Disclaimer: Not mine, don't we all just wish!
Notes: A response to the challenge "What was the meaning of the fleeting glance between Josh and Donna at the end of "Night Five" Thanks to Christina for the help with the ending - you have great ideas...
Summary: The title says it all... Thank God For Stanley Keyworth!
Feedback: Almost as good as realizing whom you're in love with...
Archive: If you want to, knock yourself out. Not literally of course :)
Title: "Thank God For Stanley Keyworth"
Rating: PG for language
****
"Thank God For Stanley Keyworth"
****
So I stand here, just beside my desk looking towards CJ's office. The room is dark, and all I see around me is the sudden gloom that has hit the West Wing. If CJ sticks up for nothing or no-one else, she will always come to the defense of the members of the White House Press Corps. The only thought that comes to my mind as I watch the events taking place in her office is "damn it all to hell, the bastards killed him." I can only imagine what that poor woman must be thinking. God, if I were in her place, I would un- spool. I turn to head towards my desk and resume the work that still has to be done, when I see Josh standing in the doorway. The way the lights from inside his office shadow his face, reflect the mood that I just know he's in. He turns to walk to his desk, but briefly looks back at me before he sits in his chair. It's an unspoken thing that he does when he wants to talk to me, but doesn't want to openly admit it. I decide, against my better judgement; that he needs to be alone for a little bit, so I return to my desk and start back to work. About thirty minutes and three cups of coffee later, I stare at the same blank computer screen. My fingers aren't able to type what needs to be typed, with all the thoughts running through my head. I mean there's this thing that just happened, and for some reason I
can't seem to concentrate on what I'm doing as a result; then the job offer. I mean, there were just so many zeros. Unbeknownst to me, someone is standing to my right, just at the `door' to my `office'. I hear that person clear their throat, and I turn to look up at them.
"Stanley. I'm sorry, I didn't see you standing there."
He smiles.
"That's ok, Donna. I understand. You looked like you were a million miles away just now."
"Not really. I was just…"
"Donna."
"Yes."
"There are certain things that I have been trained to identify. Don't lie; because it won't work with me."
I smile a weak smile.
"Ok, Doc. You caught me."
"Care to talk about it?"
"I can't afford you, Stanley. Now, if Josh were to give me a raise…"
He laughs at my feeble attempt at humor.
"When I see him next, I'll mention it to him. Consider it a belated gift. Wanna talk?"
"Feel like having some coffee? There's lots downstairs in the Mess."
He nods his head, and I lead him to the Mess; where we both sit at a table in the corner. There are a few people there; but they are mostly too pre- occupied with what they are doing, and are paying no attention to Stanley and I.
"So. Where were you?"
"Where was I when?"
"Just now. When you were at your desk."
"I don't really know."
"That's not a solid answer, Donna. I KNOW you were somewhere other than your desk."
I smile. He caught me, again.
"Yeah. I just have a lot on my mind."
"Tell me about it."
He sits back in his chair, getting comfortable, and I take a firm hold of my coffee cup.
"Stanley, even though this is a friendly thing, I have to be sure that you won't…"
He holds up his hand and smiles.
"Listen, the things that I hear on a daily basis would make you blush. Don't worry about it. I don't tell secrets, or tell anyone anything that I hear when I'm, you know. Talking with someone."
I smile. That puts me at ease.
"Ok. See, there's this guy."
"Uh huh."
I shake my head.
"This is gonna sound so silly to you, Stanley. Aren't you sure that there are other things that you would rather be doing?"
"Something OTHER than having coffee with a pretty lady?"
I smile, and I can feel the blush.
"Thank you."
"You're very welcome. I only speak the truth, Donna."
"Well, thank you again."
I sigh, and I guess it's about time to spill the coffee beans.
"Well, there's this guy; he's a friend of mine. I had a drink with him tonight."
"That's good. Any possibilities?"
"Yeah, but not like that. See, he sees the potential that, I don't mean to toot my own horn, but he sees my potential. He's started up a dot com business, and he wants me to work for him."
"Good for you."
"He offered me a job."
"Excellent. Are you going to accept it?"
"Therein lies the problem."
"How so? Better hours?"
I nod my head.
"Better pay?"
"Hell, yeah."
"All round better job?"
I lower my head.
"Donna, what's the problem?"
"Well, it's like this. I don't know if I can take it."
"But, the main points that you just confirmed would be reason enough to take the job, correct?"
"Yes, but…"
"Then what's holding you back?"
I mumble something, and then take a sip of my coffee.
