Author notes: Hi again. This is now my 3rd Snape/Lily story. Truly tragic, even by my standards. Hope you enjoy. :)
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Harry Potter series or any of the characters. I also don't own the Death Cab For Cutie song that I used as the title for this piece.
I Will Follow You Into The Dark
Severus knew from the second the spell hit her that she was gone. He felt her life drain slowly from her as he sat at his desk, marking a pile of OWL level potion essays. He sat bolt upright and stared straight ahead of him. He was numb with pain at this sudden loss, but he knew he couldn't just sit there; otherwise he would be swallowed up entirely by his sorrow. He had to go to her. He ran to the door, grabbing his wand and his travelling cloak on the way. Once outside he looked up and down the street quickly to check no one else was around and then promptly apparated. There was a sharp pulling from behind his navel that made him go blind and when his sight cleared again he was standing in front of her house. He had only been there two or three times before and never very willingly, but he still remembered everything about it, for her.
As he walked up the front path he saw that the door was ajar. No, not ajar, gone. It had been blown completely of its hinges. As he stepped over the threshold he found the door lying against the wall in the hall. Not far past it lay James. His body was sprawled out across the hall, his wand still clamped tightly in his fist. Severus went over and toed him in the stomach, rolling him onto his side. He appeared to be screaming. He bent and touched is neck. No pulse. He was already cold. Severus straightened up and gave him a good kick in the face, a satisfying crack audible in the silent house as he broke his nose. Serves you right you bastard he thought as he turned away and made for the stairs. He knew she would be up here.
At the top of the stairs he turned left and walked past the bathroom to the end of the hall where he knew her bedroom was. The door was only open a crack and as he pushed the door wider, it seemed that the room was empty. Severus knew better than to be fooled into thinking that she had escaped and that the room was truly empty, so he took a step into the room and looked round the edge of the door. A hand, pale and delicate, lying limp on the floor. He could also see the cuff of a baby pink sweater. He hurried forward and found Lily, slumped against the end of the bed. At first it looked like she was sleeping, but Severus knew that this wasn't so. He knelt beside her and brushed her flame red hair away from her face. It was as beautiful as it always had been in life, but with one marked difference, there was a tiny trickle of blood coming from her right eyebrow. Snape took a handkerchief from his trouser pocket and gently dabbed at it. The blood had already begun to dry. He licked a corner of the handkerchief and wiped the blood from her face. Unlike her husband, Lily appeared to have died with a look of peaceful serenity on her face. Snape tenderly kissed her forehead and then lifted her onto the bed, arranging her hair perfectly around her head on the pillow. "Sleep sweet my angel." He whispered as he drew away from the bed. He was about to leave when he heard a sudden noise from inside the room. It was a baby crying. Of course! He had completely forgotten that Lily had a child. Even now the thought pained him, that she had had a child with Potter. He crossed the room again and looked down into the crib. There lay her baby, her son. Even with its face scrunched up and wailing, Snape could tell that he was a spitting image of James. Hatred filled Snape and he directed it straight at the small life form lying helplessly before him. Snape pulled his wand form his robe and spat, "Shut up you little brat! Barely a year old and you're already like your father, whinging and whining and constantly taunting me, reminding me of what I never had and never can have!"
His eyes burned as hot tears trickled down his face. He wiped them violently away with his spare arm, never taking his wand away from the baby's chest.
The baby continued to scream from his place in his crib and so Snape picked him up. He had never held a baby before and so his grip was slightly clumsy at first and the baby howled even louder, but after a minute he got the head settled into the crook of his arm and the baby began to settle a little. Snape then noticed a fine red line snaking down the kid's forehead. Upon closer inspection he discovered it was a scar, in the shape of a lightning bolt.
Snape stared at it intently for several seconds, wandering how such a small baby could have obtained such a large scar. He touched his wand to it and a few sparks emitted from the end, causing the baby to start up its screaming again. Snape realised that this was no ordinary scar. He also realised who had given it to him. The Dark Lord had been here, but why hadn't he finished off this kid? There was no sign of the Dark lord, nor were there any of the characteristic signs he left behind once he had killed everyone within a particular house. As Snape had approached there had been no dark mark above the house. It was at this point that the thought initially crossed Snape's mind that the Dark Lord might be dead, though these suspicions would not be confirmed until he read it in the Daily Prophet the following day.
It was also at that moment that the thought crossed Severus' mind to kill the kid, finish what the Dark Lord started...but he couldn't. He was still consciously aware of Lily lying on the bed and could almost hear her voice whispering to him, "Please Sev. Please take care of Harry. I know he will be safe with you. I know you will protect him, like you tried to protect me."
These ghostly words brought Severus comfort and also clarity. He realised that he would have no personal gain from killing the kid and that in trying to do so, he might end up dead himself, even though at that moment death almost sounded inviting.
