"Loathing and Loving Twilight Saga"
This is about a girl who loathes Twilight.
But what happens when she's suddenly in Bella's shoes?
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight! And I do not hate it! This is also for people that hates Twilight and for them to understand the book.
"I got hit by a car, but actually I fell downstairs"
Corliss POV
"So...do you like Twilight now?"
"...I hate Twilight."
"No, you don't!"
"Yes, I do."
"You read the books! All FOUR of them! So you must like it!" My friend, Kayla, prompted.
"That's because I lost a bet to you and so you made me read the whole Twilight Saga!!"
She frowned at me and whined. "Why don't you like it?"
"Bella is a whiner"
"Well... Edward's hot"
"You mean cold"
"Whatever, he's hot N' Cold"
"That is an oxymoron," I pointed out and she gets even more annoyed.
"CORY!!" She cried out and I started walking away.
Twilight has been a hit for the past 4-5 years and it still is, considering that the movie New Moon is coming and they just started filming and casting for Eclipse. Honestly, I hate Twilight for a whole number of reasons. Number one: Bella whines too much. Number two: Edward is a masochistic, controlling, uptight, overreacting emo. Number three: Rosalie is an unreasonable, shallow bitch. Number four: Jacob is a young and selfish, foolish kid. Number five: The world population will come to an end because all girls who read this book will think they are Bella and will wait for their Edward to come until they are old. And he'll never come. Poor Kayla. (A/N: I found this last one from Why I hate Twilight by Sarah Rebecca, so lol.)
So many, many reasons that I could go on forever with it, but I might get attacked by some Team Edward fan so for my safety, I'll keep my mouth shut.
I'm Corliss Fetherstonhaugh. Yeah I know. That is one extremely long name. I am 17 years old and it's the middle of August. School is right around the corner. Today is Thursday, and we're at the mall. Kayla wanted us to go shopping for clothes. She started chatting away with Twilight and it was starting to get annoying.
"Cory!" My friend whined as she ran after me. "Wait!"
"What?" I shouted back.
Once she was by my side, she yelled in wonder, "OHH!" I looked at where she was awing and to our left is a small shop of the occult. Psyhic. Huh, an even more load of crap than Twilight.
"Let's go in!" she yelled again (when is she going to stop trying to pop my ear drums?!) and pulled me into the shop that I hate.
It was the same as any other mystical shop. There were books and items for astrology, palm reading, something about the body and mind crap, etc.
"May I help you two ladies?" a deep masculine voice asked us. We both turned to our right where we see a man in dark robes coming out from the door beads. He looked fairly young, probably around his 20s. Usually its old women that does the mystical thing, but this is the first time I've seen a guy that works in a mystic shop and probably owns it.
"Ooh, hottie," Kayla whispered to me. "Act natural." I rolled my eyes at her. Geez, I wish she had control of her hormones. It's bad enough that when she daydreams she would actually space out completely.
Although I have to agree with her, he does look like a hottie. He was slim and probably a little muscular underneath those robes. His hair was gelled to make it look like it's been hit by a whirlwind (I must say that looks hot). His eyes were the color of bright green, but it looked a but more like yellow green. Probably contact lenses. Moreover, he's too pale and something about him made me nervous...
"Yeah...we're just leaving," I bluntly said as I grabbed Kayla's arm and decided to drag her out of the store. But because she's an athlete and I'm just some vegetable, she held her ground and held me firmly with just her one hand on my shoulder.
Damn her.
"Yes, we would like to see our future!" Kayla said and I scoffed at her.
For a moment, the young man stared at me with an odd look before he started to smile, "Why, of course!" He said as he held the door beads open for us. "Right this way, ladies. And for you two, I'll do it for free."
"Really?" Kayla asked excitedly and he nodded. I was confused and I felt even more nervous. Why the hell did he wanted us to do it for free? I mean...he just went on ahead and gave us a free crystal ball insight!
So we're in this room with the same features of all mystic crap. We sat around the large round table and he sat down on the head chair. We held each other's hands as he instructed and after several minutes the crystal ball started glowing.
"What is it that you wish to see?" he asked.
"Anything!" Kayla said and I just wanted this to get it over with.
"Hmm," he said as he looked closer into the crystal as if he saw something interesting. Bull shit.
"I see a family of seven," he said. "And they are a magnificent family with a few problems." He then turned to me and smiling slyly. "And your life will never be the same again."
I have to admit. The look he's giving me almost made me believe him, but I know better. "Yeah, and tonight I'm gonna get suck into the most ridiculous, ludicrous book in the whole world!" I exclaimed with a sarcastic tone.
He grinned at me, amused at my words. "You are talking about that book Twilight, right?"
"You read it!?" Kayla screamed with a shocking look on her face. Of course, I was shock. I have never met a male who read Twilight, unless they're trying to pick up some things from Edward on how to treat a lady and control them when they're intoxicated.