"I'm sorry, Donna. I didn't hear you."
I look up at him with weak eyes.
"I wouldn't be near him."
"Him? Him who?"
"Josh."
He nods his head as though he was expecting that answer all along.
"I mean, Josh is rude, arrogant, obnoxious, egotistical and overbearingly pretentious."
He nods in agreement.
"But…"
"But he's Josh. You put up with all of that to see the good side of him. He does have one, you know."
"I know, Donna."
"I mean, it's not like I would miss the harassment or incessant nagging…"
"Of course."
"And I sure as hell wouldn't miss the lack of money…"
He nods his head and smiles at me.
"And believe me when I tell you I wouldn't miss April 17th."
He tilts his head to the side.
"What's so special about that day?"
"It's our anniversary."
"Really?"
"Well, it's the day that Josh likes to remember as our anniversary."
"Expand on that."
"Well, I started working for Josh in February, then I left for a couple of months and came back on April 17th, and he remembers the April date as our anniversary."
"I see."
"Yeah. So I really started working for him in February, he sends me flowers every April, and he's an idiot."
"An idiot?"
"Yeah. Well, not really an idiot; the man is incredibly intelligent. I mean, he's just dumb."
"Dumb."
"Well, he's not dumb. He can talk the ears off a deaf person. He's just… argh! He's just Josh."
"Yeah. He's just Josh."
I look into my coffee cup, and I can tell he's looking at me; waiting for me to say something else. I don't, so he makes the next move.
"Tell me again why you can't take the job."
I look up at him.
"If you had seen his face… with the lady… it's just… no one understands him the way that I do."
"Isn't he dating someone? Surely she could…"
I look up at him and cut him off abruptly.
"Don't get me wrong, Stanley. I'm sure Amy is a lovely person in her own right. But she just doesn't `get' him. I know they've known each other for years, but it's just not…"
"It's just not the same as it is with you."
"Exactly."
"Why is that?"
"Was she there for him when his father died?"
"I don't know."
"Well, she wasn't. I was. Was she there when he cried himself to sleep when he came back to the campaign? No. Was she there when he…"
"When he what?"
"You know. The thing."
"What thing?"
"Stanley, you're not stupid. You KNOW what I'm talking about."
"Donna. You and I both know what you're talking about. I however, am not the one that needs to talk about it. You are."
"You want me to tell you how scared I was that I would lose him?"
He nods his head. I start to raise my voice to him as I speak.
"Fine. You want me to tell you how I didn't sleep for almost a week? How I didn't move from my chair in that disgusting Hospital waiting room; how my body froze when they told me…"
I can feel the tears coming, and I won't give him the satisfaction. I won't allow myself to get emotional.
"When they told you what, Donna?"
I yell and the tears start to flow as my emotions take over against my wishes.
"When they told me that he was shot? You want me to tell you how that literally ripped my heart in pieces, and how I wish it had been me? You want me to tell you how I stayed at the hospital every day because I was so overcome with guilt that I hadn't been there for him?"
He leans back in his chair and smiles.
"Good for you."
"Good for me? What does that mean? That it's good that I feel guilty that he'll have a scar on his chest for the rest of his life? That every time he gets quiet and doesn't talk to me or to anyone else that I fear that he's going to have another attack? That he might put his fist through another window? Please tell me how THAT is good Stanley, because honest to god, I'd really like to know."
"What made you start thinking about this?"
I sigh and lower my voice.
"The lady. The reporter."
"What's that about?"
"I don't know if I can go into details."
"No problem. Give me the nutshell version."
"A reporter was somewhere where apparently he shouldn't have been, and he was killed."
"I'm sorry."
"Well, express your sympathies to his wife who's upstairs with CJ and is completely traumatized."
"Just like you were with Josh."
Ok. THAT got my attention.
"Stanley, I don't know if you are aware of this, but I wasn't the one who was shot."
"I know that. I'm saying, you felt the same emotions that this lady is going through, right?"
I ponder that for a moment, then nod my head.
"Yeah. I guess so."
"However, Josh is your boss."
"Yes."
"And you are his assistant."
"Yes."
"So… doesn't it make you wonder?"
"Doesn't what make me wonder?"
"Well, I just find it odd that you would feel so strongly when he is your employer and you are his employee."
"It's more than that. We're just…"
"You're just what?"
"We're just us."
"Us?"
"Yes, us."
"Define `us'."
"Us. A pairing of two persons being in close proximity to each other at the same place, at the same time."