Severus stowed his wand back in his robes and got out his handkerchief again, this time to blow his nose. The constant stream of silent tears rolling down his cheeks had also made his nose run. He gave a loud blow on the handkerchief and once again the baby awoke and Severus was greeted by fresh wave of howling. Severus clumsily tried to comfort the child by bouncing it, but it continued to scream, almost as if it knew that Severus was not fond of children, especially this one.
After a few minutes, the wailing became unbearable and so in a moment of desperation Severus reached inside his robes to get some sleeping potion, to calm him down long enough so that Severus would be able to decide what best to do next.
As Severus was reaching into his robes for the potion, the bedroom door banged open again, this time coming clean off its hinges and Severus was greeted by quite an unwelcome sight. Before him stood Sirius Black and Rubeus Hagrid. Apart from the half giant's stupidity, he didn't really have much against Hagrid, just his choice of partner. Sirius Black had always tormented Severus, ever since their first year at Hogwarts. Despite the seriousness of the situation, Sirius still seemed to have the undercurrents of his old, mischievous self hidden underneath. He raised his wand to Severus and said, "Take your hands away from the wand and hand the baby over to us."
Severus ignored him and continued to fumble in the pockets of his robes for the small phial of sleeping potion he always carried for emergencies and long journeys. Sirius raised his wand to Severus, pointing it straight at his chest. "What the hell Snivelly?! You gonna poison the kid right in front of us? If you were gonna kill him why didn't you blast him like Lily and James?"
"I didn't kill Lily and James you idiot! And if you'd care to look closer this is a mild sleeping potion, though I doubt you'd know this anyway as you never paid much attention to any of your subjects at school." Severus spat. He removed the stopper from the potion with his teeth, being careful not to get any of the potion on his own lips and poured a small mouthful into the screaming child. Within a minute there was silence.
"So if you didn't kill Lily and James, who did?" Sirius asked, finally lowering his wand.
"He Who Must Not Be Named." Severus replied solemnly.
"Go on Snape, pull the other one, it's got bells on." Sirius scoffed. "If the Dark Lord had been here why isn't there a dark mark above the house and why the hell would the Dark Lord leave the kid?"
"He didn't. If you look at the brat's forehead there is a scar there, another kind of...dark mark if you like. The Dark Lord was definitely here though. As for his current location...your guess is as good as mine Sirius, but I personally suspect he is dead."
"Dead?! Surely not..."
"From your reaction Sirius, anyone would think you were on his side." Snape hissed with a look of vicious malice in his eyes.
The atmosphere between Snape and Sirius was almost tangible, and beginning to make Hagrid uncomfortable and he began to shuffle from foot to foot. The clumsy half giant accidentally shuffled into the door frame, causing him to hit his head and curse loudly, causing the tension to temporarily disperse between Sirius and Snape.
"I'm not on the side of the Dark Lord, Severus and even if I was, why would I kill my best friend, his wife and then attempt to kill my own nephew. The Dark Lord had a great amount of power over his followers, but I still think love overrides any kind of anger or spite that he could ever possibly try and inject into someone. Now Severus, please hand the baby over to us. Dumbledore sent us. It has already been decided where he is to go and what is to happen."
Despite his feelings of bitter resentment towards the child in the pit of his stomach, Snape was very unwilling to hand the kid over. Although Snape trusted Dumbledore with his life, there was a part of him that secretly wanted to raise the child, for Lily. Reluctantly he stepped forward and handed the sleeping bundle over to Sirius, who in turn handed him to Hagrid saying, "Take my bike from out front. I won't be needing it for a while." Hagrid stood hesitantly at the door before Sirius said, "Leave without me. Dumbledore will be expecting you."
Hagrid left clumsily holding the baby, leaving the old rivals alone at last. "I know." Sirius said.
"Know what? Your name?" Snape sharply retorted.
"No. I know how much you loved Lily. Everyone in the Order did, including Lily herself. I think she'd appreciate what you've done..."
"You didn't know what she was like! Neither did James quite frankly! You have no idea what she thought or how; you only know what you experienced of her while you drunk! James never listened to her properly either! You have no right to tell me how she would feel!" Severus burst into angry tears, rapidly approaching Sirius, arms flailing. His fists weakly beat against Sirius' chest until all the energy ran out of him and he slumped down onto the floor, totally exhausted. He curled up into a tight ball and wept for several minutes, even after he heard Sirius' footsteps leaving the room and going down the stairs. Eventually he is was even too tired to cry, so he got up and went over to the bed, placing himself delicately down next to Lily.
He reached out and took her by the hand, holding it tight as though to try and warm its deathly cold. He fell asleep there that night, with the image of Lily's peaceful face imprinted into his eyelids as he slipped out of consciousness. As he slept, he dreamed of Lily, and waking up to her emerald green eyes and the smell of toast. He could hear her voice whispering, "Wake up Sev. It's time for breakfast."
When Severus finally did awake in the morning, it was the single happiest and saddest moment of his life. When his eyes flickered open, he was indeed greeted by Lily's soft and beautiful face, but it was still and pale and he was once again painfully reminded of the toast she would never make him and the life they would never share.