Do you HAVE to speak to me?
By Lily Orange
KEY:
Sirius Black
Lizzie Armstrong
James Potter
Lily Evans
Prongs, I am so bored. This lesson just drags on, and on, and on...
I know.
And on, and on, and on...
Padfoot, I know.
And on, and on, and on...
PADFOOT I KNOW THE LESSON DRAGS ON AND ON!
Phew, James, you were like a gale force wind then!
Yeah, well, I'm trying to be mature and intelligent.
Er, why? Do you not know that everything we hold dear is immature and our intelligence is centred in PRANKS!
To impress Lily.
You are so obsessed with that girl, Prongs, it's unhealthy!
Better to be openly obsessed with Lily than not admit to the fact that I am obsessed with someone...
Prongs, you know you shouldn't speak in riddles. It's too confusing.
You want a stupid translation?
Well, I wouldn't exactly call it a stupid translation, but yes.
Well, I am openly obsessed with Lily.
Of course. Everybody from here to the Sahara Desert knows that.
Hey, how do YOU know about the Sahara Desert?
Moony told me about it.
Was there a reason why?
No, you know what Moony is like. He just fills your head with useless knowledge, like the purpose of Severus Snape being on this earth. Carry on.
Yes, and somebody, i.e. you, won't admit to the fact that they are obsessed with someone, i.e. ...
I am not obsessed with anybody.
Yes you are.
Am not.
Are too.
Am not.
Are too.
Will you two stop passing notes so furiously? You'll make the parchment burst into flames.
Hey Lily! Have you noticed how mature I'm being this lesson?
Oh, subtlety thy name is James Potter.
Sorry?
Nothing.
Yes, I'll admit that you're being very mature James.
Lily, you know that Padfoot is obsessed with someone don't you?
Obsessed with who?
Nobody. Absolutely NOBODY.
Well, I'll give you a clue. Her name begins with L-
Prongs, be quiet.
And ends with E-
Prongs, shut up.
And has an 'izzi' in the middle.
PRONGS SHUT UP!
Oh yes, everyone has observed that. Except perhaps Sirius and Lizzie themselves.
What, Lizzie is obsessed with Sirius?
Why would I tell you two?
No reason.
Maybe you should talk to Lizzie herself, Sirius.
I. AM. NOT. OBSESSED. WITH. LIZZIE.
Yeah, you continue to tell yourself that mate.
Er...
What?
Is Lily gone?
Yep. It's a shame really, I do love –
Prongs. I have something serious to tell you.
OH MY MERLIN PADFOOT! YOU'RE PREGNANT, I KNEW IT!
Prongs. You seem to have made one key mistake there.
Oh yeah, what?
I AM MALE THEREFORE I CANNOT GET PREGNANT!
Oh, yes, I see. Sorry about that. Overreacted. Do go on.
I am obsessed with Lizzie.
I told you so.
Shut up.
So... she is taken by Edward Kennedy. What exactly is Sirius Black, Marauder, chief prankster, voted most attractive boy in the school bar James Potter going to do?
What he does best.
And what exactly is that? Because what you do best is pour vats of cheese over Snivellus' head.
Well I'm not going to pour cheese over her head if that is what you think. I am going to CHAT HER UP!
Is that really wise?
Of course it is wise, Prongs. I thought of it.
Whatever you say, Pads, whatever you say.
Hey, Lizzie, how are you today?
Go away.
Pardon?
Do not speak to me.
Why?
Do you have to speak to me?
Why are you annoyed with me?
Oh, am I annoyed? I hadn't noticed.
You are definitely annoyed, isn't she, Prongs?
Er, yeah, she does look a bit irritated.
Thank you James. I can't possibly think of a reason why I am annoyed.
Oh. So why are you annoyed?
Did you not notice the use of SARCASM, Sirius??? Maybe it's because YOU gave my, um, BOYFRIEND EXPLODING BOILS ALL OVER HIS FACE LAST WEEK!!
And the rest of his body.
Prongs, you're not helping.
Oh, right, sorry.
Lizzie, I am very sorry. He is not right for you.