"Thank you, Miss Webster's Dictionary."
I smile.
"Well, I don't know if that's the exact definition, you know."
"So, if you were asked to define us; in relation to you and Josh, how would you do that?"
"I really don't know. I guess I would say he's my boss; and my friend."
"And…"
"There's nothing else."
"That's the problem."
"I don't understand."
"Donna, when I talked to Josh after the hand thing; he kept mentioning you."
I smile.
"Really?"
"Yes. He kept saying something about how you wouldn't shut up about Yo-Yo Ma."
I smile.
"Yeah. He kept bugging me about that all day. But I can't help it of Yo-Yo Ma rules."
"He does play very well. However, he mentioned you many times during the course of our discussion."
"Really?"
"Really."
I look down and take another sip of my coffee.
"What'd he say?"
"I'm afraid I can't tell you that."
"Why?"
"You know. The Doctor patient thing?"
"I forgot. Sorry `bout that."
"No worries."
"Can I ask your advice on something?"
"That's what I'm here for."
"If you were in my situation, what would you do?"
He looks behind me then at his watch.
"Donna, I have to be going. I have an early appointment."
"But you can't leave just yet. What would you do?"
He stands up from the table and collects his coat and briefcase. He puts his hand on my shoulder and smiles.
"I think you know exactly what you need to do. You have a very good head on your shoulders, Donna, and a wonderfully compassionate heart. Follow it."
I smile.
"Thank you."
"Any time."
As he leaves I can't help but ask.
"Stanley, if this were an actual, you know, thing. How much would you be billing me?"
"Two hours at $375 an hour makes $750. Merry Christmas, Donna."
I smile.
"Thank you."
I take the last sip of my coffee as I think in my head what I need to do. I swallow the coffee, and stand up from my chair and head back to my desk.
****
I get up to my office and the bullpen is dark and quiet; the only exception being the light from over Josh's desk and the faint sounds of C-Span on the TV coming from his office. I walk quietly to his door and knock on the frame.
"Yeah."
"Hey. You got a minute?"
He looks up at me with a shocked expression.
"Donna. I thought you left a long time ago."
I smile.
"Yeah, well. I was in the Mess. I couldn't concentrate, so I went down and had coffee with a friend."
"Good for you. Do you have the report on the thing for me?"
"I do, but I wanted to know if I could, you know, talk to you for a minute."
He seems a little disturbed by this request, which doesn't surprise me.
"Ok. Have a seat. Is it serious?"
I sit in the chair.
"Well, sort of."
"Donna, I can see what I can do about a pay raise, but I can't promise anything, you know."
"I know, Josh. It's not like that."
We sit in his office for a moment, just looking at each other, trying to read each other's thoughts. We both start sentences at the same time and we smile.
"Go ahead."
"Ladies first."
"Do you ever think about it?"
"About what?"
"You know. About the thing?"
I can see the happiness drain from his face and he replies with a monotone voice.
"All the time."
"Josh, I don't know what I would have done, I mean, I should have been there."
"Donna, I'm just glad you weren't there. I mean, it might have been you if you were."
"Josh, that's just it. I wasn't there. You wanted me to go, and I said I was too tired. I didn't want to. I should have been there."
"Donna, it's really ok. It's in the past, forget about it."
"Just like you can?"
He gets a blank look on his face.
"I'm sorry, that was unfair of me."
He gets up from his chair and I stand up to meet him. For once I see honest to goodness fear in his eyes.
"Donna. If we're gonna have it out, let's get it over with because I have a lot of things to get done."
"Josh. I didn't mean to…"
He yells.
"Yes you did, Donna! You wanted me to remember this, you brought this up, so let's deal with it and move on."
I match his tone, shout for shout.
"Move on? Is that what you want me to do? Move on?"
"If that's what's gonna make you happy, Donna. Be my guest. There's the door."
I stand right in front of him; not letting him have the satisfaction of seeing me cry. I speak quietly to him, but not giving up my stance for one minute.
"Joshua. If you think for one minute that what it would take to make me happy is a 9-5 job with a really big pay-check, then you honestly don't know me at all."
I turn to walk away from him, but he grabs me by the arm.
"Donna. I didn't mean to say that…"
"Yes you did, Josh. Yes you did."
"But Donna, I…"
"I know, Josh. You're sorry, and you'll beg me to stay. Well if you tell me to stay because you need my help, then I'm flattered. But if you tell me that you want me to stay because…"
"Because what, Donna?"
