That's My Job (Tag to 12x2)
Dean sat on the floor in the kitchen, beer in hand , looking at a handful of pictures. Pictures of him and mom, him and Sam, both of them and Dad. None of Mom and Dad together. Sam had had one in college but it was lost in the fire in his apartment the night Jessica died. Dean was torn. He was thrilled to have Mom back. Thrilled that Sam had the chance to meet her, be with her and hopefully get to know her. But something deep inside Dean really wished for Dad. As much as he was thankful to see Mom, he longed for Dad. He had for years. Mom wouldn't understand the job Dad had given him. I gave you one job Dean, Take care of Sammy…. Mom wouldn't get how many times Dean had failed on that. Which even though Sam was safe and sound in the Bunker tonight, bothered Dean. Sam had been tortured yet again. Dean's eyes filled with tears as he thought of what Sam had shared. That bitch had burned his brother's feet with a freaking blow torch. He was glad Mom had killed her. Dean choked down the desire to sob and took a long sip of his beer. He intended to have several more. Maybe some Jack as well. He knew he'd never sleep knowing he'd failed his baby brother yet again.
Sam lay on his bed staring at the ceiling. So much had happened in the last few days. He'd been so sure Dean was dead. After all the darkness cleared. He'd been shot, kidnapped and tortured all the while believing his brother was gone and not really sure what he'd held on for except he and Cas had promised Dean an epic funeral. Then suddenly Dean was there and he had Mom with him. Mom, real, alive and there. Sleep was nowhere in sight. Sam sighed and got up. He needed a beer.
Mary was propped up in her bed, reading John's journal. It was heartbreaking and yet so like him. She was filled with pride at how in depth his research was, amazed at the zeal he'd pursued her killer with. She ran her hands over the rich, worn leather and felt great love for her husband. She'd never have allowed Dean and Sammy to be raised as hunters but they were brave, strong men and she was proud of them. Dean said he thought they'd made a difference in the world. She knew there were stories she would hear that would break her heart but she wanted to. Sam! So grown up! She remembered putting him in his crib and now he was 33 years old and had been through so much. She saw so much John in him. Dean she felt was more like her. She hugged the journal to her and remembered. Everything she knew about John Winchester.
Sam flipped on the lights in the kitchen. As he walked to the refrigerator, he saw his brother sitting by the counter, surrounded by beer bottles and photographs. His eyes were closed, his head resting on the cabinets but Sam sensed he was not asleep. He walked over, sank down beside Dean and gently placed a hand on his brother's arm. Dean didn't open his eyes but a single tear escaped and rolled down his face.
"Aw Dean..", Sam began. He didn't want this. Dean feeling guilty again about the things that had happened to him.
"I'm sorry Sam." It was a whisper but Sam heard it. He moved three bottles over to the side, stretched out his feet and put his arm around Dean's neck, pulling his head close to his own. Dean leaned in willingly. They were so far past chick flick moments at this point in their lives who cared. Sam rested his head on top of Dean's.
"Sorry for what? Saving the world again? Not being the first one tortured? Finding Mom? Why would you be sorry?" Dean sighed. He knew Sam got it. But he couldn't help it. There was always going to be this sense of failure where letting Sam down was concerned.
"Sammy." He tried to voice and then the dam of pent up emotions just broke and a flood of memories, regrets and wishing he could do better washed over him. He cried. Actually he sobbed. Silently, the way Dean did. And it broke Sam's heart. He didn't talk. He just held on tight. Dean clutched Sam's sleeve. God he hated doing this. Maybe it was the whole Mom thing. Maybe it was just having Sam back, safe, healed by Cas. He didn't know. Finally the sobbing slowed and he worked hard to get some control back.
"Dean, listen. How could you know? You thought I'd be here. You had no way of knowing." Sam waited for a reply. When he got none, he continued. "Hey, hey, hey, I gotcha. It's okay Dean." They sat there, on the floor for a long while. Sam continued to whisper reassurances. Dean gained control.
"Sam, I would never have let her do that to you. I swear Sammy if I'd known."
Sam said, "Dean. I know that. You have to get over this thinking the only job you have in this world is saving It can be my job too okay? Dad shouldn't have put that on a little kid. But he did. You did your very best. You did Dean. Always. But you have to get beyond this."
Dean looked at Sam, his green eyes still glistening. "I can't. It's part of who I am Sam. Dad, he didn't even have to tell me. It would have been my job anyhow." He looked so sincere, so Dean like. Sam smiled. That frigging John Winchester full dimpled smile.
"Dean. You're the best big brother. Okay? Dad's orders, your choice, whatever."
Dean looked at the floor, spent, exhausted, tired beyond belief. "Sam. It's so screwed up. This life we lead. I just wish…"
"Wish what?", Mary's voice came from behind them. How long she had been there neither one of them knew. It was odd this having a parent, particularly a mother. She moved close to them, sad and worried. She frowned at the bottles littering the space around them. Ignoring the mess, she sat down in front of her sons. "Wish I hadn't made a deal and Dad hadn't died because of it? So do I Dean. You have no idea how much. Wish Sammy had had that chance at a normal life? Me too. But sweetheart, that didn't happen. If John gave you sole responsibility of Sam, that was too much of a burden. But it looks to me from the look of him and the brave man he's become you did a pretty damn good job of it Dean. And you know what I think? I think your dad would be just as proud of you and Sammy as I am." She reached out a hand to her oldest son and he took it. She held her other to Sam.
They sat there on the kitchen floor. A mother, a big brother and a little brother. They were missing one huge part of their family but they were these three connected. Sam wasn't sure how long this peaceful moment would last. In their world never long he mused. He smiled at Mom and she smiled back. He noticed how much her eyes reminded him of Dean's. he turned to look at his brother whose head had fallen on his shoulder. Dean was asleep.
Sam whispered to Mary, "We should put him to bed." He gently lifted his brother's head and supporting it in his hand got to his feet. Between them he and mom pulled Dean to his feet. He opened his eyes and blinked at them. "Come on brother," Sam said. "Time for bed". Dean obeyed and they walked him to his room. Sam dropped Dean on the bed with a plop, grinning at his mother. He removed his brother's boots and covered him with a blanket. Standing up he went to the other side of the bed. "I'll stay with him for awhile. You should get some sleep Mom."
She watched as he settled himself beside his big brother, closing his own eyes as if he was finally safe and home. Mary wondered if she truly did want to know everything that had happened to her boys. She touched Dean's head briefly. Then she went to the other side of the bed. She dropped a kiss on Sam's forehead. "Good night love", she whispered. She started to turn out the light but didn't. She paused at the door and looked at her sleeping sons. As she left the room, she vowed to do everything in her power to make sure they stayed safe. After all, she was their mother and that was her job.