex after Sean left because they were his friends not hers. But she and Jay had a bond that stemmed from Seam Cameron walking out on them. Her boyfriend his best friend.

Ellie walked into the Dot she had promised Marco that they would hangout tonight and this was the place that he had picked for them to meet up at. She sat in the booth that was well known to her and her friends. It was "their" booth. She noticed Jay sitting of to the side but she ignored him.

Jay looked over at Ellie as she walked past him without so much as a nod to his presence. She was on team Alex and he knew it. There was nothing that he could say to the two girls that he cared about to make them understand. He hadn't realized how much he liked having Ellie as a friend until he was on a losing team. Jay got up deciding that he wasn't going to lose another friend to something that was out of control. "Red." it was all he said when he sat down.

"Slut."

"Do you just call me a slut, Red?"

"Yeah what else do you call someone that sleeps around?" Ellie said a little annoyed that he sat in front of her but at the same time realizing that she missed her friend. However she wasn't going to let him off easy. Even if she knew Alex didn't care that they were friends even after the breakup.

Jay was starting to get pissed it's not like he cheated on her. Or hell left her all together and moved to another city no he was the bad one. He wanted to go to the ravine and get trashed but he knew with his current reputation nothing good could come from going there. "Look Red why are you holding such a grudge against me. It's not like I moved to another city or anything like a scumbag that we know." he knew the millisecond that the words were out of his mouth he was in the deep shit.

Ellie paled at the words it wasn't really noticeable because she was already pale but she felt the color leave her face. She couldn't believe that he said that. "Cheap shot Hogart even for you."

"Ellie I'm so…"

"How was Wasaga?" she cut him off.

It was his turn to feel uncomfortable. He made the trip two weeks ago to visit Sean. He knew that she knew but also knew that she would never bring it up. "Fine." It was all he said. Not like there was anything to hide. He just needed to see someone that didn't hate him. Like the red head across from him. There was no way he was going to tell her about the tattoos that he and Sean had gotten while drunk.

Ellie just sat there taking in deep breaths waiting for Marco to get here. She found out about the same time that Jay had went to see Sean and she only told Alex because she didn't want to do it alone. She was going to tell Marco and ask what she should do.

Jay noticed all place her hand on her stomach and wondered if she was hungry or something. "El, you ok."

She hated to admit it but Jay was now one of her closest friends, closer then Ash and sometime more than Marco. "Next time you find the need to go to Wasaga and visit your best friend that you call a scumbag tell him that he has a pregnant girlfriend, ex, whatever the hell I am to him." It felt good to tell someone. She found out with Alex standing next to her. So she didn't 'tell' her. She also got a little joy out of the look at Jay's face.

The only word the registered to him was pregnant. How the hell could all of this crap be piling on? "See this is why I only let girls do oral." Jay said absent mindedly. He only noticed that he said it when he heard Ellie burst into a fit of laughter. "Are you going to tell him?" Jay asked when she was done.

"I haven't laughed in a very long time. Thanks Jay." She said smiling at him. She was silent for a while Jay wasn't sure if she heard his question. "I tried calling and writing letters and emails. I just never seem to get an answer. I know that I need to tell him but I don't want to leave a voicemail telling him he is going to be a dad. And if I write to him and tell him there is no guarantee that he will read it. Then I would be here in Toronto wondering what he is going to do about it or if he even cares at all."

He hated to admit it but she had a point there was no guarantee that he would read her letters. He knew that he didn't he seen the short stack of them when he was at his house. He also watched as he screened his calls to make sure he didn't pick up for anyone in his old life. It was that moment that Jay realized Sean wanted nothing to do with Toronto, his best friend, or the amazing girl that he left behind that is having his baby. "I could drive you so you can tell him in person." Jay offered. He didn't want her going through this alone even if he knew that she would have a bunch of people that would stand by her side. None of them were the boy that she loved. The boy that was the father of her child. He made a vow to himself that if Sean didn't step up he would. That this kid was going to have a messed up family that would involve Ellie the cutter of a mom, Jay the criminal, Marco the gay, and Alex another criminal. And well Sean the guy that runs way when things get to real.

