This will be the only disclaimer for the fic: I do not own WEP trademarked characters, planets, and products. My interpretations of the show and commentary are my own. Original ideas about the settings and technical operations of various mecha are my own. Fictitious historical events and legal precedents are mine.
The format of the story is something like a column or a blog. Ideas for future of Starre Smith's posts would be appreciated. Please enjoy!
On Automated Systems, Particularly the Pilot Access Chutes
Hello there, all ye denizens of the netlands. I'm sure you've all been waiting for my next scathing insight to the Aro-Doom war with bated breath. You'll enjoy this one—it struck me as I was making a milkshake with my new blender. You see, I believe in throwing all the individual ingredients into a machine with spinning blades instead of just setting a milkshake machine to double chocolate chip. You know why? Because I don't trust automated systems. The thing about automated systems is that they take the human factor out of things—the chance for mistakes, the lack of uniformity, the marginal inefficiencies. But also the genius, the luck, the curiosity, and the suspicion that comes with involving a human.
The thing about automated systems is that there is always a way to fool them.
Take for example the pilots' chutes for entry to the lions on our favorite subject, Voltron. (Actually, my most recent survey showed our favorite subject to be the shirtless fight pictures captured of the Prince of Doom and Commander Keith trying to kill each other, which weirds me out since a projected 85% of my watchers are male. Anyway, back to our subject for today—the technical workings of Voltron.)
Think about the Life Cradle—in the interchangeable robotic workings of Voltron, this is the pilot's chair with head and arm protection, floor-plate, and life support control center which is situated inside the cockpit of the lion's head. This equipment speeds to the amazing robotic lions composing the Voltron Matrix by means of totally automated chutes branching out from the Castle of Lions to each lion's resting habitat. The distance for each is different, over two hundred fifty miles to Red Lion's volcano, roughly three hundred seventy-five miles to the rain-shadow desert where Yellow Lion rests. The shortest distance, barely one hundred yards, is from the control center departure capsules to Starlight Lake where Blue Lion lies dormant until needed. The system was designed to be synchronized, so the Blue Lion life cradle practically crawls while the others speed. (Black Lion is barely fifty yards further, but the leader of the mission needs a head start. Green Lion has to navigate through the forest without damaging it—see ENVIRONMENTS OF THE LIONS for reasons; nevertheless, it needs more time to come to the rest.)
Now think about the chutes themselves, particularly an electronically serviced chute exposed to neither rust nor humidity though it comes directly to a lake. Underwater photography shows a large metal platform beneath the sleeping lion, which appears to be about 3.5x12.5x7 meters in dimension. I haven't been able yet to discover the exact purpose of the platform, but it helps to support other information gathered, which is that there are not merely five separate chutes going directly from the Castle of Lions for the five launching environments. There are massive voltridium (see VOLTRIDIUM) ore deposits near the castle, which prevent direct routes in the pilot carrying chutes from Control Center to launching points. Therefore the routes are indirect, and deeper underground than even the castle itself goes. There are numerous access hatches in the ground, leftover from the construction of the chutes. There are smaller access tunnels attached to the primary chutes, giving nearly labyrinthine byways to any idiot willing to walk along the pilots' travel-chutes when at any moment they may become splattered paste all over pilot and Life Cradle. But who would be that stupid? Well, perhaps if Doom had thought of it the chute would be filled with drones to kill pilots or kidnap Princess Allura before she even gets to her lion. But Doom never does think that way, and that's why I get thirty-two credits a hit on this site.
But, as revealed in an in-depth study of battle footage of the Castle of Lions, there are backup routes for every primary shuttle. For the prideful, lion-hearted creators of Voltron this sort of forethought leaves me flabbergasted. The fact that these backup chutes are so easy to discover lets me relax a little in my presuppositions that the men were geniuses, if a bit thick. Included below are stills from video footage from the Castle of Lions during a fight between Voltron and one of Doom's Robeasts. The stills show in order, the Castle of Lions laying cover fire up in the sky. Next, the robeast throws something appearing to be some sort of ball of lightning—probably is; they don't get too terribly creative, and 5,000,000,000 Kelvin of anything usually works. But see how the castle lights up in picture three? That's because the castle is made of a voltridium-titanium allow. The chutes are of a higher concentration of voltridium—those are the pure white cable-looking things, spidering out from the castle. One can see the main chutes for the two lions nearest the castle, Blue Lion and Black Lion, and the Y's where the main routes split into secondary. It's impossible to tell which is secondary and which is primary, but evidence suggests that both reach the landing site instead of merging near the end. But we can also see the multiple interconnections branching off and coming back around, which are the service and repair passages, many of which are large enough for the Life Cradle. Those things that look like Dalmatian-spotted novas in the ground are voltridium ore deposits. And simply for perspective I've included a shot of Voltron taking a shot, glowing at a measured 8.6 times the relative brightness of the star Arus is orbiting on a clear day. This is a wonderful attribute of voltridium: it turns around surplus energy, taking hits and sloughing them off, glowing like the sun while it does. That's how the pilots aren't flash-fried each time they take 5,000,000,000 Kelvin shots and why it's so hard to get a clear picture of Voltron taking a shot. There is also much footage of Voltron's pilots screaming in pain as Voltron takes hits or shocks. I'm still investigating this, but I suspect it's something to do with flawed communications wiring.
Now, at the speeds the Life Cradles are going, things are totally automated. There's no room for anything else. And with little more than some extremely expensive information services, the pilot will be delivered in the life cradle to an unknown, unfindable point because people so rarely look directly underneath their own noses, so to speak. Resetting the life cradle to finish its route to the lion without a pilot would take much more work, but it's just an automated system and automated systems can be fooled. Especially with a convenient non-sapient clone—a meat drone, the easiest and quickest to grow. Not that Doom would have ever thought of this, and now that I've published this little article about the failings in the system, I suspect that the Castle of Lions will soon be closed for maintenance.
What, the thought of weeks of maintenance without Voltron scares you? Well, not to fear: the lions can rest in places other than their designated environments, and I suspect that a sign of the maintenance will be the five lions on display in the Castle of Lions' front yard, slowly losing battery power but still ready for a fight.
This is Starre Smith, always giving you that which isn't going to happen in the Aro-Doom War first.