Hello there fanfiction hungry viewer we are the Deakas Duo. Who is the Deakas Duo you say? Well were just a couple of ordinary Australian Year 11 High School Students (hence our Australian spelling). We teamed up a while ago to combine our creativity and our sense of humour. The result was a string of parodies based on our favourite shows and movies and even our own personal lives (though that parody will never see the light of day).
The villains camping trip is exactly what the name suggest. Famous T.V., anime, and movie villains. And villains such as this make any situation abnormal despite the circumstances. Will the villains be able to find it within themselves to suppress the evil that is within them and will the good human characters be able to survive the villains antics let alone keep them under control?... almost certainly not but lets just say "Lets hope so" or "Only time will tell" for formalities sake ok?
This intro written by Lucas
Most of the parody written by Dean
All the characters are on a mini-bus heading for the national park.
Mitchell: Oh boy this camping trip is going to be so great! We can have campfires, sing songs, go on nature walks, pat animals-
Vegeta: Shut Up! Your gayness is overwhelming!
Mitchell: I am not gay! I'm excited! Excited that in a couple of hours we will be frolicking amongst some of natures most fascinating-
( Vegeta punches Mitchell out the side of the bus)
Howard: Aw geez! No we have to pull over again. We'll never get there at this rate. (He stops the bus) Hey Terminator, go and get Mitchell for me.
Terminator: Mission confirmed: Return homosexual to the bus ( He clomps off down the road)
Barry: Why do people always think Mitchell is gay?
Howard: No idea.
( Five minutes later, the Terminator returns with Mitchell, who is unconscious and bleeding from the head)
Donny: Should we get him to a hospital?
Howard: Nah, he'll be ok. We have to get there before sundown
( 30 mins later)
Joker: Are we there yet?
Howard: No.
Joker: Are we there yet?
Howard: No.
Joker: Are we there yet?
Howard: No.
Joker: Are we there yet?
Cell: STOP ASKING THE SAME QUESTION!
Joker:...When will we get there?
Smith: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! (Punches the Joker out the side of the bus)
Howard: Oh Jeez (pulls over again) Hey Terminator, go get Joker
Terminator: Mission confirmed (He clomps off and returns a few minutes later with the Joker)
Joker: (sadly) why am I the only one without super powers?
(20 minutes later)
Donny: ( strained voice) Can we pull over? I got the mother of all shits building up here.
Howard: Sure, there's a service station up ahead.
Vegeta: More stopping?!
Donny: Do YOU want to clean up my crap?
Vegeta: Of course not! What sort of stupid question is that?
(Joker puts his hand up and starts bouncing around in his seat)
Howard: (sighs) what is it Joker?
Joker: When we stop, can we buy some food and drink?
Howard: Yeah, sure. You don't have to ask for that sort of stuff
Cell: What sort of super villain are you exactly?
Joker: What do you mean?
Cell: Well you ASKED an INFERIOR BEING if you could BUY food and drink.
Vader: Yeah, he's right. It's here in Chapter 4 of the Official Super Villains Handbook. Quote: Said super villain must behave in a cold, discourteous and violent manner to all inferior life forms unless special circumstances exist. End quote
Cell: Must you keep quoting that book?
Vader: What have you got against the book? (Points threateningly)
Cell: You keep quoting it for every little thing!
Vader: And how many planets have YOU blown up smart-guy?
Cell: One, same as you have
Vader: That little blue guy's planet doesn't count
Cell: Why not?
Vader: Because you could walk around it in five minutes
Cell: It's still a planet
Vader: It doesn't count!
Cell: Yes, it does!
Vader: No it doesn't!
Cell: Yes, it does!
Vader: No it doesn't!
Cell: YES IT DOES!
Vader: NO IT DOESN'T!
Vegata (smugly) Who wants to know how many planets I'VE blown up?
Cell and Vader: SHUT UP VEGETA!
Vegeta: Fine then! (Starts pouting)
Howard: We're here! (Pulls into the service station)
Donny: About damn time! (Sprints into the bathroom)
(The two humans and the villains walk into the service station to buy some snacks)
Cashier: Hi. Can I help you guys?
