Title: The Insanity of Draco Malfoy
Author name: Slythindor
Category: Humor
Sub Category: General
Keywords: Draco Harry
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Me? In love with Harry-Oh-Look-At-Me-With-My-Stupid-Scar-And-My-Sexy-Smile-Potter! HA!
DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Author Notes: Isn't Draco just the best character? Yes. Lol. Hope you like.

~*~*~*~

"What is love?"

  How many times have you heard that question and want to stab the person who asked it with the nearest sharp object? I've heard it quite a lot of times lately. Mostly, it's either asked from Crabbe or Goyle, but I don't think they want the whole fluffy, sloppy, philosophical love is blah blah blah – I think they just want to know what the word means.

  I've done quite a lot of asking that very question myself lately. Pansy said, "It's what I feel when I'm with you", which made me want to throw up right there over the Slytherin table. When I tried to slip the question in during a sixth-year dorm chat about which girl had the nicest arse, Blaise laughed and told me that what does love matter as long as you've got the person in bed? I guessed that he doesn't really care for feelings, then. I even tried nicking a dictionary from some first-year Mudblood to see what those brains from Oxford reckon it is.

a great liking or affection to be very fond of; like very much feeling love and great desire

  But this just got me more confused 'cause I was sure that all those three definitions meant exactly the same thing. Maybe the people at Oxford weren't so clever; after all, they were Muggles.

  Desire. The Oxford Muggles say that that means 'a longing for'. A longing for?! HA! I don't have a longing for him at all! Him, with his stupid hair and stupid clothes that wouldn't look out of place in Weasley's wardrobe and that stupid, stupid scar! HA! That had to be the funniest thing I'd heard all day – me, 'a longing for' Harry-Oh-Look-At-Me-With-My-Stupid-Scar-And-My-Sexy-Smile-Potter!

  I threw the stupid dictionary out of the common room window, vowing never to trust a Muggle book ever again, before going down to dinner in the Great Hall. Crabbe and Goyle were there already, of course, stuffing their faces. Honestly, the day that I have a proper conversation with any of them will be the day I propose to Pansy-Throw-Myself-At-Anyone-In-Trousers-Parkinson.

  Pansy. Only one word that springs to mind when I think of her – Ew. I mean, she's okay looking, I suppose, if you like that sort of rat-faced smirking look, which she permanently seems to have on her face. Well, apart from when she's with me, of course. The annoying thing about her though, is that everybody seems to have already decided that she's gonna be the one I go and have a million little Draco's with. Pansy has so far managed to uphold this whole 'Draco's bitch' reputation and spends the whole of her life trying to get down my pants. Usually, I'd find this totally fine, but at the moment I seem to be having an, er, confusion, about which side of the Quidditch team I actually play for.

  It's all his fault. Potter. I swear he must have slipped something in my drink when him, the Mudblood and Weasel walked past the table the other day. Why else would I be thinking of him all the god-damn time?! It's not like I'm actually in love with stupid Harry Potter! This is just a minor hitch in my sexuality. Maybe if I paid a little more attention to Pansy, then I'll start to fancy her.

  Not that I fancy Potter anyway…