"Because… it doesn't matter. I'll hand you my resignation in the morning and I'll find someone from the temp pool to teach them your routines."
"No one knows my day better than you do, Donnatella Moss."
"You mean, no one could put up with you the way that I do, Joshua Lyman."
"You have a point."
We stand and look at each other; no words being spoken.
"I broke it off."
"Excuse me?"
"Amy. It's over."
I lower my head.
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"Really?"
"Ok, you're aware that your voice got really high at the end of that, aren't you?"
"Sorry. I just hoped that you would be happy about … I mean thought that you would be happy."
"Yeah. I am happy."
"You are?"
"Yeah. I am."
"Cool."
"Are we?"
He puts his hand along the side of my face.
"Donnatella, believe me when I tell you this. I am elated that you weren't there. I am thrilled that you cherish this thing we have so much to care about me. I'm proud to have you as my assistant. But most of all, I'm hoping that I can still be honored that you're my best friend."
I smile, and this time I can't help the water from falling from my eyes.
"I'm not…"
He lowers his head and sighs.
"Oh."
"Josh, don't interrupt. I was going to say that I'm not taking the job."
His face lights up.
"Really?"
"Really."
He pulls me close and holds me tightly.
"Donna, I don't ever know what I would do without you."
"The feeling is mutual, Josh."
"I mean, you were my reason for getting better after the thing. You were there for me every single day. You made sure that I did those damn exercises, took my pills, kept my appointments. Why?"
"Because if I had lost you, I wouldn't have a reason to be here."
"Donna, don't ever…"
"I don't mean that, Josh. I just mean that you keep me going. I never know what you're going to do next, and it just keeps me alive. If you weren't here, I just don't know what I'd do."
We look at each other for a few moments, both of us trying to figure out what to say next. He glances over my shoulder and then looks directly at me.
"Donna, what day is it today?"
"It's been February 13th all day, Josh."
"Yeah."
"And?"
"What is February 13th?"
"The thirteenth day of the second month… on which date I arrived at the campaign office and took over your life. Josh. You remembered."
"Yeah. I'm good like that."
"Yeah. You are."
"Yeah. It's February."
"And I've chosen you this time. I mean, the job. This job. Here, at the White House."
"You chose me?"
"Well it was a slip of the tongue."
He starts to walk towards me with his ego in full swing.
"Was it?"
I answer his question in a very quiet voice; my eyes never leaving his.
"Josh. What's going on?"
"I don't really know. Are you still dating the lawyer?"
"No. It didn't work out. I was kinda…"
"You were kinda what?"
"I was kinda interested in someone else at the time."
"I'm glad it didn't work out."
"Why would you be glad?"
"He was a gomer, Donna."
I smack him on the arm. Just like Josh to be himself at a very non Josh moment. He smiles, and runs his finger along my cheek.
"Seriously. I guess it's the same reasons that you're glad that I'm not dating Amy anymore."
"So we both hate the people that the other person dates. Go figure."
"Donna."
"Yes, Josh."
"What day is it tomorrow?"
"Thursday."
"I mean, what day is it tomorrow?"
"February 14th."
"Would you like to go out for dinner? Not as a work thing, as a me and you thing."
"As much as I would love to, it's gonna be kinda hard to make reservations at such a late date, Josh."
"Why?"
"Because it's Valentine's Day."
"Ah. I see."
He thinks for a minute.
"What about Wendy's?"
He gets a good smack for that one, and he laughs at me as he pulls me closer for a hug.
"How about this. You let me off work early tomorrow. I'll go grocery shopping and bring all the stuff by your place. I'll cook us a really nice dinner, and we can watch a movie or something. How about that?"
"That sounds fantastic. Dinner at around 8?"
"It's a date."
"Is it?"
"Yes. It definitely is."
He smiles.
"Good."
"Josh, I hate to do this, but I have some work to finish up before I head home."
"Ok. There's one thing that I have been aching to do, and now that the moment's here, I have to, you know, carpe diem."
"What's that?"
He brings me closer to him and gently places his lips on mine.
"Get back to work."
I smile.
"Ok. I'll get you that file in a minute."
As I walk back towards my desk I can't help but think of one person. One person that had the sense to let me figure this out on my own; Stanley Keyworth. Thank god for Stanley Keyworth. If it hadn't been for him, Josh may not be here; he may have put his hand through another window, or worse. And if it hadn't been for him, I may be working somewhere else as of tomorrow; all the while wondering what might have been where Josh is concerned. Well, I don't have to wonder about that anymore. I know exactly where he and I stand, and I couldn't be more thrilled.
