The Goldfish

(Written by Anne Zwarts)

I sat behind my desk, thinking about what I was planning to write about. To think clearly, I was watching my goldfish, swimming around at my desk… well, he swam in the fishbowl that was standing at my desk. Just at that time I was thinking: what would it be like to be a goldfish?

First I want to tell you something about myself. I'm born in 1966 in Kinlochleven, a village in Scotland, close to the coast, so I am a real Scotchman…

I grew up in a real wizard family, so when I was 11 years old, I got a letter from Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, where I was trained as a wizard. At Hogwarts I was in the same class as James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew, they were friends of mine, so when I was reading The Daily Prophet 15 year ago, I was really shocked to learn James and his wife Lily were killed by You-Know-Who, and that Sirius would have betrayed their hiding place, but he hadn't. It was Peter who did that… Anyway, we were also in the same class as the not loved, future teacher Potions, named Severus Snape, you must have heard of him.

When I left Hogwarts after 7 years as a very well-trained wizard, I went back to Kinlochleven. In Scotland there is very little work for wizards, the only thing to do, since many generations, is keeping Nessie quiet. And because Loch Ness is near to Kinlochleven, I went to Loch Ness as a mission. But on that moment I read in The Daily Prophet, which I got every day, that You-Know-Who got back near to Hogwarts and also near Harry Potter, the son of James. I thought I must help Harry, but when I arrived at Hogwarts, Harry already beat You-Know-Who, so I visited Harry in sickbay. After that I returned to Loch Ness and finished my mission. The last few years I've brought by between Muggles, and as usual to Muggles, I didn't walk around in a cloak and stored my wizardry stuff in a locker.

Since several months I'm working at Hogwarts as a Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, and that makes me colleague of Severus Snape. He wasn't very happy to see me again, and so am I…

Threatening he said to me he wasn't pleased I was back, and he wasn't planning to be gracious to me. Especially not after what happened at our school time. Once when we were duelling I broke all of his bones, it took Madam Pomfrey months to repair it. This was only one of the examples…. I had to laugh about it, and before he could react, Albus Dumbledore came to us. Snape doesn't dare to say a thing to me when Dumbledore's around. Well, this was my life story until today; let's talk about the upcoming days.

Now I am at Hogwarts, sitting behind my desk, watching my goldfish, which is coming from the Muggle world, and thinking. Just at this time Snape is coming into my office. I asked him quite angrily what he was doing here, and to my surprise he said in his usual coldly, callously, soft voice he wanted to talk to me about our eternal fight. When he saw me, staring at my fishbowl, he asked me a little surprised what I was staring at and what I was thinking about. And I, empty-headed as usual said that I was thinking about how it would be like to be a goldfish. That was the stupidest thing I've ever done, I heard him laugh, knowing I made a very big mistake. I heard his shrill voice speak out a spell, with a horrible tone of reprisal in it… from one moment to the other I felt myself reduce in size, and the air I was breathing no longer effected me, I got short breathing and noticed that I was laying on my chair. I had been stupid, and suddenly I remembered at school Severus was very good in Transfiguration class… but I remembered too late… I felt how Severus took my tail and dropped me into the fishbowl. I have never felt that stupid before but it was too late to change it. After all almost nobody knew about the fishbowl at my desk, some people don't even know I was working at Hogwarts… the only one who knows about my fishbowl was professor Dumbledore, but of course he doesn't know if there were one or two fishes in it, after a few days he came into my office, he missed me and Dumbledore was very worried about me, because I hadn't say a thing about my disappearance. He saw the fishbowl and worried about me and the other fish, picked up the bowl and the fish food, and brought it to his own office. There it was a lot more pleasant stay than my own office. Harry Potter suddenly came into the office, seeing his face shocked me, he looked bewildered, but he also looked like his father. He looked like he had a terrible fight with someone and Dumbledore came to him, I've heard the whole story, but I'm sure Harry won't appreciate it if I'm going to tell it to you all…… what the heck, I'll tell you.

