And at last I understood

by jesusfreak29

Never could I grasp the fact that people felt the need to end their life or close themselves off from the world. That was until I was a victim of it.

Hey thanks for reading. I know it's kinda short but I'm just know trying to get back into writing. I've been out of it for awhile. So please enjoy (hopefully) and review if you feel compelled too. And I in no way own any characters or the hp universe. All J. K. Rowling's. Sadly.

Hmm, so this is what depression was like. I had always wondered what it felt like. I always wondered how it could be so powerful to lead someone to such drastic measures such as suicide. Then again I never understood depression, but that was until I was a victim of it.

I always figured that the people who were depressed were just being overdramatic. Never could I grasp the fact that people felt the need to end their life or close themselves off from the world. It always bothered me that I couldn't understand it. I mean for Merlin's sake I was the girl who knew everything, yet I couldn't understand one simple little thing such as this.

So I pushed it from my mind. And when Harry became depressed after Sirius's death it continued to nag me that I couldn't understand. So I once again tried to push it from my mind. For Harry's sake. For years it would continually pop up in my mind. I would read about people killing themselves due to some unknown reason in the Daily Prophet and continued to watch Harry struggle with it. Still I didn't get it.

Then the final battle happened, and in those few hours I did get it. I understood why people killed themselves and became depressed. They had no reason to live. And now I had no reason to live. My life stopped when I saw Ron be hit with a green jet of light, when I saw all the Weasley's bodies frozen in place; the life drained from them. The last straw was when I saw Harry, sweet innocent Harry, struck with Voldemort's wand and crumble to the floor lifeless. With his glazed eyes staring straight at me.

I didn't even think as I turned and bolted out of the Great Hall. Tears were falling freely from my face, but it didn't matter. Neither did the shots and curses from the Death Eaters behind me. It didn't matter if they killed me, because honestly they would be doing me a favor. Yet, I still continued to run knowing Harry and Ron wouldn't want my death to be because of them.

I don't know how long I ran, all I knew was that I had reached the perfect spot. It was a cliff, and off to the edge of it was the deepest end of the Black Lake; the end where the Giant Squid and Mermaids resided. It was also where my end was.

The last thing that flashed through my mind was the faces of the Weasley's and Harry. And without breaking stride of my running I effortlessly threw myself off the cliff; into the black and strangely inviting depths of the lake. And at last I understood.