(Smith notices the cashier's name tag says THOMAS ANDERSON)
Smith: (drawling) Mr. Anderson, we meet again
Cashier: Uh, do I know you
Smith: Oh yes you do, Mr. Anderson. But you won't for much longer
(Smith jumps over the counter and starts beating the cashier up)
Cashier: (screams in pain)
Vader: (levitating food and drinks over to himself) Heh, the Force is great for shoplifting.
Meanwhile, Cell and Vegeta are trying to decide what to eat)
Cell: (playing with a box of oatmeal) What is this Oatmeal?
Vegeta: A meal of oats, what do you think?
Cell: But is it a meal OF oats FOR us or is it food FOR OATS!?
Vegeta: ………… I have no idea.
Back at the counter. Howard walks over with a basket full of food and drink. Joker walks up behind him)
Joker: Awww what's the hold up? My ice cream is melting.
Howard: (sighs) Smith, that isn't Neo, that's just a-
Smith: (holding the unconscious cashier who has been thoroughly beaten up) What do you mean this isn't Mr. Anderson, his name tag said so. Unless…… (He sees a woman in another part of the store wearing a long black trench coat) AHA! Thought you could trick me by cross dressing eh, Mr. Anderson?
(Smith charges across the store and crash tackles the unsuspecting woman through the wall. Loud screams of pain are heard)
Joker: ( In a babyish voice)Awwwwww Smith beat up the only cashier, Now we can't buy anything. It's no fair, they always ruin everything. Stupid super villains
Howrad: (sighs) I knew I should have picked Lex Luthor
(A loud screeching sound is heard. Vader is pulling one of the ice cream fridges towards him using the Force.)
Vader: Hehehe. And everyone else walks over to the cooler like a sucker. I can bring the cooler to me!
Cell: (walks over) you know, I consider that a waste of effort. There are other far more productive things you could do with your time and abilities.
Vader: Like what?
Cell: Killing humans, for instance.
Vader: That? That's easy. (Vader uses the Force to throw the fridge at an unsuspecting boy)
Boy: What the- (Flattened and killed by flying ice cream fridge)
(Meanwhile in another part of the store, the Terminator is putting all the sunglasses into a basket)
Barry: Terminator, what are you going to do with two dozen pairs of sunglasses?
Terminator: Wear them.
Barry: Yeah, I guessed that but why do you need so many?
Terminator: They are backup glasses
Barry: So what are you planning to do that will break 20 odd pairs of sunglasses.
Terminator: Protocols require sunglasses to be worn to make me look cool while I blow up police cars.
Barry: But there aren't any police cars around here to blow up!
Terminator: (Dramatically) There will be.
Barry: (sighs, shakes his head and walks away)
Donny: Do you think we should buy Mitchell something?
Howard: No, I think with Vader trying to hoard everything in the store, I think there will be something there for him. (He turns around. Yelling) OK GUYS! FIVE MINUTES AND THEN WE ARE LEAVING!
(A young, very attractive female cashier comes out of a back room.)
Female Cashier: Hi guys. Sorry about the wait. Can I help you?
Howard: (glazing over) Oh…uh yeah. I just wanted to, uh, get these.( He awkwardly puts the basket on the counter, but he fumbles with it and spills all his things) Oh damn it….
Female Cashier: (giggles and blushes) you want a hand?
Howard: (blushing) No, I got it
Joker: (drooling) Such beauty, such perfection, such-
Vader: HEADS! (An ice-cream cooler comes shooting across the store and slams into Joker's head, knocking him out. At the same time Donny returns from the bathroom)
Cell: I heard someone say perfection. Who's talking to me?
Vegeta: Nobody you pompous prick
Cell: How dare you address me like that Vegeta! After all the beatings I gave you, you'd think you'd shown me more respect.
Vegeta: Oh get over yourself.
Cell: WHAT!? NOBODY TALKS TO ME LIKE THAT! I SHOULD BLOW THIS WHOLE PLANET UP FOR YOUR INSOLENSE!
Vader: Suuuuuure you would Cell.
Cell: ALRIGHT THAT'S IT!
Vader and Vegeta:…………..
Cell:…………..
Vader and Vegeta:…………..
Cell:…………..