Ellie thought about Jay's offer. The reason that she convinced herself that she couldn't tell Sean in person was because she had no way to get there. "This might sound selfish and that I'm being a bitch but I don't want to have to chase him down to talked to me. I won't force him to. I don't think I can handle him telling me that he isn't coming home to me again and this time it won't just be me that he is walking away form." She said as she started to rub her stomach knowing that a child was growing inside her. "You know I'm shocked at how well you're taking this." Ellie commented.

"Why wouldn't take it well I'm not the one that is going to be a dad. I mean sure if Sean doesn't step up I have no problem being there for you and the baby. Just don't expect me to let the brat call me dad." He said with a grin.

Ellie rolled her eyes at his comment. She realized that she was seeing a side of Jay that no one has ever seen before. It's like this is what Jay would have turned out if he had normal life and not the shit storm he was given. "Really you don't want to be papa Jay?" Ellie said laughing. She realized for the first time that she was going to be ok and that she could do this. Alex was already being such a huge help and now she knew that she had Jay's support even if she didn't have Sean. "It's really going to be ok." She half stated half questioned.

"Yeah it's going to be ok. And if you think I'm handling this well look in the mirror Red. You are acting as if your life isn't casketing out of control. Ellie I know what you do when you feel like you need to be in control of something. Believe it or not I listen when Sean would talk about you." It took everything in him not to reach across the table and look at her arms.

"I know what you're thinking and I haven't cut. Not since that slip up when Sean left, and even if I wanted to I can't because Alex took everything that could be used to cut myself and locked it in her room when we found out. I'm not going to lie 2 weeks ago this would have felt like the end of the world. But I went to the doctor to find out for sure and did a lot of talking with Alex and in group about this. Everyone has been very helpful."

"So you are ok now, the whole being a mom thing, child for life?" Jay asked

"So you missed out on broken scared Ellie so you are trying to refreak her out. I'm fine at the moment Jay but that could change in an instant. Right now I think that everything is going to be fine because I have you and everyone but when I can't get a hold of Sean I'm going to realize that I'm in this all by myself. My child might not have a dad and I don't know how to be a mom because I don't have a good one. Maybe that's why I'm not freaked out because all I want to do is prove that I can be better than her. But I'm not, not now at least maybe in a few years I would have been better but not now. My mom is an alcoholic who never really seemed to care about me. And here I am a cutter that no one thinks can stop. Even you the first thing you think that I will do when things get hard is start cutting myself. Maybe I will I don't know I have to buy rubber bands in bulk because I go through them so fast. Especially now. I've been snapping my rubber band since you sat down but you didn't notice because you were so concerned about you and how I'm not your biggest fan. Not whats going on with me." She noticed Jay was about to protest. She knew that she was shaking so hard that is seemed like the table was shaking with her. The rubber band broke she continued. "It's ok Jay really it is. You have your own life god we have only been friends for what 6 months I don't expect you to care or notice the little things. This is my problem not yours I made the mistake of sleeping with Sean after the shooting. I wasn't enough to keep him around. And know I'm having his baby what the hell am I going to do." She said sinking into the booth, letting the remainder of her mini meltdown flow through her. She wanted Jay to leave but knew that he wouldn't not after her freak out. She showed him that she wasn't handling this as well as she wanted him to think that she was. She wasn't handling it at all. She was pretending that it was just a phase that nothing permanent would come out of it.

"Hey El you ready to go?" Marco asked from a few feet away. He didn't know what was going on but he knew it didn't look good. He still couldn't get over the fact that Ellie was hanging out with Jay of her own free will.

She looked up not noticing his arrival. "Yeah lets go." She said trying to compose herself.

"We will talk later Red." Jay said making it known that this conversation wasn't over.