Disclaimer: Dick Wolf and NBC own "Law and Order". I don't.
A/N: So a couple nights ago, I re-watched the episode "Boy Gone Astray". Talk about moving, right? I feel like Connie was the hero of the episode, too. She was so determined and compassionate, and she was the one who broke through all the brainwashing that Eddie Blanco put Rafa Alvarez through when he kidnapped the poor kid and took him to Mexico in order to make him into a completely desensitized killer. She reminded him that he was still a kid—a kid with a heart, a kid who loved his family.
Both Mike and Connie were deeply disappointed with the way things turned out, but I feel like Connie was even more disappointed. I think she felt like she and Rafa had something in common—they're both Hispanic—and they both came from loving families. Plus, Connie's just so compassionate that I think it's in her nature to want to help those in need. So that's where the idea for this fic came from.
I dedicate this with lots of love to Alana De La Garza, Linus Roache, and Sam Waterston. You three are freaking amazing! I love you! 3 Abby
The Only Way to Fail
Mike didn't know what to say. As eloquent (and not to mention outspoken) as he was, at that moment, he just couldn't find the words.
He could never recall seeing the woman he loved so downcast—and words were failing him.
He knew he would do or say anything to comfort her, but nothing felt good enough.
If Mike were completely honest with himself, he just wanted to hold her in his arms, hold her close to him.
The entire ride back from the prison that would house Rafa Alvarez for God only knew how long, she was silent. Mike would steal a glance at her occasionally, and every time he did, she hadn't changed. She sat still as a statue, staring straight ahead. He could tell this was just eating her up inside.
And that hurt him.
He wanted to tell her just how proud of her he was.
Just when he thought his respect and admiration for her couldn't increase…
And now, when she needed comforting, when she needed someone to lean on, he had nothing.
Once they got back to One Hogan Place, she was still quiet. Mike gave her space and just let her go to her office.
He couldn't help but stare after her as she left.
He then entered his own office. He walked over to his desk and picked up his favorite worn baseball. He tossed and caught it a couple times before finally deciding he was being stupid and needed to go to her.
Perhaps if he used his heart, the right words would be there—perhaps if he didn't overanalyze and just thought with his heart, it would be okay.
Connie sat at her desk, lost in thought, her mind racing.
"Connie?" a voice broke through her thoughts.
Connie looked up immediately.
"Oh! Jack…" she said.
"Mike texted me and told me what happened," Jack said. "You were very brave to see this case through to the end. I should never have tried to take you off of it."
"You were afraid for my safety," Connie said. "It's okay—I understand. Don't feel sorry for looking out for me, Jack. You're truly the best boss I've ever had. I'm very fortunate to work for you. Thank you for caring so much."
"Of course," said Jack. "I consider myself very fortunate to have you in this office. I regret trying to take you off this case—but I will never regret assigning protective details to you."
"I admit, I was putting on a brave face, but in all actuality? I was terrified. I'm glad those officers were there with me. I just…I can't go yet. I can't. My family needs me. This office needs me. My friends need me," Connie said.
I need you, thought Mike, who'd made his way to her office and was currently standing outside the door, eavesdropping.
"That's right," said Jack. "Forgive me for not realizing sooner that you were meant to see this case through to the end. You were the right person—no one else."
"There's nothing to forgive," said Connie. "I'm very grateful to you for looking out for me."
"That's part of my job," Jack responded kindly.
Connie gave an appreciative smile.
Then—
"Jack?" she said.
"Yeah?"
"Have you ever felt like you tried your absolute best, but it wasn't enough? Have you ever had a case that made you feel that way?"
"Oh absolutely," Jack replied. "I've had many cases that made me feel that way."
"How did you handle it? How did you handle that feeling?"
"You mean the feeling that I failed?"
"Yes," Connie replied softly.
Jack gave a warm smile and again rested his hand on her shoulder.
"By telling myself that I truly gave it my all—that I fought as hard as hell with everything in me," he answered. "I know it's hard to deal with, believe me, I know. But we can't win them all, Connie—we just can't. That's just the hard truth of practicing law…Rafa Alvarez was lucky to have you on his side…At the end of the day, if you can pack up your briefcase, lock your office, and walk out of here, knowing that you truly fought as hard as you could and poured your heart and soul into a case, it doesn't matter if the case ended in a conviction, an acquittal, a mistrial, or a dismissal. If you truly gave it your all, you have not failed. The only way to fail in this job is to give up or not even try at all. You didn't let anyone down, Connie. And don't you feel like you let yourself down, either. You should be damn proud of your work on this case. I know I am."
"Thank you, Jack," Connie said sincerely, very moved.
"Of course," said Jack.
He smiled proudly at her and gave her another paternal pat on the shoulder before exiting her office. When he saw Mike, he gave him an acknowledging nod, traces of a smile on his face. He didn't say a word—he simply entered his office.
Mike hesitated for a moment, then—
"Connie?"
Connie turned and saw him standing in her doorway.
"Hi," she said softly.
"Hi," Mike said warmly. "Connie—please don't blame yourself. Rafa's decision not to testify was not your fault. Jack's right. Everything he said is true. You did everything you could to help Rafa—everything. You're the one who went to that child psychologist to find a way to reach him. You're the one who came up with the plan to offer him food made by his mother. You're the one who brought out the boy we all thought was lost. It was your determination, your compassion that made that happen. You helped him remember who he truly is. Connie, he wouldn't have even considered testifying if not for you. And you know what? Doing that for him goes beyond this case. You broke through all that brainwashing he endured. That's going to impact him for the rest of his life…at least I think so. At least I think that's the case…"
Though his voice trailed off, he looked up from the floor at her.
Connie arose from her desk and turned to face him.
Unable to help herself, she looked into his beautiful blue eyes. Doing so gave her a rush.
She then stepped closer to him, reached out, and gently took hold of his hands. They felt just as warm and comforting as she'd imagined. Now she was feeling an even bigger rush.
Of course, Mike reciprocated. He tenderly grasped her hands, feeling pleasantly surprised.
"Mike, thank you," Connie said. "Thank you for trusting me, for believing in me. Thank you for being worried about my safety. You never said anything, but it was all over your face how scared you were for me. Thank you for everything you just said to me. It was just what I needed to hear…You're always here for me. That means more than you know…I'm lucky to have you."
"I'm the one who's lucky," Mike said.
"Mike," Connie said, moved.
"It's true," Mike said.
"Thank you," said Connie.
"Of course," said Mike.
For a moment, they just looked at each other.
"Well," Connie then said, breaking the silence as well as their eye contact, "I'd—I'd better call it a day."
If she were honest with herself, she thought she should leave before her resolve completely dissipated and she found herself kissing him senseless.
"Okay," Mike said with a nod.
They reluctantly let go of each other's hands.
"Have a good night," Mike told her warmly.
"You, too," Connie said sincerely.
With that, she gathered up her belongings but stopped once she reached the doorway to turn around and give him a bright smile before leaving.
Mike smiled back at her.