Here are the ten creatures who will take part in tonight's show. One of them will walk away with up to two million dollars. Will it be the so-called "legendary" hedgehog? Will it be an extremely annoying feminine-ish robot? Or perhaps the Ultimate Lifeform himself? Find out here and now on The Weakest Link.

I stared at the camera impatienty, waiting for the camera guy to give me the "thumbs-up". He finally did. "Welcome to The Weakest Link," I announced confidently. "Any of the ten contestants in the studio tonight could win up to $2,000,000... but nine will leave with nothing, as round by round, we kick out the player voted the Weakest Link. Let's meet the team."

I turned and faced the entire team of freaks. They all presented their bios in a weird fashion.

"I'm Sonic the Hedgehog. I'm the fastest thing alive, and you know it."

"I'm Knuckles the Echidna. Just call me Knuckles."

"I'm Espio. If I don't win, someone gets to meet my supah neenjah skeelz."

"HI! I'M BOKKUN! I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD WORK FOR DR. EGGMAN!"

"Has anyone seen Froggy?"

"I'm Silver. I'm from the future. Did you know it says 'gullible' on the ceiling?"

"My name is Vector, and that jackpot is mine! Or else I'll eat you up!"

"I can't believe you had the nerve to drag me into this Sparta."

"I AM E-123 OMEGA. I LIKE MILKSHAKES."

"I'm Jet... aka the REAL fastest thing alive."

"Alright ladies, now for da rules..." I announced in a taunting manner. "In each round, the aim is to answer enough questions correctly to reach your $200,000 within the time limit. You do that by making a chain of ten correct answers."

$200,000
$75,000
$50,000
$25,000
$15,000
$10,000
$7500
$5000
$2500
$1000

"Screw up your question, and you will break the chain and lose all the money bankrolled up to that point. You are, however, allowed to say the word "bank" before the question is asked, but remember — you'll start a new chain from zero. And most importantly, only money that has been banked can be taken forward. The first round is three minutes long. The order in which you are playing was randomly determined before the show. We'll start with the oldest player."

"Is that me?" the huge cat wondered out loud.

Vector yelled in response, "No way, I'm older than all of you!"

"You're both wrong," I scolded both of them. "Technically, that would be Shadow."

Shadow bragged in an evidently uninterested tone, "Oh joy. Can you read me the question."

"First question is for $1000. Let's play The Weakest Link." I only said that because I just wanted to get on with the game.

"Shadow, the journalist and presenter of every British episode of The Weakest Link since it began in 2000 is Anne who?"

"Robinson."

"Correct." I turned to E-123 Omega. "Omega, in almost every episode of The Weakest Link, Anne Robinson has worn outfits of what color?"

"BLACK," beeped Omega in that robotic tone.

"Correct. Jet, in spelling, which word has more vowels: Weakest or Link?"

Jet hesitated and guessed, "...Link?"

"Weakest! I can't believe you missed that!" I complained. "Sonic, over thirteen series of The Weakest Link, what seven-letter word meaning 'farewell' has been said to losing contestants over 11,000 times?"

Referring back to the previous question asked to Jet, Sonic answered, "Weakest."

What the brick. "You know, at the rate you're failing, you're gonna be the first contestant voted off. It's 'goodbye'. Knuckles—"

"Bank," the red echidna said.

"Dude, you got no money to bank! Anyway..."

He shouted again, "BANK!"

"KNUX!" I shouted above him. The instant after he got ahold of himself, I continued, "In almost all versions of The Weakest Link, the final round features how many contestants?"

He looked around the studio. I looked at him in disgust, wondering how that pertained to the question. Finally he said, "Eleven."

"Two!" Why did I pick this team?! "Espio, because of her numerous putdowns and unpleasant manner over thirteen series of The Weakest Link, the Tabloid Press gave Anne Robinson the rhyming nickname of the Queen of what?"

"Mean," answered Espio quickly.

"Correct! Bokkun, in TV, The Weakest Link is an example of what type of program, a quiz show or a period drama?"

Bokkun knew this. He shouted so loud that I almost needed a painkiller after the following spaz attack, "QUIZ SHOW!"

"Correct." I was left rubbing my ears over and over in an attempt to ease the pain. "Big, what name is given to the winner of any taping of The Weakest Link?" He didn't notice I was asking the question. "Big? Big!" I had to snap my fingers once or twice.

