Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. They are the property of
Paramount. This is a monologue I wrote about a year ago for my English
Literature GCSE coursework. I got an A grade. This is an AU piece about
what I think the Trek characters would have been like if they'd gone to
school in a 1990's English junior school. (For anyone who is unsure the
characters are aged about 9-10.) It's from the POV of the teacher.
Star Trek Monologue: Next Generation/Voyager.
Today, boys and girls, we're going to continue our work on the Victorians that we started yesterday...
No, Harry, I wasn't born then.
In Victorian times...
Thomas! Stop hitting Beverly!
No, I don't think she wanted you to hit her.
Oh, Thomas, now look what you've done, you've made her cry. Apologise.
Like you mean it!
Now where was I? Oh yes, I know. Who was queen during this era?
No Thomas, Queen Elizabeth is the current queen. Any other, sensible, answers?
That's right, Kathryn. Queen Victoria was queen during this era.
Thomas! She is not teacher's pet. I think you need to go and sit in the Time Out corner.
Stop pouting and go!
Now, if we can continue... what year did Queen Victoria come to the throne?
That's correct, Deanna. Queen Victoria came to the throne in 1837.
Next question... William, why are you playing with Deanna's hair?
Yes, I know it's pretty but can you stop playing with it and pay attention.
She might not mind but I do, now stop it or you'll be joining Thomas in the Time Out corner. Thank you.
OK class, what was Victoria's husband called?
Well done, Beverly. He was called Albert.
Thomas! Will you please be quiet; you're in the Time Out corner for a reason.
No, you cannot leave it yet. You did something bad. You know the rules if you do something bad, you have to sit in the Time Out corner and think about what you did and why it was naughty.
No, I'm not going to explain why you did something naughty, that's up to you to work out.
Now, if we can get back to the work... no, Harry, it's not time to go home yet.
Harry, at this school we go home at three o'clock and it's only half past two.
Now, if we can get on... William! I thought I told you to stop playing with Deanna's hair.
Yes, I know she's your best friend, but if you want to play with her hair, play with it after school not in my lesson.
Thomas! Stop being horrible to William. There's nothing wrong with William being friends with a girl.
Thomas if you don't be quiet I shall have to have a word with your mum again and you don't want that, do you?
Goodness, look at the time! It's almost time to go. You'd better go fetch your coats and bags.
Deanna, aren't you going to fetch your coat and bag?
Oh, William's getting it for you; that's very kind of him.
Thomas, you could learn a thing or two about behaviour from William.
OK, class, it's three o'clock you may go. Have a good evening and I'll see you all tomorrow morning.
Not you, Thomas. I want a word with you.
Star Trek Monologue: Next Generation/Voyager.
Today, boys and girls, we're going to continue our work on the Victorians that we started yesterday...
No, Harry, I wasn't born then.
In Victorian times...
Thomas! Stop hitting Beverly!
No, I don't think she wanted you to hit her.
Oh, Thomas, now look what you've done, you've made her cry. Apologise.
Like you mean it!
Now where was I? Oh yes, I know. Who was queen during this era?
No Thomas, Queen Elizabeth is the current queen. Any other, sensible, answers?
That's right, Kathryn. Queen Victoria was queen during this era.
Thomas! She is not teacher's pet. I think you need to go and sit in the Time Out corner.
Stop pouting and go!
Now, if we can continue... what year did Queen Victoria come to the throne?
That's correct, Deanna. Queen Victoria came to the throne in 1837.
Next question... William, why are you playing with Deanna's hair?
Yes, I know it's pretty but can you stop playing with it and pay attention.
She might not mind but I do, now stop it or you'll be joining Thomas in the Time Out corner. Thank you.
OK class, what was Victoria's husband called?
Well done, Beverly. He was called Albert.
Thomas! Will you please be quiet; you're in the Time Out corner for a reason.
No, you cannot leave it yet. You did something bad. You know the rules if you do something bad, you have to sit in the Time Out corner and think about what you did and why it was naughty.
No, I'm not going to explain why you did something naughty, that's up to you to work out.
Now, if we can get back to the work... no, Harry, it's not time to go home yet.
Harry, at this school we go home at three o'clock and it's only half past two.
Now, if we can get on... William! I thought I told you to stop playing with Deanna's hair.
Yes, I know she's your best friend, but if you want to play with her hair, play with it after school not in my lesson.
Thomas! Stop being horrible to William. There's nothing wrong with William being friends with a girl.
Thomas if you don't be quiet I shall have to have a word with your mum again and you don't want that, do you?
Goodness, look at the time! It's almost time to go. You'd better go fetch your coats and bags.
Deanna, aren't you going to fetch your coat and bag?
Oh, William's getting it for you; that's very kind of him.
Thomas, you could learn a thing or two about behaviour from William.
OK, class, it's three o'clock you may go. Have a good evening and I'll see you all tomorrow morning.
Not you, Thomas. I want a word with you.