Harry told Dumbledore he was walking around in the corridor, when he saw Draco Malfoy coming, with Severus Snape, Head of Slytherin House, where Malfoy's in. I almost got a heart attack when he told all this, but I went on listening. Harry told that Snape walked on and Malfoy came to him, with his wand hand raised, he spoke a spell, but that didn't hit Harry. Harry didn't had his wand within range, and was going to beat Malfoy with his naked fists, that was obvious… his spectacles were hanging into pieces… after a few minutes Malfoy came in, followed by Snape. Harry was very white, but tried to keep himself together, Snape was saying Harry attacked Malfoy, he almost started snarling to Dumbledore, but Harry jumped between them. He defended himself by saying Malfoy and Snape came walking together and Malfoy attacked him. He protected himself against Malfoy by fighting back. Dumbledore believed him and told Snape and Malfoy off. When Harry and Malfoy had left, Snape got a talk from Dumbledore, that went on like this: 'my dear Severus, if you won't be any more friendly to Harry, you're fired. I myself know a few people who can be a perfect teacher of Potions.' Snape didn't know what to say about that and walked out of the office, with a red head.

In the mean time I was still swimming around in that bowl, and tried to make clear to Dumbledore that I had something to tell him. Dumbledore knows something about goldfishes, and he looked at me. I could read in his eyes that he saw something unusual at me. He looked with a mindful face and walked out of his office.

After half an hour he came back, followed by Hagrid, who looked concerned. He asked Dumbledore what he did to me, to which Dumbledore gave the following answer: 'I didn't do anything at all to him. I just got this bowl out of Lupin's office and put it down here. I don't know either where Lupin could be, what about you?' Hagrid thought for a while and said: 'I 'ave some susp'cions 'bout it, just look for tha' fish. 'e 'as much hair, doesn' he?' Dumbledore watched one more time, looked shocked, and said: 'you're right, I think we have to go and get McGonagall. She knows more about transfiguration than me…' Hagrid totally agreed, and I wasn't worried about that, I had the feeling they were on the right way.

Dumbledore was at McGonagall's and said to her: 'Minerva, I think we have a problem, Remus has gone, and on his desk was a fishbowl with two fishes, but as far as I know, he only had one…' McGonagall agreed and said: 'Was there something strange at one of the fishes? Because if werewolves turn into other animals, mostly they have a few hairs on their head, and with a goldfish you certainly must have seen it.' Dumbledore was silent for a moment, then he said: 'Minerva, I am sure one of them had some hairs on his head. But I was already planning to show it to you, but now you have to come with me…'

A few minutes later Dumbledore and McGonagall walked into Dumbledore's office, she remembered that one of Merlin's apprentices once turned into a fish, and that there were some things at him on which you could see who he was, but further he looked like an ordinary fish. But that apprentice asked for it himself. Of course I was no longer an apprentice, but I was transfigured into a goldfish, by someone who was trying to hurt me, and McGonagall was trying to figure out who did it. At first I knew McGonagall would never believe me if I said it was Snape who did it, but  it's always worth it to make that clear. I reckon McGonagall doesn't know that once, a long time ago Snape and I were in the same class, I guess it's better so.

McGonagall was thinking, of course she doesn't know which spell was used, she walked away to find out, went to the library to search in the books, after a few days she returned with a very  complicated spell, fortunately I can't repeat it, that complicated was it. She tried it, without positive effects, in fact I reduced even more…

McGonagall didn't know what to do now, she went to Snape, because she heard from Dumbledore that we weren't friends, and she asked him which spell he had used. Snape denied he had anything to do with it, he said he even doesn't know how to transfigure a human into a fish, but McGonagall knew better, he lied. She taught him herself, and she knew that Snape was good in Transfiguration from human. Together with Dumbledore she went next day to Snape, and this time he said which spell he should use in that kind of situation, and he also mentioned a 'remedy'. At first he wanted to make  a potion, but McGonagall wouldn't think that's a good idea, she asked him which anti-spell she could used at best and the three of them came to a spell to use.