Cell: (pouting) I'm going to go and sit on the bus (shuffles off)
Donny: (nudges Barry) Hey look Barry. Howard's got a girlfriend.
Barry: Damn she's pretty hot too. (They both look at Howard who is deep in conversation with the cashier. At the same time Smith emerges from a hole in the wall dusting his hands off.)
Vegeta: Can we go now. I am tired of waiting in this hell hole.
Donny: (sniggering) Sure, just as soon as Howard is done with his new friend.
(All the villains who are still conscious and inside the store look at Howard, who is still talking to the cashier)
Howard: Listen, I know we just met and normally I would never do this but……my friends and I are going on a three day trip to the National Park. Uh do you uh want to come along?
Female Cashier: Are you the guys traveling with those weirdoes?
Howard: What do you mean?
Female Cashier: Those guys over there. You know the one in the suit and the short one with the crazy hair and the guy dressed up like Darth Vader and that freak with the painted face and that Arnie impersonator. And the big green guy that just left.
Howard: But they aren't……oh those guys. Yeah they're with me. So uh…. what do uh….you say about coming with us?
Female Cashier: What, go off with a bunch of weirdoes in a mini van to a totally isolated place because of some guy that's hitting on me? Sure why not
Howard: Really?! You….you're serious!?
Female Cashier: Sure. My shift ends in 5 minutes. I'll get changed and then we can go.
Howard: C-cool
Vegeta: Hurry up human! I haven't got all day to sit around here and watch you appease your hormones!
Barry: Come on guys, let's get on the bus.
Vader: Why go to the bus when the bus can come to you? (He extends his hand)
Barry: No, Vader. Don't do what I think-
(Vader pulls his hand back. The next second the bus comes crashing through the wall of the shop, flattening several bystanders. Cell pokes his head out the broken back window)
Cell: Do you mind?! I was trying to sleep!
Vegeta: And we don't care. Now everyone on the bus before I blow this whole god-forsaken hell hole into a crater!
Donny: (shakes his head) Always with the death threats. Hey Terminator, get Joker.
Terminator: Mission confirmed. (He grabs the unconscious Joker and drags him onto the bus. Vader starts levitating all the food and drink he took as well as the ice cream cooler.)
Cell: You're not actually bringing that are you?
Vader: Of course I am. Now I have a monopoly on all the frozen pudding. (Chuckles evilly)
Joker: (waking up) Did someone say pudding?
Vader: It's my pudding. Mine
Smith: THIS IS MY PUDDING! MY PUDDING! (He jumps out of the bus and randomly punches the nearest bystander)
Gollum:(poking his head out from behind the seat.) It's mine, my own. My Precious! (Disappears)
Barry: What the hell was that? (Smith gets back onto the bus) Hey Smith, why did you just do that?
Smith: I don't know. I just had an urge to do it. Although I seem to do it a lot (Strokes his chin thoughtfully) I'm going to look into this.
Joker: Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease, let me have some ice cream.
Vader: (very irritated) Alright then, you want ice cream, I'll give you ice cream.( He opens the cooler)
Joker: Oh goody! Ice Cream! (He eagerly reaches for the ice cream)
Vader: HERE'S YOUR DAMN ICE CREAM! (He uses the Force to bombard the Joker with ice cream)
Joker: Arrrrgh! It's cold! It's gooey! It's chocolatety, hmmm yummy! (He suddenly drops to the ground and starts screaming)
Vader: (Looking around)If anybody else tries to take my ice cream, you will experience the full power of the dark side of the Force.
Vegeta: Being bombarded by ice cream? That might terrify a six year old but we are certified super villains. It takes more than air borne frozen pudding to scare us.
Vader: It scared him. (He points to the Joker who is still screaming on the ground)
Joker: IT'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOEY! (Resumes screaming)
Vegeta: He doesn't count!
Vader: Why not?
Vegeta: Because he's…..he's….well you know what he's like.
Donny: (very loudly) Ok guys that's enough. This bus is already pretty screwed up and we don't need a couple of super villains duking it out. We should just-
Terminator: A fight between super villains has a high probability of attracting police cars. (He puts his sunglasses on)
Barry: Why do you want to blow up police cars so badly?
Terminator: Police cars are historically the biggest interference to completing my missions.
