A quick fic for my friend Charline. Contains K2 and I won't object to you flaming. I've never gotten one before.
It was well known around the town, or amongst the teens, anyway, that Eric P. Cartman was a self-centered, homophobic, egotistical, sycophantic Hitler-Youth. It was also well known that somehow had friends despite these traits. Friends that, for some reason, enjoyed his company. Friends that had stuck with him from anal-probes to inter-dimensional warfare. You can't stop being close after something like that. And unfortunately for Stan, two of his friends had gotten very close.
Uncomfortably close.
Sleeping in the same bed close.
Jacking off in the same bed close.
He hadn't seen it coming, and he was sure no one had, but Kyle and Kenny had gotten together.
He didn't like to think about it, and he was glad the Kyle hadn't gotten too mad at him for the time it had taken for him to get used to it.
But now, the couple had another roadblock to go over. An unhealthily large, bright red one.
Cartman, as he usually did during lunch, was over by the basketball court trying to convince Butters to sell crack. Kyle shooed the blonde away with lecture that would have made their old councilor proud while Kenny slipped Cartman a twenty.
The fat boy was muttering something about 'that damn Jew' and how he was 'hording all the crack money'.
Stan and Kyle rolled their eyes simultaneously and an annoyed look crossed over the visible part of Kenny face for a moment.
"So" Cartman started, sitting on the bleachers that lined the court "What do you fags want?"
"Mph!mmphhphmmph!"
"Whats the big deal, you say it all the time." Cartman said, s smirk crossing over his face. Stan could see the tasteless jokes he concocting, and the delight that shone through his eyes.
"Mmhpmphmphmmhhmphm."
"What do you mean 'It never applied to you before!'" He asked aghast, his eyes darting to each of the three boys.
Kenny smirked and grabbed Kyle's hand.
"What!" Cartman shouted. He started pacing the length of the bleachers, looking as if everything he had ever known had been pulled from under him.
"B-But" He pointed at Kyle "You're Jewish!"
Kyle raised an eyebrow.
"And?"
He gestured towords Kenny.
"And hes-"
The word 'poor' hung in the air.
Cartman fell to the ground and started to bang his head against the snow.
"No. No. No. No. NO!" He shouted "You're-disturbing-the-natural order!" He pointed at Kenny "I'd expect this from a greedy Jew, but you, Kenny? I thought you were smart." He picked himself up. "The Jews and the Poor are breeding... do you know what this means, Stan?" He didn't give him a chance to answer "This mean that the offspring, a Jeor, if you will, will be the greediest thing known to mankind, and It'll have Kenny's baby face so one on can say no to them when they beg for money!"
Kenny burst into muffled laughter, followed by the other two boys. Cartman bristled and started to walk away.
"Oh, you laugh now, but you'll see." He turned his head around and whispered "You'll see..."
They stood in awkward silence for a while, Kenny trying to muffle his laughter.
"Well" Stan said, turing towords the school "I'll leave you to make your Jeors now. Name one after me."
"Mph. mhpphmp."
"Damn it, Kenny, not in public."
Stan doubled his pace at the sound of ripping cloth.