Awakening from that trance or whatever, the bag of fat panicked. "Ah! Have you seen Froggy?"

"No! Give me the answer!"

"What answer?" Apparently he had no clue he was in a game show. "I must save Froggy!"

"You wanna pass?" I questioned reluctantly.

"I'm coming Froggy!" Big the Cat ran out the studio.

I took that as a pass. "Right... it was the Strongest Link. Silver, what word must be said by a contestant before the question is asked to ensure that the money won up to that point is saved?"

"Bank."

"Correct." Good thing he answered correctly when the chain was at zero. "Vector, the person declared the Weakest Link at the end of a round is the player who gets the most votes or the least votes?"

Thankfully Vector was careful not to get the answers mixed up. "The most votes!"

"Correct." The next question that popped up on my screen was rather... disturbing, especially if asked to a certain ebony hedgehog... I read on anyway. "Shadow, what do you call a 12-year-old girl who was born with an incurable infection, lived on a space colony for twelve years, and killed by a bullet?"

"Uh..." I sincerely hoped he wasn't thinking what I was thinking. "Dead?"

I still can't believe he even came up with that answer, but I was not gonna turn down a well-played answer. "Correct! Omega—"

"BREAD."

"How did you know that? Jet—"

"Bank," he interrupted at the appropriate time, finally.

I continued the question. "The TV show with the subtitle 'Friendship Is Magic' that has gained an unlikely audience known as 'bronies' is called what?"

"Uh... Bronies vs. Furies." Yes, he said "furies". With one R.

"My Little Pony! Geez. Who hasn't heard of My Little Pony?" Ah, yes. The one show I was more familiar with than anyone I knew. "Sonic, how many moons does Pluto have?"

I could've sworn he took a total guess. "77."

"One."

He must've thought he was allowed to take multiple guesses. "85," he snapped, obviously having not paid any attention to the correct answer, which I'd already revealed.

"No, Pluto has only one moon!" At that point the timer stopped, and the background music came to a stop.

"The time has expired," I announced. "And in that round, you losers managed a measly $7500." At the mention of that total, all nine players in the studio shook their heads in shame... except Omega. "Who is continuing to be dazed and confused? Well, besides Big the Cat?" I was looking at Big's abandoned podium-type thing in particular. "One of you is about to leave with nothing. It's time to vote off the Weakest Link."

Statistically, the strongest link in that round, having provided his most recent answer in record time, is Omega. With Big already disqualified, the weakest link is now Sonic. But are the other players still considering Big?

"Ok, put your pens down. It's now time to reveal whom you believe to be the Weakest Link."

Big (Sonic's vote)

Big (Knuckles' vote)

Big (Espio's vote)

Big (Bokkun's vote)

- (Since Big the Cat left in the middle of the question round, he did not vote.)

Big (Silver's vote)

Big (Vector's vote)

Sonic (Shadow's vote)

Sonic (Omega's vote)

Sonic (Jet's vote)

I turned to Shadow because I wanted to. "Shadow, how are you feeling?"

"Content," he answered contently... or so it seemed.

"Yeah, so far," I added.

"True, true." He nodded in agreement.

"What do you think of your chances?"

"I think they'll take me deep into the last few rounds. Hopefully I'll get to play against Omega in the final round."

I pointed out his vote. "Why did you choose Sonic?"

"Well, considering Big's not here, I figured that he disqualified himself trying to rescue his pet frog. Also because I have a hard time getting along with Sonic."

Figures. "So, let me get this straight..." I started, pointing at every player one by one for about two seconds each. "The majority of you voted for Big the Cat. Well let me tell you something. During the vote, I met up with our executive producer. And he informed me that Big chose to leave the competition and search for his frog... being that he garnered the most votes, that means the player with the second-highest number of votes is out. That in turn makes Sonic the worst player."

"What! I only flubbed one question!" he complained.

"Correction, you actually flubbed both of them. And that was two questions too many. With three votes, you are the Weakest Link. Goodbye."

Sonic stormed off his podium, initially towards the Ultimate Lifeform. "Get you next time, Shadow."

Backstage, a blue blah acted as if something odd had happened. "I don't understand what happened. I thought I knew how many moons Pluto had! If you ask me, Jet's probably gonna go out next. Just you wait."