Barry: But there aren't any police cars to "interfere with your mission" or whatever.
Terminator: (Dramatically) There will be
Barry: But you just- oh never mind ( sighs and walks away)
Vegeta: I am tired of waiting. (He pokes his head out the window of the bus) Human! Get on this vehicle right now! We are leaving!
Howard: Keep your spandex on Vegeta! I'm not ready yet.
Vegeta: How dare you defy the Prince Of All Saiyans! I should blast you into a million pieces right here!
Vader: You can't.
Vegeta: Why not?
Vader: Because it says so right here on page 59 of the Official Super Villains Handbook.
Quote said villain is not to destroy, kill, maim, or harm any humans which serve their purposes until said purpose has been completed. After said purpose has been completed, said villain may destroy said human at leisure End quote. This human has not fulfilled his purpose and thus you can't destroy him.
Vegeta: (Screams in frustration. Randomly blasts the nearest human)
Female Cashier: Ready. (steps out of back room wearing a midriff and short denim shorts)
Howard: (stares)
Joker: (stares)
Cell: (Rolls eyes)
Smith: (punches Joker for no reason)
Donny and Barry: (chuckle and nudge each other)
Mitchell: (still unconscious)
Terminator: ( no reaction)
Vegeta: (Vein bulging in his forehead) CAN WE GO NOW!?!?!?!?!?
Howard: (ignoring Vegeta) W-w-w-w-
Female Cashier: (giggles) I get the point. Hey, I think we better go. Your friend with the crazy hair looks like he's about to blow a thousand blood vessels (points to Vegeta who is very red in the face and twitching)
Howard: Just ignore him….if you can. What's your name by the way?
Female Cashier: I'm Nina
Howard: I'm Howard. Come on, I'll introduce you to the guys. (They get onto the bus)
Howard: Guys, this is Nina. Be VERY VERY nice to her, understand?
Vegeta: ( Vein bulging in forehead. His hair starts to change color from black to gold and his eyes from black to green) WE DON'T CARE! JUST GET THIS DAMN BUS MOVING! NOW!
Nina: (Stares)
Howard: (quietly) Look these guys are a little weird. I don't blame you if you want to bail
Nina: No, it's good. I like a bit of weirdness and unpredictability. Makes life interesting
Howard: Ok then, if you're sure….
Nina: Yeah I am. Are you going to introduce me to these guys or what?
Howard: Oh right. Well Mr. Hissy-Fit over there is Vegeta
Vegeta: ENOUGH TALK! DRIVE THE DAMN BUS HUMAN!
Howard: (ignores Vegeta) The big green and black guy with the gray face is Cell
Cell: My name is PERFECT Cell.
Vegeta: Then why did you get killed?
Cell: SILENCE!
Howard: Anyway, the guy in the suit and sunglasses is Smith
Smith: Tell me, have you been in contact with a man who calls himself Morpheus?
Nina: Uhh…..
Howard: Ignore him. The big guy with the shotgun, minigun, grenade launcher and leather jacket is Terminator.
Terminator: Do you work for the police?
Howard: No she doesn't. The guy on the floor is Joker
Joker: IT'S GOOOOOOOEY! ( kicked by Cell)
Howard: The really big guy with the cape, helmet and breathing problems in Darth Vader.
Vader: Bow to a true Sith Lord. And the frozen pudding is ALL mine so don't ask for any.
Howard: Moving on. And these guys are my best friends, Barry, Donny and Mitchell
Barry: Hi, how are you (shakes her hand)
Donny: Very pleased to make you acquaintance (shakes her hand)
Mitchell: (Unconscious)
Nina: (looking at Mitchell) Is he going to be ok?
Howard: Yeah, he'll wake up in a bit and then you can meet him properly. (To all the occupants of the bus) OK guys, we are out of here!
Everyone sits down in their seats
Vegeta: ABOUT DAMN TIME!
(And so, the bus with our heroes and villains made its way out of the service station and into whatever adventures lay ahead)
Well there you have it folks the first chapter of The Villains camping trip, sort of long-ish chapters but the Deakus Duo are into that sort of thing...(in scary DBZ voice over voice) Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of The Villains camping trip!