Notes: A response to the challenge "What was the meaning of the fleeting glance between Josh and Donna at the end of "Night Five" Thanks to Christina for the help with the ending - you have great ideas...
Summary: The title says it all... Thank God For Stanley Keyworth!
Feedback: Almost as good as realizing whom you're in love with...
Archive: If you want to, knock yourself out. Not literally of course :)
Title: "Thank God For Stanley Keyworth"
Rating: PG for language
****
"Thank God For Stanley Keyworth"
****
So I stand here, just beside my desk looking towards CJ's office. The room is dark, and all I see around me is the sudden gloom that has hit the West Wing. If CJ sticks up for nothing or no-one else, she will always come to the defense of the members of the White House Press Corps. The only thought that comes to my mind as I watch the events taking place in her office is "damn it all to hell, the bastards killed him." I can only imagine what that poor woman must be thinking. God, if I were in her place, I would un- spool. I turn to head towards my desk and resume the work that still has to be done, when I see Josh standing in the doorway. The way the lights from inside his office shadow his face, reflect the mood that I just know he's in. He turns to walk to his desk, but briefly looks back at me before he sits in his chair. It's an unspoken thing that he does when he wants to talk to me, but doesn't want to openly admit it. I decide, against my better judgement; that he needs to be alone for a little bit, so I return to my desk and start back to work. About thirty minutes and three cups of coffee later, I stare at the same blank computer screen. My fingers aren't able to type what needs to be typed, with all the thoughts running through my head. I mean there's this thing that just happened, and for some reason I
can't seem to concentrate on what I'm doing as a result; then the job offer. I mean, there were just so many zeros. Unbeknownst to me, someone is standing to my right, just at the `door' to my `office'. I hear that person clear their throat, and I turn to look up at them.
"Stanley. I'm sorry, I didn't see you standing there."
He smiles.
"That's ok, Donna. I understand. You looked like you were a million miles away just now."
"Not really. I was just…"
"Donna."
"Yes."
"There are certain things that I have been trained to identify. Don't lie; because it won't work with me."
I smile a weak smile.
"Ok, Doc. You caught me."
"Care to talk about it?"
"I can't afford you, Stanley. Now, if Josh were to give me a raise…"
He laughs at my feeble attempt at humor.
"When I see him next, I'll mention it to him. Consider it a belated gift. Wanna talk?"
"Feel like having some coffee? There's lots downstairs in the Mess."
He nods his head, and I lead him to the Mess; where we both sit at a table in the corner. There are a few people there; but they are mostly too pre- occupied with what they are doing, and are paying no attention to Stanley and I.
"So. Where were you?"
"Where was I when?"
"Just now. When you were at your desk."
"I don't really know."
"That's not a solid answer, Donna. I KNOW you were somewhere other than your desk."
I smile. He caught me, again.
"Yeah. I just have a lot on my mind."
"Tell me about it."
He sits back in his chair, getting comfortable, and I take a firm hold of my coffee cup.
"Stanley, even though this is a friendly thing, I have to be sure that you won't…"
He holds up his hand and smiles.
"Listen, the things that I hear on a daily basis would make you blush. Don't worry about it. I don't tell secrets, or tell anyone anything that I hear when I'm, you know. Talking with someone."
I smile. That puts me at ease.
"Ok. See, there's this guy."
"Uh huh."
I shake my head.
"This is gonna sound so silly to you, Stanley. Aren't you sure that there are other things that you would rather be doing?"
"Something OTHER than having coffee with a pretty lady?"
I smile, and I can feel the blush.
"Thank you."
"You're very welcome. I only speak the truth, Donna."
"Well, thank you again."
I sigh, and I guess it's about time to spill the coffee beans.
"Well, there's this guy; he's a friend of mine. I had a drink with him tonight."
"That's good. Any possibilities?"
"Yeah, but not like that. See, he sees the potential that, I don't mean to toot my own horn, but he sees my potential. He's started up a dot com business, and he wants me to work for him."
"Good for you."
"He offered me a job."
"Excellent. Are you going to accept it?"
"Therein lies the problem."
"How so? Better hours?"
I nod my head.
"Better pay?"
"Hell, yeah."
"All round better job?"
I lower my head.
"Donna, what's the problem?"
"Well, it's like this. I don't know if I can take it."
"But, the main points that you just confirmed would be reason enough to take the job, correct?"
"Yes, but…"
"Then what's holding you back?"
I mumble something, and then take a sip of my coffee.