The man shook his head and said, "No, I haven't." Good. "But I have heard of it. I've seen it practically everywhere on the internet." No doubt about that. I mean every site I go to with a Google Ad has something about Twilight in it. If not, then vampires.
"Oooh! You should read it!"
That's my cue. "Okay! Time to go!" I said as I started dragging Kayla out of the store. Surprisingly, she didn't fight back but she was complaining.
As we left the place, the man stood there by the door way, waving 'bye' at us with this happy grin. Creep.
We exit out of the mall and was about to cross to the parking lot. But Kayla stopped me. I turned to her and she looked mad. Great.
"Geez, Cory! What is your problem!?" she asked me. "Why do you have a problem with Twilight?!"
I matched her angry voice with mine. "Because I am sick of always hearing it everywhere! I have read far better stories on fiction-press dot net! And you know what? They're all gifted teenagers! Stephanie Meyer just got lucky with her book! Oh! And by the way, the reason why Edward can't read Bella's mind is because SHE HAS NO MIND! That character Bella ruins everything for all girls! She is whiny and incapable! Further more, she is a Mary-Sue! Stephanie Meyer is just using the excuse of her being clumsy and uncoordinated!"
Kayla was unfazed at my yelling. "Why do you have a problem with Bella? Sure, she's whiny, but she's almost just like any other girl!"
"No, she is not!" I said. "If I did happen to stuck in Twilight and took Bella's place, then I would have done a more better job than she would ever had!!" I looked around and see people starting to stare at us. "You know what? Forget it!" With that, I pivot and started heading over to the parking lot.
"CORLISS!" Kayla screamed out, but not with anger. No, she screamed my name out with a terrifying shriek.
It all happened so fast. I turned to my left and I saw a vehicle coming at me.
And then black out...
"Bella? Bella dear are you alright?" I hear a panicking voice from some lady or somewhere.
Even though I was in pain, I somehow still end up being a sarcastic bitch, "What was the word again? Oh yeah...Ow..."
"Oh, Bella!!" Some weird lady then hugged me when I started sitting up. I stiffened when this stranger just hugged me out of nowhere. Moreover, I started to panic when I realize that I was in a house.
Wasn't I at the Mall's Parking lot and probably got hit by a car?!
"What happened?" I asked, rubbing the sore bump on the back of my head.
"You fell downstairs," she said. I fell downstairs?
"Hey Renee, Bella! What was that noise?!" A tall man came running in the room, wearing casual clothing carrying a large duffel bag.
"Oh nothing, Phil," the strange lady, Renee, said. "Bella just fell downstairs...again."
Wait a second...Renee? Phil!? BELLA?!
OH...MY...GOD!!
'Phil' glanced at the top of the stairs to the bottom where I am in right now. He had this grimaced look on his face. "Is being clumsy a disease?" he asked with a joking tone.
My moment of panic of me being in Twilight disappeared as I returned back to my sarcasm. "Yeah, well, you know...Gravity..."
Phil looked at me with this look and started laughing. "Good one, Bella. But seriously, are you okay?"
"I'll let you know when the stars stop circling around my head," I said and both him and Renee as well laughed.
Renee was smiling, "Wow, the fall must be hard on you if you suddenly developed this good sense of humor just by one hit." Her expression changed to realization and quickly turned her attention to Phil and said, "you're gonna be late for the meeting."
The baseball player blinked at her before glancing at his watch. His eyes widened. "Oh no, I gotta go!" He said as he started running out, but before he did he told me, "Sorry I couldn't come with you and your mother to the airport."
I waved him off. "It's fine."
"And we're going to be late to the airport!" Renee said as she started pulling me up gently. "Can you stand, honey?"
"Yeah, mom," I suddenly felt weird when I called her mom. When I took Bella's place did I suddenly become her? Did I suddenly adopt to her clumsy syndrome?!
As we both walked out of the door, I tripped on the doorway and my face fell flat to the floor.
Oh yeah...I got Bella-Clumsy Syndrome... I am soooo happy.
Renee gave me this incredulous look, before started helping me up to my feet. "Oh Bella! You just fell downstairs not too long ago!"
I sighed in frustration. "I know..."
Why? Why couldn't it have been Kayla, or some random psychotic Twilight fan? Why did it have to be me: a Twilight-hating person!? Oh God, I think that car hit me too hard.
And there you go!
This story is dedicated to my friend, who is a Twilight Hater.
Next Chapter...
"That's Edward. He's gorgeous, of course, but don't waste your time. He doesn't date. Apparently none of the girls here are good-looking enough for him." She sniffed. Ha! She's not over him yet.
Although this was never in the book, I couldn't help but be a sarcastic bitch. "He's probably gay," I said to her and I see Emmett in the corner of my eyes, bursting out in laughter.
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