This is just a little something I wrote over labor-day weekend. I divided it up into a few chapter because it was getting way too long. Usual Disclaimers apply & all mistakes are my own!

Part I. The Autobiography of a Spy

I was born Samantha Lisa Wallace, but I truly began living as Sarah Lisa Walker.

The first home I remember was the townhouse in the suburbs of Chicago. There was always snow in the winter. Mom and I would make snowmen and snow angels. Life was good. I had a mother and a father that supported me. They gave me everything I could have ever wanted, a normal childhood.

Well, that was until Mom got cancer. I didn't understand what was going on at the time, but I know that Dad wasn't the same after. She would go to the hospital to get treatments but after a few months the treatments stopped. I thought she was cured. I wouldn't find out until years later that Dad couldn't keep up with the chemo bills and the hospital cut the treatment. When Mom started getting sick again, she stopped taking me out in the snow on days when school was cancelled. On November 13, 1989 my normal childhood shattered.

After Mom died, Dad decided he couldn't live in the same house or city where Mom died. He was out of money and out of his mind. Dad had always been a good joker and trickster. So when I learned that he was going to be a con man, I wasn't very surprised. He took me all over the country. I was never Samantha Wallace again. No, I was Jenny Burton, Elizabeth Carol, Abigail McCarthy, and Emily Jones. Sometimes he would include me in his cons, the occasional 'girl lost' scheme, or 'girl hit by a truck' scenario.

When he took me to San Diego, California, I thought I was going to hate the city. No snow like Chicago, hot beaches, no Chicago pizza. As it turned out, I did hate the city but not as much as I hated being in high school, especially because it was James Buchanan High. That time in my life was worse than hell for me. I had braces, played the violin, and I was a complete dork. All I wanted to be was one of the popular girls that had the great boyfriend, great family, and overall great life. Too bad I would never get any of that, or so I thought for about another decade.

She walked into the apartment complex in her blue silk dress. Sarah Walker was not the type of person who dressed to impress, especially if said person was her former asset. Long ago, Sarah had decided she would never have the life she wanted. However, when she met Charles Bartowski, she life was flipped upside down. She started feeling again. She began thinking about the effects of her actions as a CIA operative; about the family of the terrorist she killed. Although this logic would eventually destroy her career, Sarah Walker was having the time of her life.

So when she saw Chuck standing by the fountain, looking amazing in his suit, she decided to take the jump.

"It finally feels real."

"It is real."

When he took her hand, Sarah felt as if this was the first day of the rest of her life.

The day when my dad's sins caught up with him was hard to say the least. He was the only person in my life who believed in me. As time had passed, he gave me more and more responsibility in his cons. I can't say they weren't fun, but it wasn't the normal childhood I yearned for. It wasn't what I wanted.

So when I saw him being taken away, I felt like my life was pathetic. I didn't have friends and now I didn't have a father or a mother. I guess that's why Director Graham's offer was so appealing. He offered a new life, one with excitement and adventure. What he didn't tell me was how lonely and miserable it would be, how I would spend days, weeks, and sometimes months alone with no one to vent to. He didn't tell me how I would be trained to do despicable things, killing, seducing, and murdering human beings. It didn't matter to the CIA if the terrorist had a family, children, or a life. Graham emphasized what mattered was that I got rid of the problem 'by any means necessary'. Those four words became the worst words for me to hear because I died a little every time I killed someone until I was assigned to Chuck Bartowski.

Sarah knew she would have to do something about the situation with Chuck. She hesitated. She could have killed Chuck by missing or by not doing anything.

They sat by the fountain waiting for one to start. Chuck knew he had to do what was right. He had to keep Sarah safe at the cost of his one true love. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if she got hurt or died because of him.

"You'll never be normal."

Those four words stung like fire. Sarah was heartbroken. She didn't know what had gotten him to break her heart. She figured Casey or Bryce said something to him. She tried with all her might to keep the tears out of her eyes, but there was no way.

When Chuck and Sarah walked into the apartment to see Awesome and Ellie preparing for their wedding, the speech hurt more for the both of them. Sarah would never be enough for Chuck; she would never be able to provide the balance and normal life he desperately wanted. Chuck would never be able to get what he really wanted. He didn't care about being normal. If Sarah wanted him to be an alien, he would do everything in his power to be what ever she wanted as long as they would be together. But being together meant endangering her, and Chuck Bartowski was too much of a gentleman to carelessly put her life in front of his.

To say that I had trust issues was an understatement. How could I trust someone after everyone in my life had left me? My mom, my friends, my dad? The CIA wanted me to entrust my life in a stranger. They wanted me to allow someone to control my fate. Since I was so messed up, I never had a partner even right of out the academy. My first partner was one Bryce Larkin.

He was my first for many things. One of which I thought was love, but that turned out to be false. He provided me with the sense of security that my father had given me when we were traveling the country conning America's most vulnerable. Walker and Larkin. In a small amount of time, he and I climbed up the CIA's top operatives list.

We took vacations together on the time between missions. We shared an apartment in Washington D.C when we had to report back to Langley. I honestly thought that Bryce Larkin would be there for me for as long as I lived.

The night I got a call from Director Graham telling me Bryce had gone rogue and was killed, I felt bat, but not as bad as it should have been. A person would think that if the true love of your life died at the hands of your government, you would feel some sort of anger towards them or at least some sort of displeasure. I felt none of that. In my mind, he betrayed the country and he got what he deserved. After the incident, Graham wanted me to come back to base for a re-evaluation but I needed to make things right. I needed to prove to the world that I could fix things on my own. I needed to prove to the world that Sarah Walker didn't need anyone.

TO BE CONTINUED...(Part II starts from Sarah meeting Chuck up to mid-Season 2)