Oh, and WHO EXACTLY IS??
Er, I know.
Please elaborate, James, I can't wait to hear the list you write up for me.
Prongs, shut up, if you know what is good for you.
Sorry Pads, this is too good an opportunity to miss.
BLOODY HELL.
Well, Lizzie, I advise you to choose these people, who are right for you:
Sirius Black
HA HA HA.
Sorry, Lizzie?
Sirius? He goes out with a different girl every week!
Not anymore. I haven't had a girlfriend since July.
Sorry??
You heard me.
Oh my Merlin, Sirius, are you ill?
Aren't you funny, Armstrong? MY SIDES ARE SPLITTING.
Shut up. Right James, continue the list.
My list, continued is:
Sirius Black.
Hang on, you already said him.
Sirius Black.
Sirius Black.
Sirius Black
Sirius Bl –
Are you trying to tell me something here James?
No, not really.
Shut up Prongs.
Note the use of sarcasm then, Lizzie.
Oh, so you have got something to tell me?
Yep.
Go on then.
PRONGS, IF YOU KNOW WHAT IS GOOD FOR YOU...
Well, Lizzie, the thing is...
PRONGS, IF YOU WANT TO GO TO BED TONIGHT WITH YOUR HEAD STILL ATTACHED TO YOUR BODY...
Sirius luuuuurves you.
What?
Yep, it is true.
Sirius, is this true?
Oh Merlin, Lizzie, have you joined in too?
Lily, I hate to say this, but please go away, you have reached a crucial moment. And interrupted it.
Oh thank you. That's very nice. I know when I'm not wanted.
I WANT YOU LILY!
Yes, we know, Prongs, shut up.
Sirius, is this true?
Well... yeah.
You love me?????
Yeah.
Oh sweet Merlin...
Is that good or bad?
PRONGS WE DO NOT NEED YOUR INPUT!
Oh sweet Merlin...
I think she is digesting the news.
PRONGS!!!!!!!
O-kaaaaaaay. I'm leaving now.
Thank Merlin. Lizzie?
Oh sweet Merlin...
Lizzie, can you please say something?
Oh sweet Merlin...
Something coherent please?
PADFOOT USED A BIG WORD!!!!!
Oh ha ha. Go away you stupid boy. Please say something coherent Lizzie.
Oh sweet Merlin...
APART FROM "OH SWEET MERLIN"?
Oh sweet, bloody hell, Merlin...
I'M BAAAAAACK! Oh dear, are you still "Oh sweet Merlin"ing?
I'm afraid so. Now go away.
Sirius, I...
I know. You're going out with Edward. It's unrequited love, isn't it?
No.
NO?
NO?
Prongs, WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU???
Sorry...
It's not unrequited – I love you too.
YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH!
But I also like Edward.
Oh no.
Can I just but in here?
Prongs – must you be an incessant PRAT?
Yes. Pleeeeease?
Go on then.
I just observed that Lizzie wrote that she "loves" you but she "likes" Edward. See the difference? Get what I'm saying?
Yes. I do. Now go.
Can I finish?
Yes, please go on Lizzie. I'm sorry about Prongs.
It's okay. Well – I said I like Edward. But he broke up with me.
OH MY MERLIN WHEN?
Last week – I didn't say anything because, well, I love you, and I didn't think you liked me too so I kept quiet about it.
You do know that was the stupidest thing you've EVER done.
Um, yeah?
Yeah.
Lizzie, Sirius – I've got to insert a comment here.
Go on then Lily. You might as well. Prongs has interrupted at least one million and thirty two times.
GET TOGETHER!!!
Thank you Lily. We were just getting there.
Oh, right, sorry.
It's okay. Now, Lizzie –
Yes, Sirius??
Will you be my girlfriend?
Of course.
HURRAY! SOUND THE CHURCH BELLS! DING, DONG, THEY ARE TOGETHER...
SHUT UP PRONGS!
That was just a little kind of companion story in notes passed by James, Sirius, Lily and Lizzie to Such Sweethearts, I hope you liked it! Please review!
:) x Lily Orange x (: