"WATSON! WATSON!"
The Doctor sighed. Holmes had been yelling for him for nearly an hour now. He really didn't want to get up from his seat at the kitchen table because he simply could not be bothered to deal with the detective's shenanigans today. In the past week, there had been three occasions where Holmes' had yelled for Watson's help.
On the first occasion, the good doctor had found Holmes with his hair on fire and his eyebrows singed off after a chemical experiment had gone wrong. Watson had thrown bucket of what had at first appeared to be water, over his friend. It wasn't water. It was Gladstone's urine. Apparently Holmes' had wanted to analyse it.
On the second occasion he had found him with Gladstone clamped around his arm. The detective had been trying to feed him a sedative, but the dog wouldn't eat his dog food…
The third time had been a bit more…embarrassing. After a visit from Miss Adler, Watson had found his friend in a rather scandalous position which involved a lot of rope and a lot of sedatives.
So Watson wasn't in any particular hurry to see what his friend wanted.
"WATSON!" roared Holmes.
" Doctor, please, please, go and see what he wants. Otherwise he'll bring the house down!" pleaded Mrs Hudson.
With an annoyed sigh, Watson folded up the newspaper he was reading and slapped it on to the kitchen table.
"Oh all right. But only because he's giving me a headache. Really, what on earth can be so pressing that he needs to yell that loudly?"
Watson left the kitchen and began to walk up the stairs at a leisurely pace.
"GOD DAMMIT WATSON!"
"I'll be there in a minute old boy!"
Watson reached the door to Holmes' room. He sighed and then opened it, slightly worried about what he would find inside. He peeped his head round the door.
Holmes seemed to be fine, apart from the horrified look on his face and the pale complexion that had appeared there. But this wasn't as bad a condition as he usually found his friend in, he was not tied up or on fire. Surely this was a good sign…
"You all right?" Watson asked with a grin.
"No I am not Watson. Look!" snarled Holmes', and he pointed to a spot which Watson could not see unless he actually entered the room. Watson walked in.
"Really old boy, I can't see why you're yelling so loudly. There doesn't appear to be anything-"
The doctor stopped dead in his tracks. His eyes widened in surprise. There was…a creature of some sort in the room. It was hard to describe, even in his own head, what the creature looked like. It was…just so absolutely absurd.
The creature was completely snow white. There was not a speck of colour on…it, anywhere. It had a long, white snout and was, rather strangely dressed in a white waistcoat and top hat. It also carried a long white cane, which it was swinging around with careless abandon. It wasn't wearing trousers though, which, Watson thought, was odd. Why wear a waistcoat and top hat, but not trousers?
Watson realised that this fact was probably the least of his worries when it came to the strangeness of the creature. After all, why should such an odd creature even wear trousers in the first place?
"Holmes? What the devil is-"
"FOOL!" shouted the creature, pointing his cane at Watson.
"I'm sorry?" Watson replied, rather taken aback.
"Do you know who I am?" asked the creature, swinging its cane around its head.
"Er…well that's why I was going to ask-" but Watson was interrupted again before he could finish.
"FOOL!" shouted the creature again, it was now jabbing its cane into the doctors chest. "I am the legendary sword Excalibur!" The creature struck a triumphant pose.
Holmes groaned inwardly and Watson shot him a look.
"But you're not a sword." said Watson, with a frown.
"FOOL! I change into one! Do you know nothing?"
"I-"
"Do you know what my favourite type of meat is?" asked Excalibur.
"Er...chicken?"
"FOOL! I like tofu."
"THAT IS NOT A MEAT! IT IS BEAN CURD!" roared Holmes furiously. "WATSON!"
"There's really no need to shout old boy." Watson chuckled. Although he could see that there was a need to shout. The creature was really quite irritating.
"YES THERE IS!"
"Please calm down Holmes. You're giving me a headache."
Holmes took a deep breath, and then he counted to ten.
"Help me get this…this…thing out of my room! He's been informing me since he arrived that I'm a 'fool' and that I am not as logically minded as he is!" hissed Holmes furiously.
"Has he indeed? Do you think he's had a conversation with Miss Adler?" laughed Watson.
Holmes had not been listening properly, for he said, "Yes he has, he-" then he stopped and frowned. "Wait…what was that last bit?"
"What last bit?" Watson replied innocently.
"The last bit about…about Ire- I mean Miss Adler! What the devil do you mean by it Watson?"
"Well, I only thought that because he thinks you're a complete idiot, even though he's never met you before, that he might have met Miss Adler. After all, why on earth would he think that? Unless of course he had met the only adversary who ever outsmarted you…twice." Watson said with a grin.
Holmes opened and closed his mouth several times. He appeared to be speechless. Then he found his voice again.
"Shut up Watson!"
"Really old boy, there's no need to be childish. It was only a suggestion."
Holmes was about to reply to this, but before he could, there was a cry of, "FOOLS!", again. The detective and the doctor both winced.