That evening they came to me with the spell, and it worked. Snape wanted to run away, when I walked to him with my completely wet cloak and wet wand in my hand and a very, very mean look in my eyes… I was very angry, and Snape didn't know how that could be, and he better not asked… I aimed my wand at him and began to say a very mean curse, but halfway I thought about what Sirius told me about Azkaban, and I heard Dumbledore and McGonagall telling I better not cursed Snape, because he seemed to have his contacts with You-Know-Who, however Dumbledore doesn't want to believe that. I gave Snape just one more killing look, turned and walked away. Upcoming time I wouldn't like to see him again.

When I was halfway my office, I remembered my goldfish, still standing on Dumbledore's desk, he had become my best friend, thanks to Snape, and Snape was still in Dumbledore's office. I decided to change my robe and then go back to get my fish.

Back in Dumbledore's office, I saw Snape just had left to the teachers room, I was standing opposite to Dumbledore, who read amazement of my face, because he said to me: 'you were excepting Severus too, didn't you? Well, I gave him his last chance here, but if I get to know he is taking any more points of from Gryffindor, he's out of here!' Dumbledore said this all with a very dangerous look in his eyes, a look in which was clearly to see he really meant what he as saying. I wasn't used to that look, and I said: 'Severus really isn't friendly, but you mustn't forget he has friendly sides, which I didn't believe the first time we met. He seemed to have saved Harry Potter once when he was here in his first year and he was playing Quidditch, because Quirrel was trying to bewitch his broom.' Dumbledore said: 'my dear Remus, that kind of answer I never didn't expect to hear from you. It is true what you're saying, however, he came in here a few days ago with Malfoy, and then he tried to blame Harry from something Malfoy did. Everybody here at Hogwarts knows that you and Severus can't stand each other, but now you're trying to talk things right he has done wrong. Please explain.' I began to sweat like mad, I had to find an answer, so I stuttered: 'well, look, that's like this ehh, I was thanks to Severus transfigured into a goldfish and I ehh, my fish ehh, we have become very ehh, very close friends and ehh, well, in about a few days ehh, we ehh, there will com some ehh, what shall I call it ehh…' 'progeny??' 'Yes! I mean ehh, it could possibly be, I guess…' Dumbledore grinned and said: 'you don't have to be ashamed Remus, but I hope that you realise it could be quite dangerous if a transfigured werewolf is going to have kids. It could possibly be that your offspring has the genetic material of a werewolf. I don't want to think about it if we're thinking we have an ordinary goldfish and it appears to be a werewolf…' I thought: Damned! If it is really that worse… thanks Severus! If I got the chance to take revenge, I do it immediately! I looked at Dumbledore, he probably saw that look in me eyes and said: 'No Remus, you won't. I can fire you as good as Severus if you're going to do that..' of course he was right, because everybody knows Severus has all wrong friends…

In mean time my goldfish laid some eggs, and I hated it to have to get them away, so I went to Hagrid's and asked them to get them away. Hagrid wanted to do it because he could understand what it was if you have to kill your own children, because they could be very dangerous. At first he didn't want to kill them either, but when I insisted, and Dumbledore did too, he finally did it…

Afterwards I talked about it with Severus, and he said: 'Now you have to listen to me Remus, you are a Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher here, and you know how much I want that job, but Dumbledore won't let it happen, extremely annoying. But you mustn't think I transfigured you into a goldfish, because I want your job, not at all. The only thing I wanted to do was helping you with the way of your thoughts…' I didn't like it, so I said to him: 'Severus, I think that you have to listen to me now, if you didn't do this because some kid of revenge, why didn't you tell Dumbledore or McGonagall which spell you used? This is very a weak behaviour Severus, you're disappointing me!' he was shocked and walked away.

A few year after this Severus was fired, instead of a potion to heal McGonagall from some nasty spots she got from some kind of weird plant at Professor Sprout's, nobody knows what she did there, he made a potion on which she could have died. Severus was fired immediately and Malfoy, who left Hogwarts a few years earlier, replaced him. But I don't know if it is an improvement for Hogwarts………