Author: greatunironic
Rated: PG-13
Disclaimer: I only lay claim to Fritz and Dana; and partial claim to Julia. Nothing else is mine.
Feedback: Jedi mind trick Press the button.
Summary: Wars only hurt the people who die, right?
Etc.: There are three original characters used in this story: Julia is the same Julia I used in 'Stop the War, I Want to Go Home'; Dana and Fritz are characters I came up with for a story I'm writing and are used here as little plot devices.
Etc., Part Deux: This didn't turn out the way I original wanted it to. There was originally no mention of addictions or Fritz. Oh, well. I like the way it's turned out.
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They bought a little house in Louisiana together. They're not sure why they got it: she says it's too hot, he's says there's not enough rain, it reminds them of a friend they lost in the war. They decide they hate Louisiana and they decide they'll move after Christmas (because they're having Christmas this year) and maybe they won't tell anyone where they're going. They never do move.
He's pretty sure he's gone insane. She tells him that he's not insane and that it's the nightmares and it will all get better someday. He believes her on the good days. And she wonders when he became so gullible and when she got to be such a good liar.
She doesn't want to send him to a psychiatrist because she knows they'll want to lock him away because they'll say he's a danger to himself and others. She can't let that happen because she needs him around. She also knows that if she sends him to a psychiatrist they'll want to lock her away as well. And, sure, she knows he's dangerous; he was Chief of Security back in the day and presently, she's got the medical record to prove it.
It's not like he does it on purpose, though. She can't help it that when she wakes him up from a nightmare he's jumpy and paranoid and he thinks he's back in the Xindi concentration camp. But, then again, she know that there's only so many times she can show up at the ER saying she's falling down the stairs (again, she'll usually add, self-deprecatingly) before one of the nurses gets suspicious.
That's what she thinks about when she can't sleep; which, it appears, is always because it seems she's become an insomniac (she thinks the last time she slept was before the war began). She's stopped taking sleeping pills because she's worried she's going to become addicted to them like Hoshi's become addicted to the pain pills.
She thinks about that too: brilliant Hoshi Sato and her addiction to a little yellow pill. That's number fifty-four on their list of reasons for wanting to move and not telling everyone where they went. It's hard to see Hoshi sitting on the couch, her beautiful black hair cut short, eyes wide and glazed, and shaking because she hasn't had a fix in a while.
A slight scream comes from the room next to her. She can barely hear it because of the insulation, but she knows it's there. He's having another nightmare. She crawls out of her bed and goes to the door. She opens it and goes to his room. She can see from her spot in the shadows of his door that it one of the bad ones (Xindi concentration camp, year three, she thinks because she's lived with him so long that she can pinpoint the time period of the nightmare almost every time).
She whispers fuck and goes to his bed and kneels down beside it. She gently touches his shoulder, instantly waking him. Usually, she's so concerned that she forgets to duck and gets hit by one of his flailing hands. Tonight she ducks. He sees her and she climbs up into the bed with him and holds him as he begs for her forgiveness.
He asks her to forgive him for letting Fritz die in the camp and for not being able to save Trip and for making her put up with him as he slowly loses his mind and he says how it's all he fault. She talks over him, saying it's alright and that she doesn't blame him and that he's not going crazy. He doesn't hear her.
"I'm so sorry, Dana," he whispers, crying. She tells him that he has nothing to be sorry for. Yes, she says, she still loves Fritz and misses him and blamed him at first for Fritz's death, but she doesn't anymore.
Eventually, he falls asleep. She's still holding him and she doesn't want to let go. She thinks about Fritz, the man she loved, and Trip who's dead too, and Hoshi and her little yellow pills. She thinks about Jonathan who calls every Sunday to check up on them and is blamed by everyone for what happened when it's not really his fault, and T'Pol who's living in Arizona because she's an outcast of the Vulcan world because of what she's done for Earth. She thinks about Travis who's dying from a Xindi engineered disease, and Phlox who's working in the relief effort and is slowly succumbing to the same disease as Travis. She thinks about Julia who Malcolm loved and is now dead like Trip, and Malcolm who's insane.
She's still whispering that everything is alright and he's fine and she doesn't blame him.
And then she wonders when she learnt to lie so well.