"I'm sorry, Donna. I didn't hear you."
I look up at him with weak eyes.
"I wouldn't be near him."
"Him? Him who?"
"Josh."
He nods his head as though he was expecting that answer all along.
"I mean, Josh is rude, arrogant, obnoxious, egotistical and overbearingly pretentious."
He nods in agreement.
"But…"
"But he's Josh. You put up with all of that to see the good side of him. He does have one, you know."
"I know, Donna."
"I mean, it's not like I would miss the harassment or incessant nagging…"
"Of course."
"And I sure as hell wouldn't miss the lack of money…"
He nods his head and smiles at me.
"And believe me when I tell you I wouldn't miss April 17th."
He tilts his head to the side.
"What's so special about that day?"
"It's our anniversary."
"Really?"
"Well, it's the day that Josh likes to remember as our anniversary."
"Expand on that."
"Well, I started working for Josh in February, then I left for a couple of months and came back on April 17th, and he remembers the April date as our anniversary."
"I see."
"Yeah. So I really started working for him in February, he sends me flowers every April, and he's an idiot."
"An idiot?"
"Yeah. Well, not really an idiot; the man is incredibly intelligent. I mean, he's just dumb."
"Dumb."
"Well, he's not dumb. He can talk the ears off a deaf person. He's just… argh! He's just Josh."
"Yeah. He's just Josh."
I look into my coffee cup, and I can tell he's looking at me; waiting for me to say something else. I don't, so he makes the next move.
"Tell me again why you can't take the job."
I look up at him.
"If you had seen his face… with the lady… it's just… no one understands him the way that I do."
"Isn't he dating someone? Surely she could…"
I look up at him and cut him off abruptly.
"Don't get me wrong, Stanley. I'm sure Amy is a lovely person in her own right. But she just doesn't `get' him. I know they've known each other for years, but it's just not…"
"It's just not the same as it is with you."
"Exactly."
"Why is that?"
"Was she there for him when his father died?"
"I don't know."
"Well, she wasn't. I was. Was she there when he cried himself to sleep when he came back to the campaign? No. Was she there when he…"
"When he what?"
"You know. The thing."
"What thing?"
"Stanley, you're not stupid. You KNOW what I'm talking about."
"Donna. You and I both know what you're talking about. I however, am not the one that needs to talk about it. You are."
"You want me to tell you how scared I was that I would lose him?"
He nods his head. I start to raise my voice to him as I speak.
"Fine. You want me to tell you how I didn't sleep for almost a week? How I didn't move from my chair in that disgusting Hospital waiting room; how my body froze when they told me…"
I can feel the tears coming, and I won't give him the satisfaction. I won't allow myself to get emotional.
"When they told you what, Donna?"
I yell and the tears start to flow as my emotions take over against my wishes.
"When they told me that he was shot? You want me to tell you how that literally ripped my heart in pieces, and how I wish it had been me? You want me to tell you how I stayed at the hospital every day because I was so overcome with guilt that I hadn't been there for him?"
He leans back in his chair and smiles.
"Good for you."
"Good for me? What does that mean? That it's good that I feel guilty that he'll have a scar on his chest for the rest of his life? That every time he gets quiet and doesn't talk to me or to anyone else that I fear that he's going to have another attack? That he might put his fist through another window? Please tell me how THAT is good Stanley, because honest to god, I'd really like to know."
"What made you start thinking about this?"
I sigh and lower my voice.
"The lady. The reporter."
"What's that about?"
"I don't know if I can go into details."
"No problem. Give me the nutshell version."
"A reporter was somewhere where apparently he shouldn't have been, and he was killed."
"I'm sorry."
"Well, express your sympathies to his wife who's upstairs with CJ and is completely traumatized."
"Just like you were with Josh."
Ok. THAT got my attention.
"Stanley, I don't know if you are aware of this, but I wasn't the one who was shot."
"I know that. I'm saying, you felt the same emotions that this lady is going through, right?"
I ponder that for a moment, then nod my head.
"Yeah. I guess so."
"However, Josh is your boss."
"Yes."
"And you are his assistant."
"Yes."
"So… doesn't it make you wonder?"
"Doesn't what make me wonder?"
"Well, I just find it odd that you would feel so strongly when he is your employer and you are his employee."
"It's more than that. We're just…"
"You're just what?"
"We're just us."
"Us?"
"Yes, us."
"Define `us'."
"Us. A pairing of two persons being in close proximity to each other at the same place, at the same time."
"Thank you, Miss Webster's Dictionary."
I smile.
"Well, I don't know if that's the exact definition, you know."
"So, if you were asked to define us; in relation to you and Josh, how would you do that?"
"I really don't know. I guess I would say he's my boss; and my friend."
"And…"
"There's nothing else."
"That's the problem."
"I don't understand."
"Donna, when I talked to Josh after the hand thing; he kept mentioning you."
I smile.
"Really?"
"Yes. He kept saying something about how you wouldn't shut up about Yo-Yo Ma."
I smile.
"Yeah. He kept bugging me about that all day. But I can't help it of Yo-Yo Ma rules."
"He does play very well. However, he mentioned you many times during the course of our discussion."
"Really?"
"Really."
I look down and take another sip of my coffee.
"What'd he say?"
"I'm afraid I can't tell you that."
"Why?"
"You know. The Doctor patient thing?"
"I forgot. Sorry `bout that."
"No worries."
"Can I ask your advice on something?"
"That's what I'm here for."
"If you were in my situation, what would you do?"
He looks behind me then at his watch.
"Donna, I have to be going. I have an early appointment."
"But you can't leave just yet. What would you do?"
He stands up from the table and collects his coat and briefcase. He puts his hand on my shoulder and smiles.
"I think you know exactly what you need to do. You have a very good head on your shoulders, Donna, and a wonderfully compassionate heart. Follow it."
I smile.
"Thank you."
"Any time."
As he leaves I can't help but ask.
"Stanley, if this were an actual, you know, thing. How much would you be billing me?"
"Two hours at $375 an hour makes $750. Merry Christmas, Donna."
I smile.
"Thank you."
I take the last sip of my coffee as I think in my head what I need to do. I swallow the coffee, and stand up from my chair and head back to my desk.
****
I get up to my office and the bullpen is dark and quiet; the only exception being the light from over Josh's desk and the faint sounds of C-Span on the TV coming from his office. I walk quietly to his door and knock on the frame.
"Yeah."
"Hey. You got a minute?"
He looks up at me with a shocked expression.
"Donna. I thought you left a long time ago."
I smile.
"Yeah, well. I was in the Mess. I couldn't concentrate, so I went down and had coffee with a friend."
"Good for you. Do you have the report on the thing for me?"
"I do, but I wanted to know if I could, you know, talk to you for a minute."
He seems a little disturbed by this request, which doesn't surprise me.
"Ok. Have a seat. Is it serious?"
I sit in the chair.
"Well, sort of."
"Donna, I can see what I can do about a pay raise, but I can't promise anything, you know."
"I know, Josh. It's not like that."
We sit in his office for a moment, just looking at each other, trying to read each other's thoughts. We both start sentences at the same time and we smile.
"Go ahead."
"Ladies first."
"Do you ever think about it?"
"About what?"
"You know. About the thing?"
I can see the happiness drain from his face and he replies with a monotone voice.
"All the time."
"Josh, I don't know what I would have done, I mean, I should have been there."
"Donna, I'm just glad you weren't there. I mean, it might have been you if you were."
"Josh, that's just it. I wasn't there. You wanted me to go, and I said I was too tired. I didn't want to. I should have been there."
"Donna, it's really ok. It's in the past, forget about it."
"Just like you can?"
He gets a blank look on his face.
"I'm sorry, that was unfair of me."
He gets up from his chair and I stand up to meet him. For once I see honest to goodness fear in his eyes.
"Donna. If we're gonna have it out, let's get it over with because I have a lot of things to get done."
"Josh. I didn't mean to…"
He yells.
"Yes you did, Donna! You wanted me to remember this, you brought this up, so let's deal with it and move on."
I match his tone, shout for shout.
"Move on? Is that what you want me to do? Move on?"
"If that's what's gonna make you happy, Donna. Be my guest. There's the door."
I stand right in front of him; not letting him have the satisfaction of seeing me cry. I speak quietly to him, but not giving up my stance for one minute.
"Joshua. If you think for one minute that what it would take to make me happy is a 9-5 job with a really big pay-check, then you honestly don't know me at all."
I turn to walk away from him, but he grabs me by the arm.
"Donna. I didn't mean to say that…"
"Yes you did, Josh. Yes you did."
"But Donna, I…"
"I know, Josh. You're sorry, and you'll beg me to stay. Well if you tell me to stay because you need my help, then I'm flattered. But if you tell me that you want me to stay because…"
"Because what, Donna?"
"Because… it doesn't matter. I'll hand you my resignation in the morning and I'll find someone from the temp pool to teach them your routines."
"No one knows my day better than you do, Donnatella Moss."
"You mean, no one could put up with you the way that I do, Joshua Lyman."
"You have a point."
We stand and look at each other; no words being spoken.
"I broke it off."
"Excuse me?"
"Amy. It's over."
I lower my head.
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"Really?"
"Ok, you're aware that your voice got really high at the end of that, aren't you?"
"Sorry. I just hoped that you would be happy about … I mean thought that you would be happy."
"Yeah. I am happy."
"You are?"
"Yeah. I am."
"Cool."
"Are we?"
He puts his hand along the side of my face.
"Donnatella, believe me when I tell you this. I am elated that you weren't there. I am thrilled that you cherish this thing we have so much to care about me. I'm proud to have you as my assistant. But most of all, I'm hoping that I can still be honored that you're my best friend."
I smile, and this time I can't help the water from falling from my eyes.
"I'm not…"
He lowers his head and sighs.
"Oh."
"Josh, don't interrupt. I was going to say that I'm not taking the job."
His face lights up.
"Really?"
"Really."
He pulls me close and holds me tightly.
"Donna, I don't ever know what I would do without you."
"The feeling is mutual, Josh."
"I mean, you were my reason for getting better after the thing. You were there for me every single day. You made sure that I did those damn exercises, took my pills, kept my appointments. Why?"
"Because if I had lost you, I wouldn't have a reason to be here."
"Donna, don't ever…"
"I don't mean that, Josh. I just mean that you keep me going. I never know what you're going to do next, and it just keeps me alive. If you weren't here, I just don't know what I'd do."
We look at each other for a few moments, both of us trying to figure out what to say next. He glances over my shoulder and then looks directly at me.
"Donna, what day is it today?"
"It's been February 13th all day, Josh."
"Yeah."
"And?"
"What is February 13th?"
"The thirteenth day of the second month… on which date I arrived at the campaign office and took over your life. Josh. You remembered."
"Yeah. I'm good like that."
"Yeah. You are."
"Yeah. It's February."
"And I've chosen you this time. I mean, the job. This job. Here, at the White House."
"You chose me?"
"Well it was a slip of the tongue."
He starts to walk towards me with his ego in full swing.
"Was it?"
I answer his question in a very quiet voice; my eyes never leaving his.
"Josh. What's going on?"
"I don't really know. Are you still dating the lawyer?"
"No. It didn't work out. I was kinda…"
"You were kinda what?"
"I was kinda interested in someone else at the time."
"I'm glad it didn't work out."
"Why would you be glad?"
"He was a gomer, Donna."
I smack him on the arm. Just like Josh to be himself at a very non Josh moment. He smiles, and runs his finger along my cheek.
"Seriously. I guess it's the same reasons that you're glad that I'm not dating Amy anymore."
"So we both hate the people that the other person dates. Go figure."
"Donna."
"Yes, Josh."
"What day is it tomorrow?"
"Thursday."
"I mean, what day is it tomorrow?"
"February 14th."
"Would you like to go out for dinner? Not as a work thing, as a me and you thing."
"As much as I would love to, it's gonna be kinda hard to make reservations at such a late date, Josh."
"Why?"
"Because it's Valentine's Day."
"Ah. I see."
He thinks for a minute.
"What about Wendy's?"
He gets a good smack for that one, and he laughs at me as he pulls me closer for a hug.
"How about this. You let me off work early tomorrow. I'll go grocery shopping and bring all the stuff by your place. I'll cook us a really nice dinner, and we can watch a movie or something. How about that?"
"That sounds fantastic. Dinner at around 8?"
"It's a date."
"Is it?"
"Yes. It definitely is."
He smiles.
"Good."
"Josh, I hate to do this, but I have some work to finish up before I head home."
"Ok. There's one thing that I have been aching to do, and now that the moment's here, I have to, you know, carpe diem."
"What's that?"
He brings me closer to him and gently places his lips on mine.
"Get back to work."
I smile.
"Ok. I'll get you that file in a minute."
As I walk back towards my desk I can't help but think of one person. One person that had the sense to let me figure this out on my own; Stanley Keyworth. Thank god for Stanley Keyworth. If it hadn't been for him, Josh may not be here; he may have put his hand through another window, or worse. And if it hadn't been for him, I may be working somewhere else as of tomorrow; all the while wondering what might have been where Josh is concerned. Well, I don't have to wonder about that anymore. I know exactly where he and I stand, and I couldn't be more thrilled.